-This disclaimer applies to the whole story: I don't own anything. I will also be using some names and places from Norse mythology, but with my own spin on things.

As Loki woke up his mind immediately began, as it always did, to think. Another day in Asgard. What should I do? There are several projects which could each easily consume my attention. It has been a long time since I had breakfast with my family. I shall decide my plans after that.

He donned a moderately formal court outfit with his magic. As he passed other Aesir their attitude towards him caused an often repeated chain of thought. The disrespect of any male who relies on mind and magic comes from the wars with Svartalfheim and Jotunheim. Magic and intelligence killed many Aesir and/or made them look bad. The Aesir did not want to admit they were horrified and embarrassed. They forgot magic and mind also helped Asgard on the battlefield. The Aesir labeled magic and thinking on the battlefield as cowardly and ineffective. Magic and thought became the province of women or old men. Men who use magic when it could be avoided are supposedly ineffective, cowardly or both. The only men who can honorably think rather than use 'warrior' arts are those who, like father's council, are too old to fight on the battlefield.

That close-mindedness is foolish, however, as I have shown how valuable it is for a prince of Asgard to treasure using one's mind and magic. I have saved Thor and his friends' lives. My words protect Asgard's relationships with other realms. My suggestions in council meetings, the same meetings Thor won't bother to attend, have been helpful. If only Asgard was not so close-minded.

Loki put these thoughts aside as he walked into the banquet hall. His mother smiled at him as he joined his parents at the high table. Mother is the only person who has not placed me in Thor's shadow.

"It has been a while since you ate with us Loki. I am glad to see you my son," his mother says in greeting.

"It is good to see you as well mother," he replied with one of his rare open-hearted smiles.

He looked over to his father who sat next to her. Father gave him a reserved nod.

"Good morning Loki."

"Good morning father."

When I was younger things were not so formal between us. He would astound Thor and me with stories. We basked in his approval. Unfortunately, as it became clear how different I was and I made my choice, that approval was replaced with watchful distance. That thought was pushed aside when Thor came into the room.

"Brother," Thor called out to Loki.

Thor was as bright as always. People saw his brother and everything brightened. Greetings were called out and overall readiness to face the day went up. It is as if he takes in the love people have for him, and in reflecting it, brightens everything. It gladdens my heart that it is I he saw first. He cares for me and wants me by his side. Loki felt bitterness subside and a sense of ease fill him.

"Brother," he called back with another smile. I am affectionate this morning. Perhaps I need to eat breakfast in the hall more often. Thor's joy in his presence reminded him why he loves his brother. Thor has always been with me. 'Ki-ki' and 'T'or' are the first utterances I remember. We made dreams of ruling Asgard together. He defended me against the other children when it became apparent Asgard's usual ways of dealing with problems suited me ill. I don't want to think about how he started to join in chiding me.

"Aye, it is good to see your brother at table Thor. He looks a sight, though, he needs to eat more," Volstagg called out.

"More adventuring would be good for him. He needs more color and muscle or no woman will have him," Frandal added.

I know that glare Sif has given Frandal is not in my defense. Sif resents any comment about women given her unusual choice. Women can use magic and mind. She is not good at them, so she chose to become a warrior. She does not see the usefulness of what she cannot do.

Thor laughed at Volstagg and Frandal's comments while waving to the contemptuous Sif and Hogun.

"Good morning my friends! They are right, Loki, you need to spend less time on your trickery and more on warrior pursuits with us!"

They don't say those things because they want me around! This is why I don't have more meals here. Thor laughs at his friends' disrespect and I see other people snickering.

Thor may not dislike me, or think me a coward, but he doesn't respect me the way he should. He loves me, but he doesn't see me as an equal.

It astounds me how complex my feelings for my brother are. I love him. I regularly save him from embarrassment, danger and the grief he would feel at one of those imbeciles dying. I also loathe him for making me feel like I need to be grateful he gives me any respect. He thought using magic and mind was worthy once. Then we started training and he met them. They turned him against me.

Volstagg spat out his boar leg which suddenly tasted unpleasant. Frandal yelped at the same time when the ale in his cup turned into snakes. Thor laughed and Loki couldn't help a triumphant smirk. He lets you insult me, and agrees with you about my choice, but he is my brother.

"Just a bit of fun," Loki said with an innocent glance. The smirk faded when he noticed his father's disapproval and his mother's disappointment. It is alright for those buffoons to insult me but not alright for me to defend myself!

Bitterness made Loki's food taste far worse than what he did to Volstagg's.

He left the banquet hall before Thor could make some stupid suggestion about going on a quest. He went to his quarters and threw up his strongest spells. Now even Thor would have problems getting to him. He stood in the middle of his room with his magic churning.

Being in Thor's shadow is intolerable! What can I do to become his equal? It seems like nothing works. Not making suggestions at council meetings, helping Thor or reprimanding people for their disrespect. There must be something I can do to get out of the rut I am in. I need time away from Asgard to find a solution. I must get a haven where I can look at things with fresh eyes.

Yesterday's Dreams posting their story "Odin's Son" ,which is another AU where Loki gets on the throne, inspired me to get off my backside and start posting this. "Odin's Son" has a smart, rational, sarcastic and not evil Loki. If that sounds interesting I'd recommend it :)

This story is complete, but I'll be posting it in batches.

When I wrote this chapter, I thought of lyrics from "Lovesong" by 311 or Adele. Part of the song goes "when I am alone with you, I feel young again…when I'm alone with you I feel free again" which to me captures Loki's relationship with Thor. When Thor is not being influenced by others, he and Loki can just be brothers. "However long I stay, I will always love you…However far away I will always love you" captures Loki's love for Thor, his parents and Asgard.