Written for josephinestone on Livejournal for Femmefest. Check my Livejournal (linked on my profile) for more details.
The first thing that anybody sees when they come into Tonks' flat is an eternally lasting white rose that is to honor her late husband. It's on the mantle of the fireplace and Tonks knows that she won't ever take it down. It had been accepted at first. Andromeda had helped her put the flower where it was, helped make sure that the rose wouldn't die with a bit of magic and had told her it was a good idea. Now she's changed her mind.
Every week Tonks goes over to her mother's for dinner. Generally Sunday night because those are nights that Tonks doesn't have to work without fail but sometimes she changes things around. Friday nights that she's off are reserved for going to the Weasleys because it enables everybody to see Teddy. Tonks has made sure that Harry is involved in Teddy's life as much as he wants to be but honestly, she's relieved that it's not a lot. She doesn't know what she'd do if Harry wanted to take her little boy for the night or something.
Tonks should've known that something was wrong when Molly told her through owl that Andromeda would be joining them for dinner. She'd simply thought that it was just so that they could all have a nice dinner. She's annoyed when she finds out that she's wrong.
"I don't know what's wrong with the rose that I have there!" Tonks says, frustration evident in her voice as she resists the urge to bang her hand against the table. Most everybody has cleared out after dinner now, leaving only Tonks, Andromeda, Molly, and Ginny sitting at the table. Teddy is playing with Harry and Draco in the living room and Tonks can see the way that Ginny's lips are twitching with amusement across the table.
"It's time to move on, dear," Andromeda responds and her voice is so gentle, the way that it has been since the war, since Remus' death. As if Tonks is breakable. She wishes her mother would realize that she is not that easily breakable, that she's strong and she can take care of herself and she hates the way that people have been treating her.
The worst part, the part that frustrates her more than anything, is that she has moved on. She's happy. She has a girlfriend who she adores. It had been a bit of a crisis for her in the beginning, the act of falling for a female. She'd considered herself straight her entire life, from the very first crush that she'd had on a boy when she was 7 years old at a Muggle elementary school. Although she'd never felt there was anything wrong with loving the same gender, she just didn't.
It wasn't a love at first sight thing either (probably for the best considering she first met her girlfriend when she was 14 years old). They'd grown close to each other the older that she'd gotten. She'd grown and blossomed and they'd become friends. Ginny had been the only one who hadn't treated Tonks like glass and she'd appreciated that. They'd been normal. They'd practiced their wandwork for Tonks to go back to work a few weeks later and Tonks had practiced Quidditch when Ginny had gotten offers for Quidditch teams.
Their life together isn't perfect but Tonks doesn't want perfect. She never did. She wants real. And with Ginny she seems to have that. If only she could tell the world. But they've both agreed that their relationship is still new and so they're keeping it under wraps for now. Even if Ginny spends more nights at Tonks' flat than she does at her own.
"I am moving on," Tonks says softly because she is. She has. She'll always love Remus but he would want her to be happy. At least Ginny is just amused by the conversation, sitting and looking between them as if she's watching a Quidditch match.
Molly reaches out, resting a hand on top of Tonks' and Ginny really looks at Tonks then, silently warning her. Tonks wouldn't yell or curse her even if she wasn't the mother of the woman that she's dating and she tries to silently convey that to Ginny, even if she's inwardly steaming. "You haven't dated since he's been gone."
Now that's not fair. Even before Ginny Tonks had dated. She'd gone out on a few dates with guys before she realized that she was falling for Ginny and Ginny had told her she felt the same. She just doesn't feel the need to share it with everybody. There are more important things like Teddy's milestones and her achievements at work to discuss.
"I am dating. I have a relationship," Tonks responds, sounding grumpy and she is. There's no way to deny that she's upset at this.
Ginny lets out a put-upon sigh and she glances at Tonks, a question in her eyes that Tonks can read easily. They've always been able to read each other, to know what the other is thinking easily. It's not magic but simply a deep affection and devotion towards each other. Tonks shrugs, looks around as if to say 'It's your choice.' "It's me. We've been together… a few months now?"
Whatever Molly had been about to say dies in her throat and there's silence through the entire kitchen, their attention refocusing on Ginny. The tension is suddenly thick and Tonks could almost laugh at the situation if it wasn't quite as miserable. "Excuse me?" Molly finally manages to force out and the words sound as if they get stuck halfway.
"It's me, Mom. Me and Tonks are together. I apologize that we didn't tell you but our relationship was new. But… I don't think that it's that new anymore and so I don't think that we should really hide it." Ginny doesn't even move as she says it, as if it's nothing to come out with their relationship. Tonks wishes that she had that confidence.
Molly and Andromeda are both looking in between the two of them, both of them with the same look in their eyes and Tonks wonders whether she has that same look. Do all mothers have that look?
