Hey guys so this is a really old fanfic I wrote like two years ago when I was obsessed with Black Butler. I kind of drifted from the fandom afterwards but fell back in love with it a couple of weeks ago when I re-watched the show. Then i found this little gem deteriorating in the dusty corners of my laptop and now I really want to finish it. I do have another fanfic that I'm writing for a different fandom (I haven't put it up yet though) and I want to pick one to really work on over summer. So I'm just going to post this first chapter and see if I get enough positive feedback from you guys as the last couple of school days are dwindling down to see if I really want to commit to finishing this. Also, keep in mind that this is my writing from two years ago and I haven't really heavily edited it yet so please bear with me. Thanks so much you guys! :)

When I was a little boy, I didn't understand right from wrong like other little boys did. My parents were never around to teach me anything and I didn't go outside long enough to learn myself. All I had was my little brother, Luca, who I took care of and loved, to learn with me the ways of life. The problem was that Luca and I were just kids who didn't know any better than to just be ourselves and do what we want. Now, I know that to most people this might not seem like a problem, but the thing was that we didn't understand things like the world did. We didn't understand that boys weren't supposed to like the color purple or dress up in ball gowns for fun. We wore anything we thought made us look pretty and feel nice. We didn't understand the concept of God and heaven or how marriage was supposed to be between a man and a woman. When we read stories about girls' who met nice men that they would fall in love with, we hoped that one day we would also find a nice man to love too. I didn't understand that those thoughts were wrong. I just figured that if the girls were doing it and were happy then it's probably what I should be doing too.

That's why on the first day of Kindergarten I didn't understand why the other kids were making fun of my purple, zebra-striped flats or the braid Luca had helped me make in my hair. I didn't understand why after recess that day the other kids had locked me outside so I couldn't get back in for naptime. But, when I turned around to cry, I understood that my confusion had been faith's plan for me this entire time because standing in front of me was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. He was innocently scratching at the dirt with his feet, his blue bangs falling over his eyes, completely oblivious to the bullying the other kids were afflicting on me. He heard me sniffle and looked up at me, his expression blank, then glanced over my shoulder at the closed doors behind me.

"Where'd they go?" he asked, his voice rang through my ears like a song and I had almost forgotten that I was supposed to say something back.

"They don't like me." I answered quietly, hoping he wouldn't judge me like the other kids had.

"Why?" he asked taking a step closer, he seemed interested in my situation and wanted to help.

I just shrugged, keeping my eyes glued to the ground even though my body urged me to take in every inch of his precious appearance. He looked me up and down a couple times before his eyes opened wide and he let out a chuckle.

"It's because of your shoes, silly!" He exclaimed, pointing at my feet.

I looked down at the sparkly shoes that comfortably housed my feet and looked back up at him confused. Luca had picked them out for me this morning and we had both agreed that they were pretty, especially compared to the boring black shoes everyone else was wearing.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"They're girl shoes," he said like it was the most obvious thing ever. I didn't understand what he meant by that. Were there different shoes for girls and boys like there were for kids and adults? But kids have small feet and adults have big feet. Is there a difference between girl and boy feet that I never knew about? Well, there can't be because if these are girl shoes then they fit fine on me.

"How?" I asked. He seemed to ponder the question for a while.

"I don't know; that's just how it is." He answered, kind of confused himself. I was about to ask him another question when the door behind me opened and our teacher walked out. She started yelling at us about keeping up with the class and not staying behind and pulled my ear to drag me inside. I grabbed the boy's hand and took him behind me. When we reached the classroom, I didn't want to let go. I felt comfort and warmth in his fragile grasp. Why did I have this sensation around him? Why did he give off this amazing atmosphere that could just drag me in like this? That was probably the most crucial thing that I didn't understand: my feelings for this boy.

"What's your name?" he asked as the teacher let go of my ear to make her way to the front of the classroom. I rubbed the raw skin in hope that it would ease my pain.

"Alois," I said letting go of my ear to give him my full attention. "Alois Trancy."

