Sweaty, panting and frustrated beyond belief, the hobbit tugged and pulled to no avail. "Fit you bastard!" He cursed, pulling at the waist of his trousers, trying his damnedest to make the button meet its hole, he had about an inch to go.

Bilbo's gut was sucked in as much as it was able, and he was pulling as hard as he could yet still the trousers wouldn't quite fit.

Frustration turned to rage as he started grabbing things about the room to throw angrily. His loud noises getting the attention from a special dwarf outside his room.

"What is wrong?" Thorin Oakenshield asked, entering the room and watching his hobbit proceed to jump up and down, seeming to be throwing a fit over something.

"They don't fit!" He growled moodily at his companion, gesturing at his horribly tight looking trousers, they hugged his body like a glove, a very skinny glove attached to a fat handed troll. Needless to say, the trousers were not very nice looking on the hobbits body.

Thorin watched as the hobbit sank to the ground and stared flopping about on the floor, trying again to button his unwilling attire.

"Bilbo, you look ridiculous, just put on another pair." Thorin tried reasoning with the stubborn headed other.

"I've tried the others! They were even tighter on me. No, this will work, just a bit of extra oomph and they'll button." Bilbo seemed to be reassuring himself with that statement as he played at sucking his gut in more.

"This is silly, let me help you." Thorin tried being helpful, pulling Bilbo up and fiddling with the button.

"On three; one..."

"Thorin, just take it easy,"

"Two..."

"You're strong enough that they might rip!"

"Three!" With a great tug, and a gasp from the hobbit, Thorin had the button in its hole.

"There, that wasn't so..." Before he could finish that sentence, the button came undone due to stress and flew off Bilbo's trousers, bouncing off the near by dresser and catching the hobbit directly in the left eye.

"Ahh!" Bilbo wailed, holding he eye in pain, his temper turning into that of a weepy nature.

"Now Bilbo." Thorin began, hating it when the fellow cried.

"First my pants and now my eye!" He tearfully spoke, holding his sore eye and smacking away Thorin when he'd try to look at it.

"Leave me be, just let me wallow in my misery!" He spoke dramatically, annoying Thorin greatly.

"You can always borrow a pair of mine, Bilbo." Thorin tried to be gentle, to not let his annoyance turn to anger.

"Oh, just let old fat Bilbo wear your dwarf sized trousers, real sensitive Thorin!" He cried, making the dwarfs annoyance rise.

"I don't know what else you want of me. I can't magically make your pants fit."

"I've never been this heavy in my life! It's all your dwarfish food, or maybe you're just fattening me up so I stay inside the mountain, too fat to fit through the damn door!" He dramatically accused his companion, his state of mind irrational due to his emotions.

"Bilbo, I can't deal with you when you're like this. When you've settled down, come talk to me." Thorin informed his friend, taking the high road for once and walking away before a real fight started.

"That's it, just walk away! Walk away from your fat hobbit companion!" He wept angrily, looking down at his pooched out gut and tight pants, only to cry harder.

As Thorin left his emotional hobbit, his mind wandered back to Bilbo's behavior shortly after their pretend wedding. Which wound up bring a real wedding due to the fact Balin was truly able to unite them, a fact that Thorin found out only after the ceremony.

Bilbo had been uncertain at first, hearing this news. They both were trying to calmly come to grips with this new situation they were in. It's not like they didn't care for one another, but marriage was a big commitment, a commitment Thorin hadn't been interested in. Hence why they were fooling Dain, and yet here he was, truly married to his hobbit companion.

What worried Thorin more than the marriage fact, was his notice of Bilbo's extraordinary eating habits. It seemed to first grab his attention the night of their wedding, as they all gathered to eat dinner. Bilbo was ravenous, growling at dwarfs as he reached for the last roll, slamming down plate after plate of roasted pork. The hobbit had been known for his light eating, this display was odd, and since his recent admittance to Thorin that Hobbit males sometimes got pregnant, Thorin was a bit on edge.

As much as Bilbo had stated that he wasn't that kind of hobbit, the king was still cautious, knowing that strange things could happen and that it'd be just his type of luck if Bilbo was a birth giving hobbit.

After the wedding dinner, every day he watched on silently as the hobbit joyfully ate his fill of food. Eating portions that fitted a dwarf appetite more than a little hobbit. Because of his excessive eating, Thorin wouldn't say it to Bilbo, but he had noticed a bit of weight gain happening to his friend. He cared for his hobbit no matter what size he was, but the weight made him concerned for other reasons.

It also appeared that his friend had mood swings lately, fine one minute then weepy or angry the next, it was terribly frustrating! Arguing in the middle of their love making because 'You were looking at me funny' reasons amongst other outrageous ones. It wasn't very fun when you're about to release and then all of a sudden your partner pulls out and starts going off about a disagreement you had had weeks ago. His behavior was troublesome, more so than usual, and Thorin desired some answers, to know if what he suspected was true of his beloved Bilbo.

