Fill for the Avengers kink meme. Not to be taken seriously. Seriously, don't. Meant for people with the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old, a very drunk person, or, well, me.

Ok, guys, we're on to the finals for the first installment of the Avengers St. Patrick's Day Pissing Contest.

On the Jury is our esteemed good friend Darcy, who enthusiastically declared that she would not miss this for the world and would be tweeting the results for all to see, Ice Lady Agent Hill, who has emphatically declared that she Does Not Approve of This Shit but is Too Drunk to Care, and Random Blond Dude Darcy Seems to be Dating, sorry man, can't ever seem to remember your name. Agent Coulson and Director Fury were asked to participate as well, but declined on the grounds of being a couple of sourpusses.

Results so far: In first place is Thor, who displayed a truly astounding stream of unparalleled force and achieved maximum distance and accuracy, not only hitting, but also knocking all targets off their bases. Nice job, man, I'm impressed. Some points were deducted for a certain lack of finesse, but really, this is a pissing contest, here, not the ballet. Where does finesse come in?

On second place is yours truly, the devastatingly handsome and oh-so-talented Iron Man, who demonstrated his highly practiced skills by hitting all of the targets, if slightly off-center. Sorry about that, my adoring fans, but it's been a while since my last birthday party.

Bruce, you're third so far… really nice distance and force, but very little accuracy to speak of, though you were awarded extra points for artistic value in the spirit of the holiday. Never knew your piss would be green, too. Although there was a lengthy pause for the jury to deliberate whether pissing while Hulked out should have merited a disqualification, the jury ended up allowing it since they didn't particularly want to piss off the Hulk while on a pissing contest. Heh. See what I did there? Piss off the Hulk while on a pissing contest… alright, put the weapons down, scary lady, I'll shut up.

Hawkeye is fourth. Although he did a fantastic display of accuracy by hitting bulls-eye on every pre-selected target, right on Mr. Fantastic's smug little grin, points were deducted for his stream running out before the last target could be hit. Sorry, man, but apparently it's not just your medieval weapon that runs out of ammunition when you need it most, and it's just not forgivable to leave Uber-Asshole Mr. Fantastic unpissed, even if it's just a picture of him.

Captain America is last. This has come as quite a surprise, since the good ol' capsicle, although the favorite pre-game, has sadly been disqualified for squeamishness and refusal to urinate in mixed company. Seriously, Cap, you were in a war, this wouldn't have been your first time pissing in front of a bunch of other people.

Now, it's Natasha's turn. We had to have an intermission before her turn because her costume needed some adjustments to enable her to participate.

*awed pause*

Well, that was… something. Yes. Truly magnificent performance by the Black Widow, who once again demonstrates that she doesn't need to be a man to have bigger balls than the rest of us combined. Guess that flexibility really does come in handy in all manners of unexpected ways. And the jury seems to have their scores up, and… yes, it's a perfect score! Congratulations, Natasha! You win the right to the remote for the next two months!

I REGRET NOTHING.