Hello, my minions! What is this? I found my fanfic password after all these years and had the inexplicable urge to write this story? Unheard of!

Disclaimer: I may as well own HTTYD since I give you about as much content as DreamWorks does.

Tuffnut woke up with fifteen minutes to get to school. He rolled out of bed, grumbling about how Ruffnut didn't wake him up like she usually did. He hurriedly got dressed and made his way to the bathroom, banging on his sister's door on his way. "Thanks for the wake up, sis," he growled through the door. "Stupid sisters…"

He tried to open the bathroom door, but it was jammed on something. Thinking it was just his luck to get the trick door on the one day he was running late, he twisted the nob a few more times before getting fed up and kicking the door open. It swung out and slammed into the bathroom wall with a force that almost made the door close again.

Tuffnut walked into the bathroom, rubbing his eyes. Trying to look into the mirror, he found his reflection distorted by a strange red liquid. "Holy gods!" Tuffnut recoiled, stepping away from the vanity. He slipped and collapsed on to the floor, getting splattered with more red liquid.

Lifting his hands to his face, he saw them covered in red. "This can't be…blood?"

He looked up at the rest of the room. It was all covered in blood. And in the center of the room…Tuffnut felt his heart in his throat. "Ruff?" Tuffnut asked, crawling over to his sister's body. She was covered in blood—her clothes and hair were soaked but her eyes were closed as if she were asleep. There was a slip of paper lying on her stomach, bloody fingerprints on the corners. The note read "Tuffnut had seen too much."

He couldn't believe it. His sister—dead. And all because of him. He shook his head frantically. How could they have thought that she was him—

That's when he noticed her hair was back to its normal shade of blonde. She looked eerily like him lying on that floor, but he knew it wasn't him. It was distinctly his sister, and it was all his fault. "Ruffnut…Ruff?" he called out tentatively, hoping it was just a joke, hoping that it was just…He tried to fight off tears as he shook her shoulders, gently at first, then more forcefully as he grew more frantic. "Wake up, Ruff. Pleasepleaseplease, Ruff, please get up. This isn't funny. I can't-" he broke off, his voice cracking as he could no longer fight off the tears. "Wake up! Wake up!" he shouted, shaking her body.

"Please, Ruff…" he whimpered, tears flooding out of his eyes. Lifting her body into his arms, he buried his face in her bloody hair. He breathed her in and sobbed, his tears mingling with the blood on both of their faces.

He felt so…empty. He'd never been away from his sister. He didn't think he could make it through life without her.

His sobs racked his body and shook Ruffnut's violently.

At first Tuffnut thought those strange sounds were coming from him—he'd never cried this hard before so he didn't know what to expect. But he knew it wasn't him when the strange guttural sounds morphed into distinct laughter. Tuffnut opened his eyes and watched in shock as his sister opened her eyes and laughed at him. "Got you, dork," she grinned, tugging his hair lightly.

Tuffnut threw his sister away from him, and she grunted when she hit the floor. "Hey, what the hell, Tuff?" she demanded, getting onto her knees to look her brother in the eyes.

"I thought you were a zombie," he retorted, glaring at her. "I didn't wanna get infected. What the hell were you doing in here?"

"This was the final piece of my revenge," Ruffnut told him. He looked confused. "You know, for toying with my heart and dumping chocolate on my perfect outfit."

Understanding lit up Tuffnut's eyes as he breathed out "Ooh~ that. I thought you two were over that," Tuffnut asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"It was part of the plan that you think we didn't care."

"So, all that weird stuff that happened?"

"That was me," she grinned. "Kika helped."

"Wait, why are you only getting back at me? Why not get back at Hiccup?" he demanded, slightly offended.

"That was mainly Kika's job," Ruffnut told him. "From what I hear, he's a nervous wreck."

"Alright, but faking your own death was messed up, sis," Tuffnut glared, crossing his arms over his chest. "That's pranking going way too far."

"Nah, it'd only be too far if I had recorded it and sent it to everyone in school," Ruffnut rebuked, pointing at her brother. "Besides, Mom fakes her own death all the time."

