VERSION 2: Grand Admiral Thrawn, his daughter Ruana, and her date with Ben
Skywalker.
ANOTHER DISCLAIMER THAT NO ONE EVER READS: Thrawn and Star Wars aren't mine. All hail the almighty George Lucas and Timothy Zahn.
NOTE TO READERS: Yes, I KNOW the timeline is really off (and that Thrawn is already dead for about a decade before Luke and Mara get married), but, for comedic purposes, bear with me please. Just think of this story as one based in an ALTERNATE universe far, far away...Ben Skywalker (Luke's son) is the same age as Jacen Skywalker, and Darth Vader is still alive and living with Luke and his grandkids (that idea was random, I know--but you'll see the reason for it later).
ONE LAST NOTE: Starphoenix23 would like to fervently thank Starhamster42 for the help and ideas on this chapter. (To readers: if you haven't read Starhamster42's stuff, DO IT! Especially if you're a Neopets fan. Her stories are AWESOME!!)
TWO DAYS BEFORE THE DATE:
*Ruana lies on bed, kicking her legs in the air as she reads a copy of GalaGirl and listens to the song "I'm Blue". She is also talking to a friend (Lara) on the HoloCom*
Ruana: So, Lara, don't keep me in suspense! What happened on the date with Jacen?
Lara: Well...it didn't go as well as I'd hoped...
Ruana (cleverly): Let me guess: you did NOT tell your father who Jacen was, but he found out anyway and ended up attacking your boyfriend with a rocket launcher. Am I right?
Lara (incredulous): How did you KNOW?
Ruana (nonchalant): Your father's pretty predictable.
Lara: Not to me. *glances at her friend* But I guess he is to a tactical genius like you.
Ruana (proudly): Well, what can I say? I got more from Daddy than just my looks. *gestures at her pale blue face and bright red eyes*
Lara: Speaking of your dad, have you told him about your date yet?
Ruana: Not yet.
Lara: But the dance is tomorrow, Ruana! What if he says no?
Ruana (confidently): Oh, Daddy won't back down from a challenge...He'll welcome my first date as a chance to test his tactical prowess.
Lara (confused): Tactical prowess? *shakes head* And I thought it was weird living with a bounty hunter...
Ruana (laughing): It's not THAT bad, Lara. Living with my dad is like a continuous game of Space Battleship. He tries to outwit me--and I do the same for him. *grins cockily* But I think I'll finally succeed in surprising him this time. *imitates her father's precise accent* Like any good commander, I have formulated a strategy.
Lara: Huh?
Ruana (in her "explanation" voice): The best way to win a battle is to take your enemy by surprise, right? Well, the longer I wait to tell my father, the less time he'll have to plan a "counter-attack". And the less time he has to plan, the more lenient on me he'll be.
Lara: Counter-attack?
Ruana: With Daddy, you can never tell.
Lara (very confused, but supportive of her friend): Well...uh, good luck with that, Ruana. I'm sure your...er, strategy will be great.
Ruana (laughing): Thanks, Lara. See you at school.
TWO HOURS LATER:
*Ruana and Thrawn are playing their weekly game of holochess. Both are tied.*
Thrawn (commands piece to move): So, Ru'ana, how was school?
Ruana (examines board and moves a piece of her own): Same as usual.
Thrawn (moving another piece to block Ruana's sneak attack): Do you have something to tell me, Ruana?
*Ruana hides her surprise.*
Ruana: Uh, yes, actually. You see, there is a...er, social event on Friday.
Thrawn (calmly): And you wish to go on a date.
Ruana (surprised and disappointed): HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
Thrawn: Simple logical deduction, Ru'ana'nuruodo.
Ruana (glares suspiciously at father): Dad, you weren't having Imperial Intelligence monitor my HoloCom or anything, were you?
Thrawn (laughs): Of course not. That would be too easy. I found out about the dance from your school's newsletter. I waited for you to bring it up, and since you did not, I assumed that you were hiding something from me.
Ruana (getting down to business): Can I go?
Thrawn: Yes, you may go.
Ruana: *jumps up in excitement* THANK--
Thrawn (interrupting): But not with Ben Skywalker.
Ruana (narrowing eyes): HOW did you find out? I didn't talk about Ben at all. *frowns in thought* Did you bug the HoloCom? No, that's too easy for YOU--you like a challenge. Well... Did you get Imperial intelligence to plant spy recorders throughout the school? Oh, I know! You looked through my doodles from Art class and ANALYZED them, didn't you?
Thrawn (smiles mysteriously): I have my methods. One day you will learn them for yourself.
Ruana (back to being the average angry teenage daughter): Da-ddy! WHY won't you let me go out with Ben?
Thrawn: For many reasons. One, I have tried to capture Ben's father, Luke Skywalker, a great many times. Because of this, the Skywalker family probably would not mind to see me dead. Two, Jedi are very capable opponents, and I do not want one given free reign about this house. Three...
*Ten minutes later*
Thrawn (continuing): And, most importantly, reason twenty-four: I personally think you are too young to go out with boys.
Ruana (dryly): I see you have this all thought out.
Thrawn: Yes, quite. *moves another holochess piece* Check.
Ruana (swiftly moving her piece out of danger): But not "mate". Well, it seems the only way I'm getting to the dance is to sneak out of the house. *grinning, as if she is joking*
Thrawn (in all seriousness): You are welcome to try.
*Two pairs of bright red eyes focus on the game as Thrawn and Ruana cease talking.*
And so the battle begins.
THE NEXT DAY (THE DAY OF THE DANCE):
*Lara is sitting at a table in the school cafeteria. Ruana walks up holding a large mass of papers in her arms. Jacen and Ben--just pretend they're the same age, okay?--sit at the same table.*
NOTE: Lara, Ruana, Jacen, and Ben attend a sort of "peace school" for the children of galactic leaders (leaders of ALL organizations--yes, even the Empire).
Lara (eying the massive collection of stuff her friend is carrying): What IS all that?
Ruana (dumping papers on table): My strategy.
Lara: Strategy? For what?
Ruana (nonchalant): Daddy won't let me go out with Ben, so I have to sneak out.
Lara: Sneak out?!
Ruana (confident): Yes, and I need the help of everyone here. Now, here is the plan. And, don't worry, I've thought of _everything_, so you don't need to worry about a thing. All you have to do is follow my instructions.
Jacen (to Ben): Rather...bossy, isn't she?
Ben: Well, she IS the daughter of a Grand Admiral...
Ruana (not looking up from her "battle plans"): I heard that. Now, here's the plan. We need a decoy with a ship, which means you, Jacen. Lara'll help you of course. Now I need you to fly into Imperial space and--
Lara: Fly into Imperial space? To help you sneak out? Whatever happened to just opening a window and crawling through?
Ruana: Daddy's LOCKED all the windows. He won't let me get out that easily. *laughs grimly* He's also posted a squadron of stormtroopers for guard duty outside my bedroom.
Lara: And I thought MY father was bad...*pauses in thought* Well, Ruana, I'm not the type to give up, but...I think sneaking out is pretty impossible in your situation.
Ruana (defiantly): Nothing is impossible.
*Ruana grabs one of her papers and spreads it out until it covers the entire table*
Ruana: This is a map of the space around Bastion. I've given you instructions on how to avoid all of the major Imperial checkpoints.
Ben (confused): Why would we need to avoid Imperial checkpoints?
Ruana (in her "explanation" voice): Because you, Lara, and Jacen will be sneaking inside Imperial space to get me out! Here's how things will go: Lara and Jacen will fly Jacen's ship as a decoy--
Jacen (quickly): My dad won't let me borrow the Falcon. He's still mad about the whole asteroid-collision thing.
