DISCLAIMER: I solemly swear that I do not own any of the characters/plot in the Harry Potter series.

Have fun ;)
-Raven

Italics- Draco

Plain- Hermione

...

Dear Pansy,

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

You look sexy,

Can I do you?

Love,

Draco Malfoy.

Seriously? Okay, three things: 1. I know you're a Slytherin and all, but that was the shittiest thing I have ever read. And I edit Ron's essays. 2. Pansy? You are desperate. And, 3. Nice aim, Quidditch seeker.

Your friendly neighborhood Mudblood,

Hermione Granger

Bugger off, Granger, I don't need the lecture. Go nag Scarhead or the Weasel. Maybe you'll get a kiss from your much desired"Won-Won" just to shut you up.

Haha, very funny. Need I remind you of my relationship with Viktor Krum?

Ok, so you landed Krum. But that guy is like, an awkward penguin or something.

Sounds like you might be jealous…

Jealous? Of Viktor Krum? Please, I can get twice the amount of girls he gets every day. And I would never like you. You're uglier than a Blast Ended Skrewt, in my opinion. Krum must have been blind.

Okay. Then why is it that he has a different girlfriend every week? It says so in Witch Weekly.

PS. What is it with you guys and dishing Viktor whenever you hear about us together? You and Ron both liked him fine until we went to the Yule Ball together. Are you... jealous of Viktor?

Well, yeah, but he is famous. And you're going to trust that literary trash for information? No wonder you're so brilliant.

PS. Don't compare me to Ron.

And you aren't famous?

PS. I'll do whatever the balls I want.

PPS. I noticed that was not a direct answer.

That's not the point. But I am more attractive than Krum.

PS. Fuck off.

You just admitted Krum was more popular with you. That is like, legit news right there. Legend, even: Malfoy admits he isn't all that popular.

Well, you shouldn't be so literal all the time. If Krum and I were the same status, I would get all the girls. And anyway, I am a shitload more popular than you, bookworm. And I noticed you didn't deny that bit about me being attractive.

*Sneeze*

What? Why did you write 'sneeze'?

Because I am allergic to bullshit, like the so-called fact that you're attractive.

… Bitch. You like me or else you wouldn't be mean to me.

That's 6 year old logic right there. Besides, couldn't I say the same for you?

…Yeah, yeah. True.

So you admit it? You're not as smart as me? Two surprising things from Malfoy in less than 5 minutes. Why are you admitting this to me anyway? I am your polar opposite.

Because you are nobody.

Granger?

Granger? Hah. You mad?

Er, Granger?

Come on, Granger! Don't be so anal.

Go away, you foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach.

Do you ever get that feeling where it's like you've been in the same situation before but you know you haven't?

Ugh, you are SO irritating.

Hey, what did you pass to Pansy?

Granger. WHAT. DID. YOU. FUCKING. PASS. TO. PANSY.

Um… your love letter… (Ooh)

MOTHERFUCK GRANGER, WHY IN FUCK'S NAME DID YOU PASS HER THE FUCKING NOTE?

Hah. You... mad? :)

AN: First chapter! R&R!

-Raven