"Good point, but this is different, Ruff. You're my best friend, and you may be a pain in the butt, but I need you around."

"Alright, I promise to never fake my own death again as long as you declare us officially even," Ruffnut offered, holding out her hand.

"Oh, we're totally even, but don't promise something like that! Imagine how many people we could freak out with this gimmick!"

Ruffnut rolled her eyes, standing up. She looked around at the disaster that was their bathroom. "Now that that's settled, the real question is who's gonna clean this up?"

The twins stared at each other for a few seconds before they simultaneously touched their noses, exclaiming, "Not It!"

They tried two more times, but they tied each time. "Wanna just leave it for someone else to clean?" Tuffnut asked.

Ruffnut stared at her brother with such adoration as she replied "Absolutely."

"You shower first," Tuffnut stated, opening the linen closet. He put a towel down in front of the shower and took one for himself as he walked out of the bathroom. "We're gonna miss math."

"Who cares, that class is the worst!" Ruffnut shouted from inside the bathroom as the water started.

"Are you guys still working on your plan with Hiccup?" he asked after a couple of minutes, standing on the towel he brought out with him.

"Yeah, I think so," Ruffnut paused for a moment before saying, "You want in?"

"Hell, yeah, I do!"

… … …

Hiccup was relieved to finally hand in his essay. He'd worked on it tirelessly since it was assigned last week, and he had just finished last night before he took his shower despite the fact that he had received a phone call every other minute. He had written a ten-paged paper about the subtle differences between archetypes that are too often reused in story lines. He had found scholarly articles who both agreed and disagreed with him. He refuted arguments, and he had plenty of examples.

But now that the relief of turning it in was gone, he got to worry about how he did. Of course, he wouldn't fail it, but if he wanted to maintain his GPA, he needed an eighty-six. Luckily, he knew his teacher—Ms. Ocha—was a fast grader, and she'd have their papers back to them by next class.

He was nervous to seek out Kika because of how weird she'd been lately, but he was still freaked out about everything that had happened. He was determined to keep his stalker on the side lines and kept his phone turned off most of the day.

When he finally found Kalika, he expected her to tell him to mellow out. Instead, as soon as she saw him, she hopped out of her chair and glomped him. "W-what's going on?" Hiccup asked, trying to push the girl away.

"Hic, I realized something so important yesterday after Fred was killed," Kika told him, staring him straight in the eyes.

"Really? What is that?"

"I hate bugs," she whispered solemnly. A smile broke out on her face. "Then I realized how silly I was being with all that hippie stuff, you know? And I figured you're only friends with me because of who I am, you know? And if I changed who I was, maybe you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. So, I decided you were more important than some weird, fleeting senses of self."

"Wow…that's…great, Kika, really," Hiccup replied, offering a small smile. "It is kind of a relief that you're back to normal. No more skateboard?"

"No way," she shook her head. "I could barely ride that thing; it was a death trap waiting to happen. Also, I accidently threw it at a little kid yesterday on my walk home."

"You what?!" Hiccup exclaimed, fighting off a small smile.

Kalika looked up at him sheepishly. "He told me he wanted it, but he sounded older than he actually was, so I thought it was a rapist, you know? So, I turned around and chucked the skateboard at him. It hit him in the face and knocked out a tooth! Or maybe it was gum. You know, looking back, I'm not quite sure…"

"Oh, Odin, what?!" Hiccup couldn't help but laugh. It was terrible but…something only Kika would do.

"I apologized, of course, and offered him some candy, but he called me a creep, took my skateboard, and left. Anyway, how's training going? You have tryouts in, like, four days, right?"

"Super nervous, but I'm running a mile in less than five minutes and I've made progress on tackling and throwing. I'm pretty good at kicking too. At least, that's what your brother says."

"You're gonna do great," Kika told him, nudging him with a shoulder. "Adam and I are gonna be in the stands, cheering you on."

"Aw, thanks, Kika. That'll mean a lot-"

"Yeah, we're going to go 'Who's that scrawny, little weakling?'" she mock cheered, clapping her hands. "'He's gonna get pummeled. I stole his chocolate covered almonds once'! It'll be great. I think those cheers will catch on really fast."

