Eren couldn't breath. Hands were on him again but they were just exploring… for now. The important bit was that he couldn't seem to breath around the panic clawing up through his chest. The pain hadn't begun yet, but he knew it was only a matter of time. After all, it wasn't like his attackers had to worry about being rough; any marks they made would surely be healed in an hour or two. And oh how they seemed to enjoy being rough.

He couldn't breath.

Not that he couldn't get away if he really tried. He was a Titan after all. One bite and he could make it all go away. He was a better fighter then these guards even in human form. There was nothing really stopping him from stopping it except… except they might go after Mikasa and Armin for being traitors if they really did believe they had helped a rouge Titan. He couldn't let that happen. So even as they grabbed him with a bruising grip and ripped into him with no prep Eren did not fight. He let it happen every time.

He couldn't breath.

The guards snarled over his wanting to go to the bathroom and clean every few hours but he couldn't help it; he felt filthy, and no amount of scrubbing seems to get rid of it… that and any minuet not chained to that bed in the cell beneath the courtroom… chained and at the mercy of those guards. Not that kept him safe; sometimes they came for him there. At least they seemed a little more unenthusiastic about the idea if they thought he was taking a shit. But that never lasted long. It was only a matter of time before they spread him like the hideous monster he was again.

He couldn't-!

"Oi brat! Get the fuck up. You can have your beauty sleep when your dead." Drawled Corporal Levi delivering a merciless kick to Eren's gut sending him tumbling from his small cot. Not that he actually minded all that much… the sudden awakening from his less the pleasant dreams or the pain. Gasping in lungful's of precious air Eren hurriedly muttered his apologies as he got to his feet. The Corporal looked as if he might want to say something else but he merely clicked his tongue and strode out of Eren's small room in the dungeons.

Sighing, Eren dragged a hand through his hair and strode to the wash basin in the corner. Taking extra care to clean himself up- sometimes it seemed that Levi could detect filth from several rooms away… probably why he seemed to hate Eren's existence – Eren wiped his face dry with a towel, taking extra not to look at his reflection, and hurriedly began strapping on his gear.

Not making eye contact with the new guards that stood outside his room Eren made his way up the stairs of the HQ of Survey Corps. The new guards had never made a move on Eren, but he was chained to his bed here too until Levi came to get him every morning and he couldn't get rid of the ever present fear that one day he might just look at the guards wrong and they'd have him bent over the nearest surface. A shiver crawled up his spine that had nothing to do with the temperature.

When he was imprisoned by the Military Police he thought that escaping to the Survey Corps would a little like heaven. He'd be safe from his attackers, he would be fighting Titans, he would be protecting the people he cared about, and working with the bravest and best in the kingdom… it seemed to hold so much promise. But so far it was none of those things. Oh sure, he was far away from his first attackers but he had learned that they weren't the only ones eager to take a shot at him when they had a chance. The Survey Corps hadn't ventured outside the walls again yet so he hadn't gotten to kill anymore Titan's. People were wary and tended to treat him like a monster(even Petra and the others, they seemed so friendly and warm, but even they were just waiting to kill him), and he wouldn't say so much he was working with the bravest and strongest more like he was whatever tool they needed him to be. For Hange that meant she had a new and resilient lab-rat/Titan to play with, for Levi that meant he had his own personal maid to order around so the whole castle was spotless and occasionally he suspected he served as Levi's personal punching bag, and as for Erwin…

"You've done well today Eren…"

He shivered again and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself at the memory of their most recent encounter. At least Erwin was considerate enough not to hurt him usually. Still, the fact that his messed up body liked it, even craved it when his heart and head were in agony almost made it worse. But as before, he couldn't say no and he never bothered. Even if he reported him, who would believe him, a titan, over one of Humanity's strongest? And suppose they did, what then? The world needed Erwin much more than it needed Eren. So what if the Commander was participating in less than moral activities? It wasn't like every other Commander wasn't also doing plenty of questionable things. So long as they killed plenty of Titan's, who cared about one freak's emotional turmoil?

No one cared, no one would stop it, there was no point in fighting… no point…

"-ren!" Eren turned his head as he registered his name being called. He saw Armin and Mikasa hurrying towards him.

"Hey." Eren said plastering a smile on his face that was only 70% fake… he loved seeing his friends after all… even if seeing them made him think how disgusted they would be if they the sorts of things he did now fairly regularly.

"We were calling for you, but you didn't respond. You were in your own world. What were you thinking about?" asked Armin frowning as the two drew even with him.

"Just… stuff. The next expedition and what-not." Said Eren vaguely as he could manage. He was a very poor liar; he had a naturally upfront personality… sadly life seemed to be require that he keep more and more secrets lately.

"It is a bit nerve wrecking isn't it?" agreed Armin seeming to buy the lie, "especially when so much is bound to fall on your shoulders."

