Chapter 13: What darkness did you conquer?

Now, every time I witness a strong person,

I want to know:

What darkness did you conquer in your story?

For I know that mountains do not rise without earthquakes.

The blast of police sirens dislodged the icicles forming in my stagnant veins. My unfocused gaze on the dull linoleum floor of the hospital waiting room wavered for just a moment as my ears pricked at the sound of those angry sirens. I turned my head to stare through a set of sliding glass doors. I watched as a dozen police cars passed on the road in front of the hospital, their engines roaring like the hungry lion before its prey, red and blue lights briefly illuminating the dark night. Just like that, the search had begun… They were coming for him.

Suddenly, ringing from my back pocket pulled me back into the moment. As I pulled my cell phone from the back pocket of my jeans, I half expected the name flashing across the screen to be Peter's. My guilty conscious hissed into my ear, "He knows you ratted him out."

Relief flooded over me for a brief moment when I saw that it was an unknown number and not Peter's. I slid the bar to accept the call then raised the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Thank God you answered." It was Harry's relieved voice on the other line. "It's all over the news, Mary Jane. Spider-Man has escaped from Ravencroft. He's on the run. Are you somewhere safe?"

I felt like a shell of my self. I was numb to Harry's words. I contemplated replying with a bitter, 'Yes Harry, I'm aware. My fiancé and I broke him out of Ravencroft with my fiance's father's help then smuggled him away to my poor unsuspecting Aunt Anna's. Then, while my fiancé waited in the car outside, I took a quick snooze on his chest - Spidey's chest, not my fiancé's… because ya know, that makes sense.' Cue the eye roll. 'OH - but that's not all! After our cuddly nap, Spider-Man ever so sweetly tried to choke me. And when JJ appeared after hearing my screams, Spider-Man beat him to a bloody pulp. So, in summary: yes, Harry, I am fully aware that Spider-Man has escaped from Ravencroft.'

I swallowed down the torrent of sarcasm I wanted to spew and watched as another round of squad cars raced past the hospital. My gaze dropped down to the dingy linoleum floor as I finally spoke, "I'm at the hospital."

"What?!" Panic-stricken. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I paused for a moment then added, "JJ's hurt." I gulped down hard as I remembered the sight of his bloody face and the deep, gurgling hole where his nose used to be. "He's hurt really bad."

On the other line, I heard car keys jingling. "Which hospital? I'm coming."

I let the silence span between us. Where did Harry fit into this equation? Could I actually trust him? I didn't know.

Again he tried, "Mary Jane." His words were soft but breathy. He was moving quickly and he sounded out of breath from it. "Listen, I know that you and I ended on bad terms. I should have told you about my… demons." Demons. The unspoken truth hung heavy between us. I squeezed my eyes shut as I remembered the early morning in the hotel so long ago… the white pills… dragging him into the shower in a feeble attempt to bring him back to life… Peter showing up with the syrup that forced Harry to throw up the contents of his stomach for twenty straight minutes. Peter had known about Harry's demons, but me? I had been left conveniently in the dark. "I was afraid of losing you, Mary Jane. It doesn't make it right but I hope some day you can understand why I hid the truth from you. You were always one foot in, one foot out. I had to walk on eggshells with you. If I said the wrong thing - did the wrong thing - I knew I'd lose you. And look, I get it - the thing I tried so desperately to keep from happening, happened. I lost you. Maybe forever… but you are all I have and I'll be damned if I let you go through this by yourself. If you need a friend, I can be that." He paused then added, "I can be whatever you need."

I chewed on my bottom lip as I processed his words. The world felt unsteady beneath my feet. I didn't recognize the story I was in anymore - nor its characters. I squeezed my eyelids shut tight. Behind my closed lids the faces of Gwen and Peter flashed in rapid succession like an old cartoon flip book. Gwen… golden, beautiful Gwen - always a pillar of light and goodness. I watched as the corners of her smiling mouth turned down into a grimace then a soundless, tortured scream. Then it was Peter's face… the crooked grin twitching to hurl some sort of smart-Alec comment at me. But then the grin turned into something worse… something maniacal… the glint in his eye turned my blood cold. In this unfamiliar story, the heroes were the villains and the villains were the heroes. I needed to make sense of everything going on around me. More than that, I needed desperately to feel grounded again. I needed someone to anchor me to a time when things made sense; a simpler time when I was just a struggling actress living in New York with her best friend. A time before monsters and demons had destroyed the world as I had come to know it.

