You know, yesterday I thought this whole thing would be awesome. Now, between the maniac throwing people off cliffs, and the fact that this is actually a school- not so much. I thought as Crowler droned on, making me almost tempted to follow Jaden's example and just conk out.

"Mr. Fenix!"

I sighed and pushed myself so I wasn't leaning on my desk as much. "Yeah?"

"Since it's obvious you're so interested in this lesson-" sarcasm dripped from his voice, "can you please explain the difference between a monster's type and a monster's attribute?"

I raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was meant to be a difficult question. "Well, for starters there are...I think 19 types if I just counted right, and 6 attributes, not including the Divine type for the Egyption God cards."

"And can you recite these types and attributes?"

"Attributes come in LIGHT, DARK, FIRE, WATER, WIND, and EARTH. Types...let's see, probably the most common are Warriors, Dragons, Spellcasters, and Machines...Then there's Winged Beast, Beast, Beast-Warrior, Dinosaur, Fairy, Fiend, Insect, Plant, Pyro, Reptile, Rock, Sea Serpent, Aqua and Fish, (though I don't know why those are really different from each other), Thunder, Zombie and...I can't think of any others." Since Psychic and Wyrm type didn't exist when the anime was made, small chance they'd be known here.

He seemed impressed despite himself, and glanced around the room before picking some other sap to pick on.

Seriously, you'd think a school all about dueling would involve more dueling. "Mr. Neptune- I was reading that essay you turned in for extra credit yesterday, and wanted to discuss with the class. If you would allow me to?"

"No problem man." I glanced up and over at the person who'd spoken- a Ra Yellow with what sounded like a 'surfer dude' accent.

Also- who the F*** has a last name like Neptune?...granted, my last name here is Fenix, but that's different.

"Mr. Neptune's essay was about 'a perfect defense' in the game. Can someone explain what this means? Perhaps Mr. Fenix again, since he seems to be on such a roll today?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, first off, there can't really be such thing as a 'perfect' defense, just a very good one."

He gave me a skeptical look. "Is that so?"

"First off, something that'd nuke the field, like say Heavy Storm or Dark Hole, or cards that'd return monsters to the hand like Hane-Hane or Golem Sentry could disrupt a setup if not destroy it altogether. Secondly, with new cards coming out constantly, if the defense can't be adapted to deal with them, it'd fall apart too. Thirdly, most of the time if a card got that powerful, it'd be banned or at least limited, which would hit the entire deck pretty hard."

"What if it's cause the perfect defense is a good offense?" Neptune said casually.

"Then that's a good offense. Perfect is a subjective term anyway." I waved a hand, fighting the temptation to ask Crowler if I could go back to ignoring him.

"I believe you described the deck you used against your first proctor to be your more defensive deck?" Crowler asked me, a smile on his face.

Oh godf*******damit, I just walked right into his little trap, didn't I?...Meh, better than that thing with Jaden and the girls dorm.

"In a way." I answered carefully. "My Assault Deck is more powerful because it keeps my opponent on the defensive, and thus they don't have a chance to attack most of the time. My other deck relies more on defense though, until I can bring out one of my heavy hitters to hopefully win the duel that turn or next turn."

"Whereas his deck is designed to lockdown the opponent while whittling down their lifepoints, is it not?"

Neptune nodded.

"Then perhaps we should have a duel to illustrate the strengths and weaknesses of both types of defense. But just to make sure you're both motivated, the loser has to write a 10 page essay on the subject."

"...So, just to be clear, which deck are you talking about me using? The 'best defense is a good offense' deck I beat you with, or the deck I haven't publicly embarrassed anyone with yet?"

"The latter." Crowler said, a vein popping in his forehead.

"And to be extra clear, I'm allowed to use all the cards in it? Because you know, if those more controversial cards were taken out it'd ruin the entire deck and defeat the purpose of having this duel."

"It doesn't matter what you bring out." Neptune said, standing up and walking down to the front of the room, sliding a duel disk onto his arm. "I've never lost to a Slifer, and I don't plan on starting today."

I chuckled. "You know, that's the attitude that lead to someone else I know being beat twice by the same Slifer. And also lead to someone else else being beaten by two different Slifers within the same day- not naming any names here." I smiled as I reached into my backpack, and pulled out the duel disk I'd taken from Baldy the night before.

