Author's comment

So to take my mind off my AU project a little while without leaving the fandom, here comes a Pretentious Story™. (To anyone reading that, don't worry, I'm actually making some leeway with the draft. Good Stuff happened to me, and also, I skipped school to have time to write a bit XD But this kept nagging me, so I figured a break was in order)

Warnings for this chapter: LOTS of references to consensual sex between two willing partners, and (so far) very mild hints at less consensual situations.. Also some level of bottom-shaming/stereotyping or whatever that would be called.

This fic is inspired by the fact that I entered this fandom through Tony/Steve, but now prefer Steve/Tony, though I really think it's up to them and they can switch around all they want^^" I totally get that you can have a sexual preference for either or, but I generally don't like the notion that there's a bottom who's the "female" of the relationship, both sexually and somehow emotionally. (What does that even MEAN?) All I'm saying is that for smut, I am totally on board with Clint in this fic ;)

It's obviously also inspired by my sick love of torturing my favorite characters..^^"

….

Steve loves sex. He doesn't particularly want to talk to everyone about it, but he is not ashamed to admit it to himself. He thinks he probably likes sex with Tony Stark best, but admittedly he's never been with anyone BUT Tony.

Not that he minds, really. He loves Tony, and he loves sex with Tony, so why would he ever mind?

It's not boring, certainly never boring. In the beginning they're both cautious, feeling their way around each other. But it doesn't take long for them to start experimenting; there are many ways of getting fucked, Steve soon learns.

Tony is good to him. He always asks first, never just assumes. (And Natasha has spoken long and seriously to him about assuming, and he's not sure if she was referring mostly to him or Tony or both.)

Steve considers himself pretty smart, not Tony-smart, but Tony is in a different kind of level. He considers himself smart in the way that he considers Tony strong, not superhuman-strong, but he can hold his own.

So really, it's a bit of a surprise that he needs Clint's input to start wondering. He later excuses himself with the fact that he was pretty blown away by all the gorgeous sex.

But once the idea has been planted, it's pretty hard to get rid of again.

…

"So what's it like?" Clint asks, and he's clearly drunk, but Steve doesn't really mind. He's used to his teammates drinking once in a while, and though alcohol doesn't have much of an effect on him, he likes how it makes especially Natasha and Clint more easygoing and approachable. (Though he suspects they are still much more in control than they let off)

"What?" Steve asks innocently, though he can see that Clint is watching Tony across the room even as he's speaking to Steve. He has a pretty good idea what he's referring to.

"Watching him come undone?" Clint asks, and Steve blushes at the phrasing.

"I mean, Stark is always so high and mighty. Must be fun to see him writhing beneath you, knowing your.." Steve makes a choked sound, but fails to make the drunk agent shut up.

"..dick has the power to make him moan like that.." And Steve is so blushing now, seriously, what is WRONG with Hawkeye, that is NOT something he wants to talk about, and also, that is weirdly phrased, like..

"What do you mean, my ..penis has the power to.." Clint looks at him like he's stupid.

"Well, duh, earth to the nineteen-forties. When you fuck someone, you kind of use your dick. Also known as penis, or cock. Or the one-eyed trouser-snake."

Steve is full-on blushing now, and he doesn't even know why it's so embarrassing, he KNOWS what a penis is.

"To dumb it down, I'm saying it must feel good when you INSERT your PENIS into the resident self-proclaimed genius, because Jesus, that guy needs some putting-in-his-place sometimes, if you know what I mean." Clint winks at him.

Steve is laughing despite himself, because that is just. That is ridiculous, right?

"I don't.." he starts, and cuts himself off.

"You don't..?" Clint asks and lifts an eyebrow. "Are you telling me you guys are not having sex? Because then I think I might just have to seriously reconsider my job. I'm supposed to be able to tell these things. Also, you TOLD me you were together now. Did you lie to me?" and Clint's exaggerated look of hurt is so out of place, Steve has to fight the urge to laugh again.

Why would Clint assume..?

"Well, just because you're together, you don't have to have sex," Steve says and means it. Though they totally do have lots of gay sex.

Clint looks skeptical of this. "So you don't have sex?" and is that.. disappointment? Steve isn't sure if this is the time to be mildly creeped out or not. Probably yes.