"You're dating Ginny?" Andromeda asks after a moment, sounding as if she hopes that this is really some sort of elaborate joke. For a moment, Tonks wishes that she could say that it is.
But she can't. She can't do that to Ginny, to herself, to their relationship. She loved her husband, completely, but she loves Ginny too. Even if she hasn't told the younger woman, she knows that she does. And she thinks that Ginny loves her too. Ginny's good for them, good with them. Her and Teddy and that's something that's important to her even more than anything else.
Tonks smiles as she nods. "Yes. It's been a few months now. We've been really happy with each other. Ginny's been coming over and eating dinner with us and Teddy adores her. It's obvious."
"But… But Remus…" Molly says, sounding confused more than annoyed or anything bad so Tonks doesn't let herself worry too much about it.
"I loved him," Tonks responds, sitting back in her chair and glancing over at Ginny, taking comfort from the smile that Ginny is wearing and the nod that Ginny gives her. "I did. But now I love Ginny."
Andromeda looks as if she's still having trouble comprehending all of it. As if it would've never occurred to her that this was going on. But then, Tonks can understand that. She never would've expected this either. "You've never even had a girlfriend before."
Tonks looks at Ginny and Ginny smiles softly back at her, encouragingly. It's the smile that lets Tonks know that she's so lucky to have a girl like Ginny in her life, a person in general in her life like Ginny is. Ginny is her best friend above everything else in a way that Remus never really was. "I know. It was… a surprise, to be honest. But falling in love with Ginny was easy."
Those words seem to end the conversation for the most part. Andromeda and Molly ask about how they first got together and what happened between them but it's stilted. Tonks is grateful when they're able to finally able to leave the house, Teddy half asleep on Tonks' shoulder.
Tonks steps through the Floo first and she goes to put her son to bed before going into the living room, staring at the rose on her mantle and waiting for Ginny to climb through the fireplace.
"Merlin! I can't believe what my mother just said. I think she couldn't decide which one of us was taking advantage of the other," Ginny says as she brushes dust off her shirt and goes to half collapse next to Tonks on the couch.
Immediately, almost by habit, Tonks opens her legs so that Ginny can move between them. Ginny sighs happily as Tonks rests her hands against Ginny's shoulders, starting to massage gently and leaning back against the couch herself. It's something they do often, a position that they enjoy. Sometimes its Tonks leaning into Ginny but they often massage each other after long days. Ginny will hurt herself at Quidditch practice or Tonks will have had a long day as an Auror.
"We knew that it would take a while for people to understand. It's why we decided to keep it a secret," Tonks says softly although she's not sure whether she's trying to convince Ginny or herself. She presses a short kiss to Ginny's neck and hooks her chin over Ginny's shoulder. It's not exactly comfortable, especially since Tonks is still massaging her shoulders but it gets them closer and she always wants to be closer to Ginny.
Ginny shrugs, obviously thinking that it's a silly excuse. But then, Ginny's never really been able to see both sides of things the way that Tonks has. Tonks figures it's partly because of their different upbringings and, of course, the training that Tonks went through to become an Auror. "They should be happy that we are."
"And they are. Or they will be. Mum wanted me to move on. I'm sure she'll get used to it and be harassing us about weddings and more babies soon enough," Tonks teases, enjoying the way that she can feel Ginny chuckling.
Ginny turns to press her lips to Tonks' cheek. "Come on. Teddy asleep? I'm in the mood for some tea and some cuddling."
It sounds like the perfect idea to Tonks. Perhaps it's their own fault, the way that their parents don't realize how happy they are. Their parents don't understand that they have routines, that they've been with each other for a while, that they both feel like this could be it for them. "Okay."
Ginny and Tonks make tea together, bumping hips and smiling at each other before Ginny finally gives in and kisses Tonks breathless. "We're going to be okay," Ginny says, her hands resting on Tonks' spread thighs, the older girl up on the counter, head bent so that they could kiss easier.
The words are firm but Tonks wonders whether this time Ginny is trying to convince Tonks or herself. "We are," Tonks agrees, trying to sound confident. She's not sure which one of them is more convinced but they're okay. Even if they break up someday they're not going to come out of this hating each other.
Ginny smiles at Tonks, pressing another firm kiss to her lips before turning back to their tea. Tonks stays on the counter, looking over at Ginny, watching the smooth lines of her body, the curves and slopes. The freckles that Tonks loves kissing, the hair that Tonks wraps her fingers around. Laugh lines around Ginny's eyes and lips that curve so easily into a smile. Tonks thinks that they may not break up. This could be forever.
And Tonks won't ever regret moving on. The rose will stay on the mantle always. But Tonks has given her heart away again. And there's nothing wrong with that. Certainly not when she's given it away to a person like Ginny.