I'd asked about custom discs like this, and apparently they were allowed, most people just didn't use them because they were more expensive than a standard disk. I slid it onto my wrist, trying to decide whether it looked good with the red jacket or not, and sliding my deck into it. I hit the auto shuffle as I walked down to stand in front of the Ra. "So, loser gets an essay as homework. Better ask him if he wants it double spaced or not."
"Too scared to ask him yourself?" He responded, activating his disk.

"The only one here that should be scared is you." I held my arm up, and the front of the disc swung out, allowing each zone to slide out with the same 'snkit' sounding noise, before the spiky bit on the end snapped into place with a satisfying 'thud'. Come on- awesome catchphrase, think of something, think of something… F***! Why is this hard?

"Time to sink or swim!" He drew his sixth card before I could. "I'll start by tossing out my Sea Serpent Warrior of Darkness in attack mode!" ATK 1800.

It looked almost the exact same as my own Kaiser Seahorse: An aquatic purple-armored warrior with a weapon that somewhat resembled a shaolin spade. "Then I'll set two cards on the back row and end my turn."

I drew, and considered my options for a moment. "I"ll start things off with a special summon. Cyber Dragon, take to the field!" ATK 2100

The metallic snakelike machine took to the field with a roar. "Thanks to its effect, I can bring it out while my opponent controls a monster and I don't. Then, I'll normal summon my Pitch-Black Warwolf!" ATK 1600.

The werewolf snarled as it readied its sword.

"I play a trap! Gozen Match!" Neptune's card flipped faceup as he spoke. "Thanks to this, we can only control one attribute of monster at a time! Which means one of your creatures is about to be swimming with the fishes!"

I looked between the light-type machine and dark-type wolf before reluctantly sending the latter to the grave. Better hope his other face down isn't a trap.

"Now, I'll use my second card as well! Gravity Bind!" As the card flipped up, both monsters were suddenly paralyzed by what almost looked like small black holes, keeping them from moving at all. "This card-"

"I know what it does." I cut him off. And even if I didn't, it says on the card exactly what it does. "It means monsters can't attack if they're level 4 or higher." And it means I need something out to get rid of both cards, else this is going to be dang near impossible. "I set one card on the backrow and end my turn."
"Back to me then." He smiled as he saw his card- which seldom boded well for this game.

"I activate a field spell- A Legendary Ocean!" He set the card in the end of his disc, and I suddenly had to fight panic as the field around us turned to the bottom the ocean, holographic water and all. "With this card out, every water monster gains 200 ATK and Defense, and has its level decreased by one while in our hands or on the field. Which means my Sea Serpent is now a level 3 monster!"

The gravity field holding it disappeared, leaving it standing firmly on the bottom of the sea, with 2000 ATK.

"Next, I summon my Amphibious Bugroth MK 3!" ATK 1500, 1700 w/ field spell

The apparently sentient submersible appeared next to the other monster, giant cannons on its 'back' pointed right at me. "And while Umi is face up on the field, this card can attack directly. And guess what- my field spell's name is treated as 'Umi!' Go- Double Barrel Water Cannon!" The water in the field compressed into the devices on the things back and came right at me.

"I play Kuriboh's effect! By discarding it from my hand, I can reduce the battle damage from one attack to zero!" The fluffball floated in front of me, and the water was stopped cold before my creature faded.

He smiled slightly, and nodded his head as if to acknowledge it was a good move. "I'll end my turn with that."
I drew, and considered my options. While Gozen's Match is out, I can only play Light monsters. Unless I destroyed Cyber Dragon so I could play something. I can still set other types, but once they're faceup they're gone. And my deck depends too much on multiple types of creatures- I need to get rid of that card.

But I also need to nix his gravity bind so I can fight back, and with his Bugroth I'm wide open. And I've only got 4000 life points- three hits max and I'm done. "I play another card face down and end my turn."

He drew, and shrugged. "Meh, may as well. I summon Yasha in attack mode!" ATK 1900, 2100 w/ field spell.

The blue-skinned monster that appeared held a sword in each hand, and had a very tribal look to him.

