*All That Matters*

Jay's fist rapidly beats against the front door of Erin's apartment. His face is red from worry and his throat is dry from running the long distance between the location of Molly's and her place of residence. He's desperate. He's in a panic. He needs her to answer the door.

He continues to knock, "Er, it's me!"

In a rush, Erin pulls open the door; her eyes are wide as she worriedly takes him in, scanning his appearance as if expecting him to be hurt. Once she realizes that he's unharmed and uninjured, she relaxes. Her shoulders slump forward and she breathes out in relief. Dressed in her work clothes, she steps to the side in order to allow him to enter. Once he's inside, she shuts and locks the door behind him, before quickly turning to face him, "What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you," He admitted, following her into the living room; he's a bit out of breath and with each sentence he takes a moment to inhale and exhale, "We all went out to celebrate Diego's return, but you didn't come. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

She noticed his rapid breathing and guided him towards a seat, "Did you run here?"
"Yeah," he exhaustively sighed, flopping down onto the couch, "I had a few drinks and I didn't want to drive. I don't think I'm sober and calm enough to drive."

"That's what taxis are for," she chuckled, taking the seat next to him.

The manner in which Jay arrived to her apartment wasn't important –at least not to him. Jay knew Erin well enough to know when she was trying to avoid a subject. This only made him worry about her even more. He stretched his hand out and sat it on her knee in an effort to calm himself down, "That's not going to work with me."

"I'm fine Jay," She gave him her best smile, "I really am. I'm just tired. There's no need to worry about me. I'm okay."

He still didn't believe her. He saw right through it all.

"The sooner you tell me what's really bothering you, the sooner I'll leave and let you get some sleep and the sooner I'll stop bothering you."

From her seated position beside him on the couch, Erin looked up and met his eyes. The determination and the obstinacy within them allowed for her to know that he wasn't planning on backing down. He was willing to wait all night. He was prepared for the all-nighter her stubbornness may bring. Out of defeat, the young detective nodded, "Fine, I just," she closed her eyes in an effort to think of the best way to articulate her feelings, "I always understood the importance of family. It's just," she looks in the other direction to avoid Jay's persistent gaze, "I'm envious Halstead," she admits.

"Of what," he slid closer, "Of whom?"

She rose from her seat, "All of you!" She couldn't take the pressure. She didn't like feeling vulnerable and that's how this admittance made her feel.

"What do you mean?"

"Every night, after every long and strenuous day, you all return home to your family. If you don't live with them, you call them. Ruzek has his fiancée. Olinsky has his ex-wife and daughter. Voight has Justin even though he's away. Dawson has his sister, his wife and his children. And you," she pauses to take in a deep breath, "you have your family. Who do I have? No one."

Jay rose from the couch, "You have us." He sounds hurt. He thought she knew this. She should know this.

By the way her eyes rolled and her effort to back away from him, it was proven that she didn't. It was already an emotionally charged and vulnerable night for her; she didn't want to explore her feelings anymore. She didn't lie when she said she was tired. She was soon growing to regret her decision to open the front door and invite him in.

"I'm going to shower and get dressed for bed," she whispered, hoping that he caught the hint and would leave without her having to ask, "Hopefully I forget about today's events."

In the shower, as the hot water hit against her body, she could feel her mind provide her with an escape from her present situation. Showers were always a good way for her to avoid the realities of the world. It was like the calming of the storm; it was just a diversion until she was forced to face the impact. After every long work day, instead of joking around and partaking in family time like her co-workers, she had herself a nice, hot and lengthy shower, hopped into a pair of comfortably warm and fuzzy pajamas, turned on a baseball or football game depending on the season, cracked open a beer and relaxed.

This shower had gone on longer than her usual ones, more so because Erin wanted to give Halstead enough time to gather himself and leave her apartment. While it was easy for him to assure her of all of her worries, he doesn't understand; he'll never understand. He's never walked in her shoes. He doesn't know every aspect of her past. He's never had someone like Bunny as a mom. Before Voight came along, she was in a horrible place. Jay could always try to understand, but he didn't see her back then. He would never know the her from back then.

As the hot water washed the shampoo and conditioner out of her hair, her thoughts drifted over to Voight and the others. Besides Halstead, only Voight and Olinsky truly knew of her sketchy past. They were key factors in why she's not either dead or arrested, why she's not a junkie on the street or running scams with Charlie. She owed them her life. Everything she has done was in an effort to make them proud. She graduated high school. She applied to the police academy. She joined the Intelligence Unit. She got her own place. This life wasn't supposed to be hers and yet she was living it.

