notes:

+ i think this may be the start of a series and i don't have time for that ugh no what is dark!skyeward doing to me.

+ i also feel like it's necessary to say that i don't agree with ward's own view of himself in this.

+ title from "run" by daughter.

He has a lot of time to lie on his back and stare at the ceiling in his new SHIELD prison. He knows it has to be new, because it smells like paint and sawdust. It's underground too. He can smell the damp and the rot outside, trying to push through the concrete walls.

He waits for Coulson and May to come and torture him for information.

(He deserves it. He'd give them what he knows anyway, but he deserves it.)

He waits, stares at the ceiling, but they don't come. No one does.

He has a lot of time to think, as Coulson promised, and his thoughts keep coming back to her.

She hates him, thinks he's disgusting. He thinks he's disgusting too.

But that doesn't change the fact she's just as bad as him.

Will be just as bad as him?

He should want to stop it, to save her from whatever Raina has planned, but maybe this way she'll understand him. They can be monsters together, just like Raina said.

He's selfish. It's a weakness. Or maybe it's what he is without Garrett, without someone to guide him.

HYDRA breaks him out after a couple of months. More accurately, Raina and Quinn do, since they really have as little allegiance to HYDRA as him. If it had been HYDRA itself, he might not have gone.

"We thought," Raina says, "you might bring Skye in for us. We're ready for her now."

He refuses. He won't be a part of whatever Raina is going to do. He won't do that to her.

(He should stop them. He doesn't.)

He leaves. Starts taking on private jobs. Usually from people with a lot of money who want him to silence other people who could stop them from having quite as much money.

He scrapes by. Moves on after every job.

It strikes him once, that this isn't living. This isn't even really surviving.

This is existing. Barely.

A job goes badly in Moscow and he ends up with a nasty knife wound in his side that he has to stitch up in the toilets of a train across the country.

And then Skye's standing on the doorstep of his safe house in the borders, shivering in the pouring rain. She looks frightened and frightening all at the same time. Her hair and her clothes are sticking to her body, but there's dried blood under her nails, her eyes are black and her lips are red.

"I'm a monster," she says.

He moves past to let her in.

She sits on the leather sofa, a little puddle forming around her.

"I'm a monster," she repeats. Her hands are gripping at the leather, sliding against it. She won't let her hands touch her. Her eyes go up to him, still standing by the door. He can't help staring at her. He never could. "But you already knew that."

He nods, a little sadly. He never wanted her to become like him, but now, maybe, she'll understand.

"Raina found me," she says. She's still watching him carefully. "She did things. Woke up something in me, and now I…" She breaks off. Shivers. "Now I want to hurt people. And I can. I can crush their bones just like this." She stands up, moves to the table. Ward hears china grinding down to dust. He doesn't flinch.

"Why are you here?" he asks, when she's done. He thought she would have killed him by now.

Her eyes are back on him. He feels like she can see right into him, read all his darkest secrets like they're written on his forehead. Maybe she can.

"I don't want to hurt you," she says. Her voice is soft. It makes him want to wrap her up in his arms and never let go. "And I thought you might understand."

He wants to tell her he does, oh how he does. Understands the rush, the relief that comes with destruction, but also the weight, the darkness that comes with it.

He wants to tell her, but he doesn't know how, so he just hopes she can see it.

"Can I stay?" she asks.

He doesn't speak. Just nods. Whatever she needs.

They move on in the morning. She clings to his arm and he can't help think it's everything he ever wanted and everything he didn't.

She's scared. Scared of herself. At least she isn't scared of him.

They take a train out of Russia. She spends it sleeping, arms wrapped around her body. He watches her. He wonders, how long will it take, for her to embrace the monster in herself, to stop pushing it down. That it hurts a little less once you learn how.

They reach Minsk. He has work to do, but he tells her he'll drop it if she wants.

She shakes her head. Smiles, slowly. "No," she says. "Let me help."

He doesn't want to say yes, but he could never say no.

They find his target in a hotel bar. A man with the information to bring down a company, should he choose to use it. It's a risk said company is unwilling to take.

Skye approaches him with bright eyes and swinging hips. Then she's leading him up to her room, and Ward follows close behind.

She snaps their mark's neck with an hand around his throat and a sharp, small jerk. He falls onto the creamy carpet, and she looks up at Ward in the doorway. Her eyes are still bright and shiny. Expectant, too, like she's expecting praise like he would give her as her SO.

He can't help but smile. She's brilliant.

"That was fun," she tells him. "We can do this and get paid for it?"