"Don't remind me." Grimaced Eren, actually the idea of fighting Titan's was more appealing than ever now… at least there was still something he could fight.

"Well come on," said Armin trying to smile bravely, "Let's go get breakfast before Sasha eats all of it."

"Yeah…" agreed Eren. He saw Mikasa's eyes narrow and knew his mask must have slipped for a moment.

"Eren…" she said as they followed a little behind Armin, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Mikasa. Stop worrying so much." Eren sighed.

"It's that midget isn't it? He's been giving you shit again hasn't he?" Mikasa said angrily.

"Wah-? Nono, Levi is fine. Nothing's wrong there." Eren assured her, glad he was able to let the surprising honesty of that statement show on his face. Mikasa frowned as she was forced to believe that Eren was telling the truth.

"Well just tell me if he gives you trouble and I'll…." She trailed off muttering a string of death threats against Levi. Eren had to suppress a chuckle. He wasn't sure why the two Akermen's hated each other(he supposed Levi hadn't made a very good first impression on Mikasa by giving him a public beating but still…) but really, Levi was the least of his problem's these days. Actually he looked forward to spending time with the Corporal more than anyone else here. The shorter man was straight shooting and blunt. He always had some grueling task for Eren to complete that didn't allow him to stew in his own painful thoughts. He was the only one who believed Eren when he had partially transformed on accident. The only one who had successfully protected him from anything in a long time. And when the Corporal did beat him it was frankly a relief. It wasn't like there was even a chance he could self-harm considering his Titan transformation was triggered by self inflicted wounds and strong emotions. So Eren was left to relish every sting of pain the Corporal would inflict on him for as long as possible… almost to the point that he noticed that a few times he had actually messed up on purpose just so he could be punished. Not that he could keep doing that; the Corporal was far from stupid and he would notice… and no doubt be pissed beyond belief.

The Corporal was one of the few vaguely safe people to him left(maybe because he knew he would probably never be able to harm Levi even if he did lose his shit) he would not risk what might happen if the short man decided that he needed to find more creative ways of punishing Eren. He got enough of that.

Eren sat down with his former classmates as they chatted about various things and laughed. Even though they had suffered many hardships as well and he should have more closely connected to them then ever, he didn't. Instead he felt strangely separate from the group. He wanted to be part of their conversations. He wanted to be part of the temporary escape their presence offered, but… something seemed to be stopping him. Eren was distinctly aware of the oppressive feel of the bodies on either side of him, even though they should have been a comfort. Every accidental brush of physical contact made him struggle against himself not to flinch disproportionally.

"Is Eren Jeagar I here? Commander Erwin wishes to him in his office." Said a soldier sticking his head into the dinning hall. The other's all turned to look at him in confusion.

"What'd you do this time?" hissed Jean from down the table.

"Nothing… maybe he wants to talk about the expedition?" suggested Eren getting up and hooking his fingers through his harness so no one see them shake. The other's seemed to buy his explanation… well all except Eren himself. He actually had a fairly good idea what the Commander wanted with him. Thought made him want to throw himself out the window rather then set foot in that office again. Eren had to pause in an empty corridor as his whole body started to shake violently, refusing to take another step forward.

I can't breath.

Why should his body want to go on? It knew what was in store for it.

I can't breath.

It was too much. He couldn't do it anymore. He'd break. He already had broken. But he still needed to go anyway. His Commander was calling for him and would be displeased if he was late. It would be worse if he was late.

I can't breath. I can't breath. Ican'tbreath!

"Oi brat. Why the hell are you just standing in the middle of corridor like an idiot? What the hell are you-?" whatever Levi was going to say died on his lips as he got a good look at Eren's face. Whatever he saw there caused his expression to turn serious, "Come with me brat."

"N-no, Commander Erwin wants- I have to-" Eren tried to get out but his brain all seemed hardwired wrong. 'get it together Eren!' he scolded himself.

"Erwin can wait." Drawled Levi unconcernedly, "I'll send a message to him telling him you'll be late. You're coming with me."

"…Eren I need you to come with me."

I can't breath!

Nononono, not Levi too. Not his last safe place. Would he have to fear encountering the Corporal too now? He couldn't take it anymore. Maybe he should transform and force them to take him out. Anything was better. Getting eaten by Titan's was better(he would know). Anything was better than this.

Ican't-Ican't-Ican't!

"Eren, calm your shit." Levi commanded sternly reaching for his arm.

"No! I can't-!" said Eren desperately jerking out of his reach. He saw Levi's eyes narrow with a suspicion before widening as Eren's erratic breathing caused the world to tilt and then go black. Just before he passed out felt arms that were strangely safe and gentle catch him and cradle him close and he swore he heard Levi murmur his name frantically… only he couldn't because Levi would never say his name like that… and then he thought no more.