a/n: warning for mentions of childhood trauma and substance abuse.

Dancing was one of Galinda's happy places. It was mindless, and visceral, and social, and fun. It was everything Galinda wanted at once, so of course doing it with Elphaba made it that much better.

Galinda peered around the Cloud Nine dancefloor distractedly. They were right nearby a box, which had two young men vogueing together. Galinda wished she could get up there. She would, someday, but not tonight. She'd have to work Elphaba up to that. For now, they were just dancing, and that was nice enough.

It was especially nice once they were grinding. Galinda had no idea how that'd happened - grinding was a favourite move of hers to get a date into bed - but she was into it. Maybe too into it. Elphaba felt so good pressed against her back, holding her hips, her mouth just close enough to Galinda's neck to bother her. She would occasionally brush her nose over the back of Galinda's neck, or sigh against her ear. Her hands wandered a little, but not quite enough.

She wished Elphaba would just kiss her. Lots of people kissed on the dancefloor at these places. She could see about three pairs of gay men making out right now. But Elphaba wouldn't kiss her. They were in public, and it was Elphaba. But if she did… and if she moved her hands a little further up - or further down, over her thigh, under her skirt, right there on the dancefloor-

Galinda turned around, pulling away from her. Elphaba looked concerned. "Sorry, I think I need a - uh, breather."

"Are you okay?" Galinda nodded, but Elphaba was already pulling them out of the crowd to the bar, where the music wasn't so dominant. She couldn't help leaning into Elphaba's body. Elphaba held her tighter in concern, and asked a bartender for a glass of water.

"I'm fine," Galinda said quickly.

"You're sure?"

"Yes, yes, I just…" She blushed, looking away. "I got too into it." They made eye contact. Elphaba looked puzzled. Galinda widened her eyes meaningfully.

Elphaba caught on. "Oh."

"Yep." She took a good sip of the glass of water now at her side. She looked at Elphaba casually. "You wouldn't happen to be open to bathroom make outs, would you?"

She saw Elphaba glance at her lips - she definitely wanted to kiss Galinda - and then grimace. "Sorry."

"Babe," Galinda said flatly. Elphaba rolled her eyes, an incredulous kind of grin on her face. "Babe, please."

"Do not call me babe."

"Baby." She wrapped her arms around Elphaba's waist to stop her leaving. "Babe, please make out with me. Make out with me in Cloud Nine's ungendered bathrooms."

"I refuse, how dare you proposition me - an infant - for make outs."

"Back stage?"

Elphaba turned in her arms, a considering little frown on her face. "Back stage. Yeah, maybe."

"Huh! Surprised you agreed to that." Galinda pulled them eagerly toward the door.

"I mean, to get out of dancing…" They exchanged playful glares.

They found a nice closet-like crevice to tuck into. It was close, and there was a broom right beside her head, but Galinda wasn't complaining. Not when Elphaba was actually indulging her. She had her thigh pressed firm between Galinda's and was kissing her so well her head spun.

Galinda rode her thigh shamelessly, clinging to her shoulders for support. Elphaba's hands held her steady, kept up the delicious grind of their hips even when Galinda was beyond articulated movement. Something rubbed her just the right way and Galinda moaned throatily, Elphaba's hand covering her mouth quickly. She held it there as she pinned Galinda's hips to the wall, sighing shakily herself. It was hotter than Galinda could have imagined.

Outside the music suddenly went down, and they heard the MC's muffled announcement of the next performance. "Well shit," Elphaba muttered, going still and glancing at the closet door. "Looks like we took too long." She removed her hand from Galinda's mouth.

"Elphie," Galinda said - it was really more of a whine - "You are not leaving me like this, please-"

"Our friends need us," Elphaba said firmly, already half out the door. Galinda groaned unhappily. Elphaba's arm came around her waist, drawing her close. "I promise to scratch that itch extra well tonight, babe."

Galinda got a little shiver down her back. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Galinda lit up. "Can we use a strap on? Now that we have access to my toy collection…"

Elphaba looked vaguely alarmed. "God, I can't wait to see what you've got in store."