-0-0-

Thorin had been wandering outside the mountain, giving his companion time to cool down when all of a sudden his nephews started running towards him, coming from the direction of Dale.

"Uncle, uncle! Come quick! Bilbo's in trouble with the townspeople of Dale! He's taken a battle axe and has taken off all the heads of their geese!"

"Who the Hell gave Bilbo a battle axe?!" Thorin demanded angrily, following his nephews hurriedly.

"He just took it out of the armory! We asked him why and he said strange things, uncle." Fili answered worriedly.

"Nasty, plotting birds won't have the last laugh against me!" Kili mimicked what Bilbo had said.

"We think he's lost it, uncle. Have you two been fighting?" Kili asked, searching for a truthful answer from his kin.

"No! The last thing we discussed was him wearing my pants for now because his wouldn't fit." Thorin explained, getting curious looks from his nephews.

"Uncle, I think we need Gandalf's help. Bilbo just hasn't been himself lately." Fili spoke his opinion, receiving a raised brow from his uncle.

"Gandalf? The wizard was fit to be tied after watching the wedding, what makes you think he'd come to our aid?" He scoffed, still miffed at the wizards unpleasant attitude.

"He's Bilbo's friend, and he knows things we don't." Fili spoke reasonably towards his uncle.

"Fine! If you can find the wandering wise arse, then see if he'll help." Thorin reluctantly submitted, more concerned with how to settle down the townspeople so that they wouldn't hurt his Bilbo.

"Where are they keeping him?" He asked, still following them towards the town.

"He's locked himself inside a room at the inn." Kili informed the king.

"Alright, I'll handle things in Dale, you two go out and search for the wandering wizard, he may be too far to even contact." Thorin ordered his dwarf kin.

With nods from both young dwarfs, they left Thorin on his own to make inquiries of the wandering wizards whereabouts.

-0-0-

"Bilbo, it's me, Thorin." He called through the door, after calming down the angry mob by gifting them with gold to reimburse them for their deceased animals. The crowd had dispersed, leaving Thorin alone to speak with his strange acting companion.

"Are you mad?" He cautiously called back, the hobbit's voice was worried.

"I'm just confused, Bilbo, and would like to hear your side of this." He carefully worded his sentence, knowing the hobbit wouldn't open up willingly if Thorin just came uncorked on him.

"I...My mind started wandering. I had put on your pants, and was mad that they actually fit me, then all of a sudden I thought about geese. How that honking devil had chased me and scared you as well..."

"I wouldn't use the word scared, apprehensive perhaps. That's not important though, go on." He spoke gently, listening to what his friend had to say.

"Well, I thought about that, and it made me worry about the other birds down here. Can you imagine if one of those blasted birds chased me as I am now? They'd beak me to death! So I decided it was only for the best to just take the first strike and surprise them first. I was so brave, Thorin! You would have been so proud, watching me swing that axe and stoping their evil nature for good. It was invigorating! But then the people started noticing, and getting mad and yelling. . ." He paused, sighing tiredly. "I ran, they had pitchforks and torches, Thorin! And I'm just a wee hobbit with one axe! So I locked myself in here and waited things out. Are they gone?"

"Yes, Bilbo. I had to pay them for their grievances." Thorin answered his companion.

"Oh dear! I'm sorry, Thorin. I didn't intend for this to involve you." Bilbo spoke honestly.

"Did you really think they wouldn't notice a hobbit swinging a battle axe around, chopping off goose heads?" Thorin lightly joked.

"Well, I thought they'd be more grateful, but then realized that they aren't short like me, the geese probably weren't bothering them the way they do me...Thorin, is something wrong with me? I think my thoughts are so clear one minute, then looking back it's just crazy and ridiculous." He confided with his dwarf companion, seriously worried about himself.

"I've sent Fili and Kili to go search for Gandalf. Whatever is troubling you, he undoubtedly will know the reason." Thorin assuredly spoke, "Now, can you open the door? Let's get you home, little one." He waited, watching the door very slowly inch open, the hobbit looking through the crack at Thorin.

"You're really not mad at me?" He asked again.

"Bilbo, you decapitated twenty geese in less than five minutes." He eyes the friend for a moment, before a grin started to pull at his lips "I couldn't be any happier to see their ranks weakened." He got a sigh of relief from Bilbo as the hobbit opened the door and rushed into Thorin awaiting arms.

"But don't let the townspeople know I'm glad, need to keep up appearance around here, you know?" He made the hobbit chuckle a bit as they hugged a moment longer.

"Come on, lets go wait for Gandalf." Thorin pulled back, taking Bilbo's hand and leading the hobbit home. They'd find out some answers, one way or another.

-0-0-

The Hobbit Belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien