A/N: Hey, so look who's back.

WARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNING: if you don't like gay shit, skip this chapter. This chapter is purely gay shit. I don't wanna see any nonsense about "wtf penises arrggghhh i did not sign up for this" because 1, I warned you from the start that everything I write gets lemony at some point, and 2, this fucking WARNING right here. Penises.

That said, there is no excuse for this chapter. It's pornographic, and it's SHITTY pornography. The end is especially bad, but I'm trying to get back in the saddle after a lot of mental bullshit. So if you like that sorta thing, enjoy.

Aside from the blatant pornography, the usual warning apply: language, language, language. NSFW situations. Utter crack. Shitty writing.

Still don't give a single fuck about this story. Still doing that 'write things drunk and then upload them' thing. Have fun.

Nothing—nothing—in the world could have prepared Cloud for the way Sephiroth kissed.

Granted, he was a virgin (having joined the military at 14 years old sorta stifled any rampant opportunities that he might've had), but he wasn't completely clueless. He'd had experiences. There was his first kiss with that attractive female Turk recruit a few months after he'd arrived at the compound. And the time he'd made out with a random girl on the train. Then he'd finally managed to get his hands on a decent fake ID. There were a few girls at the seedy bars he liked to visit who were happy to give him the occasional handjob in a back alley or blowjob in the bathroom.

Okay, so maybe that Turk had actually been on a mission and had delivered a drug via kiss that left him incapacitated for six hours afterwards, and suffering mild retrograde amnesia for another two hours after that. It was still a damn good kiss.

And maybe that girl on the train had been a severely intoxicated lesbian, and only made out with him because she'd thought he was female. But before she'd touched his penis and subsequently vomited (Cloud staunchly maintained the two were mutually exclusive events, the vomiting brought on by her drunkenness rather than any inherent repulsiveness of his genitalia), he'd copped a pretty firm feel of her ample breasts. It counted.

And, alright, maybe the girls at the bars were a mix of Honeybee hookers-in-training who liked to practice on him, cougars older than his own mother who were looking for something young and illegal for the night, or semi-attractive co-eds who followed him afterwards to Aerith's place. But who the fuck cared? The hookers were very friendly, the cougars loved to spoil him, and the co-eds brought Aerith a regular stream of business. And at the end of the day, a blow job was a blow job.

Which essentially meant that Cloud was left entirely unprepared and utterly defenseless against the way Sephiroth completely overwhelmed his senses with a single fucking kiss.

Cloud let out a soft gasp as Sephiroth's lips slanted lightly across his. It could have barely even been called a kiss, but somehow the intimacy of the act was quadrupled for its tenderness. He could feel Sephiroth's—Sephiroth's, for fuck's sake—breath ghosting against his lips he drew back slightly, and then dipped in again. It was the most arousing thing he'd ever felt in his life.

"Sephiroth," he whispered, his voice shaking slightly, but the general allowed him no reprieve. The fingers of Sephiroth's left hand trailed down the side of his face, leaving charged tingles in their wake and warming his skin as they came to rest against his jaw. Cloud's breath left him in short pants as Sephiroth merely stared, gently rubbing his thumb against Cloud's lower lip. Such an innocuous gesture shouldn't have had him so insanely turned on he was ready to beg for it, but Shiva's tits, Cloud's hands were sliding into Sephiroth's hair to pull him closer before he even registered moving.

"Cloud," Sephiroth groaned, his blown eyes riveted on the lip he steadily caressed, and Cloud dropped all pretenses of dignity.

"Sephiroth, kiss me," he begged, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper. Then, in case Sephiroth still needed a bit more incentive, Cloud swiped his tongue over his lips, catching Sephiroth's thumb between his teeth as the other man moved it. A slight bit of pressure had Sephiroth's eyes quickly darting up to meet Cloud's, and the wicked gleam Sephiroth saw there sent a shiver down his spine.

Then Seph shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut tight. "No, no, no, no, wait, I should stop—" He knew exactly how to get this chocobo in the bag.

Cloud hissed. He literally hissed. Up until that point, Sephiroth had been entirely certain that the only creatures capable of that particular sound were snakes, Genesis, and the last round of failed experiments out of Hojo's lab. "Don't you dare," Cloud said.

Sephiroth sighed. "No, seriously, you're not even—" He was cut off as Cloud yanked none too gently on his hair, and whatever blood he had that still remained in his head immediately flew south. He hadn't even known that was a kink of his, as no one had ever dared treat his precious locks so roughly. Interesting.

"Don't. Fucking. Stop," Cloud snarled.

Sephiroth swallowed hard and quirked an eyebrow. "Well, that escalated quickly, Mr. I'm-Not-Even-Gay," he said cattily.

There was a moment the space of a few heartbeats where Cloud maintained his angry glare, and then suddenly it all fell away, to be replaced with an expression of such pleading, Sephiroth dropped a slew of soft obscenities that would have done Reno proud. The man was a master of manipulation, it seemed.

"Please," Cloud moaned, and Sephiroth finally gave in.

With a gutted groan, he pressed his lips to Cloud's, relishing in the way the younger man's fingers automatically tightened in his hair to hold him close. He tugged and pulled at those pouty lips the way he'd wanted to every single goddamn time Cloud bit at them himself in nervousness. Sephiroth felt like he was on fucking fire, and Cloud was the last drop of water on the planet. He couldn't get enough as he surged forward, pressing Cloud into the mattress and reaching down with one hand to rearrange Cloud's legs.

"Open," Sephiroth muttered, pushing at Cloud's inner thigh with one hand and forcing his jaw open with the other. They issued simultaneous groans as he settled himself between Cloud's legs, their bodies instantly grinding at each other to find that much needed friction. Sephiroth wasted no time in spearing his tongue into Cloud's mouth, and Cloud had no issue wrapping his legs around Sephiroth's waist. Sephiroth ran his hand from Cloud's jaw down the front of his body and around to Cloud's left hip, where he pulled Cloud in even tighter against his own body with a bruising grip.

"Oh, fuck," Cloud grunted, and was pretty sure he gave Sephiroth an instant migraine from the force with which he grabbed the man's skull. "Don't stop, don't stop."

Of course, ever the contrary bitch, Sephiroth immediately pulled back, and Cloud damn near transferred his death grip to Sephiroth's throat. "Wait," Sephiroth panted. "I'm a lot bigger than you, are you sure I'm not too heavy?"

Cloud only stared at him. "I'm sorry, I know you're saying something, but I can't hear you over the sound of every last drop of blood in my body rushing straight to my dick," he deadpanned.

Sephiroth's lips quirked in a mischievous smirk. "You mean the sound of you eating your fucking words?"

Before Cloud could even voice his confusion, Sephiroth pulled up to his knees, carefully not to dislodge Cloud, and mimicked with a dramatic flair that would have done Genesis proud, "'Fine, Sephiroth, just one—'"

Cloud saw exactly where that was going and did Sephiroth one better, yanking him down by his hair before he could finish his sentence and fusing their mouths together in a frantic and vicious kiss. No—what they were doing could hardly be categorized as kissing anymore, not when Sephiroth reacted by virtually devouring him alive. Eyes closed, brows furrowed, teeth and tongues clashed as they chased heaven in each other's bodies. It was fierce, it was violent, it was so fucking good and Cloud didn't think he could ever get enough. The way Sephiroth gently rolled his hips against him had Cloud whimpering and clawing at the other man's torso. Every time Sephiroth moaned into his mouth, Cloud felt it like a hand on his cock. Speaking of excellent ideas—

"Don't fucking do that," Sephiroth spat out as he knocked Cloud's hand to the side just before he would have reached his prize. Both of them were gasping for air as Sephiroth pressed his face into Cloud's neck. "If you make me watch you touch yourself, I'm going to come all over you," he bluntly murmured into Cloud's skin.

If Cloud thought he was hard before, he suddenly found himself very sorely mistaken. "Fuck," he whispered, staring straight up at the ceiling as he desperately attempted to get himself under control.

Luckily, the fates chose that moment to shine down upon him with an assist in the form of one Zack Fair shouting through the door, "Yeah, while I'm sure it'll be a great look on you, you probably don't wanna give Seph a literal reason to call you Commander Cumdump."

Sephiroth shot upright, and in that moment, Cloud held a very real fear that Zack had finally kissed his life goodbye. Reaching up, he plastered a hand over Sephiroth's mouth and shouted back, "I'm sure you don't wanna give Seph a literal reason to murder your ass right now, either, you fucking piece of shit."

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger," Zack replied. "Dinner's ready, your ma sent me to grab you and Seph, if he's up to it."

Sephiroth was feeling up to exactly two things in that particular moment, and would have happily informed Zack had Cloud not clamped down even harder on his mouth. "Message delivered, Zack," Cloud called. "Now get the fuck away from here."

Sephiroth waited until he heard Zack clomp all the way down the stairs before he peeled Cloud's hand away from his face and sighed. Just when everything was going so well. Damn.

"Um. So," Cloud said, still staring at the ceiling. A gorgeous flush was steadily working its way across Cloud's cheeks, and Sephiroth had to swallow a few times before he could answer with an eloquent, "Yeah. Um."

A few moments of silence passed between them before Cloud asked, "It really helps you sleep at night?"

Sephiroth, who was stuck on the way Cloud's legs were still cradling his hips like they fucking belonged there, couldn't follow Cloud's query. "Pardon?"

"Your hair," Cloud clarified.

Sephiroth was rendered speechless for a moment. "All that, and you're asking about my fucking hair again?" he finally said, running his hand through said hair in incredulity.

"Um," Cloud answered, "yes."

"Do you have a hair fetish?" Not that he would have minded.

"Um. No."

In lieu of answering, Sephiroth leaned over and braced himself on his hands and knees so he could stare Cloud in the eyes. Cloud immediately broke eye contact, and continued to evade all of Sephiroth's attempts to recapture it by looking everywhere he could except for at Sephiroth's face. All the while, his blush reached full capacity, giving him a remarkable resemblance to a Moogle's pompom. Sephiroth waited.

"I may or may not be trying to distract myself from the raging boner in my pants," Cloud reluctantly admitted, with a pointed glare downwards at Sephiroth's own lingering erection. "Humour me."

Sephiroth moved back to sit cross-legged on the bed within the V of Cloud's splayed legs.

"I could," he said, idly tracing patterns on Cloud's shin, "or I could ask you a question instead."

Cloud propped himself up on his elbows and narrowed his eyes. "You can ask, I guess, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'll answer," he said cautiously.

Sephiroth said nothing until Cloud kicked him in the side none too gently. "Ow," he hissed, "I'm in recovery."

"Recovery, my ass—no, that was not an invitation," Cloud said quickly. "Just spit it out, you're acting like a little bitch and it's freaking me out."

Sephiroth sucked in a huge breath. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" he said in a rush as he let it out. "I mean, that's not 'cause you were…imagining some girl or something, right?"

Whoa. Cloud blinked once, twice, and then a third time for good measure. Once for every time in the past thirty minutes that he'd seen insecurity on Sephiroth—three more times than he'd ever seen Sephiroth insecure in the entire time he'd known the man. Cloud couldn't find words, his mouth opening and closing as he tried and failed to find something that didn't sound trite.

He knew he took too long to answer when Sephiroth's face suddenly fell blank, and Cloud blurted out the first thing he could think of. "Look, it was the hottest kiss of my life," he said, his face heating up again. "I think it's pretty obvious that the whole…sexual part of this will work out just fine, and when you're not being a complete and total asshat, you're actually pretty decent to spend time with. Just give me a little time to adjust to the fact that I'm apparently very gay, okay?"

Sephiroth seemed to perk up a bit. "Oh," he said.

"Yeah," Cloud replied, and gave him a small smile.

"Not bi?" Sephiroth raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

Cloud flopped back down onto the bed and covered his face with his hands. "Maybe once I recover from you ruining me for every other human being on the planet," he mumbled.

Sephiroth gave a deep chuckle. "I haven't even begun to ruin you, Cloud," he informed the cadet.

"Yeah, like that? Don't do that," Cloud said. Damn, he never thought he'd miss the days when Sephiroth called him anything but his given name; it sounded positively sinful when he pronounced it with that slow drawl, in that delicious baritone—

"Do what, Cloud?" A slow smile spread across his lips as Sephiroth dropped his voice a few pitches and lent it a sensual cadence.

