Mystical thunder in the skies and one or two Golden beams of light crossing it like a rainbow is nothing Tim isn't used to – he was a Titan, and weird occurrences were common for the team – but the golden chariot descending into his terrace and a Greek God – he's fucking shinning, he has to be a god – studying him like he is the most curious thing he has seen, definitely take this week's honorable mention for the What The Fuck awards…

"Timothy Drake?" the god asks, his voice booming.

… especially since Cassie and Kon are flying into his apartment behind the chariot, Kon's eyes wide and a little frightened and Cassie's narrowed and furious.

"Tim, what did you do!" she demands, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Err…" Tim blinks. "Hello, Cassie, nice to see you as well."

"Dude! You sure did it this time!" Kon says, landing by his side.

"Whatever you two think I did can wait, you know?" he sighs, patting his best friend on the shoulder eyes set on the god still staring at him in curiosity.

"Apollo," Cassie says, her hands wringing her shirt nervously. "Tim obviously made a mistake and is not aware of the situation."

"I do not believe it is of consequence," the god – Apollo, really? – replies, shaking his head. "He has been summoned and shall answer accordingly."

"Summoned?" Tim asks, tilting his head. "Why?"

The god turns to him once more, his golden eyes piercing.

"You were engaged to Princess Diana of Themyscira," the god frowns. "And yet you have ignored your duty and have not even approached Queen Hippolyta as custom dictates. My sister Athena is greatly offended."

"Dude, Tim's not engaged to Wonder Woman," Kon frowns. "He wouldn't be that stupid, right? Tell him, Tim!"

Cassie and Kon turn to their friend, eyes wide when they notice how the other teen is slowly losing color.

"Tim!" Cassie cries in disbelief.

"Dude!" Kon yelps.

"She was four!" Tim defends himself. "It doesn't count and I said no!"

"She is a Princesss and you a plebeian, Timothy Drake," Apollo replies, his frown deepening. "Your opinion on the matter was never necessary. You should feel honored."

Tim bangs his head against his desk, wondering why his troubles always had to turn towards his complicated – and quite inexistent – love life. Cassie, finally understanding the situation, pats his shoulder sympathetically while Kon seems to perk up after much consideration.

"Dude, you have an open invitation to Themyscira! Sweet! Can I go too? I'm your best man, right?" he beams, only to receive a fist to the head by Cassie. "Ouch!"

"Not. Helping. Kon," Tim hisses, eyes narrowed.

"I am waiting, Timothy Drake," Apollo growls impatiently. "I am to take you to Themyscira for your upcoming nuptials."

"What?" Tim, Cassie and Kon cry in unison, eyes wide.

"I can't marry Wonder Woman!" Tim protests.

"You can, or aren't you virile enough, mortal?" Apollo hisses.

Tim flushes.

"Not discussing that with you," he mutters, banging his head once more against the wood.

"You will not dishonor Princesss Diana, mortal," the god threatens, his power flaring and momentarily blinding the teens.

Tim whimpers.

Cassie reaches for her lasso, ready to defend her friend when she notices the pensive glint on Kon's eyes. It's the same glint all the Teen Titans have come to fear and associate with one of the young clone's most brilliantly retarded ideas, usually the ones that land them in trouble, but before she can open her mouth to stop him, the clone has beamed at the god.

"Tim can't marry Wonder Woman," he says confidently, arms crossing over his chest. "Her claim is invalid."

Tim and Cassie gape at him.

Apollo's eyes widen.

"Explain yourself, mortal," the god demands.

"Well, the patriarch of my house made his proposal first," Kon says happily. "Therefore, if Tim were to marry, his claim tops hers, sorry dude."

"The mortal called Superman?" Apollo asks, eyeing the red S on Kon's shirt.

The clone nods happily.

"So, you should return to mount Valhalla or whatever and tell your friends the wedding's cancelled," he says, smirking.

Tim looks at his friend gratefully, no wonder Kon is his best friend, he is a genius, – he might even kiss him for this – of course he remembers the fact that Clark had asked for Tim's hand in marriage as well, he even had a picture of his mentor as a toddler in his phone, the chubby face smudged with ice cream, but Cassie is staring at Kon in horror, her eyes wide and her hands covering her mouth.

"Oh, Kon," she whimpers. "You dumbass."

"What?" the teen asks, insulted.

"Another claim for the mortal Timothy Drake," Apollo says, nodding. "Very well. The dispute shall be resolved in Amazon custom."

Without another word, Tim is bodily dragged into the god's golden chariot, fiery horses galloping away and into the sky before either Kon or Cassie can stop them.