"Of course we have sex!" he says, flustered, too loud. Everyone turns to look at them, including Tony, and he's smiling at Steve. It's a mischievous grin, and Clint fades into the background as Tony walks up to the supersoldier.

"Hey, handsome. Did anyone say anything about sex?"

….

Nothing really changes. The sex is still mind-blowing. Tony is still a sweet-heart. A very sexy, oftentimes distracted sweetheart with his head in the sky. But still a sweet-heart.

Except Steve.. wonders. Sometimes he wonders what it's like to be in Tony's position. And once the thought is in his head he can't get it out. He thinks of how good Tony makes him feel, and he wants to make him feel the same. And on a very egotistical level, he also wants to know how good HE makes TONY feel.

And he realizes he doesn't want to get rid of the thought. It's a very…. Pleasant… thought.

…..

"Tony?" Steve says, carding his hands through the other man's hair. They're in Steve's bed, and Tony is curled against him. Steve likes to be the big spoon, not just because he's –well- bigger, but because he likes the feeling of having Tony secure in his arms.

He knows he can never tell him that way; Tony will laugh at best, and possibly take offence. But sometimes he feels like Tony is a fragile thing he could lose any moment and the urge to protect is so strong he hardly knows what to do with it.

"Mmh?" Tony's voice is sleepy. He often gets like this after sex; sleepy and cuddly, and Steve hardly knows what to do with the overwhelming feeling of "aww", because again: Tony would probably either laugh at him or take offense.

"Do you ever think.." Steve begins and trails off.

Tony shifts a bit against him.

"'m always thinkin'" he mumbles, and Steve chuckles.

"Okay, yes. But do you ever think about.." Steve is blushing, and he hates this part, but to him talking about sex is just not easy. It's something you're supposed to do, not talk about, right?

"Spit it out, Soldier." Tony sounds more awake now, and his body has become more tense, though he's obviously trying to keep a casual tone.

"Do you ever think about switching?" Steve asks quickly, because it's not that bad, he's not thinking about breaking up, or anything terrible. Except Tony only tenses up more.

"What, switching partners?"

"God, no!" Steve exclaims.

"Just between the two of us. Maybe I could, you know. Sometime."

"What, pilot the suit?" Tony asks, and Steve is starting to become annoyed. Tony always teases him, in trying to get him to talk even the least bit dirty.

"No, maybe I could fuck YOU, for once," he growls, and he's pretty pleased with himself for coming right out and saying it, and using the f-word as well. That'll teach him.

Except Tony is tense against him, and silent for way too long. It's really only a matter of seconds, but the pause is unnatural. And then he laughs. And it's not his usual good-natured "Oh Steve, you're so silly laugh", there's something harsh in it. Something mean.

Steve blushes more and feels like an idiot.

"Sorry, Steve," Tony blurts out when he finally stops laughing.

"It's just, that is.. That is ridiculous." He shakes his head, and starts to pull away. Steve lets him go, feeling humiliated.

"Why?" he asks, but Tony just shakes his head and gets out of bed.

"Look, darling, I don't know who put these ideas in your pretty little head, but NO ONE fucks with Tony Stark. Okay?" and his voice is soft, calm almost.

The words hurt.

But Tony's retreating form, and the lonely bed hurts more. Steve decides then and there to forget about it.

….

Except he can't, not really. Tony acts like nothing has changed, and so does Steve. But everything has changed.

He thinks Tony is trying harder, too. Going out of his way to please Steve, both sexually and otherwise. Keep him entertained, keep him happy. There's a certain desperation to the way he tries so hard, and Steve takes it as an apology for the harsh words.

But it's not enough.

Because Steve is not stupid. The way Tony said NO ONE fucks with Tony Stark, like getting fucked was somehow shameful, changes everything. And Steve can't help but wonder how Tony sees him then. Like some kind of …whore? Like getting taken from behind by one of the most competent and handsome men he'd ever met, made him weak?

Steve certainly doesn't see it that way – but he can't shake the feeling that Tony does. It's not a pleasant feeling.

…..

"So why is it so bad?" Steve asks casually, as he looks at Tony working. He brought his sketch-pad, but soon found that he wasn't in the mood for sketching at all.

