Chapter 26

"I miss you when the lights go out

It illuminates all of my doubts

Pull me in, hold me tight, don't let go

Baby, give me light"

James Carstairs

"This fucking sucks" Simon said for the third time, swigging from his mostly empty bottle of whiskey. No one answered, everyone lost in their own bubble of contemplation.

The entire group were spread over Magnus' apartment, unable to sleep, in a surreal and suffocation silence as they struggled with the gaping hole left in Jem's absence.

Tessa was sat stiffly in Magnus' large burgundy arm chair, her eyes red and puffy from the violent sobs that had shook her body for most of the afternoon. Contrastingly Will stood by the large french windows, staring out across the city with a cold gaze. Clary was curled into Jace, who looked uncharacteristically sombre, her hands clutching Simon's. Magnus himself was perched on the embroidered futon, watching Alec as he avidly fiddled with the fire.

After receiving the phone call from Alec, Magnus had rushed straight to the hospital, only to find a chaos awaiting him. Half of his friends were gripped with a hysterical grief, while the others seemed unable to grip the reality of the situation. Magnus himself could barely believe it; that someone as young and kind and loved as Jem could just die...it seemed so wrong.

The room was deathly silent except for the clattering noise of Alec as he fumbled with logs for the fire and banged every surface he came close to, in his nervous flurry of movement.

"Do you mind Lightwood!" Will snapped after Alec dropped his fourth log.

"Sorry," he choked, abandoning the fire, moving closer to Magnus, who soothed his agitated fidgeting with a calming arm.

The heavy silence pressed down on their shoulders.

"W-we should do something" Clary said suddenly, her voice rasping, "we can't just sit in silence. Jem wouldn't have wanted-"

"-Jem wouldn't have wanted to be dead either!" Will spat angrily, stepping forward suddenly causing Clary to flinch backwards.

Tessa grabbed onto Will's hand firmly and Magnus watched as the angry tension drained from the boy and he turned back to fae the window, not letting go of Tessa's hand.

Another pause fell, until Simon broke it, his voice tentative as he said "when my uncle died, we all shared our favourite stories of him…..and…." he trailed off, leaving the suggestion in the air. Alec wearily dropped his head to rest against Magnus' leg, eyes squeezed shut.

Magnus was just considering ordering some food, as far as he knew none of them had eaten, when Clary spoke up.

"I remember once I had to do a sculpture project for art, and I had no idea what to do, I mean I've never really done sculpture before…..anyway…..I was talking to Jem about it and he showed me this little ornate box from his great-grandfather to give me ideas. It was really spectacular, tiny with little ornate carvings of a women, Chinese goddess of healing I think…..beautiful. So he let me borrow it for a while as I worked on my project but I-I broke it. It was a really stupid accident, I fumbled with my paint brush and whacked into the side table in an attempt to catch it, knocking Jem's box to the ground. It...smashed everywhere and I-I didn't know what to do….I mean it was one of Jem's most prized possessions, a family heirloom….i felt so guilty. So I- I tried to make a replacement. I mean it was good but it wasn't the same, I just…...anyway so I finally plucked up the courage to tell Jem. I was so scared he'd be mad...or disappointed. I told him and he- he was so nice about it, he hugged me and said everyone makes mistakes and that it was ok. Then I showed him the box I made and he said-" her breath quickened as she paused, clearly trying not to cry. "He said that it was even better than the last box because it came from someone who he loved." Clary sniffed raggedly and smiled.