"It's all very fun." Galinda glanced around them and leaned closer. "If you fucked me with my favourite dildo, I would literally die, Elphie."

"Literally?"

"Literally."

"Well, we can never do it then. I'm not into murder. It's just not my kink."

"So vanilla."

Crope and Tibbett's second performance didn't involve Fiyero. He found them on their way back onto the dance floor. They tried to control their hands.

Celeste and Alexandrea came out onto the stage in athletic gear, armed with tennis rackets. They were both dancing and lip syncing in turns this time. Their choreography was what Galinda could only describe as a sexy workout tape.

But it was so much more. There was gymnastics. There was yoga. There was making out and tennis racket spanking. There was a life sized flamingo and four predictably under dressed men dancing along with them by the end.

It was amazing.

"That was amazing," Galinda said to them after.

"Thank you," they simpered, hugging Galinda tight in turns, both half out of drag. "We're so glad you two came to see us perform. It felt extra special."

"Did you enjoy the show, Elphie?" Crope asked coyly. Everyone looked at her. She arched a brow.

"I did. You're both very impressive performers. Thank you for inviting me."

Buildings could've been powered by the sheer delight that inspired in the boys.

"We're going to continue the night here," Fiyero told them. "Leather night is starting in about an hour. It's a fun time. You're welcome to join us."

"We've got plans," Galinda said, sending Elphaba a look. Elphaba smirked back.

"I'm sure you do." Fiyero gave them a toothy, suggestive smile. "Have a nice night. We'll try not to wake you up when we get in."

"You'll try," Elphaba said wryly. "You three aren't very good at keeping quiet, you know."

"Yeah. We know like, everything you guys get up to."

Fiyero had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. "Sorry. I can have a word with them if it's getting to you two-"

"We're just teasing," Galinda dismissed with a little smile. "Have a nice night! Stay safe. Don't drink too much, okay?"

"I won't."

They came back to a dark, uncharacteristically quiet apartment. Galinda's anticipation had been building the whole walk back. She wanted to drag Elphie up to their room and get that itch scratching she was promised.

Elphaba, of course, was intent on teasing her. "Tea?" Elphaba asked, putting on the kettle. Galinda stared at her. She eventually looked at Galinda, her brow arched curiously.

"No thanks."

"No tea?"

"No tea." Galinda paced right up to Elphaba, and kept pacing, forcing her back against the kitchen bench.

"Here again," Elphaba remarked, looking at Galinda intently. "We're not going up stairs?"

Galinda paused. "I see no need to," she mused. "Maybe to run up and get some things, but the boys will be out all night…" She smirked, as if issuing a challenge.

Elphaba glanced at the bench. Glanced away from her. "On the kitchen counter? Bit unsanitary."

"Oh, so true. That's what's on my mind right now. How sanitary is the surface we'll be potentially fucking on?"

"You say that like it's a joke, but that's not a joke. How sanitary is that surface? I want to know."

"Elphaba."

Elphaba smothered her smile, cleared her throat. "Galinda."

"I would like you to fuck me over this kitchen bench." Elphaba's mouth fell open. "Could you do that for me, Elphie?"

She cleared her throat again, but it was completely different. "Yes."

"Great," Galinda said brightly. "I'll go fetch what we need. You just sit here looking beautiful."

Galinda got her most comfortable harness, her nice, flavoured lube, and her favourite dildo. It was pink - obviously - and faded into warm yellow, like the lightest point of a sunset. She considered getting into something more comfortable. She liked the idea of Elphaba undressing her, though.

She looked at herself in the mirror, sex toys in hand. She was about to go downstairs and have sex with Elphaba in the kitchen. The open, shared kitchen.

Was this moving too quickly?

Galinda could not help but feel she'd pressured Elphaba into it. Had she? Maybe she had. She replayed the conversation in her head, and yes, it seemed to her she certainly had. Did Elphie feel pressured? Was Elphaba actually very uncomfortable with it? It would make sense. It was a great leap from the same kind of sex as always in their bed to something different and semi public.

But hadn't that been the whole night? It seemed, in retrospect, Galinda was pushing Elphaba to do many things. Pushing her to come out. Pushing her to dance. Pushing her to makeout backstage. But Elphaba was a stubborn person that Galinda expected to have to convince a little, and never manage to convince if she were truly against the idea.

But Galinda did not know. She could not tell if Elphaba was fine with something or compromising to convince Galinda everything was fine. She worried Elphaba didn't assert herself as much because she didn't want to upset Galinda. When Galinda stood still and pushed aside her excitement, she knew this wasn't as simple as she wanted it to be.

Because nothing about Elphaba was simple right now.

When Galinda came back down, Elphaba was naked and leaned over the bench, her face thoughtful. Galinda made sure she was heard walking over. Elphaba peered at her, smiling half heartedly.

"You took off all your clothes," Galinda said unsurely.

"Very observant," Elphaba murmured.

Elphaba hadn't presented herself naked to Galinda in weeks. Galinda touched her back. "Alright?"

"Mm."

"We can go upstairs," Galinda said. Elphaba met her eye. "I just want you to be comfortable. Before anything else. I'm happy to go up stairs."

"It's alright." Elphaba glanced around the dark living room. "It's not that different from the car sex."

Galinda leaned her hip against the bench. "It's a bit different."

"I don't want to think right now. I don't want to have a big discussion. Just trust me." Elphaba took a deep breath, sliding her hands through her hair. "I think… it's necessary right now."

"Necessary," Galinda repeated. "For what?"

"For-" Elphaba grimaced. "You know." Of course she would not say there were issues to wrestle with, not directly. At least she was admitting it by omission.

"What part of this is necessary?" Galinda asked. "You don't need to become an exhibitionist. It's not for you, that's perfectly understandable."

"This is pretty private right now."

"It's a risk."

"But not a likely one. We know they won't be back before five."

Galinda fell silent, her eyes falling to the floor.

"That's not what I meant, anyway," Elphaba sighed.

"It's not necessary to change yourself, Elphie."

"I know."

"Then what is this? What's necessary?"

"It's to be close to you," Elphaba said, turning to face Galinda. Almost. She kept her face cast a bit downward. She looked Galinda in the eye in increments, her jaw tensing as if in pain. Her hands sat on the edge of the bench and they were trembling. "To be -" her voice was unusually shaken. "To be open."

Galinda observed her. She looked scared. Elphaba looked so scared, she was struggling so much, it made Galinda ache. It was painful, because Galinda didn't understand why. She didn't know what part of Elphaba was hurt and how to heal it. She didn't even know how to help. She could only offer herself, whatever that meant to Elphaba.

She moved close and cradled Elphaba's face in her hands, caressing her cheek until Elphaba looked at her again. "I want you to be open," Galinda began softly. "But you can take your time. I know this is so hard for you…" Galinda felt her eyes smart and paused to blink, get a handle on herself. "I know how hard everything is. I know the world is fighting you, everyday, with everything you do, and you still fight back.

"I admire that so much about you," she said, firm and a bit breathy and much too close to crying. "I admire you so much, Elphie. I love you. And I would do anything for you-"

"I know. I didn't believe it, but I think by now you might just have me convinced," Elphaba admitted. "You've done so much for me. That's why this is so scary. Because I - I would do anything too." Elphaba's face crumpled, her shaking hands coming over Galinda's.

"This isn't me changing for you. I'm just changed. I'm finding myself doing, and feeling, and being so many things I thought I would never be. Things I couldn't be. I would do anything for you, and it's so terrifying, Galinda, it's so terrifying…" She fell against Galinda's shoulder, holding her for dear life.

They went to bed. They had agreed, silently, that the kitchen sex would have to happen another night. Galinda was usually held by Elphaba when they slept, but something instinctual had Galinda shift onto her back and draw Elphaba to rest against her. Elphaba settled beside her tensely, curling into a ball.

Galinda rested her hand on Elphaba's head. She felt Elphaba go still, like she wasn't breathing.

"Elphie?"

Elphaba didn't respond, beyond nudging Galinda's palm with her head. Galinda hesitated, and then stroked her hair softly. Elphaba uncurled slowly. She melted against Galinda, bit by bit. Galinda watched her face soften. She watched Elphaba blink slowly, her eyelashes wet, catching what little light came in through the window.

Galinda brushed the backs of her fingers over Elphaba's cheeks. She suddenly wanted to cry. She realised too late, like an idiot, that Elphaba may have never been touched like this. Touched soft and rhythmically, like the hands of another person were matching your very own heartbeat. Like another person was manually winding you down, soothing every tension and worry and ache.

There were so many things Elphaba may not have had. Galinda intended to give her all of them she could.

Galinda woke up to a black room. She was alone. She swore she'd just been lulling Elphaba to sleep. She sat up in bed, peering blearily around the room. Her phone read four thirty-seven. She was tempted to go back to sleep, but the door was half open, which was unusual to her since Elphaba had a compulsive need to keep the doors and windows closed whereever she slept.

Galinda stepped out into the hall. Blue light flickered from down the stairs. She tread down the steps and saw Elphaba curled up on the couch. She was staring at the tv, wrapped in a blanket with a cup of tea in her hands. Galinda squinted at the bright screen.

There was footage of a woman playing piano. Galinda didn't have to think about the quality or the resemblance or the familiarity of the room to know who it was. The woman played an idle tune, something that was immediately beautiful, and stopped to look at the camera and grin abashedly. The voice of the cameraman told her to keep going. She played on. The camera zoomed into her profile. She looked into the camera again. She smiled softly, exasperated. "Put that away, my sweet."

The screen froze. Elphaba was holding the remote, her eyes fixed forward, onto Melena's face. She blinked, and looked at Galinda slowly. Her cheeks were burnt, her eyes bloodshot, but it wasn't too bad. Galinda joined her on the couch, staring at the screen.

"The tape Turtle Heart gave you?"

"Yes."

"I'm surprised we had a VCR player."

Elphaba sat in silence. Galinda looked at her, wondering if she'd said something wrong. Been too flippant. "It's weird watching this," Elphaba said.

"Why?"

"I've always been a bit obsessed with the idea of my mother," she said flatly. "I heard so much about her. That she was beautiful. Fun. Wild. Self destructive. Insane. Chronically addictive in her personality. But she's so normal and..." She struggled briefly. "Nice. But I don't know what I was imagining if not this."

"You don't imagine someone at their most stable when you know what they're like at their worst. Especially when you know it so intimately."

"I suppose. I just never saw this side of her. It wasn't directed at me. I remember… the things she showed me, and the things she couldn't hide. She was an addict. I sort of knew that as a kid. I understood the concept but not the meaning, if that makes sense. Like I understood death, but not in an existential way."

"Yeah."

"Then I hit my preteens."

"That's always a fun moment," Galinda mused. "Confronting the reality of death."

"I saw her death instead of my own." Galinda looked at Elphaba, who was looking at Melena. "Or maybe I saw both. They were one in the same." Elphaba glanced at her. "Not that I died with my mother, that's not what I mean. I just projected myself onto her, or… no. I projected her onto myself."

"You've been thinking about this a lot, haven't you?" Galinda asked quietly.

Elphaba smiled, but there was no emotion to it. "Constantly."

They fell quiet. Galinda fidgeted with the hem of her nightshirt. "Your stuff with your mom… is that why your teens were chaotic?"

Elphaba nodded slowly.

"What kind of chaotic?"

Elphaba's jaw tensed. "Where do I start? It's like I wanted to chase her down. I was so angry. I would go out at night, at fourteen, wait for someone to be an asshole and just…" Elphaba tightened her fist. "I got in a lot of trouble. The Eminence saved me each time. It made me angrier. I resented the help, like Melena. All like Melena. Blacking out on pinhobble like her. Getting drunk like her. Sleeping with anyone like her. And each time his Eminence swooped in."

"You did this at… parties?" Galinda found the images Elphaba was conjuring hard to picture. Elphaba wasn't the type to hit the town and get smashed.

"No." Elphaba looked at her, slightly pale. "Sometimes I was with friends - friends of a kind - and usually at shows. But the drugs and the drinking… mostly I did that alone."