"And when it's summoned, I can return one spell or trap you control to the hand- so I'll choose the one you just put down."

I grimaced as I returned Draining Shield to the hand, knowing it would've come in handy. Least I can reuse it next turn. "Now, time to deal with your Cyber Dragon! Kasha, wipe it out!"

Thanks to his field spell, both were equally matched, and the spirit drove its blades into the machine before a laser blast from its mouth destroyed it, causing both monsters to fade apart. "And of course, now you're wide open for-"

"I play my facedown trap card! Zoma the Spirit!" The card popped from the back of my disc and I put it on top. "It's now summoned as a Dark Monster in defense mode!" DEF 500.

The monster looked downright demonic, with a huge skull-like face that jutted forward, three giant nails on each hand, and spikey wings on its back. It curled up on itself in the bonds of the same invisible force that'd held my Cyber Dragon, since it was a level four monster now.

"That won't hold me off for long! Sea Serpent Warrior of Darkness! Take it out!"

I smiled as the creature lunged forward, obliterating the monster. "You know, there's a reason it's called a 'trap monster'. Zoma was summoned as an effect monster! And thanks to that effect, you're hit with damage equal to the monster that destroyed it!"

The ghostly afterimage of the creature went straight at him, knocking his lifepoints down to 2000, and forcing him back several steps.

"You might have gotten me with that, but you're not getting out unscathed yourself! Amphibious Bugroth MK 3- Double Barrel Water Cannon!"

The twin streams of water knocked me on my ass, and took me down to 2300.

"That does it for my turn."

I considered my options as I got back to my feet again. Now that my field is clear, I can summon whatever I want, but that machine of his packs a serious wallop. I've got Draining Shield in my hand, so I could potentially undo that last attack, but I need more than that to win this. I drew, and was glad I had at least one break. "I activate Pot of Greed!...I don't need to explain what this card does, do I?"

He rolled his eyes at me as I drew my two cards.

Booya! "Time for another Special Summon! Vice Dragon, to the field!" ATK 2000, halved by effect.

The purple dragon spread its emerald wings as it flared into being, roaring. "It's effect is pretty much the same as Cyber Dragon's, except its ATK is halved when its special summoned using its effect." It shrank as if to emphasise this, until it was maybe three feet high.

"So, do you want me to pretend to be scared or something?"

"I'd rather see the real thing- and I'm about to! Or did you forget I haven't normal summoned yet this turn?"

I saw a hint of worry on his face, and smiled in satisfaction. "I tribute my Dark Attribute Vice Dragon to bring out a Dark Attribute Machine- Jinzo!" ATK 2400.

The cybernetic burn-victim looking creature with green armor made him look worriedly at his field, and I was amazed his neck didn't break from how fast he was whipping his head around at everything.

"Thanks to his effect- every trap on the field is negated!" The gravity bind didn't even appear around him, and I smiled as I raised my hand to point at his own machine. "Jinzo- time to prove who's the superior machine! Wipe out his Bugroth with Cyber Energy Shock!"

Energy appeared between his hands, before he Kamehamehaed it at my opponent's monster, dropping him down to 1300 Life Points. "That'll do it for me." I smiled.

He grimaced as he drew his card, but then he looked at in shock before laughing. "Man, you just gotta love Irony."

"Do I?" I snarked.

"I summon my Spawn Alligator!" ATK 2200, 2400 w/ field spell.

The large brown armored gator snarled, showing a mouth full of razor sharp teeth.

"Since my field spell reduces the level of all water monsters in my hand, it became a level four monster, meaning I didn't need the tribute to summon it."

"Clever boy." I commented, kicking myself for not putting Draining Shield facedown on the field again.

"Spawn Alligator- Gator Grab!"

"Return fire with Cyber Energy Shock!"

The reptile lunged forward, tail propelling it faster, and its jaws closed on my monster's head as the energy beam surged forward- both were again destroyed.

"Now, I'll have my other monster launch a direct attack!"

I was knocked backwards as his creature's spear-thing struck me in the gut, and I saw stars as my life points went to 400.

Oww.

I slowly stood back up, glaring at his trap cards, and his field spell as well. "My draw." I had to fight a smile as I saw the monster. "I set a monster in defense mode, and set one card on the backrow."

He drew, and I could tell he wasn't too displeased with the card. "I activate Mystical Space Typhoon! With it, your facedown is history!"

Good thing Draining Shield wasn't my only trap. I slid the trap into the grave.

"Now, I tribute my Sea Serpent to Summon Suijin!" ATK 2500, 2700 W/ field spell.

"So I'll have it attack your facedown monster!"

"Why do you morons always fall for this?" I asked aloud as the card flipped faceup, and the jet of water just bounced off the soft rubbery creature. "Marshmallon can't be destroyed in battle, and if it's attacked while face down, it inflicts 1000 damage to the opponent!"

He shook his leg in annoyance as the creature swam over and chomped down on it, before it was dislodged and swam back to my side, leaving him with an even 1000 life points.

He glared at me. "I end my turn."
I drew, and smiled at the card. This'll come in handy, I just know it. "I'll end my turn as is."

He laughed at his new card. "Time to finish this! I summon my Amphibious Bugroth MK 3!"

The same monster appeared that had before, and I saw Crowler smiling from the side.

"Time to end this! Hit him directly!"

"It's not going to be nearly that easy! I play the effect of Swift Scarecrow!" The monster appeared in a blur to block his creature's attack. "By discarding it, I can negate a direct attack and instantly end the battle phase as well!"

He grimaced. "I end my turn."

I drew, and sighed. Finally a break. "I activate Fissure! Which'll destroy the monster you control with the lowest ATK!"

He grimaced as he sent his machine to the grave, then drew his new card. "I end my turn as is."

I drew as well, and my eyes widened. A Wicked God card- yes! If I can bring this out, I can destroy his combo completely!...But I need to be smart about how I do it.

He drew, and looked less than pleased with his card again. "I end my turn as is."

I drew, and instantly played the card. "I activate Swords of Revealing Light! Which'll keep you from attacking for the next 3 turns."

He drew wordlessly, and set a monster in defense mode, gesturing to me as the first sword disappeared.

Perfect! Double Summon! I just need a couple more cards! I gestured to him again, since I couldn't do anything that turn.

He drew, and finally seemed happy with the card. "I activate Tribute to the Doomed! By discarding a card from my hand, I can destroy one monster you control!"

Marshmallon was suddenly gone in a flash of light.

I drew and smiled. Now, I just need Double Coston. "I set this monster in defense mode and end my turn."

He drew again, irritated now. "One turn left for swords." He said, obviously done with his turn.

I drew, and hesitated at the sight of the new card. Dust Tornado- question isn't if I should use it, the question is what to use it on. "I'll set a card on the backrow and end my turn."

He drew, and finally seemed happy with his card. "I summon my Deepsea Warrior in attack mode!" ATK 1600, 1800 w/ field spell. "Just like before, my field spell reduces it from a level five to a level four monster meaning I can instantly bring it out."

The green-blue creature that appeared looked like the cross between the creature from the black lagoon and a power ranger, with a three pronged harpoon held in his hands. "And while Umi is faceup on the field, he's not affected by spell cards- meaning your Sword won't stop him from attacking!"

"...Uh, genius? Your Gravity Bind stops him from attacking."

"...I know, which is why I activate Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy my Gravity Bind."

"Totally forgot until I said something, didn't you."

"Oh shut up." He snapped. "Deep Sea Warrior...let's hold off on the attack for now, actually."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What? I'm not going to fall for another Marshmallon."

"Then why did you- argh, forget it."

"I set one card face down and end my turn."

My swords disappeared. But with Gozen's Match still out...I drew, and groaned audibly. Not what I wanted at all. I could put it out- but as soon as Spirit Reaper is flipped face up, it'd be gone too… "I activate my facedown card- Dust Tornado! And I'm using it on Gozen Match!"

The tornado became a whirlpool in the water, and slammed into the card, dealing with my deck's weakness. And now- this should end next turn. Hopefully. "I set a card in defense mode, and end my turn."

He drew, but didn't even look at his card. "I play a trap- The Spell Absorbing Life! It flips both of your defensive monsters face up, and for each effect monster on the field I gain 400 Life points!"

Blast! That puts him back up at 2500! "And now- I activate Card Destruction!"

I froze.

"Ooo, good hand you'll be tossing now?" He gloated, sending his own hand to the grave.

I reluctantly tossed the cards, and drew three new cards.

"Of course, that spirit reaper of yours I can't destroy in battle- but Double Coston is fair game. Deep Sea Warrior- take it out!"

The creature lunged forward, and the two ghostly creatures were speared on either side of the thing's giant spear/trident thing.

"Your move." He smiled mockingly. "Better start composing that essay now- because once I deal with that pathetic barrier of yours, you're chum."

I didn't even bother replying to that as I drew, rapidly thinking through what cards were left in my deck. I looked at my hand, then back at the field- then my brain caught up with me and I looked back at my hand.

I smiled. "Well, how's this for an opening line? Sometimes the perfect defense doesn't have to last forever- just long enough to do what needs to be done. Luck, skill- a little of both- that's what makes a good defense."

"I hope your final paper is more satisfactory." Crowler chimed in from the side. "Or else your grades-"

"I wasn't planning on submitting the paper Crowler. I'm planning on winning this thing. And it starts with this! I discard a card from my hand to special summon the Tricky in Defense mode!" DEF 1700.

The caped faceless jester appeared crouched down on my side of the field, and Neptune rolled his eyes. "Please tell me-"

"Next, I play the ability of the card I tossed!" I cut him off. "The Fabled Peggulsus! When it's discarded to the grave by an effect, I'm allowed to special summon it from my grave in face down defense position!"

The almost toy-like pegasus snickered once before the card appeared over it, hiding it from view again.

"And finally- I activate Monster Reincarnation! By discarding the final card from my hand, I can return a monster from my grave to my hand." I pointed straight at him. "The same monster you just sent there with Card Destruction!"

I half covered it as it slid into my hand, keeping him from seeing it just yet. "Tell me, how well do you think that your 'perfect defense' will hold up against a monster so strong, it needs three tributes to bring out?"

He paled. "You mean that Deadtree thing?"

"For crying out loud! Dread! Root! Why can nobody remember that name! It is really not a hard name to remember!...and no, that isn't what I was planning to bring out." I smiled. "That's the dark counterpart of Obelisk. And seeing as you were so confident in beating a 'mere slifer', I suppose it's only appropriate that Slifer's counterpart wipes you out!"

I held it above my head. "I tribute The Tricky, The Fabled Peggulus, and Spirit Reaper!" Lightning seemed to be gathering in the clouds now overhead- though I had no idea how that was even possible underwater. "From a darkened sky I call forth the Dark Counterpart of the Sky Dragon! Descend and Devour- The Wicked! Eraser!" I slammed the card down.

The three monsters seemed to melt, and float upwards into the clouds. There was a moment of silence. Then the clouds almost exploded outward, and with a loud roar the creature was revealed.

It was long enough I could barely see all of it at once- The massive head, with a furious beak and fearsome horns. The long arms stretching from a massive chest, with claws ready to rip and tear. The Wings that would've easily dwarfed most planes. The Tail that stretched out behind it, thrashing in anticipation. ATK:?

"What...what does thing thing do?"

"Well let me answer your question with a question. How many life points do you have left?"

"...2500, what's your point?"

"Hmm, and at the moment my creature has 3000 ATK...hardly work attacking either creature then. I'll end my turn as is." And hope you're dumb enough to take the bait.

"You can't play mind games with me like that! I switch both my monsters into defense mode, and set another 2 cards on the backrow...what the hey?"

The instant the cards had been put down, Eraser had doubled in size with a giant roar, and its ATK meter now showed 6000.

"What gives?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Unlike Slifer, who gains ATK based on the cards in the controller's hand, Eraser's ATK depends on how many cards my opponent has on the field. 1000 each, and since you've got three monsters, a field spell and what I hope are two trap cards...well, not looking too good for you, is it?" I reached for my card.

"Isn't it? I activate another copy of Gravity Bind!"

All the creatures doubled over in the invisible bonds, including Eraser.

I laughed. "Okay, you gain points for actually figuring out that this guy can even be affected by traps like that instead of figuring he was like the original god cards. But luckily for me- I wasn't planning on using him to attack you."

"What do you mean?"

"You forgot Slifer's other effect. When a monster is summoned, it loses 2000 ATK or DEF, depending on position, and if it has less than 2000 of that value, it's just as his counterpart, Eraser takes it a step further. When it's destroyed, it 'erases' the entire field with it."

"What?" Several voices exclaimed at once.

"And during my main phase, I can destroy it myself! Wicked Eraser- Go Dark Sacrificial Explosion!"

The creature seemed to gather itself up, rolling into a ball- then it melted back into the goo my monster had turned into to begin with, and it exploded out in razor sharp shards that sent up dust whenever they landed.

When the dust cleared, the field was empty. "Like I said- your type of strategy tends to be easily dismantled if everything on the field is dismantled with it."

"And what now?" He shot at me. "You bring something back with Monster Reborn? Probably something you tossed? Or are you planning to summon something and hope I don't destroy it and you on the next turn?"

"Let's go with C- none of the above. I summon Mecha Phantom Beast Tetherwolf!" The sentient wolf looking helicopter appeared on the field, now alone and unchallenged. ATK 1700.

"And due to this thing's effect, it also summons a Mecha Phantom Beast Token!" ATK 0

A mini-me version of the monster appeared next to it.

"Now, if I've done my math correctly, attacking with Tetherwolf would currently leave you with 800 life points left." I shrugged. "Kinda pointless to have the token out, really, since it won't do any damage with 0 ATK points." I smiled devilishly. "So I'll tribute it to use Tetherwolf's effect! He'll gain 800 ATK points during this attack!"

"What?"

"Hit him directly and finish this off! Go- Hunting Tether!" The creature shot out several grappling lines that struck him in the gut and knocked him to the ground.

"So, 1700 plus 800 equals 2500 ATK, 2500 minus 2500 is zero...Better ask Crowler about whether that paper needed to be double spaced or not." I quipped as the holograms faded.

"It will need to be single spaced, ten pages, and I want one from everyone in the class, including you Mr. Fenix." He smiled devilishly. "Otherwise, how can I be absolutely sure you learned what I was trying to teach?"

"...We could have a rematch?"

He groaned as the bell rang. "Due by this time next week. Now get along to your next class!"

Neptune walked over to me from where he'd been standing as the rest of the class started filing out. "Dang- too bad you have to do it anyway- that was a tense duel."

"Meh, I kinda expected him to pull something like this. He really doesn't like being beaten by Slifers."

"Neither do I...But you earned that one. Just realize that next time, I'll be ready for both your Wicked Gods."

"Good thing I've got a third one then. And next time I won't go so easy on you."

He laughed. "Uh huh- sure. See you around Fenix." He filed out of the class too, but I blinked as I thought I saw something floating in the air behind him- what looked like a giant green turtle.

It was gone after I rubbed my eyes and looked again- but I knew I'd seen it. So, great. Now I've got a stupid essay I have to write and I'll be wondering about that all day…

As I got out the door, RB floated up next to me out of seemingly nowhere.

Any idea why I just saw a spirit partner floating around this guy?

I shrugged in the mirror. It turned to a squiggly equals sign, and an image of him and I appeared on opposite sides of it.

...You think he could be from the real world too?

Books, to indicate research again.

How are you even researching this? Talking to other spirits or something?

His answer was to simply fade away.

"...Wonder if Buffy ever felt like this with Giles." I muttered as I headed for the next class.

So...Okay, monthly is probably the best we can hope for. Really it just depends on when/how inspiration takes me. This took me ages to start, but I started it yesterday and finished it today.

But (And I hate to sound like 'that guy') reviews do really motivate me to write this thing. And believe me, this takes a lot of motivation to do everything.

I have to go back through like ten-fifteen times every chapter just to count how many cards are in each person's hand or on the field, and looking up cards and effects? Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but it's also a metric F***ton of work.

But, the friend I based 'Jack' off of is having a birthday tomorrow and receiving a lot of new cards from me for it, so maybe dueling with him later on will give me inspiration. Or Dueling Network. I dunno, I kinda have off and on dueling periods.

Well, until the next one, Sayonara.