"What, dum-E?" Tony asks absentmindedly, as he tinkers with what Steve can only assume is some kind of new and interesting arrowhead for Hawkeye.

"Dum-E is a he, and he's not.. I mean, he's not bad, that's not what I meant, he just.. Look, he's an old model, a prototype and one-of-a-kind, I know I talk down to him a lot, but he's not.. I mean, he's a good bot, he tries his best with what he's got, and.."

"I wasn't talking about Dum-E", Steve says, though he can't help but smile at Tony's defensiveness. He's really the only one who's allowed to talk bad about his own creations.

"Oh, okay." Tony says, and returns to tinkering.

"I meant about.. being bottom." Steve says, and now that he's said it he knows there's no going back.

"What is so different between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark?" he doesn't know if Tony registers the hurt in his voice, but he has stopped tinkering and turns very slowly to face him.

Tony looks a little bit like a deer caught in the headlights, which would've been funny if it weren't for the situation. It's a while before he says anything, and Steve tries to look strong and indignant, but some of the hurt must have seeped through, because soon Tony's expression is softening.

"Fuck," Tony says and that's.. not really an answer. He shakes his head.

"I mean, Steve, baby,.. I didn't.." Steve tries not to read too much into the silence.

"You know I didn't mean what I said, right?" he says then, and there's desperation there. Steve doesn't say anything.

"You're.. so much more than just a.. "" he makes quotation-marks in the air ""pretty little head" to me.." Tony is fidgeting in his chair, but Steve sits completely still.

"I just.. you took me off guard. I honestly hadn't considered.. I mean, I just.. I just don't think that's good for us, that's all. I'm the oldest, and.." he shakes his head.

"Not to go all Greek pederasty on this, but it just.. This just seems natural? Are you not.. enjoying yourself..?"

Steve has more questions, counter-arguments. Because Tony hasn't said the obvious thing, hasn't said "I just don't like that", instead he's listing off excuses. And Steve wants to be mad and say, well, technically I'm way older than you and besides, I'm the biggest and strongest, doesn't that count for something? But Tony just looks so damn vulnearable, and suddenly all Steve cares about is the urge to protect, so he nods, slowly, and gives Tony his best smile.

"Of course I do! Let me show you just how much…" and gets to his feet. There's nothing like sex, when it comes to curing awkward situations.

….

It soon becomes a bit of a game. Steve will look at Tony and make the suggestion, and Tony will roll his eyes and say that a "brat like him needs to know his place", and if the words sting a little bit, Steve doesn't let it show. It's all in good fun, after all.

It gets a little ridiculous, with Steve making lewd suggestions and Tony coming up with more and more silly excuses. (At least Steve is getting better at dirty talk.)

It's as if they're trying to scare away the elephant in the room by making fun of it, but it's a heavy elephant, and it seems to have settled comfortably in their bedroom.

….

"You think you can take me!?" Tony had sneered the words, eyes clouded with the sort of hatred he usually reserved for particularly depraved villains.

Steve had frozen then, still leaning over his lover, trying to comprehend when this had gone from "all in good fun" to…this.

"Get. Off. Me."

And Steve had scrambled back, hurt and confused by the anger. He hadn't DONE anything, he had just flipped him around, it wasn't..

Tony had bolted from the room before Steve had the chance, which was unusual, especially since it was Tony's bedroom.

"Jarvis?" Steve's voice shook with barely suppressed emotions. He'd long since gotten used to the fact that the AI was basically always with them.

"Yes, Captain?"

"What.. just happened?"

"I believe this is beyond my expertise, Captain," the smooth British voice answered him.

"But Sir seems to be experiencing some sort of panic attack."

End comment

Haha, wow, that escalated quickly!? I think this will be three chapters, but I'm not entirely sure^^" Present tense is an absolute pain the arse, I don't know what I was thinking. I just kept accidentally changing to present tense in my AU and finally thought "okay, let's give it a try.." It's not something I've used often, so if I fucked up the English grammar anywhere, I'd be pleased to know :)

This has a lower priority than my long story, so don't expect an update before that one's been updated.

Feedback is very much appreciated :)

Also, if you do comment, and feel like it, please choose between U, T and A. They are different options for something in the next chapter, that I can't quite make my mind up about XD (And this is so much more fun than a random generator :P)