Ruana (rolling eyes): I don't care what ship it is. Use that ship of yours, the one that's falling apart.
Jacen (insulted): Hey, the "Scrap Heap" is a good ship!
Ben (laughing): Please tell me that you did NOT decide to name your ship the Scrap Heap!
Jacen (shrugs): Nothing else seemed to fit.
Ruana (annoyed): Can we PLEASE get back on topic? Now, here's how things will go: Lara and Jacen will fly the Scrap Pile--
Jacen (dignified): Scrap HEAP. The name of my ship is the Scrap HEAP.
*Ruana gives Jacen a very cold glare*
Jacen: Hey, cut it out, will you? Those red eyes of yours are creepy! *pause* Er, no offense.
*Lara throws a pen at Jacen's head, as punishment for insulting her best friend. Jacen uses his Jedi abilities to "catch" the pen before it hits.*
Ruana (impatient): Do you want to hear the battle plans or not?
Lara (glaring at Jacen): Of course we do. Go right ahead, we're all listening.
Ruana: Good. Now, Jacen and Lara will pilot a ship--ANY ship--to Bastion. Ben, you will fly your own ship with them. You'll stick together until you get to Bastion, where your ships will split up. Lara and Jacen, you will need to cause a diversion. You will fly over some administration buildings in the capital city, just to cause a little panic. Borrow one of your father's rocket launchers, Lara, and fire at the ground a few times...Everyone will think that there's an attack or something, and so most of the stormtroopers guarding my house should be immediately sent to where you two are "attacking". This will leave Ben free to land HIS ship and pick me up. Do you understand all that?
Lara (to Jacen and Ben): Just nod and smile, guys.
Lara, Jacen, and Ben (lying): Yes, Ruana. We understand everything.
Ben (nervously): But there's one problem: where's your FATHER going to be during all this?
Ruana: On the Chimaera, of course. Don't worry, Ben, he won't be home.
Ben: Let's hope not.
Lara (loyal to her friend): I'm with you, Ruana. Just don't get us in trouble, okay?
Jacen (nervously): I've got a bad feeling about this...
THAT EVENING, AT THE SKYWALKER'S:
*Ben is preparing to leave, telling his family that he is going on his first date (he has conveniently left out the fact that Ruana is under house arrest).*
Luke: Ben, since you're going out with Grand Admiral Thrawn's daughter tonight, I, er, I...*looks to Mara for help*
Mara: Go on, Luke. This is a father-son thing. *walks out of room, leaving a very overwhelmed-looking Luke Skywalker *
Luke (awkwardly): Ben, we...uh, need to have a...Talk.
Ben (nonchalantly): Uh, Dad, I've already had the Big Talk.
Luke (shocked): You DID? From WHO?
Ben: Guys at school.
Luke: What about any...more _reliable_ sources?
Ben: Grandpa gave me some advice too. *gestures to Darth Vader, who is sitting on the recliner, watching fishing shows on TV*
Luke (beyond shock and heading into complete and utter horror): Dad, what exactly did you teach Ben? *pauses in thought* Never mind. I don't want to know.
Vader (laughing through face mask): Luke, I AM your father. Trust me, son, you're being too uptight about this. Do you really think I'd teach Ben wrong?
Luke (glaring at Vader): Well, there WAS the time you taught him how to choke people with the Force...
Vader (feigning innocence): That was for self-defense reasons! You never know when some psycho's gonna try to attack your kid...
Luke (ignoring Vader): Well, Ben...this isn't the...er, Boy-Girl Relationship Talk anyway. This is the "Ysalamiri Talk". Knowing Thrawn, there's sure to be some ysalamiri involved in this... Now, listen up, Ben. This is very important.
Ben (bored): Sure, Dad. *puts on headphones and turns up music* Go on, Dad. I can hear everything you're saying.
Luke: Well then...ysalamiri are creatures that can...blah...blah...blah...
THAT NIGHT
*Ruana is in her bedroom, issuing orders from her HoloCom. Lara, Jacen, and Ben are standing by with their comlinks.*
Ruana (to Lara, Jacen, and Ben on her comlink): Is everyone in position?
Lara (imitating a stormtrooper): Ready and reporting for duty, commander.
Jacen (rolling eyes): What she said.
Ben: Right here, Ruana.
Ruana: Good. Okay, you all have your orders. Let's begin the operation.
Ben: May the Force be with us.
Jacen (pessimistically): I think we'll need it.
FIVE MINUTES LATER:
Jacen: Uh, guys...we have a little problem...
Ruana: What is it?
Jacen: The Scrap Heap has just become the DEAD Scrap Heap.
Ben (panicked): You mean your ship won't START?
Jacen: Yeah.
Ruana (reassuringly): Everyone stay calm. We need to be focused: now, is there a starship rental place around?
Lara (grinning deviously): No need for that, Ruana. I have an idea...
TEN MINUTES AFTER THAT:
Jacen (confused): Lara...where are we going?
Lara: Shhh!
Jacen: Wait a sec--isn't this YOUR garage?
Lara: That's right.
Jacen: But you don't have your own ship...*truth slowly dawns on him* Oh, no...No way...NO way...
Ruana (over comlink): What's going on?
Jacen: Lara, there is NO WAY we can steal your father's ship!
Lara (confidently): Relax, Jacen. I'm only _borrowing_ the Slave IV. Dad won't even know it's gone.
Jacen (calling him nervous would be an understatement): I have a really bad feeling about this...
Ruana, Lara, and Ben: SHUT UP, JACEN!!
*A few minutes later*
Lara: I'm starting the liftoff sequence...
Jacen (worried): You HAVE taken Driver's Ed, right?
Lara: Not "officially". But, how hard can it be? I mean, press the ignition to start, press the break button to stop, press the bright yellow button to activate the weapons systems...C'mon, Jacen, where's your spirit of adventure? *begins to pilot ship*
Jacen (panicked): My spirit of adventure is at home. *mutters* With your sanity.
Lara: What?
Jacen (quickly): Nothing. Uh...Lara...I think you need to turn a little to the left...Lara...LARAAA!
*Ship crashes through ceiling*
Jacen and Lara (screaming): Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
*A few minutes later*
Lara: We're okay.
Jacen (sarcastically): Speak for yourself. *vainly tries to slow the rapid beating of his heart*
THIRTY MINUTES LATER, AS THE SLAVE IV & BEN'S SHIP (The Starrunner) ENTER IMPERIAL SPACE:
Lara: We're coming up on our first checkpoint...
Ruana: You have the codes.
Lara: Jacen, get the paper.
Jacen (confused): WHAT PAPER?
Lara: The one with the CODES FOR THE IMPERIAL CHECKPOINTS!
Jacen (sheepishly): Oh...THAT paper...
*pause*
Lara (in a threatening tone she could have only learned from her father): Jacen, you DO have the paper, _right_?
Jacen (being very, very quiet): Er...not really.
Lara (furious): Jacen, you IDIOT!
Jacen (defensively): It wasn't my fault!
Ruana (from intercom): Rebels...*laughs* It's amazing you've lasted this long against my father.
Jacen (insulted): Hey! And it's not REBELS--we're the New Republic now!
Ben (desperately trying to keep the peace): Let's not bring politics into this...
Jacen (to Ruana): My dad could take your dad any day!
Ruana (sarcastic): Yeah right. In a smuggling contest, maybe. But in a true test of strategy--
Lara: Sorry to break this up, but we are coming up on our FIRST CHECKPOINT! What do we do?
Ruana: I'm thinking...I'm thinking...
Jacen (with a brilliant flash of insight): I have an idea!
Ruana: YOU? Hey, _I_ am the idea person here!
Jacen (ignoring Ruana): Lara, did you father leave any helmets in here? You know, the Mandalorian kind he always wears?
Lara: Yeah...Why?
Jacen: No time to explain--just get me one quick! *frowns in thought* And a rocket launcher too.
Ruana (sarcastic): Now who's being bossy...
*Lara hastily hands a helmet to Jacen, who immediately puts it on. Then she gives Jacen a rocket launcher, which he holds in his hands in what he hopes is a threatening pose. He turns on the HoloCom and directs his message at the Imperial checkpoint patrol ship*
Jacen (trying to make his voice sound deeper and more menacing): Imperial ship. This is the Slave IV, under the command of Boba Fett. *waves rocket launcher around a little bit, hoping that he looks intimidating* I have no quarrel with you, but if I am not allowed to pass I shall be forced to...DEAL...with you...
*There is silence on the other end. Jacen turns off the HoloCom.*
Jacen (taking off helmet): Well, so much for that. Hey, it was worth a try, though.
Ben (feeling left out of the loop and very confused): Wait...Jacen, did you just impersonate BOBA FETT?!
Jacen: Hey, it was the best I could come up with!
Ruana: For the sake of your Rebellion--I mean, "New Republic" *sarcasm* --I sincerely hope that you are not a typical Rebel strategist.
Jacen: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Ruana: Never mind, I take that back. If all Rebels are like you, well...I think you'll like living under the Empire. Just don't stay out past curfew, or you'll get arrested. And stormtrooper police are pretty strict. But all in all, the Empire's pretty cool.
Jacen: What are you, some kind of recruiting poster?!
Lara: Uh, guys I hate to interrupt your pointless political debate--but the Imperial ship is STILL out there and it is NOT buying Jacen's charade!
Imperials (from HoloCom): B-b-boba F...fett? Uh, come right in, sir. Come right in. We won't cause any trouble.
Lara (impressed): I spoke too soon.
Jacen (smugly): I told you it'd work.
TEN MINUTES LATER:
Ruana (from intercom): Time to split up.
Ben: Got it. *veers his ship away from the Slave IV*
Ruana (to Jacen and Lara): And now you guys get to attack Bastion.
Jacen (sarcastic): Oh joy.
Ruana: Come on, Jacen. You're a Rebel. Haven't you ever wanted to pretend to blow up Imperial compounds and freak a bunch of stormtroopers out?
Jacen (more sarcasm): Yeah, it's been my secret fantasy daydream for a long time. Get captured and interrogated by stormtroopers led by some red-eyed freak--
Ruana (deeply insulted): HEY!
Jacen (remembering who he's talking to): Er...no offense.
Ruana: NO OFFENSE?! Well, then. Apparently you don't want the help of THIS 'red-eyed freak'. *abruptly switches off intercom in anger*
Lara: Hey, Ruana! We need you!
Jacen: I guess you can never trust an Imperial.
Lara (glaring coldly at Jacen): You got us into this, you know.
Jacen (slowly backing away from Lara's demonic gaze): I say the words that generations of Solo men have said before me: "It wasn't my fault!"
Lara: You're the one who called her father a "red-eyed freak", you prejudiced, arrogant--
Jacen (glancing at computer screen): Hey, uh Lara...
Lara (realizing something's wrong): What?
Jacen: I think we've just been spotted by an Imperial Security Satellite.
AT PRESIDENT LEIA'S OFFICE ON CORUSCANT:
Anonymous Secretary: Um...Madame President?
Leia (bending over papers and busily working): Yes?
Secretary: I have a call for you.
Leia (still working): Who is it?
Secretary: It's, uh...Grand Admiral Thrawn, Madame President...
Leia (abruptly looking up): WHO?!
Secretary: Grand Admiral Thrawn.
Leia (shocked, but recovering): Well then...this is odd. Put him through on the HoloCom.
*A tiny hologram of Thrawn appears on Leia's desk*
Thrawn (smoothly, as if he does this sort of thing everyday): Hello, Madame President. Sorry to disturb you at work.
Leia (her voice equally composed): Greetings, Admiral Thrawn. Are you calling in regards to the peace proposal I offered to the Empire?
Thrawn: Not quite. The answer to that proposal is "no", by the way. But I did not call to tell you that. I came to talk about your son, Jacen Solo...
* Thrawn explains*
*There is a short pause on Leia's end*
Leia: MY SON DID _WHAT_?
BACK ON THE SLAVE IV:
Jacen: There's a ship approaching.
Lara (beginning to activate the weapons console): What kind of ship?
Jacen: It's not an Imperial one.
*Really old broken-down ship named "Slave III" approaches.*
Jacen (frozen with dread): Is that your dad's old ship...?
Lara (nodding grimly): Yeah. Uh oh...
Boba Fett (from HoloCom): You are in a lot of trouble, Lara.
Lara: Would it help if I begged for mercy?
Boba (gruffly): No.
Lara: Did I mention that I think you're the best father and bounty hunter ever?
Boba (trying to hide a slight smile): That won't help either.
*Jacen, who is sitting behind Lara, leans forward, and his face appears on the HoloCom screen. Boba sees it*
Boba (grinning evilly): Well, well, well...If it isn't Jacen Solo...
MEANWHILE, ON BASTION'S SURFACE:
*Ben sneaks into the Imperial compound that houses Ruana. Ruana can hear everything from his comlink.*
Stormtrooper #4,981,021,592 (also known as TK-422): You there, halt! *raises blaster*
Ben (waving hand): You WILL let me pass.
TK-422 (in a dull, monotonous voice): I will let you pass.
Ben (waving hand again): You did not see me.
TK-422: I did not see you.
*Ben starts to leave, then turns back to the stormtrooper as a mischievous thought strikes him.*
Ben (waving hand another time): You will hop on one foot and moo like a nerf.
Ruana (from intercom): Stop playing, Ben! You have a diversion to cause!
Ben (frowning in thought): Speaking of diversions...what happened to Jacen and Lara? I don't think their diversion is doing much--there's still a lot of stormtroopers out here.
*Suddenly, Ben gasps sharply, startling Ruana*
Ruana: Ben, what is it?
Ben (disoriented): I don't know; it's weird...I...I can't feel the Force anymore...
BACK AT THE SLAVE IV:
Boba (lazily): So what will it be, Solo? Should I turn you over to the Hutts or the Imperials? Ah, decisions...decisions...
Lara (outraged): Dad, you CAN'T sell Jacen for a bounty!
Boba (feigning innocence): Why not?
Lara: He's my boyfriend! I mean, he may be a pain sometimes...
Jacen: HEY!
Lara (smiling): But I like him anyway. *narrows eyes* And if you sell him, Dad, then...I'll never speak to you again! *stomps foot*
Boba (looking out of cockpit window): I don't think I'll have to sell him after all...
*Lara and Jacen whirl around, just in time to see the Millennium Falcon approach.*
BACK ON BASTION:
Ruana (her face turning a paler shade of blue): You can't use the Force?...It must be ysalamiri! Why didn't I think of it?! I didn't even know Daddy HAD them anymore...
Ben: I think my dad tried to tell me something about them... *Ben groans and desperately wishes he'd paid attention during Luke's "Ysalamiri Talk".*
Ruana: Wait there, Ben! You can't risk facing the guards without the Force! I'll sneak out the rest of the way to you, okay? Just stay out of sight.
Ben (very, very, scared, but still trying to be macho & hide it): It's fine, Ruana. I'll come the rest of the way.
Ruana: Don't be stupid, Ben! You against a squadron of stormtroopers...WITHOUT the Force? This is what military strategists like to call a "tactical impossibility".
Ben (a little too loudly): I can handle it. I have a lightsaber, and Grandpa once taught me Force choke...
Ruana: Never mind the fact that you CAN'T use the Force!
*short pause*
Ben: Oh, yeah--I forgot. Oh well, I'm coming anyway.
Ruana (desperately): Ben!
*Ruana starts hearing blaster fire in the background. Before she can activate her comlink to see what's going on at Ben's end, a stormtrooper knocks on her door.*
Stormtrooper #4,981,021,543 (a.k.a. TK-423): Miss Ru'ana'nuruodo?
Ruana (hiding comlink under bed): Yes?
TK-423: Your father wants to see you.
Ruana (anxiously): Can it wait?
TK-423: No. He wants to see you NOW.
*Two stormtroopers--Stormtrooper #4,981,021,543 (TK-423) and Stormtrooper #4,981,021,544 (TK-424)--enter and escort Ruana out of the room.*
BACK WITH LARA, JACEN, AND THEIR PARENTS:
Han (from Falcon): Jacen Renarion Solo, you have NO IDEA how much trouble you're in!
Lara (to Jacen): RENARION?! Your middle name's "Renarion"? *starts laughing* What kind of a name is THAT?
Jacen (ignores Lara and gulps nervously): Er, hi Dad.
Boba (in armor, with his trusty rocket launcher by his side): Ah, Han Solo. We meet again.
Han (coldly): Good to see you too.
*Both fathers "casually" rest their hands on their blasters--and keep them there for the rest of their conversation.*
Lara (to Boba): Dad, don't attack my boyfriend's father! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be for me if others HEARD about it? I'd be the topic of rumors for months on end! I'd be a social outcast! Do you want to ruin my life, Dad?
Boba: Ruin your life? Isn't that a slight exaggeration? Come on, Lara, there's plenty of other boys out there...
Lara: Da-ad!
Boba (sighs): Fine. Solo, you have no idea how lucky you are to have a SON...
Lara (insistent): So you'll let Jacen go home with his father?
Boba (gruffly): Yes.
Lara (ecstatic): THANK YOU! *enthusiastically hugs her father, then jerks back suddenly* EW! When was the last time you CLEANED your armor?
Boba (ignores daughter, and turns to a very pale Jacen): You can go back to your father. I trust he will punish you for sneaking out, and, of course, CRASHING AN EXPENSIVE VESSEL INTO MY GARAGE CEILING.
Han (menacingly): Oh, you can guarantee THAT, Fett. Jacen, your mother and I need to have a long talk with you...Sneaking off to Imperial Space? Were you temporarily insane? You could've gotten yourself killed! Or captured by stormtroopers! Not to mention cause a huge galactic incident...
*Jacen and Han begin to leave.*
Boba (to Jacen): Have fun with your parents, young Solo. Personally, I think you would have preferred slavery with the Hutts...
IN A DEEP AND VERY WELL-PROTECTED BASEMENT OF RUANA'S HOUSE:
*The two stormtroopers escort Ruana into a hallway, where she sees Ben. One stormtrooper opens a door, and leads the two inside the room, where they see none other than Grand Admiral Thrawn sitting at a desk.*
Thrawn (to stormtroopers): That will be all for now.
*Stormtroopers exit*
*Thrawn pulls a wad of papers out his desk.*
Ruana (surprised): Those are my plans! How did you get them?
Thrawn: For future reference, the best place to hide top-secret battle plans is NOT under your bed.
Ruana (trying to regain her dignity): Oh. Okay then.
Thrawn (standing up and looking at Ben): You would be Ben Skywalker, I presume?
Ben (gulping): Yes.
*The HoloCom beeps from Thrawn's desk. He turns it on and a hologram of Han Solo appears.*
Thrawn: Greetings, Mr. Solo.
Han (tersely): Fett's already left with his daughter.
Thrawn: The sensors down here indicated as much. You are cleared to leave as well.
Han (disbelieving): You'd let us go? Just like that?
Thrawn (cordially): Of course. Your son's action was not a military offensive, and I therefore see no need to retaliate. I am a father too, and I do understand your situation. Besides, I know my daughter, and can say with absolute certainty that this entire scheme was HER idea.
Han (awkwardly): Well, uh, thanks. I'll be leaving now.
Thrawn (holds up a blue hand): Not so fast, Solo. First, you will have to remove the sensor device from your ship's hull.
Han (feigning innocence): WHAT sensor device?
Thrawn: I may be a fellow father united in your cause, but I'm not stupid...You cannot honestly believe that I would let you depart with information concerning Bastion's planetary defenses? Did you think that I would not notice the spy equipment on your ship?
Han: Darn. And Ackbar's people were so sure it'd work...So much for that.
*Both sides deactivate their HoloComs*
Ruana (sucking up): You were GREAT, Daddy.
Thrawn: Thank you. However, flattery will not get you off the hook...
*short pause*
Ruana (tentatively): So...how much trouble are we in?
Thrawn: Well, let's see...*picks up Ruana's battle plans and begins to examine them* But before we get into the issue of punishment, I must say, Ru'ana, these plans are very impressive.
Ruana (with a glimmer of hope): Impressive?
Thrawn: Oh yes. They are much more detailed than anything I ever came up with at your age.
Ruana (with a mischievous gleam in her eyes): You mean YOU snuck out when you were my age, Daddy?
Thrawn: Yes, a great many times. *short pause* Though, I suppose I should not have mentioned that...
*Then Ben breaks into the conversation, absolutely confused, more than a little scared, and yet strangely defiant in spite of it all.*
Ben: Er, Mr.--Grand Admiral Thrawn sir, if you're going to punish me for trespassing, you should know that my parents know exactly where I am, and they'll come and get me...And they'll get me out, with or without your ysalamiri.
*Ben strikes a typical "never say die"-"do your worst" sort of pose common in action movie heroes when they get captured.*
Thrawn (thoughtfully): An interesting speech. You certainly have the laser- sharp tongue of your mother...*turns to his daughter* I like this one, Ruana. And, as a reward for the hard work you put into your recent tactical maneuver...I believe you deserve a chance to date this boy.
Ben (absolutely confused): Huh? Wait, let me get this straight: your daughter tried to SNEAK OUT and now you're REWARDING her?!
Ruana (grins): Don't try to double-guess Daddy, Ben. No one understands how his mind works. *pause* Except for ME, of course.
*Thrawn gives a knowing look, but does not contradict his daughter in front of her boyfriend.*
Thrawn: I will look forward to our next encounter, Ben Skywalker. AFTER Ruana's standard two weeks grounding, of course.
Ruana: You mean you're STILL gonna ground me?
Thrawn (bluntly): Yes.
*And as the Father and Daughter argue, an incredulous Ben Skywalker watches it all, confused, yet extremely grateful that he has managed to survive this latest adventure...*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Chapter 3 will hopefully be up this weekend. It features Corran Horn (yes, the former CorSec and X-wing pilot), his daughter Mellie, and her date (who is, shall we say, not the type of person a former security officer would want their child to socialize with...) Also, you will hear about Boba Fett's attempt to "fix up" his daughter with a date that's more to his liking, as well as more of Ruana's scheming (this one involving an art museum)...
And in Chapter Four, I plan to have Han and Jaina Solo...along with more of Thrawn, Fett, and the strange Skywalker family!
Oh, and by the way, I need a Dark Jedi/ Sith type of father for my last father-daughter pair--just for variety. (There'll be five pairs in all...). Darth Vader's out (he's a grandfather, I can't use him); Emperor Palpatine is a little hard to imagine as a parent, and Count Dooku is too far off for even my warped version of the Star Wars timeline. Any ideas? Please review and tell me!
May the Force be with you!
ANOTHER DISCLAIMER THAT NO ONE EVER READS: Thrawn and Star Wars aren't mine. All hail the almighty George Lucas and Timothy Zahn.
NOTE TO READERS: Yes, I KNOW the timeline is really off (and that Thrawn is already dead for about a decade before Luke and Mara get married), but, for comedic purposes, bear with me please. Just think of this story as one based in an ALTERNATE universe far, far away...Ben Skywalker (Luke's son) is the same age as Jacen Skywalker, and Darth Vader is still alive and living with Luke and his grandkids (that idea was random, I know--but you'll see the reason for it later).
ONE LAST NOTE: Starphoenix23 would like to fervently thank Starhamster42 for the help and ideas on this chapter. (To readers: if you haven't read Starhamster42's stuff, DO IT! Especially if you're a Neopets fan. Her stories are AWESOME!!)
TWO DAYS BEFORE THE DATE:
*Ruana lies on bed, kicking her legs in the air as she reads a copy of GalaGirl and listens to the song "I'm Blue". She is also talking to a friend (Lara) on the HoloCom*
Ruana: So, Lara, don't keep me in suspense! What happened on the date with Jacen?
Lara: Well...it didn't go as well as I'd hoped...
Ruana (cleverly): Let me guess: you did NOT tell your father who Jacen was, but he found out anyway and ended up attacking your boyfriend with a rocket launcher. Am I right?
Lara (incredulous): How did you KNOW?
Ruana (nonchalant): Your father's pretty predictable.
Lara: Not to me. *glances at her friend* But I guess he is to a tactical genius like you.
Ruana (proudly): Well, what can I say? I got more from Daddy than just my looks. *gestures at her pale blue face and bright red eyes*
Lara: Speaking of your dad, have you told him about your date yet?
Ruana: Not yet.
Lara: But the dance is tomorrow, Ruana! What if he says no?
Ruana (confidently): Oh, Daddy won't back down from a challenge...He'll welcome my first date as a chance to test his tactical prowess.
Lara (confused): Tactical prowess? *shakes head* And I thought it was weird living with a bounty hunter...
Ruana (laughing): It's not THAT bad, Lara. Living with my dad is like a continuous game of Space Battleship. He tries to outwit me--and I do the same for him. *grins cockily* But I think I'll finally succeed in surprising him this time. *imitates her father's precise accent* Like any good commander, I have formulated a strategy.
Lara: Huh?
Ruana (in her "explanation" voice): The best way to win a battle is to take your enemy by surprise, right? Well, the longer I wait to tell my father, the less time he'll have to plan a "counter-attack". And the less time he has to plan, the more lenient on me he'll be.
Lara: Counter-attack?
Ruana: With Daddy, you can never tell.
Lara (very confused, but supportive of her friend): Well...uh, good luck with that, Ruana. I'm sure your...er, strategy will be great.
Ruana (laughing): Thanks, Lara. See you at school.
TWO HOURS LATER:
*Ruana and Thrawn are playing their weekly game of holochess. Both are tied.*
Thrawn (commands piece to move): So, Ru'ana, how was school?
Ruana (examines board and moves a piece of her own): Same as usual.
Thrawn (moving another piece to block Ruana's sneak attack): Do you have something to tell me, Ruana?
*Ruana hides her surprise.*
Ruana: Uh, yes, actually. You see, there is a...er, social event on Friday.
Thrawn (calmly): And you wish to go on a date.
Ruana (surprised and disappointed): HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
Thrawn: Simple logical deduction, Ru'ana'nuruodo.
Ruana (glares suspiciously at father): Dad, you weren't having Imperial Intelligence monitor my HoloCom or anything, were you?
Thrawn (laughs): Of course not. That would be too easy. I found out about the dance from your school's newsletter. I waited for you to bring it up, and since you did not, I assumed that you were hiding something from me.
Ruana (getting down to business): Can I go?
Thrawn: Yes, you may go.
Ruana: *jumps up in excitement* THANK--
Thrawn (interrupting): But not with Ben Skywalker.
Ruana (narrowing eyes): HOW did you find out? I didn't talk about Ben at all. *frowns in thought* Did you bug the HoloCom? No, that's too easy for YOU--you like a challenge. Well... Did you get Imperial intelligence to plant spy recorders throughout the school? Oh, I know! You looked through my doodles from Art class and ANALYZED them, didn't you?
Thrawn (smiles mysteriously): I have my methods. One day you will learn them for yourself.
Ruana (back to being the average angry teenage daughter): Da-ddy! WHY won't you let me go out with Ben?
Thrawn: For many reasons. One, I have tried to capture Ben's father, Luke Skywalker, a great many times. Because of this, the Skywalker family probably would not mind to see me dead. Two, Jedi are very capable opponents, and I do not want one given free reign about this house. Three...
*Ten minutes later*
Thrawn (continuing): And, most importantly, reason twenty-four: I personally think you are too young to go out with boys.
Ruana (dryly): I see you have this all thought out.
Thrawn: Yes, quite. *moves another holochess piece* Check.
Ruana (swiftly moving her piece out of danger): But not "mate". Well, it seems the only way I'm getting to the dance is to sneak out of the house. *grinning, as if she is joking*
Thrawn (in all seriousness): You are welcome to try.
*Two pairs of bright red eyes focus on the game as Thrawn and Ruana cease talking.*
And so the battle begins.
THE NEXT DAY (THE DAY OF THE DANCE):
*Lara is sitting at a table in the school cafeteria. Ruana walks up holding a large mass of papers in her arms. Jacen and Ben--just pretend they're the same age, okay?--sit at the same table.*
NOTE: Lara, Ruana, Jacen, and Ben attend a sort of "peace school" for the children of galactic leaders (leaders of ALL organizations--yes, even the Empire).
Lara (eying the massive collection of stuff her friend is carrying): What IS all that?
Ruana (dumping papers on table): My strategy.
Lara: Strategy? For what?
Ruana (nonchalant): Daddy won't let me go out with Ben, so I have to sneak out.
Lara: Sneak out?!
Ruana (confident): Yes, and I need the help of everyone here. Now, here is the plan. And, don't worry, I've thought of _everything_, so you don't need to worry about a thing. All you have to do is follow my instructions.
Jacen (to Ben): Rather...bossy, isn't she?
Ben: Well, she IS the daughter of a Grand Admiral...
Ruana (not looking up from her "battle plans"): I heard that. Now, here's the plan. We need a decoy with a ship, which means you, Jacen. Lara'll help you of course. Now I need you to fly into Imperial space and--
Lara: Fly into Imperial space? To help you sneak out? Whatever happened to just opening a window and crawling through?
Ruana: Daddy's LOCKED all the windows. He won't let me get out that easily. *laughs grimly* He's also posted a squadron of stormtroopers for guard duty outside my bedroom.
Lara: And I thought MY father was bad...*pauses in thought* Well, Ruana, I'm not the type to give up, but...I think sneaking out is pretty impossible in your situation.
Ruana (defiantly): Nothing is impossible.
*Ruana grabs one of her papers and spreads it out until it covers the entire table*
Ruana: This is a map of the space around Bastion. I've given you instructions on how to avoid all of the major Imperial checkpoints.
Ben (confused): Why would we need to avoid Imperial checkpoints?
Ruana (in her "explanation" voice): Because you, Lara, and Jacen will be sneaking inside Imperial space to get me out! Here's how things will go: Lara and Jacen will fly Jacen's ship as a decoy--
Jacen (quickly): My dad won't let me borrow the Falcon. He's still mad about the whole asteroid-collision thing.
Ruana (rolling eyes): I don't care what ship it is. Use that ship of yours, the one that's falling apart.
Jacen (insulted): Hey, the "Scrap Heap" is a good ship!
Ben (laughing): Please tell me that you did NOT decide to name your ship the Scrap Heap!
Jacen (shrugs): Nothing else seemed to fit.
Ruana (annoyed): Can we PLEASE get back on topic? Now, here's how things will go: Lara and Jacen will fly the Scrap Pile--
Jacen (dignified): Scrap HEAP. The name of my ship is the Scrap HEAP.
*Ruana gives Jacen a very cold glare*
Jacen: Hey, cut it out, will you? Those red eyes of yours are creepy! *pause* Er, no offense.
*Lara throws a pen at Jacen's head, as punishment for insulting her best friend. Jacen uses his Jedi abilities to "catch" the pen before it hits.*
Ruana (impatient): Do you want to hear the battle plans or not?
Lara (glaring at Jacen): Of course we do. Go right ahead, we're all listening.
Ruana: Good. Now, Jacen and Lara will pilot a ship--ANY ship--to Bastion. Ben, you will fly your own ship with them. You'll stick together until you get to Bastion, where your ships will split up. Lara and Jacen, you will need to cause a diversion. You will fly over some administration buildings in the capital city, just to cause a little panic. Borrow one of your father's rocket launchers, Lara, and fire at the ground a few times...Everyone will think that there's an attack or something, and so most of the stormtroopers guarding my house should be immediately sent to where you two are "attacking". This will leave Ben free to land HIS ship and pick me up. Do you understand all that?
Lara (to Jacen and Ben): Just nod and smile, guys.
Lara, Jacen, and Ben (lying): Yes, Ruana. We understand everything.
Ben (nervously): But there's one problem: where's your FATHER going to be during all this?
Ruana: On the Chimaera, of course. Don't worry, Ben, he won't be home.
Ben: Let's hope not.
Lara (loyal to her friend): I'm with you, Ruana. Just don't get us in trouble, okay?
Jacen (nervously): I've got a bad feeling about this...
THAT EVENING, AT THE SKYWALKER'S:
*Ben is preparing to leave, telling his family that he is going on his first date (he has conveniently left out the fact that Ruana is under house arrest).*
Luke: Ben, since you're going out with Grand Admiral Thrawn's daughter tonight, I, er, I...*looks to Mara for help*
Mara: Go on, Luke. This is a father-son thing. *walks out of room, leaving a very overwhelmed-looking Luke Skywalker *
Luke (awkwardly): Ben, we...uh, need to have a...Talk.
Ben (nonchalantly): Uh, Dad, I've already had the Big Talk.
Luke (shocked): You DID? From WHO?
Ben: Guys at school.
Luke: What about any...more _reliable_ sources?
Ben: Grandpa gave me some advice too. *gestures to Darth Vader, who is sitting on the recliner, watching fishing shows on TV*
Luke (beyond shock and heading into complete and utter horror): Dad, what exactly did you teach Ben? *pauses in thought* Never mind. I don't want to know.
Vader (laughing through face mask): Luke, I AM your father. Trust me, son, you're being too uptight about this. Do you really think I'd teach Ben wrong?
Luke (glaring at Vader): Well, there WAS the time you taught him how to choke people with the Force...
Vader (feigning innocence): That was for self-defense reasons! You never know when some psycho's gonna try to attack your kid...
Luke (ignoring Vader): Well, Ben...this isn't the...er, Boy-Girl Relationship Talk anyway. This is the "Ysalamiri Talk". Knowing Thrawn, there's sure to be some ysalamiri involved in this... Now, listen up, Ben. This is very important.
Ben (bored): Sure, Dad. *puts on headphones and turns up music* Go on, Dad. I can hear everything you're saying.
Luke: Well then...ysalamiri are creatures that can...blah...blah...blah...
THAT NIGHT
*Ruana is in her bedroom, issuing orders from her HoloCom. Lara, Jacen, and Ben are standing by with their comlinks.*
Ruana (to Lara, Jacen, and Ben on her comlink): Is everyone in position?
Lara (imitating a stormtrooper): Ready and reporting for duty, commander.
Jacen (rolling eyes): What she said.
Ben: Right here, Ruana.
Ruana: Good. Okay, you all have your orders. Let's begin the operation.
Ben: May the Force be with us.
Jacen (pessimistically): I think we'll need it.
FIVE MINUTES LATER:
Jacen: Uh, guys...we have a little problem...
Ruana: What is it?
Jacen: The Scrap Heap has just become the DEAD Scrap Heap.
Ben (panicked): You mean your ship won't START?
Jacen: Yeah.
Ruana (reassuringly): Everyone stay calm. We need to be focused: now, is there a starship rental place around?
Lara (grinning deviously): No need for that, Ruana. I have an idea...
TEN MINUTES AFTER THAT:
Jacen (confused): Lara...where are we going?
Lara: Shhh!
Jacen: Wait a sec--isn't this YOUR garage?
Lara: That's right.
Jacen: But you don't have your own ship...*truth slowly dawns on him* Oh, no...No way...NO way...
Ruana (over comlink): What's going on?
Jacen: Lara, there is NO WAY we can steal your father's ship!
Lara (confidently): Relax, Jacen. I'm only _borrowing_ the Slave IV. Dad won't even know it's gone.
Jacen (calling him nervous would be an understatement): I have a really bad feeling about this...
Ruana, Lara, and Ben: SHUT UP, JACEN!!
*A few minutes later*
Lara: I'm starting the liftoff sequence...
Jacen (worried): You HAVE taken Driver's Ed, right?
Lara: Not "officially". But, how hard can it be? I mean, press the ignition to start, press the break button to stop, press the bright yellow button to activate the weapons systems...C'mon, Jacen, where's your spirit of adventure? *begins to pilot ship*
Jacen (panicked): My spirit of adventure is at home. *mutters* With your sanity.
Lara: What?
Jacen (quickly): Nothing. Uh...Lara...I think you need to turn a little to the left...Lara...LARAAA!
*Ship crashes through ceiling*
Jacen and Lara (screaming): Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
*A few minutes later*
Lara: We're okay.
Jacen (sarcastically): Speak for yourself. *vainly tries to slow the rapid beating of his heart*
THIRTY MINUTES LATER, AS THE SLAVE IV & BEN'S SHIP (The Starrunner) ENTER IMPERIAL SPACE:
Lara: We're coming up on our first checkpoint...
Ruana: You have the codes.
Lara: Jacen, get the paper.
Jacen (confused): WHAT PAPER?
Lara: The one with the CODES FOR THE IMPERIAL CHECKPOINTS!
Jacen (sheepishly): Oh...THAT paper...
*pause*
Lara (in a threatening tone she could have only learned from her father): Jacen, you DO have the paper, _right_?
Jacen (being very, very quiet): Er...not really.
Lara (furious): Jacen, you IDIOT!
Jacen (defensively): It wasn't my fault!
Ruana (from intercom): Rebels...*laughs* It's amazing you've lasted this long against my father.
Jacen (insulted): Hey! And it's not REBELS--we're the New Republic now!
Ben (desperately trying to keep the peace): Let's not bring politics into this...
Jacen (to Ruana): My dad could take your dad any day!
Ruana (sarcastic): Yeah right. In a smuggling contest, maybe. But in a true test of strategy--
Lara: Sorry to break this up, but we are coming up on our FIRST CHECKPOINT! What do we do?
Ruana: I'm thinking...I'm thinking...
Jacen (with a brilliant flash of insight): I have an idea!
Ruana: YOU? Hey, _I_ am the idea person here!
Jacen (ignoring Ruana): Lara, did you father leave any helmets in here? You know, the Mandalorian kind he always wears?
Lara: Yeah...Why?
Jacen: No time to explain--just get me one quick! *frowns in thought* And a rocket launcher too.
Ruana (sarcastic): Now who's being bossy...
*Lara hastily hands a helmet to Jacen, who immediately puts it on. Then she gives Jacen a rocket launcher, which he holds in his hands in what he hopes is a threatening pose. He turns on the HoloCom and directs his message at the Imperial checkpoint patrol ship*
Jacen (trying to make his voice sound deeper and more menacing): Imperial ship. This is the Slave IV, under the command of Boba Fett. *waves rocket launcher around a little bit, hoping that he looks intimidating* I have no quarrel with you, but if I am not allowed to pass I shall be forced to...DEAL...with you...
*There is silence on the other end. Jacen turns off the HoloCom.*
Jacen (taking off helmet): Well, so much for that. Hey, it was worth a try, though.
Ben (feeling left out of the loop and very confused): Wait...Jacen, did you just impersonate BOBA FETT?!
Jacen: Hey, it was the best I could come up with!
Ruana: For the sake of your Rebellion--I mean, "New Republic" *sarcasm* --I sincerely hope that you are not a typical Rebel strategist.
Jacen: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Ruana: Never mind, I take that back. If all Rebels are like you, well...I think you'll like living under the Empire. Just don't stay out past curfew, or you'll get arrested. And stormtrooper police are pretty strict. But all in all, the Empire's pretty cool.
Jacen: What are you, some kind of recruiting poster?!
Lara: Uh, guys I hate to interrupt your pointless political debate--but the Imperial ship is STILL out there and it is NOT buying Jacen's charade!
Imperials (from HoloCom): B-b-boba F...fett? Uh, come right in, sir. Come right in. We won't cause any trouble.
Lara (impressed): I spoke too soon.
Jacen (smugly): I told you it'd work.
TEN MINUTES LATER:
Ruana (from intercom): Time to split up.
Ben: Got it. *veers his ship away from the Slave IV*
Ruana (to Jacen and Lara): And now you guys get to attack Bastion.
Jacen (sarcastic): Oh joy.
Ruana: Come on, Jacen. You're a Rebel. Haven't you ever wanted to pretend to blow up Imperial compounds and freak a bunch of stormtroopers out?
Jacen (more sarcasm): Yeah, it's been my secret fantasy daydream for a long time. Get captured and interrogated by stormtroopers led by some red-eyed freak--
Ruana (deeply insulted): HEY!
Jacen (remembering who he's talking to): Er...no offense.
Ruana: NO OFFENSE?! Well, then. Apparently you don't want the help of THIS 'red-eyed freak'. *abruptly switches off intercom in anger*
Lara: Hey, Ruana! We need you!
Jacen: I guess you can never trust an Imperial.
Lara (glaring coldly at Jacen): You got us into this, you know.
Jacen (slowly backing away from Lara's demonic gaze): I say the words that generations of Solo men have said before me: "It wasn't my fault!"
Lara: You're the one who called her father a "red-eyed freak", you prejudiced, arrogant--
Jacen (glancing at computer screen): Hey, uh Lara...
Lara (realizing something's wrong): What?
Jacen: I think we've just been spotted by an Imperial Security Satellite.
AT PRESIDENT LEIA'S OFFICE ON CORUSCANT:
Anonymous Secretary: Um...Madame President?
Leia (bending over papers and busily working): Yes?
Secretary: I have a call for you.
Leia (still working): Who is it?
Secretary: It's, uh...Grand Admiral Thrawn, Madame President...
Leia (abruptly looking up): WHO?!
Secretary: Grand Admiral Thrawn.
Leia (shocked, but recovering): Well then...this is odd. Put him through on the HoloCom.
*A tiny hologram of Thrawn appears on Leia's desk*
Thrawn (smoothly, as if he does this sort of thing everyday): Hello, Madame President. Sorry to disturb you at work.
Leia (her voice equally composed): Greetings, Admiral Thrawn. Are you calling in regards to the peace proposal I offered to the Empire?
Thrawn: Not quite. The answer to that proposal is "no", by the way. But I did not call to tell you that. I came to talk about your son, Jacen Solo...
* Thrawn explains*
*There is a short pause on Leia's end*
Leia: MY SON DID _WHAT_?
BACK ON THE SLAVE IV:
Jacen: There's a ship approaching.
Lara (beginning to activate the weapons console): What kind of ship?
Jacen: It's not an Imperial one.
*Really old broken-down ship named "Slave III" approaches.*
Jacen (frozen with dread): Is that your dad's old ship...?
Lara (nodding grimly): Yeah. Uh oh...
Boba Fett (from HoloCom): You are in a lot of trouble, Lara.
Lara: Would it help if I begged for mercy?
Boba (gruffly): No.
Lara: Did I mention that I think you're the best father and bounty hunter ever?
Boba (trying to hide a slight smile): That won't help either.
*Jacen, who is sitting behind Lara, leans forward, and his face appears on the HoloCom screen. Boba sees it*
Boba (grinning evilly): Well, well, well...If it isn't Jacen Solo...
MEANWHILE, ON BASTION'S SURFACE:
*Ben sneaks into the Imperial compound that houses Ruana. Ruana can hear everything from his comlink.*
Stormtrooper #4,981,021,592 (also known as TK-422): You there, halt! *raises blaster*
Ben (waving hand): You WILL let me pass.
TK-422 (in a dull, monotonous voice): I will let you pass.
Ben (waving hand again): You did not see me.
TK-422: I did not see you.
*Ben starts to leave, then turns back to the stormtrooper as a mischievous thought strikes him.*
Ben (waving hand another time): You will hop on one foot and moo like a nerf.
Ruana (from intercom): Stop playing, Ben! You have a diversion to cause!
Ben (frowning in thought): Speaking of diversions...what happened to Jacen and Lara? I don't think their diversion is doing much--there's still a lot of stormtroopers out here.
*Suddenly, Ben gasps sharply, startling Ruana*
Ruana: Ben, what is it?
Ben (disoriented): I don't know; it's weird...I...I can't feel the Force anymore...
BACK AT THE SLAVE IV:
Boba (lazily): So what will it be, Solo? Should I turn you over to the Hutts or the Imperials? Ah, decisions...decisions...
Lara (outraged): Dad, you CAN'T sell Jacen for a bounty!
Boba (feigning innocence): Why not?
Lara: He's my boyfriend! I mean, he may be a pain sometimes...
Jacen: HEY!
Lara (smiling): But I like him anyway. *narrows eyes* And if you sell him, Dad, then...I'll never speak to you again! *stomps foot*
Boba (looking out of cockpit window): I don't think I'll have to sell him after all...
*Lara and Jacen whirl around, just in time to see the Millennium Falcon approach.*
BACK ON BASTION:
Ruana (her face turning a paler shade of blue): You can't use the Force?...It must be ysalamiri! Why didn't I think of it?! I didn't even know Daddy HAD them anymore...
Ben: I think my dad tried to tell me something about them... *Ben groans and desperately wishes he'd paid attention during Luke's "Ysalamiri Talk".*
Ruana: Wait there, Ben! You can't risk facing the guards without the Force! I'll sneak out the rest of the way to you, okay? Just stay out of sight.
Ben (very, very, scared, but still trying to be macho & hide it): It's fine, Ruana. I'll come the rest of the way.
Ruana: Don't be stupid, Ben! You against a squadron of stormtroopers...WITHOUT the Force? This is what military strategists like to call a "tactical impossibility".
Ben (a little too loudly): I can handle it. I have a lightsaber, and Grandpa once taught me Force choke...
Ruana: Never mind the fact that you CAN'T use the Force!
*short pause*
Ben: Oh, yeah--I forgot. Oh well, I'm coming anyway.
Ruana (desperately): Ben!
*Ruana starts hearing blaster fire in the background. Before she can activate her comlink to see what's going on at Ben's end, a stormtrooper knocks on her door.*
Stormtrooper #4,981,021,543 (a.k.a. TK-423): Miss Ru'ana'nuruodo?
Ruana (hiding comlink under bed): Yes?
TK-423: Your father wants to see you.
Ruana (anxiously): Can it wait?
TK-423: No. He wants to see you NOW.
*Two stormtroopers--Stormtrooper #4,981,021,543 (TK-423) and Stormtrooper #4,981,021,544 (TK-424)--enter and escort Ruana out of the room.*
BACK WITH LARA, JACEN, AND THEIR PARENTS:
Han (from Falcon): Jacen Renarion Solo, you have NO IDEA how much trouble you're in!
Lara (to Jacen): RENARION?! Your middle name's "Renarion"? *starts laughing* What kind of a name is THAT?
Jacen (ignores Lara and gulps nervously): Er, hi Dad.
Boba (in armor, with his trusty rocket launcher by his side): Ah, Han Solo. We meet again.
Han (coldly): Good to see you too.
*Both fathers "casually" rest their hands on their blasters--and keep them there for the rest of their conversation.*
Lara (to Boba): Dad, don't attack my boyfriend's father! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be for me if others HEARD about it? I'd be the topic of rumors for months on end! I'd be a social outcast! Do you want to ruin my life, Dad?
Boba: Ruin your life? Isn't that a slight exaggeration? Come on, Lara, there's plenty of other boys out there...
Lara: Da-ad!
Boba (sighs): Fine. Solo, you have no idea how lucky you are to have a SON...
Lara (insistent): So you'll let Jacen go home with his father?
Boba (gruffly): Yes.
Lara (ecstatic): THANK YOU! *enthusiastically hugs her father, then jerks back suddenly* EW! When was the last time you CLEANED your armor?
Boba (ignores daughter, and turns to a very pale Jacen): You can go back to your father. I trust he will punish you for sneaking out, and, of course, CRASHING AN EXPENSIVE VESSEL INTO MY GARAGE CEILING.
Han (menacingly): Oh, you can guarantee THAT, Fett. Jacen, your mother and I need to have a long talk with you...Sneaking off to Imperial Space? Were you temporarily insane? You could've gotten yourself killed! Or captured by stormtroopers! Not to mention cause a huge galactic incident...
*Jacen and Han begin to leave.*
Boba (to Jacen): Have fun with your parents, young Solo. Personally, I think you would have preferred slavery with the Hutts...
IN A DEEP AND VERY WELL-PROTECTED BASEMENT OF RUANA'S HOUSE:
*The two stormtroopers escort Ruana into a hallway, where she sees Ben. One stormtrooper opens a door, and leads the two inside the room, where they see none other than Grand Admiral Thrawn sitting at a desk.*
Thrawn (to stormtroopers): That will be all for now.
*Stormtroopers exit*
*Thrawn pulls a wad of papers out his desk.*
Ruana (surprised): Those are my plans! How did you get them?
Thrawn: For future reference, the best place to hide top-secret battle plans is NOT under your bed.
Ruana (trying to regain her dignity): Oh. Okay then.
Thrawn (standing up and looking at Ben): You would be Ben Skywalker, I presume?
Ben (gulping): Yes.
*The HoloCom beeps from Thrawn's desk. He turns it on and a hologram of Han Solo appears.*
Thrawn: Greetings, Mr. Solo.
Han (tersely): Fett's already left with his daughter.
Thrawn: The sensors down here indicated as much. You are cleared to leave as well.
Han (disbelieving): You'd let us go? Just like that?
Thrawn (cordially): Of course. Your son's action was not a military offensive, and I therefore see no need to retaliate. I am a father too, and I do understand your situation. Besides, I know my daughter, and can say with absolute certainty that this entire scheme was HER idea.
Han (awkwardly): Well, uh, thanks. I'll be leaving now.
Thrawn (holds up a blue hand): Not so fast, Solo. First, you will have to remove the sensor device from your ship's hull.
Han (feigning innocence): WHAT sensor device?
Thrawn: I may be a fellow father united in your cause, but I'm not stupid...You cannot honestly believe that I would let you depart with information concerning Bastion's planetary defenses? Did you think that I would not notice the spy equipment on your ship?
Han: Darn. And Ackbar's people were so sure it'd work...So much for that.
*Both sides deactivate their HoloComs*
Ruana (sucking up): You were GREAT, Daddy.
Thrawn: Thank you. However, flattery will not get you off the hook...
*short pause*
Ruana (tentatively): So...how much trouble are we in?
Thrawn: Well, let's see...*picks up Ruana's battle plans and begins to examine them* But before we get into the issue of punishment, I must say, Ru'ana, these plans are very impressive.
Ruana (with a glimmer of hope): Impressive?
Thrawn: Oh yes. They are much more detailed than anything I ever came up with at your age.
Ruana (with a mischievous gleam in her eyes): You mean YOU snuck out when you were my age, Daddy?
Thrawn: Yes, a great many times. *short pause* Though, I suppose I should not have mentioned that...
*Then Ben breaks into the conversation, absolutely confused, more than a little scared, and yet strangely defiant in spite of it all.*
Ben: Er, Mr.--Grand Admiral Thrawn sir, if you're going to punish me for trespassing, you should know that my parents know exactly where I am, and they'll come and get me...And they'll get me out, with or without your ysalamiri.
*Ben strikes a typical "never say die"-"do your worst" sort of pose common in action movie heroes when they get captured.*
Thrawn (thoughtfully): An interesting speech. You certainly have the laser- sharp tongue of your mother...*turns to his daughter* I like this one, Ruana. And, as a reward for the hard work you put into your recent tactical maneuver...I believe you deserve a chance to date this boy.
Ben (absolutely confused): Huh? Wait, let me get this straight: your daughter tried to SNEAK OUT and now you're REWARDING her?!
Ruana (grins): Don't try to double-guess Daddy, Ben. No one understands how his mind works. *pause* Except for ME, of course.
*Thrawn gives a knowing look, but does not contradict his daughter in front of her boyfriend.*
Thrawn: I will look forward to our next encounter, Ben Skywalker. AFTER Ruana's standard two weeks grounding, of course.
Ruana: You mean you're STILL gonna ground me?
Thrawn (bluntly): Yes.
*And as the Father and Daughter argue, an incredulous Ben Skywalker watches it all, confused, yet extremely grateful that he has managed to survive this latest adventure...*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Chapter 3 will hopefully be up this weekend. It features Corran Horn (yes, the former CorSec and X-wing pilot), his daughter Mellie, and her date (who is, shall we say, not the type of person a former security officer would want their child to socialize with...) Also, you will hear about Boba Fett's attempt to "fix up" his daughter with a date that's more to his liking, as well as more of Ruana's scheming (this one involving an art museum)...
And in Chapter Four, I plan to have Han and Jaina Solo...along with more of Thrawn, Fett, and the strange Skywalker family!
Oh, and by the way, I need a Dark Jedi/ Sith type of father for my last father-daughter pair--just for variety. (There'll be five pairs in all...). Darth Vader's out (he's a grandfather, I can't use him); Emperor Palpatine is a little hard to imagine as a parent, and Count Dooku is too far off for even my warped version of the Star Wars timeline. Any ideas? Please review and tell me!
May the Force be with you!