"New York Hospital Queens."

"I'll be there in five minutes." And he was. Or, rather, four minutes and thirty-two seconds (according to the clock on the far wall of the hospital waiting room). He breezed into the hospital. His tall, thin frame was wrapped in tailored slacks and a white dress shirt, the top three buttons unbuttoned. His eyes scanned the room until they met mine and when they did, I stood from my chair. He crossed the room in five long strides then enveloped me. After all this time, he smelled the same. I closed my eyes and willed myself to return to a time long ago - made even longer with the twists and turns my life had made. I felt a lump lodge in my throat. Before the tears could spill from my eyes, I cleared my throat and pulled myself from his embrace.

"Thank you for coming, Harry." I stared up into his sad face. He was clearly worried. Sheepishly I tucked my hair behind my ear then added, "I'm okay. Please don't make that face." I tried to reassure him so the look of concern would fall from his face but when I moved my hair, he saw something that caused his brows to jump up.

He reached forward and touched a tender spot on my neck, "Your neck is bruised, Mary Jane." Surprise morphed into rage as he realized what the bruises were. "Those look like fingers!"

I stepped away from him and pulled my hair forward to hide the bruises. "Something is wrong with Peter. He's…" I struggled to find the words, "He's not himself."

"I tried to tell you." Harry sighed heavily, shaking his head as the rage slowly drained from his body. "Look," He sat down then motioned for me to sit as well. When I did, he continued speaking. "I know you're holding onto the Peter you thought you knew. I get it because I went through the same emotions you're going through right now. Peter was my best friend. I ask myself all the time, where were the signs? Was I just not paying attention? Was there something I could have done to stop him from going down this path? But the truth is, when you really look at Peter's past, it makes sense that he's become what he has. When he was just a baby his parents skipped town on him, leaving his aunt and uncle to raise him. Then his uncle was murdered right in front of him. As if that wasn't bad enough, the poor kid was bullied all his life. Then to add further insult to injury," Harry paused, seemingly unsure of whether he should continue, "The woman he loved fell in love with her boss - the man he considered his mentor - and he just couldn't take it anymore. Honestly, I think that's what did him in."

My jaw dropped as I realized what Harry was insinuating. "No." It was the only word I could manage to squeak out as I shook my head in vehement disbelief.

"Yes, Mary Jane." He put his hand gently on top of mine but I immediately yanked it back as though he had burned me. Undaunted, he continued. "I found out right before she died. I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how. It was late one night at Oscorp when I saw them… Don't you remember how my father was trying to get me to be more involved with Oscorp in preparation for when he retired? The night I saw them, I had a meeting I was preparing for that was scheduled the next morning. It was my first major meeting with the board of directors. Some of the notes I needed were on the computer in my office at Oscorp. I saw a light on in one of the labs… When I went in to turn it off, thinking someone had just forgotten to turn it off before they left for the day, I saw them… They were kissing."

His last word caused me to recoil from him. Gwen kissed Norman Osborn? I felt suddenly ill. I didn't want to believe it… but hadn't I suspected something strange had been going on between Norman and Gwen? My mind traveled back to my first meeting with Norman. It had been just Norman, Harry, and I eating dinner at Norman's cavernous home. No matter how hard I tried to steer the topic of conversation away from Gwen Stacy, Norman was incapable of speaking on anything other than her - his brilliant, beautiful, young employee. Listening to the charged way in which he rolled her name around his mouth had made me feel so incredibly dirty that I had the strong urge to scrub my skin in the shower with such force that the skin was mottled purple from the intensity of my effort. His words were innocent enough but the way he spoke them made me feel as though there were so much more to the surface-level compliments he doted upon her. My stomach lurched violently. I jumped from my seat and ran to the nearest bathroom in sight. I heard Harry call after me but the intense waves of nausea were all-consuming. I burst through the bathroom's swinging door then nearly collapsed onto my knees in one of the stalls. My trembling hands gripped the cold porcelain rim of the toilet as my stomach turned and pushed all of its burning hot contents up through my throat and out of my mouth. I retched until there was nothing left to give. But still, my body did not relent. I continued to heave even the bile from the pit of my stomach. I coughed as the acid burned my throat. Tears squeezed from my eyes. Were these tears from the pain of retching everything that had been in my stomach? Or were these tears from the sudden and brutal realization that my best friend wasn't the person I thought she was? No one was who I thought they were. My entire life I had hidden behind a mask to protect myself;

Mary Jane the happy-go-lucky party girl.

Mary Jane the girl incapable of falling in love.

Mary Jane the unbreakable.

But come to find out, I wasn't the only one hiding behind a mask.

No. Far from it.

I had to pull myself together. Completely oblivious to the unsanitary condition of this particular hospital bathroom, I laid my forehead on the rim of the toilet and began to take deep breaths. I filled my lungs until they ached and could no longer hold anymore air. I held the air in for a moment then slowly released it. I repeated this process until my hands no longer trembled and the uneasiness in my stomach subsided.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, Harry was exactly where I had left him. He stood when he saw me, his face an odd mixture of eagerness and regret.

"I'm so sorry -" He reached for me as he spoke but I stayed a safe distance from his grasp. He dropped his hand when he realized that I wasn't going to allow him to touch me. "I shouldn't have told you about Gwen. It wasn't the right time. I didn't want to hurt you… I just wanted you to understand about Peter. Some people can conquer the darkness from their past …Others become the darkness… Maybe Peter would've had a chance if Gwe-" He stopped before he said her name again. He must have seen my body tense at the sound of the beginning syllables of her name because he was instantly backpedaling, his words spilling from his mouth in rapid-fire succession as he desperately worked to keep me from recoiling again. "All I'm saying is that I understand why he is what he is but that's no excuse. I mean - look at you and I. We didn't have the most picturesque childhood. Far from it. You had an abusive father and I had a father who, more often than not, forgot he was even a father - but you don't see us going around fucking shit up because our lives have been less than perfect."

The color was draining from my face; cold chills running up and down my spine. Surely he didn't realize his own blunder.

You had an abusive father…

I hadn't told Harry about my father. Besides my mother, sister, and Aunt Anna, there were only three people who knew about the terrible abuse I had suffered through. Alarm bells were ringing inside my head.

"How did you know about my father?" My tone was flat; the words barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"Outside of my immediate family, only three people ever knew about the abuse… so let me try again." I spoke louder and more slowly, punctuating each word to quell any potential misunderstandings, "How. Did you. Know. About. My Father."

He was flustered. Beads of perspiration, like tiny pearls, formed at his temples. "You told me. Don't you remember?"

"Wrong. Try again, Harry." I was angry. The pieces weren't fitting together. The alarm bells were ringing even louder.

"Peter told me."

I bit my tongue and eyed him suspiciously. It was true - Peter had known. Gwen had known too. Perhaps it was his suspicious body language or perhaps it was just the fact that deep down I stubbornly clung to the idea that Peter would never betray me, but somehow I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that in this very moment, Harry was lying to me.

If I refused to believe that Peter had told Harry about my father and I knew Gwen never would have violated my trust, that left only one person.

"I have to go back to Ravencroft."

"You've gotta be kidding." His brows knitted to form a deeply creased line across his brow. "Why in God's name would you want to go back to that Hell hole?"

I took a deep, steadying breath then said out loud the name of the person who all roads seemed to lead back to; The only other person who had known about the abuse because she had been inside my mind and knew all of my deepest, darkest fears.

I squared my jaw and looked up into Harry's face then let the name tumble from my lips,

"Shriek."