Where's the Guidebook?

How did those teenaged girls do it? I mean, is there a special spot you're suppose to land in when coming here? Hell, where's Itachi and Kisame? Aren't they suppose to kidnap me? If it ends up like they always do, I'd gladly want that. And waiting doesn't get you nowhere but rabid dog chasing you. SI/OC.

Prologue

I seriously don't know how those teenage girls did it. I mean, really?! They magically transport into the Narutoverse (is this what they call it?) with their friends and get magical powers and find out they're from a strong ass clan. They got everything they wanted! First of all, they were teenagers and could flirt with just about any damn ninja they wanted to! Hell, I'm twenty-one and can barely run a mile! Secondly, they get transported with their friends! I mean, really?! Did God—or whoever is up there—think I wanted to go there alone? No. I didn't even want to go in the first place.

Sorry, but I'm not too keen with being with people stronger than myself and have the ability to kill me and have higher chances to get away with it.

Ah, I'm getting off topic. Back to my rant...

THEN! They get "kidnapped" (they say this, but they actually want this... Fucking teens these days) by the Akatsuki and make babies with them. Not only that, they get kidnapped AGAIN by the damn leaf village for some unknown reason and they torture them! If that ever happened to me, I would drown myself in a river.

Seriously, those girls have the time of their lives in this world. They meet new people, go on missions, make babies, and basically, their life is almost never boring.

But with me? Oh no. God didn't want my life to be magical and all lovey-dovey (that would be greatly appreciated, by the way). No, he had me dropped on my ass, flattening it beyond imagination and staring at trees.

Thanks God. Really.

And you want to know the worst part? Itachi and Kisame did not come randomly walking in the forest for whatever their purpose was to kidnap me for no reason. I was even stupid enough to just sit there and wait for almost an hour and a half. I had to run when I realized nobody was coming after me but a hungry looking fox... Dog... Wolf thing. I don't know what it was, but it was chasing me.

And lastly, I don't even know how I got here. One moment I'm going to my mother's house to drop off her mail (I'm still confused as to why her mail keeps coming to my apartment) and the next moment my ass―that was once average sized but now flattened―feels like a hammer had been beating it for the past couple of hours.

Should I thank God again? 'Cause he seriously made my life better.

Not.

And that brings me to my current state. Slithering around on the ground, inevitably getting my clothes dirty, because my feet were growing blisters atop of their blisters from walking and my knees were all ugly and red from crawling.

So yes. My last resort was slithering around, to my chagrin.

But hey, if my life isn't going to be like those lucky ass teenagers, maybe I'll slither my way to Konohagakure? Yes? Maybe? No? God please...?

Okay, I already know I'm not going to end up in Konoha, but if I end up at Kirigakure, I'm killing myself.

Let's just see how this goes...

AN: Okay, I felt like I just had to do this. It's somewhat of a parody, and I hope you all find it humorous, but it also gives you an idea of what would really happen if you were to fall into the Naruto World. Trust me, I don't think Itachi would kidnap you because you back talked him. If anything, he'd shoot you a deadly glare before walking away. Hell, probably not even that!

But yes… Feedback—I needs it :)