"Kalika, I swear to Odin-"

"I'm joking, Hic, I'd think of better insults than that to cheer you on," she rolled her eyes. "Also, remember, if you don't make the team, I have to go on a date with Phil," she shuddered. "Well, I'm gonna head off the class. I'll catch you around!"

"Bye, Kika!" Hiccup called as she made her way out of the cafeteria. Hiccup plopped down and notice Kika's math book on the table. "I should bring it to her…" he thought to himself. "But I don't really feel like standing up…" he looked from the textbook to the door on the opposite end of the café before shrugging and pulling out his laptop. "Eh, I don't think she has math next anyway."

After a few minutes of silent studying, someone approached his table, which he thought was weird. Usually no one came over here. "Hey, Hiccup," a female voice greeted. Hiccup's head shot up, and he came face to face with Astrid, who was smiling at him.

"M-me?" he asked, shocked, pointing to himself.

Astrid looked around before her eyes fell back on him. "Well, none of the other Hiccups I know seem to be around, so I must be talking to you, huh?" Hiccup felt himself flush. "Can I sit?"

"Y-yeah! Of course!" he practically shouted, sweeping his stuff off the chair next to him.

She cocked an eyebrow before thanking him and taking her seat. "I was over by the kitchen, and someone asked me to bring this to you," Astrid said, handing him a Styrofoam cup. "It looks like you have a secret admirer~"

"Ah, well, no female could possibly resist this," Hiccup told her sarcastically, pointing to himself as he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, stop, you're not that bad," Astrid replied, shooing away his concerns. "It's not like you're at the bottom of the spectrum. I mean, you're not at the top, of course-" she winked at the blushing boy. "But you're nowhere near the bottom."

"Ha-ha, very funny, Astrid," Hiccup joked, taking a sip from the cup she gave him. As soon as the liquid hit his tongue he recoiled, spitting out the substance.

Astrid shot up and narrowly missed getting spit on by the brunette. "Hiccup, what the hell?" she demanded angrily.

"Barbeque sauce!" Hiccup exclaimed, pushing the cup over to her. Astrid removed the lid and saw that inside was indeed barbeque sauce.

"I take it back about the secret admirer," Astrid told him. "It looks like you have a secret nemesis."

"Yeah, I've noticed," Hiccup sighed, slumping in his seat. He then proceeded to tell the girl of his dreams about his new stalker.

"So, the person who sent you the feminine products and miracle of childbirth videos is the same person who left a bouquet of flowers and apparently watches you all the time but thinks your look great in your bathroom?" Astrid asked, quirking her eyebrow.

"The very same," Hiccup sighed. "I just…I'm so nervous all the time, and it could be literally anyone, right? I wouldn't even know it!"

"Yeah, it could even be me," she replied, winking at him. At his shocked face, however, she quickly added. "It's not me, I promise. You know, something weird happened to me a few weeks ago."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was cleaning up after the party," she explained. "And my entire upstairs bathroom was practically flooded with chocolate. And I thought How could this have happened? Well, at first, I thought Oh, gods, please don't let this be…well, you know. But it was chocolate. Anyway, so I looked up and, hanging about the door, is the chocolate fountain from my kitchen."

"Haha, weird," Hiccup replied, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "Hey, Astrid?"

"Yeah?"

"About what you said the other day," the boy's face was bright red and he pulled self-consciously on his shirt's collar. "Did you…did you mean that?"

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, are you trying to ask me out on a date?" Astrid asked, feigning shock.

"No, of course not! I mean…well, maybe. I mean, I am, but if you don't want to…do you? Want to?" he stuttered.

"I like movies," she replied, standing up. "It'll have to wait until after cheer tryouts. I'm completely swamped this week."

Hiccup watched as Astrid walked out of the café, unable to believe his luck.

Well, there is it. I hope it was worth the wait! It's a little on the long side so maybe that makes up for the two-year hiatus.

Lots of love, my minions!

Yours psychotically, (Someone in the reviews asked where I got this from: The Fallen series by Lauren Kate; also, OMZ means "ohmyzombies" and that's from the Generation Dead series by Daniel Waters.)

Vee