As the hot water soon turned warm, Erin knew her escape was almost over. She would soon have to join reality and partake in it. She released a long sigh while turning off the water. Lindsay grabbed her towel, and wrapped it tightly around her. She carefully stepped out of the shower and into her flip flops before exiting the bathroom. As she rubbed the lotion onto her skin, she silently listened to the lack of noise surrounding her. She was used to it. Every night when she came home, it was to an empty apartment. There were few days when someone knocked on her door and visited her. Her co-workers had their families to hang with so she couldn't really fault them for not visiting often. She understood –somewhat.

Erin just wanted to drink a beer and watch a game. It was her nightly ritual. It was tradition. After buttoning up her pajama top, she stepped out of her flip flops and headed for her bedroom door. When Erin opened the door, she expected to see emptiness. She expected solitude and loneliness. She expected to be surrounded by her inner thoughts, not by the presence of Halstead, Olinsky and Voight. The latter of the three stepped forward and smiled at her, "Hey kid."

"You shouldn't have bothered them Halstead," she throws her wet hair up into a bun; drops of water fall down her neck and begin to soak the neckline of her pajama top, "I'm better off alone. That's the way it always was, and that's the way it always will be. I'm used to it."

On her continued quest to grab a refreshing, cold beer, Halstead averted it. His muscular form stepped in her path and blocked her from entering the kitchen. He gave her a cocky grin, "You're wrong. You do have family. Your family's here."

"What family?"

"Us Erin," Olinsky added, approaching her, "I'm a little hurt that you never even considered us as family," he smiles, but it never reaches his eyes, "I always thought we had an understanding. You're family, you always were and you always will be," He waved her towards him, "I've known you for a long time, since you were a naïve little troublemaker." This knocked a smile right onto her face, "You're my family, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Suddenly her arms were thrown around his waist and her head rested against his hard chest, "Al," she whispered; her voice catching in her throat, "I…I really needed to hear that. You don't honestly know how much." She needed that, especially after days like today.

"Kid," Erin had only pulled back because Hank had called out for her, "I haven't spoken yet."

"I should get out of here," Alvin spoke up, withdrawing his keys from his pocket, "I promised Lexi that I'll have dinner with them tonight."

Erin nodded. And almost as quickly as he arrived, he left. She stood with Voight and Halstead in her kitchen. Jay still blocked her path to the fridge. She knew the only way she was going to be able to treat herself is if she was honest, if she spoke to them and if she was vulnerable.

"Why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?"

She shrugged the second her gaze fell back on Voight, "You were busy, and besides," she found herself shrugging again –twice in less than five minutes, "I didn't think you wanted to hear about my mediocre feelings, especially when we have more important things to worry about."

"Even if I was busy, for you," he emphasized, "I have all the time in the world. I thought you knew that," He stepped forward, and set his hand against her shoulder, "And nothing that you tell me is mediocre. Got it?"

The second his arms swallowed her up into a hug, she nodded eagerly. Her eyes were closed and she tightened her own arms around him. This was the only father figure she's ever had in her life. These moments, these are the moments that she will forever cherish.

"Just because we don't share the same blood or the same last name, doesn't mean we're not family," he whispered into her ear, tightening his own arms around her, "My wife and I took you in when you needed us the most. She looked at you as her daughter, and so did I. If she were here, I bet she would be proud of you. You and Justin were all that mattered to her…to us." Erin wiped the tear drops that fell from her eyes, as Voight continued, "Just because she passed away, doesn't mean any of our relationships were severed. I'm sorry kid, but you can't get rid of me that easily."

"Thank you for everything," she only pulled out of the hug to look him in the eyes, "I know many people," she glanced at Halstead, before turning back to Voight, "don't understand you and the way you operate, and while I may disagree with some of your tactics, there's nothing you can do to make me think any less of you, to stop loving you."

"And that's why we're family," He gently squeezed her shoulder, "I should be going. We have an early day tomorrow," He pressed a small kiss to her forehead before looking over his shoulder to meet Jay's eyes, "Need a ride Halstead?"

He cleared his throat, "Uh, yes sir." He's flustered.

"Oh, and Halstead," Voight called, as he dropped his hand from her shoulder, "If you tell anyone about this soft side coming out, it'll be me and you in the cage. Do you understand?"

Jay swallowed roughly, "I understand sir."

Before Halstead could make his pursuit towards her front door, she stopped him with a fierce and strong hug, "I really appreciate this. I really appreciate what you did for me," Erin sighed into his chest, and smiled while inhaling the scent of his light cologne, "You're the best partner and friend. I got lucky the day you came into my life." Once the surprise settled from the sudden hug, Jay allowed himself to hug her back, and breathe in the fresh scent of her washed and damp hair. Their hold on one another tightens with each passing second. He didn't want to let go and knowing that at any moment their hug would end, caused for the partners to cling onto the other as if their life depended on it.

"Alright," Voight grabs onto the back of Halstead's shirt, "That's enough." He tugs against the fabric in an effort to pull him away from Lindsay, "We need to get going."