"I don't know if I ever told you guys the full story of how James and I met?" Tessa said after another long pause, her voice strained, but steady. Magnus turned towards her, his eyes soft, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "Well we used to sit next to each other in chemistry all through freshman year. We never really spoke at all though, I mean we were taught by Mrs Penhallow so no one dared to make a noise. So our interaction never made it past smiles and the occasional copying- because you guys know how much I suck at any science." Clary chuckled and Tessa smiled back. "Anyway, so it was the last week before school broke up for Christmas break and I just couldn't concentrate, my mind was already on holiday you know. Anyway so I was just daydreaming and doodling pictures of reindeer on my book, when realised I'd accidentally drawn on the corner of Jems book by accident. I was so mortified, and I was just praying he wouldn't notice but he looked down and saw it. I was expecting him to give me like a 'what are you doing you weirdo' look, but he just chuckled and drew a picture of a snowman next to my reindeer and that's how we continued for the rest of the lesson." She smiled her eyes shining at the memory. "I mean we never really spoke outside class," she added with a laugh, "but every lesson we would continue to doodle little pictures on each other's notebook, creating little scenes and stories. I had the biggest crush on him, but I never expected him to feel the same. Then one day we were drawing a forest and he added to stick figures holding hands and labelled them, James and Tess." She laughed louder this time her eyes starting to tear up. "It was so stupid but so incredibly sweet. James was always the sweetest, kindest and most loving person I've ever known and he-he always made me feel so...so special" She choked sniffing and wiping away her tears, before settling back into her armchair.

Will shifted from his position at the window, looking torn, the anguish in his face making him look uncharacteristically vulnerable. He seemed for a moment as if he was going to say something, but he just turned and strode out of the apartment. Alec noticed his hands were shaking. He looked at Tessa, expecting her to follow but she just shook her head, gesturing at Magnus who had started to stand, to leave Will be.

The room was silent again and tense, the horror of the situation suffocating.

Then Simon stood up, clearing his throat awkwardly, fiddling with the hem of his red hoodie. "I wasn't that close to Jem," he said hesitantly, as if trying to apologise for his interruption of the silence. "But we did have one thing in common, a bizarre love for Kanye West's music. Now Jem never really broadcast his appreciation for Kanye, as he was expected to listen purely to classical- being the music prodigy he was, but he confided in me when he saw my 'Yeezus' top. It was nice, we used to talk about some of the songs sometimes and I actually managed to convince him to learn "Tha' Bounce" on the violin and it was amazing of course. And then back in July he had that concert thing and he managed to get a solo." Everyone smiled as they remembered how excited Jem had been when he got the spot. "So we all went along in our smart clothes and sat through the many many trumpet bits, waiting for Jem's moment. And he was amazing…...sheer genius, everyone was just like 'boy that kid's got talent'" Clary rolled her eyes at Simon's impression of a 1940s Hollywood producer. "Anyhow, he was amazing. But then half way through some of his music fell of the stand and he couldn't pick it up without stopping and we could all see him panic as he began to improvise and then" Simon began to chuckle at the memory. "He started playing Kanye West! I don't think anyone noticed 'cause he made it fit really well, but I could tell. He was playing Kanye at this posh classical concert while all the old ladies and gentlemen in their suits and expensive dresses were listening attentively thinking it was Mozart or something!" Simon laughed harder everyone else joining in.

They continued this way through the night, swapping stories about James Carstairs, some funny, some sad and all spoken with love for their friend who had left them to soon.

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On the other side of town, Camille Belcourt was crying.

Not gasping sobs that left her eyes red and makeup smeared, but small tears of frustration and desperation as she pleaded with the man in front of her.

"Just wait- please give him time- he lost a friend today, let him- let them mourn."

"You promised you'd meet him by Saturday Camille" he snapped back, his eyes cold and unforgiving. "I don't give a shit about his friend"

"Please," she sobbed, peppering his tense neck with tiny kisses, "He won't come even if I beg, not now, he won't leave his friends."

The man didn't reply, pushing Camille away back onto his double bed, ignoring her pitiful sniffling as he pondered her words. He had already waited for this opportunity for so long and he didn't really care to wait much longer. However, if, like Camille said Magnus was already sad and possibly in shock, the satisfaction of his plan would be significantly lessened.

So he would wait.

Not for long...But long enough that when the time came, Magnus would be completely unsuspecting.

A/N

Sorry there is no proper malec in this chap, but I had to honour Jem and they would definatly be putting their grief before fluff.

there should only be four or five chaps to go, I think I may do the next chap a little in the future, so they have time to mourn Jem.

review for a lil bonus story with Jem and malec from there camping trip in chapters 14 and 15.

Thanks for reading :)

Lots of virtual love

Amy

xxx