Chapter Forty-Three

The day of Thorin's funeral came far too soon. Fili had recovered enough to walk unassisted without too much pain and I'd managed to limp around the room I'd been stuck in since I'd awoken. I honestly did not know how I was supposed to get through an entire day in a room full of grieving people. I didn't think I would be able to do it even if I was in full health. I was never really good with sympathy.

I'd tried to keep my own grief quiet while I'd been recovering, instead trying to help Fili through his own. I knew he was trying to distract himself from it by tending to my every need (which was very sweet, but very annoying) but I also knew that that couldn't last forever. I was hoping he would take the funeral as a way to let his emotions out, but I wasn't holding my breath. As the next king under the Mountain, he was expected to hold himself in a specific manner, but I did think it was slightly wrong that he wasn't able to let his grief out at his own uncles funeral.

The dress that had been fitted for me was quite pretty. The custom of wearing black at a funeral wasn't required here, but of course, formal wear was. Unfortunately, no one here actually had their formal wear from the Blue Mountains, so they'd had to settle for what they could find. I did find out from Balin that some of the Dwarves from the Blue Mountains were already on their way here, including Dis, Fili and Kili's mother. As if I wasn't feeling stressed enough. Fili had told me multiple times that she would like me, but saying something didn't necessarily make it true. And if she was like Thorin like I'd heard, she would either love me or hate me.

This dress was the first proper dress that I'd had to wear in Middle-Earth. As future queen (shudder), I was expected to have some of the best, and this dress showed. I'd asked for black to keep some of my own traditions, although I hated how tight it was around the waist, probably because it irritated one of my wounds too much. But I didn't dwell too much on that. This day was about Thorin. That, and I'd basically had to deal with what they could find, which wasn't much.

The day felt like it was never going to end as I stood at the front of the main hall. It had been cleared while I'd been bed-ridden, set up so it would be an appropriate send-off for the King under the Mountain. I saw that along with the Dwarves that had fought with us in the battle, some of the men of Lake-Town and even some of the Elves from Mirkwood had turned up to pay their respects. Something I didn't really expect due to how Thorin had left it with them. Maybe the meetings before the battle had patched up relations between them, although I found it more likely to be a political move.

Thankfully I didn't have to say anything during the ceremony. Balin, who'd taken it upon himself to organize almost the entire thing (or so I'd been told), had already asked me if I'd wanted to say anything and I'd politely declined. I wouldn't have known what to say, and public speaking had never been my thing, particularly in front of strangers. So, throughout the entire thing, all I had to do was stand at the front and stare ahead, willing myself not to look up at Thorin's body. The only thing I actually tuned in to was Fili's speech. It was very touching (I was expecting nothing less), consisting of how Thorin was his father figure, how he'd taught him and Kili everything they knew, how he could never be replaced…

He took his place back next to me once he'd finished and I silently took his hand as he gently shook, only us at the front close enough to see his tears.

I let my thoughts wander for the rest of the ceremony, partially ignoring the songs and prayers that were being said. I didn't know them anyway, and even though most of the new Dwarves that had arrived probably thought that it was 'insulting' or whatever that the next queen didn't even say prayers at the king's funeral, I didn't really care. Let them think what they want.

The feast, although rather small for a feast, was rather impressive. Mainly for the fact that I had no idea where they had managed to find all the food. I could only assume that the Elves had brought it with them as there was very little meat. Not that I could really enjoy any of it. I'd had very little appetite since I'd woken up, meaning that I was losing more weight than I was happy with. But I just couldn't bring myself to eat. I was far too stressed, upset and all around exhausted to find the energy to care. It was only when I noticed Fili putting some food on my plate and casting me a pleading look that I actually ate something, albeit very slowly.

-8-

It had turned dark by the time that Fili and I left the feast, saying goodbye to the company and the other guests that had been sat on the same table. I basically had to lean on Fili as we walked (which I was not happy about considering he himself was still injured) but I was too tired to answer.

I sighed in relief when we finally made it back to our room. I perched on the end of the bed, silently watched as Fili undressed to his undershirt.

"Fee?" I whispered, not wanting to be too loud. "How…how are you doing?" Well, wasn't that just a stupid question considering the situation?

"I…I don't know." My heart broke at how small his voice was. He sounded like a child that didn't know the answer to something their parents asked.

"It's okay to show your emotions, Fee. It's only me here now." And just like that, it was like a switch had been flipped as he broke down, falling down onto his knees and trying to gulp in lung fulls of air as tears fell down his cheeks. I didn't say anything as I looked down at him, instead just lowered myself to the floor and put my arms around him in a hug. I could only sit there as he cried, alternating between rubbing his back and stroking his hair. I didn't know how long we both sat there; it could have been minutes or hours, I had no idea, but eventually, Fili pulled back and ran a hand down his face as if to wipe away all traces of his crying.