"Ciel Phantomhive," he said extending his hand. I wasn't sure what to do with his hand but I do remember thinking about how scary his last name sounded. He chuckled at seeing my confusion. "You shake it, dumby." He said, taking my hand and waving it up and down a couple times. His wonderful laugh echoed in my ears as I stared at his beautiful smile.

That night I told Luca about Ciel and asked him why he was so different than everyone else. Luca pointed out that it was like the characters in the stories and that I was in love. Even though we were little and Luca was younger than me, I believed him. From that day on, when I would think of love I would subconsciously think of Ciel. From that day on, my life had a purpose and a need. From that day on, my life would be changed because of the presence of that boy.

I looked up at him now, ten years later, sitting alone in the shadowed corner of the bleachers. His eyes were closed and his foot silently tapped to the beat coming through his headphones, oblivious to everything around him. He had changed so much after his parent's death that that memory seemed like a dream now. Now he had to live with his Grandpa, Tanaka, and wasn't as happy all the time like he used to be and detached himself from most situations. It was almost painful to watch but it was an image I had memorized from all the times I had witnessed it. In 7th grade, though, he had discovered a love for music and I would often see him sitting like this and almost perfectly happy. I enjoyed seeing the boy I loved so much at peace. He was in his haven.

"Hey Ciel!" I yelled waving at him as I ran up the bleachers. His I eyes flew open and he glared at me as I plopped down next to him. I knew doing that kind of stuff annoyed him but I love being the center of his attention, even if it was in an irritating way.

"What do you want, Alois?" he asked, rubbing his temples.

"Oh nothing, I just thought you looked lonely." I answered, teasing him.

"Lizzy had just left and given me some peace for you to show up and ruin it." He mumbled.

"Oh, you're here with Lizzy." I said, my voice dropping an octave. He peaked at me from under his bangs before responding.

"Yes."

I tried not to let my face sink but I think my efforts were wasted. Lizzy was Ciel's girlfriend, even though the whole thing had been arranged by their parents way before their death since they were all too great of friends. Lizzy really liked Ciel, but Ciel never seemed to care. Still she brought wonders to Ciel's social status bringing him up to be pretty top notch around the school, well for a freshman anyway. There was only so much Lizzy could do. We were actually all good friends back in elementary school but once Ciel and her announced their relationship in middle school I stopped being so found of her. I mean she's obviously annoying Ciel since they're such polar opposites.

I noticed Ciel had gone back to silently listening to his music and the look on his face made me not want to disturb him, so I just sat back and took in my surroundings. I hadn't even paid an ounce of attention to the football game going on until now. I didn't know much about football so I was a little confused but I did know we were winning by a landslide without even having to look at the score board. We have Sebastian Michaelis and Claude Faustus on our team, the most amazing kids at our school. They were hot, smart, funny, athletic, popular, at times even devilish, and step-brothers. What more can someone ask for. I always had a thing for Claude. Something about his cruel gaze sent butterflies through my stomach and his mysterious composure made me want to melt. Of course, he was just admired at a distance; I could never actually go up and talk to him. I'm invisible to him, just another somebody walking in the background. And plus there was her. Hannah Anafeloz. I snarled at seeing her in her short skirt and pom-poms cheering for Claude, her boyfriend. She was a cheerleader, he was a football player, they were both seniors and popular so it worked out. Still, I hate that whore. It seemed almost like everyone around me was in some sort of relationship except for me.

Our team scored another touchdown but I'm pretty sure the other team had given up awhile back. Hannah threw herself on Claude as he ran over towards her, Lizzy waved at Ciel with one of her pom-poms from where she stood with the other cheerleaders, while they all pranced around with their significant others.

Disgusting.