"Oh."

"I've had therapy before, you know. I had to, thanks to my grandfather. But it didn't do me any good. I couldn't talk about her. I didn't want to acknowledge her at all."

"Why not?"

"I didn't know how to feel about her."

Galinda hesitated. "How do you feel about her now?"

Elphaba looked at the screen. Melena's soft, exasperated visage smiled back. She looked like Elphaba. The eyes, the hair. She looked like Elphaba - or really, Elphaba looked like her.

"I love her," Elphaba said quietly, voice cracking. "She tried to kill me, and I love her."

"Come here," Galinda said quickly, pulling at Elphaba's shoulders. Elphaba buried herself in Galinda's chest, clinging to her waist. She rubbed Elphaba's back in soothing circles. When she touched the thick scar tissue across Elphaba's shoulder blades her thoughts turned, as always, to that day in the forest. It wasn't the burn. Every burn on Elphaba's body made her think of that day now.

She could not fathom how Elphaba had been hurt by such an experience. She could not fathom how it had shaped her. She could not fathom Elphaba at all.

"I need to get therapy, don't I?" Elphaba asked, muffled.

"I think so, sweetheart." Galinda nuzzled into the top of her head, sniffling. "If I could help you all on my own you know I would. I would do anything. And if you had all the answers you needed all on your own you would be feeling better by now, wouldn't you? So I think so, Elphie. I think this is too important to ignore."

Elphaba sighed tremulously against her. "Okay."

Galinda sank into their bed and into Elphaba exhaustively. She felt bone tired, and it wasn't even her trauma. She peered at Elphaba in the dark, and found her gaze returned.

Elphaba touched her cheek, her thumb tracing Galinda's bottom lip. She kissed Galinda. She did it so slowly, with more care than anyone had ever taken to kiss Galinda in her life. "Thank you," she murmured.

Her eyes were so black. They were intense, always. All of Elphaba was intense. All of Elphaba was always reaching out to you and daring you to embrace her. Galinda couldn't believe she hadn't seen it until now. How little Elphaba kept reserved. Elphaba hadn't even seen it herself.

Galinda saw it. She could feel how much it meant to behold Elphaba and be truly content. Galinda was content. She was beyond content. She beheld Elphaba and was truly reverent. There was no one else that had meant so much and she felt there never would be.

Who could compare? Elphaba was mythic.

And how luxurious it felt, to be loved by someone mythical. Galinda hadn't truly felt it until that night. Even in the hotel in Nest Hardings Elphaba had kept a part of herself closed. There was nothing between them now, or nothing that was not known. Elphaba was still in pain. Galinda was still lost. But they knew it, and they were kissing all of each other's wounds, inch by inch.

The next afternoon Elphaba began her search for the right help. She made an appointment with her GP to get a recommendation and looked up locations of nearby free mental health centres. Galinda helped this effort with a list she had been carefully putting together since they'd returned from Munchkinland.

"These are some of the best therapists in Shiz that are good about nonbinary gender identities and specialise in child trauma." Galinda handed it over to her. There were about five names. "Try to arrange a meeting with each of them. It's important to get someone that suits you. I'd bet only one or two will really fit the bill."

Elphaba looked from the list to Galinda. "How much will this cost?"

Galinda wrapped a scarf around her neck, on her way out to work. She studied Elphaba for a moment. "It doesn't matter."

"We both know it does."

Galinda touched her cheek. "Not with this, Elphie. I'll cover it."

"If you can." Galinda was about to respond. "I've been thinking," Elphaba said first, "that I should work rather than changing courses."

Galinda was rendered speechless for a moment. "What? No. You were practically made for university."

"I was made for learning," Elphaba allowed. "I already do that in my own time. I've been studying independently for years."

"Elphie…"

"My therapy shouldn't be your expense, Galinda," Elphaba said. "Neither should my family's debt. Those are my responsibility."

"I'm happy to help," Galinda said. "All I have to pay for is myself. I can afford it."

"Maybe you can with three jobs, but you're going to be studying. Three jobs and a full time double major is a bit much for anyone."