"I…I'm sorry…" he sniffed. "I just…"

"Fili, don't you dare." I scolded, reaching forward to hold his hands. "You have been so strong for me these past few days when, really, it should have been the other way around. I don't care that you're crying, Lord only knows you've seen me cry enough times in the past few months. We're going to get through this, you and me."

"But I don't know what I'm going to do." He whispered.

"I'll tell you what you're going to do." I replied. "You're going to go wash up and then you're going to bed because you look exhausted."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"Then…what?"

"I have no idea what to do when it comes to ruling a kingdom, Amaya. I don't even know where I'd start. I thought I'd have ages, but now I don't even have a day."

"That's not true, Fee. I thought…Thorin had been preparing you for this since you were little?"

"He…he had. But I didn't think I'd have to rebuild the entire kingdom first and...I always thought I'd have years…everyone will be expecting things of me. Expecting me to make all these decisions about…repairs and relations with the Men and the Elves. To…tell people what to spend all that blasted gold on. I'll have to set up councils and organise jobs and set up people who are moving in and… I can't do it, Amaya."

My heart almost broke at the scared look in his eyes. He'd had this huge burden put on him for all his life- a huge burden that would suddenly take over his life and more than likely put tremendous stress on him for whoever knew how long. "I…I think you can do it, Fili." I said, trying to pick my words carefully. "Like I've said before, whatever decision you make, I'm going to support you through it. And you still have the Company to help you. They're not going to leave you to deal with all this on your own. I mean, I'm pretty sure Balin knows almost everything when it comes to ruling. He helped Thorin, didn't he?" Fili gave a small nod. "Besides," I smiled, trying to lighten the mood even a little bit. "If you abdicated, I'm pretty sure Kili would run the mountain into the ground after one day if he took over."

My smiled widened as Fili gave a small chuckle. "Yes, you're probably right. He never was good at following rules."

"Neither were you if the stories I've heard on this journey were true. You were just as bad."

"I don't think I have the strength to argue with you there." I gave him a small kiss as he stood and pulled me up (despite my protests at his injuries), happy that, at least for a moment, he'd forgotten about the days events.

-8-

Unsurprisingly, I didn't see a lot of Fili in the days that followed the funeral. Despite not being officially crowned, he was technically king now and had 'a responsibility to his people and his lands' as Balin put it. All I knew was that he was sorting out details for his coronation, having various talks with the Elves and Men to sort out new trade deals and sorting out more clean up jobs. He'd told me that work had already started for what would be our bedroom (or I should say his, as we weren't actually married yet) and the lands outside were already cleared and just waiting to be properly restored, so I could look forward to walks outside soon.

As it were, I'd had to resort to walks inside for the time being. Which were rather boring. Everyone I met either had somewhere to be or someone to talk to which made the day very lonely. The only person that didn't have anything to do was Bilbo, so I ended up spending most of my day with the Hobbit. According to the Hobbit, he was only waiting for Gandalf to finish up any business he had at the Mountain before he escorted Bilbo home.

"And, although I can't say I'm particularly excited for the long journey, it will be a relief to finally sit in my own armchair again. And goodness only knows what my garden will look like by now. I do hope it has been taken care of."

"I'm sure it will be nothing you can't fix, Bilbo." I said, smiling.

"I only wish I could stay for your wedding. It will be soon, will it not?"

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, twisting my ring around my finger in what had become habit. "Well, I don't really know to be honest. Really, Fili should be formally crowned before they even start planning anything and even then, restoring the Mountain is going to take priority I think. I don't really know much about what's happening. Fili doesn't say much and when he does he's normally too tired to say a lot anyway."

Bilbo must have heard the underlying sadness in my voice because he turned to put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "It won't be for long, I'm sure. You're both still recovering." He gestured to how slow I was currently walking. "Once everything's settled down, things will get better. And I expect frequent letters about how things are going once I leave. I don't want you forgetting me now."

"Bilbo, like I could forget you." I laughed, carefully embracing him in a small hug as we continued to wander around the Mountain.

-8-

A/N: okay, so it's been….over a year since I last updated? I can't really say anything other than that I've been so SO busy. I'm currently just coming up to exams in my second year of uni, so I'm going to be quite busy for the next couple of months, but I recently found the draft to this chapter on my laptop so decided to forget work and finish it, finally!

Happily, I definitely have a plan for the next few chapters up to the end, and I'm hoping to have this story finished by the end of the summer, so stay tuned!

Thank you for all your support and I know this chapter is short, but I hope you like it! It's mostly filler and there's not much of the funeral, but I had severe writer's block with what to write there, but oh well.

Until next time!