Cloud bit back a curse. "That."

"What specifically, Cloud? I'm not doing anything," Sephiroth said silkily, eyes riveted on Cloud's reawakening cock.

"Stop saying my name," the blond cadet gritted out.

Sephiroth's grin widened. "Cloud? What's wrong with calling you 'Cloud'? Isn't it your given name, Clo—"

As it turned out, taunting Cloud could either be considered the best or worst idea he'd had all week, depending on perspective. On the one hand, angry Cloud was synonymous with ferocious Cloud. On the other, angry, ferocious, horny Cloud…well, that was a combo Sephiroth could easily live with. He rocked backwards but managed to stay sitting on the bed as Cloud lunged at him and, in one swift motion, dragged their mouths together again. He wrapped his arms around Cloud's waist and pushed back just as hard, a low groan rumbling in his chest as just like that, he was rock solid again.

"Damn," Sephiroth said when Cloud pulled back for a quick breath, "weren't you the one who wanted to take things easy?"

Cloud nailed Sephiroth with a glare. "Don't give me that bullshit, you provoked me," he snapped, his hands tightening on Sephiroth's face as he forced the man into another kiss.

Several searing moments later, Sephiroth pulled back to bite at Cloud's neck, grumbling, "I provoked you? Aren't you the one who just now discovered his love for cock?" He punctuated his statement with a particularly harsh nibble that had Cloud shuddering in his arms.

"Yeah, and you're abusing that discovery," he replied, panting for breath as he stroked his way down Sephiroth's torso.

"Says the one with his hands down my pants," Sephiroth pointed out, pressing his forehead into Cloud's shoulder and biting his lip hard.

"Just shut up," Cloud muttered, slipping his hand beneath Sephiroth's waistband.

Sephiroth gave a shuddering sigh before commenting, "If anything, I'm the one being provoked here. Here I am, trying to show s-saintly amounts of restraint, and here you are, with your hand on my dick like it's—"

"I said, shut up," Cloud growled, his hesitant fingers at direct odds with the sheer amount of attitude he was throwing. Despite Cloud's inexperience, Sephiroth had zero complaints.

"Oh, Gaia. Cloud," he said, grabbing Cloud's wrist in a tight hold with one hand. "While I would certainly love for you to continue what you're doing more than anything in the wor—fuck—Cloud, you said you wanted to—you needed—"

Cloud, true to form, studiously ignored Sephiroth, choosing instead to display his ability to adapt to limited mobility by ghosting the tips of his fingers over Sephiroth's slit. "For fuck's sake, Sephiroth," he said, "shut the hell up."

"Make me," Sephiroth immediately answered, staring Cloud down.

It only took 3.2 seconds for Cloud to shove his tongue down Sephiroth's throat. Sephiroth counted.

After a few moments of incredibly arousing spit-swapping, they pulled away. "Okay, that's one way," Sephiroth breathed. "One extremely sexy way."

"What part of shut. Up. Do you not understand," Cloud growled.

"All of it, apparently," Sephiroth countered with a saucy grin. "Maybe you should teach me what it means."

Zack's dulcet tones drifted through the doorway. "Uh, can you not teach him right now, though, 'cause I'm hungry," he whined.

Both Sephiroth and Cloud froze, staring at each other in a pseudo-telepathic conversation of pure disbelief.

"Be right back," Sephiroth said, pulling away from Cloud with no small amount of regret, "gonna commit murder." He had priorities, after all, and it was practically embedded into his DNA to prioritize murder over orgasms every time.

Luckily, his little blond understood perfectly. Cloud only nodded his assent, hastily withdrawing his hand from Sephiroth's pants as he hopped over the side of the bed. "I'll go get the shovels," he said.

"Nah, I can just incinerate his corpse," Sephiroth said, even going so far as to produce an exemplary fireball in the palm of his left hand.

Cloud hastily slapped at his arm. "You can't do that," he admonished. "You're still in recovery, remember? No excessive use of magic."

Sephiroth cussed quietly, extinguishing the ball. "You're right," he said, "better get those shovels."

They both heard Zack's nervous laughter through the door. "You guys…you guys are hilarious," he said weakly.

"Hilarious," said Sephiroth.

"Ha, ha," said Cloud.