"We have to what?" Superman asks, eyes wide when he is magically materialized before Queen Hippolyta, Diana and Bruce are standing by his side, the Amazon Princesss' face a deep red.

"Mother, I explained to you that the proposal was an accident," she tries, blue eyes pleading at the Queen regally sitting in her marble throne.

"Our laws are unbreakable and incorruptible, Diana, you know this," the queen speaks. "Athena has spoken. You three who have laid claim on the mortal Timothy Drake at the same time will have a duel to decide who is worthy of his hand in marriage."

Diana buries her face in her hands, a long-suffering huff escaping her lips.

"I'm so sorry, Timothy," she says.

"It's okay," Tim sighs. "I'm kind of used to this by now."

Batman narrows his eyes, staring at the way the Amazons have perches his protégé in a golden pedestal like an offering to the gods, his clothes have been replaced by a silk tunic that accentuates his slender frame and there is even a crown of white lilies adorning his hair.

Tim is literally dressed as both, the blushing bride for the wedding and the tasty prize of this tournament.

He scowls.

"What are the rules for this tournament?" he snaps, arms crossing over his chest.

Hippolyta raises an eyebrow.

"All three of you shall fight at the same time, trying to overpower your opponents with your own abilities," she explains. "As it is customary, the last one standing will be declared the winner in the eyes of our goddess."

"What if we all lose?" Clark asks idly, a mischievous light sparkling in his eyes.

The Queen frowns at him.

"Athena in all her wisdom would see this as a lie, Super Man, and therefore you would be considered in forfeit of your right to claim," she says, her face expressionless. "Only the warriors that fight with all their might are worthy in the eyes of the gods."

Superman's shoulders slump.

"Sorry, Tim," he says, staring at the teen apologetically.

Tim tries to smile at him.

"At least you tried?" he says, trying to tug the hem of his robe down. The thing was uncomfortably short and Tim feels exposed in front of so many women.

Cassie, his elected Maid of Honor – god, a maid of honor – pats his knee reassuringly, her own smile nervous.

Kon, on the other hand, his openly staring at him, his hands clearly itching to snap a picture.

Tim glares at him.

"Don't even think about it," he hisses, crossing his arms over his chest. The clone gives him a dopey smile.

"Too late."

"Begin," Queen Hippolyta says, her voice echoing over the arena and alerting the teens that the duel to decide Tim's fate has begun. All three turn to the center of the arena instantly, their eyes focused on their mentors who have gathered at the center, most likely discussing among themselves what will their next move be.

"What are we going to do," Clark hisses at Diana and Bruce, eyes worried. "Tim is a good kid, but I don't think Lois would appreciate being replaced by him."

"I'm so sorry," Diana apologizes again, her eyes downcast. "I had no idea this could happen."

Bruce eyes them both, his hand reaching to pull back his cowl and let his eyes meet his companions.

"I'm sorry too," he says simply, shaking his head to let his hair move against the wind.

Clark and Diana blink at him.

"For what?" the Kryptonian asks, tilting his head.

"For this," Bruce replies, reaching into his belt to pull a familiar golden ring, slip it around his finger and then send his fist crashing into Superman's face.

The Man of Steel only has seconds to look surprised and then flies in the air due to momentum alone only to fall flat into the sand, face first.

Unconscious.

"Clark!" Diana cries, eyes wide only to shudder in fright when she feels Bruce's gauntlets slip a rope around her arms.

She looks down, paling.

No, not a rope, her own golden lasso is been wrapped around her, completely immobilizing her.

"Bruce?" she whimpers weakly but Batman doesn't even bother to listen to her before he is pulling the lasso and making her spin in the air before he releases her, sending her straight into a stone pillar.

The arena falls silent in shock.

Bruce turns to Queen Hippolyta.

"Can my bride and I go now?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

The Queen nods, gapping.

Bruce scowls, walking towards Tim's pedestal and pulling the teen into his arms.

"Let's go," he says, shaking his head when the other Teen Titans scurry to get away from them.

"Okay," Tim whispers, wrapping his arms around his mentor.

As they walk back towards the Batplane Tim can't help himself.

"Are we married by Amazon Law now?" he asks.

"Yes," Bruce answers, shrugging.

Tim sighs, resting his head on the other man's shoulder.

"Martian Law, Anti-Earth law, and now Amazon Law," he mutters, eyes heavy. "One more and Damian will really start calling me 'Stepmother'."

Bruce looks at him, his mouth slowly curling into a small smirk and his hand reaching to ruffle his hair.

"Brat."