Wait a second. Sebastian doesn't have anyone on his shoulder. He never does anyway. I don't know if it's because he hasn't gotten over the whole 'cooties' thing yet or if he just hates the world because he never dates, ever. He was the most popular boy in school, even more than his step-brother, Claude, without even trying. Sebastian would get an A+ while Claude got an A. Sebastian was quarter back while Claude was a linebacker. Sebastian would get more carnations on Valentine's Day and more asks to prom then Claude could dream of. He could have anything he wanted with the snap of his fingers, but he never wanted anything. He never cared about anything. He just let his step-brother drag him around without protesting. I bet that frustrated Claude to the end of the world. Claude had practically built his step-brother up with his own hands and Sebastian had managed to pass him and be more successful without even giving a shit.

I pulled my attention away from the popular crowd as the game commenced. Seeing as I wasn't big on athletics, football bored me to the depths of hell. I noticed the triplets, Thompson, Timber, and Cantebury, sitting not that far away from us. They were the 'emo kids.' They didn't talk much, kept to themselves, and always had a blank expression on their faces. There's a rumor that back in 6th grade they knew Hannah really well and practically worshiped the ground she walked on. They were all really good friends though, but the triplets had a weird obsession for the light haired girl. So, you could imagine the heartbreak that arose after Hannah had left them for Claude without even looking back. They were hurt, rejected, and scared. But they were also different and, therefore, made fun of by Hannah herself. The world was a cruel place.

Contradicting them, though, were the circus freaks siting a couple rows in front of the three boys. We called them the circus freaks because of how weird they were. They were all athletic in some way but their awkward personalities and strange nicknames reversed their gifts and pulled them down the popularity ladder. Plus some of them were into really weird sports that would never be respected in a high school. Like archery, synchronized swimming, table tennis, and fencing were some of the worst things they did. But, the weirdest part was that they didn't seem to care. Even though they were constantly bullied and made fun of they never stepped down, never stopped what they were doing, and always had a go-lucky attitude. I secretly respected them for doing what I could never do.

"Alois." I heard Ciel state next to me.

"Yeah." I chirped, completely forgetting about my previous thoughts.

He nodded his head, gesturing over my shoulder, so I turned and noticed the petite blonde standing on the other side of me. I also noticed that I was blocking her path from reaching the seat in between her boyfriend and me. I wanted to snicker at her and stretch my feet further into her way but the glare Ciel sent me told me otherwise. I reluctantly cleared a passage for her and tried not to growl as she plopped her fat ass between us.

"Ciel did you see me?!" The annoying girl started as she clung onto Ciel like a lifeline. I tried holding back a smile when I saw him crank up his music. "I had practiced for like ages to get that front flip down. I almost fell too! Oh my god, I thought I was going to mess up in front of everybody which would be totally embarrassing."

Ciel was accurately responding to each one of her comments by nodding his head or mumbling a "really?" It was a skill he had perfected over the years of knowing Lizzy.

At that moment a group of scantily clad girls walked by and sat into a growing group a couple rows in front of us. Lizzy glared at them in disgust from where she sat.

"Ugh, it's so disgusting how girls will dress and act like that just to get a guy's attention. Like, they have no respect for themselves and their own body. God, it's so annoying having to put up with them all the time, like they just need to grow up." Lizzy ranted. I couldn't help but glance down at the miniskirt of her cheerleader uniform but decided not to mention it. I had noticed over the years that girls seemed to really hate other girls. The more of a slut you were or the more perfect you were the more another girl would hate you. I always figured they were just jealous of the attention the other girl was getting and I also figured I probably shouldn't mention it. Girls were really scary sometimes too.

"Ew. Why do they all hang around that guy, Lau, anyway? He's not even hot and like really scary. I heard he sells drugs which would explain why those sluts were all over him. It's so sad 'cause they're like screwing themselves over."

Ah, yes, Lau. He was friend with Ciel and they still were to some extent. They were both really serious and fit each other very well but the difference in their overall goals was probably what didn't let them get too close. Lau had a lust for girls and an apparent connection to a drug dealership, which was enough to keep the whores around him. Lau actually had a girlfriend, Ran-Mao. She was really quiet and smart but had a hot body which kept the guys all over her. But, for whatever reason, the only person she had her eyes for was Lau and never left his side despite his horny tendencies. Even now I could see her sitting in his lap amongst the group of girls. It was too shady of a group to actually know reality from rumor but apparently Lau and Ran-Mao were related and had an incest thing going on. I didn't believe it, though, rumors were just rumors.