Galinda rubbed her forehead. "I know…"

"When is your interview?"

"Next week."

"And when do you start school after that?"

"Another two weeks…" Galinda hadn't realised how soon it would be.

"I don't want your education to suffer because you feel a need to work for me as well as yourself. You've been waiting to study what you're passionate about for months now. Years even. You should have the time to do it well."

Galinda frowned thoughtfully at the floor. "Maybe I could start next year? The course director said it would change how my semesters are structured going in when I am now. I wanted to start early anyway because I'm eager, but I think it'd be wiser to push it back and save up."

"Well, that's up to you I suppose. That would give me more time to find work."

"And how are you going to get another job?"

Elphaba shrugged helplessly. "That's the hard part, I guess."

"I could get a word in for you where I work."

"Anything involving a storefront probably won't take me."

"Don't say that, darling. You're beautiful."

"I'm green is what I am." Galinda kept silent at that hard truth. "I could call Dillamond," Elphaba said ponderously. "He offered me a place as his research assistant years ago. He's based in Gillikin, he actually recommended Shiz U to me, so he's probably not too far away. It's a long shot, but…"

"You didn't take it up at the time?"

"I was…" Elphaba's cheeks darkened. "Um. I was slightly 'heart broken'," she punctuated the term with finger quotes, "so I just wanted to get away from everyone I knew. Start fresh."

"Sarima?"

"Mmm."

Galinda checked her phone. "I need to start going. Walk with me to the tram?"

"Sure."

There was a stiff breeze outside. It'd been cooling down earlier than usual this year. Whenever Galinda mentioned the weather recently Elphaba would launch into a lecture on global warming. All very interesting, but rarely the matter at hand. She tucked her hands into her pockets and glanced at Elphaba's profile. "Why did you two break up, anyway?"

Elphaba curled an arm around her waist. She was in a tshirt, so Galinda suspected it was more for her own benefit than Galinda's. "She had neglected to tell me that she was already promised to another person. Political marriages are still pretty typical in the Vinkus. Apparently she hadn't decided whether to go through with it until then. Now she's a very rich wife."

"I see."

"You can study till your seventies these days," Elphaba said. "I don't think I'd be throwing anything away. It's just right now… I think it'd be wiser to push it back."

Galinda rolled her eyes. "Using my words against me, hm?" She shook her head. "Do whatever you feel you need to do, Elphie. I'm always in your corner. Just make sure you really give it some thought."

"I can't believe it. You're the one telling me to really give something some thought." Elphaba was giving her a lopsided grin. "Giving it some thought is what I do best, my sweet. I promise I won't be making any rash decisions."

"I know. Perhaps you're a little too good at thinking things through."

They came to the tram stop. Elphaba hugged her. "Have a nice day." She kissed Galinda's cheek.

"I could get used to you seeing me off like this."

"Should I wait for you at home like a stepford wife?"

"Ooh, yes! And you should be in nothing but an apron."

Elphaba arched her brow. "Are we going to be having sex in the kitchen after all?"

"You know I'm all for it."

Elphaba glanced off, her cheeks dark. "I think you've swayed me, too…" The tram came. Elphaba stepped away. "Who knows. Maybe you'll find me waiting for you."

"You wouldn't dare!" Galinda called from the tram step. Elphaba shrugged, and began to walk off. Galinda sat by a window, watching Elphaba until she was out of sight, smiling to herself uncontrollably.

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you for reading The Love Club all this way through. This isn't the end of the whole story, but this is the start of a (potentially long) hiatus before the next arc begins.

I'm going to be starting another story in the next few months with fully illustrated sections each chapter! Because of the formatting differences, this story will only be posted on archiveofourown. does not allow images to be posted within its text. My ao3 is wagyubeefy! If you want a little insight into this next fic, you can check out the Shame Machine tag on my tumblr. I'm really excited for it, so go take a look!

Thank you for liking, following and reviewing, everyone. I'm not quite finished with this universe, or the version of Gelphie within it, and I look forward to writing the next part of TLC in the future. Again, thank you so much for reading.