"Hey you guys!" I heard someone yell. All three of our heads shot around to see Soma making his way up the stairs with an armful of food. "I brought us snacks to watch the game." He said once he reached us.

"No one actually watches the games, Soma." Ciel stated.

The purple haired boy just shrugged and jumped around me to sit in between Lizzy and Ciel. I could see the girl was mad at that so I smirked at her misery. If there was anyone more obsessed with Ciel than Lizzy and me it was definitely Soma. It's kind of funny how Ciel has so many friends that he doesn't even want or like. But there was a rumor going around that Soma and Mr. Agni, the Home Ec. Teacher, had a thing going on, which I completely believed in. You could see it in their eyes and how they acted differently around each other. It was almost beautiful how two people could share so much love for each other.

For whatever reason, I glanced over at Ciel at that moment. His eyes were closed, foot tapping, he was beautiful. I felt something within me pulling me closer to him and I had this overwhelming want to just take him in my arms and never let him go. But, of course, that would never happen. My being physically hurt at that thought. I felt like there was a giant weight pressing against my chest and I knew that there was nothing I could do but let it sit there and crush me. This happened whenever I thought of Ciel and it killed me every time. Why couldn't he just love me back? Honestly what was so wrong with that? Isn't that what happened in the movies? Why couldn't it just happen to me? Why? The one thing I wanted the most in life was right in front of me but I couldn't do anything about it. The person I loved the most was also the person killing me. I wanted to hate him but I couldn't.

"Hey, Ciel, I heard that the parts for the play are going to be posted on Monday." Soma piped up, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I glanced at Ciel and he was smiling a little which made me smile too.

"I know." Ciel answered. I could tell that he was trying to hide his expression.

I loved how happy theater made him. It was the only thing he enjoyed and now he was really excited since we were in high school so the plays were supposed to be way bigger and cooler. What the actual play is going to be about is a surprise, though, (It's some weird tradition at our school) but we all auditioned for it anyway. Like all of us, Soma, Lizzy, Ciel, and I are all going to be in it, hopefully. Ciel's really good at acting, though, and he loves it so we know for sure he's going to get a part. He's so happy when he's up on stage that it almost radiates out to the audiences. His performances are always just so spectacular.

"Oh, I'm just so excited! I think I did really well at my audition so I really think I'm going to get a good part. But, I heard the teacher's crazy. Oh, well I bet it's going to be fun anyway." Soma kept rambling on. No one was really paying attention but enjoying the boy's aura until half time ended. Then he and Lizzy had to leave. Oh, I forgot to mention that Soma was the only male cheerleader at our school. So, they left and I found myself once again alone with Ciel.

"Hey, I bet your ganna get an awesome part in the play." I stated.

"I know." He answered nonchalantly.

I smiled at his self-confidence. I always admired Ciel for that. He loved himself and held his head up high when he walked. He wasn't like one of those kids who went around hurting themselves for attention or used his parent's death as an excuse to get pity. It's funny actually because he had one of the worst pasts of them all and he didn't let it tear him down. He had goals and ambitions and he wouldn't let anything get in his way. He was an inspiration.

"Stop smiling like that. It's creepy." He ordered.

"Sorry," I apologized and tried to hide my grin.

We spent the rest of the game like that, in silence. I didn't want to disturb him and his music so instead I just sat there feeling happy to be near him. I had scooted closer after the other two left so now I could take him in. I could take in his smell, the scent of sweet tea mixed with icing and something else that I could never put my finger on. I could hear the soft bass of his music thumping through his earphones at the high volume he preferred it at. But, more than anything, I could feel his hand sitting millimeters away from mine and had to fight the urge to reach out and grab it. It was taking almost all of my concentration so I finally just pulled back and crossed my arms over my chest.

'It will never happen, Alois.' I told myself over and over almost every day now.

'Never.'