A month

Chapter 1

I stared down at the paper. The doctor lent forward and spoke words I couldn't hear, they were muffled and incoherent. One month, that's all I had a month. I moved wordlessly at the paper that held charts and data reconfigurations and everything under the sun, they were all just a fancy way of saying you are going to die in a month. I looked at Charlie who had his head in his hands and he was crying, it came out in silent sobs, shouldn't I be crying? I must be really weird because all I can feel is relief. Relief that I wouldn't have to live with this painful tumour in the side of my gut, relief that I would be able to prepare myself, relief that this didn't happen later in my life when I had a family of my own. I sat back with a sigh, the doctor was looking at me with a strange look. "Miss Swan do you understand what this means?" he asked I nodded, "it means that in a months-time I am going to have my family and friends crying over a girl that did absolutely nothing with her life and wasted it crying over a boy that left me in the middle of the woods, that then lead to me getting hyperthermia that then lead me to getting a tumour which then landed me here." I said simply my dad looked up his face tear soaked. "Bella aren't you upset at all?" he asked it hurt him thinking that I was doing this willingly that if I didn't have this illness then I would have killed myself anyway. "of course I am upset dad but there's nothing we can do and I understand that I am more upset over the fact that I have never achieved anything in my life, but I am going to start, we are going to make my life worthy of an Oscar film" I said he looked doubtful and sadly happy. "Thank you doctor for everything" I said we shook hands he was kind but nowhere near as good as Carlisle was. He shook both our hands and then wrote down all his contacts and a therapist's number and everything that I would need.

I stored it all in my bag and grabbed Charlie's hand, I haven't held his hand since kindergarten but I think he needs it and so do I. I grabbed the keys to the cruiser and started it Charlie was in no state to drive and I wanted to grab something's before going out and being the bearer of bad news. "dad I know this is upsetting but I need you to be strong for me, and everybody else. I have decided that in this month that I do have I am going to make my life worth remembering. We are going to video tape everything, from me eating an ice cream to bungee jumping off a cliff." I said from the steering wheel, I looked over to see Charlie drying his eyes, "why do you want to do that Bella?" he asked obviously not understanding. "I am going to do all the things I have ever wanted to do and I want you to tape it so people will believe that I have done them plus I feel the need to make something that people can look back at and laugh at, cry at and get angry at. It will make me at ease that everyone is having a good time despite me not being there." He nodded and choked back another sob, "when do you want to start?" he asked "now" I said "we will grab the video camera and go to La Push, then we will phone mum then we will tell all of my friends." I stated he nodded, I don't know why I want to video tape people crying but I want to capture everything about this month.

We drove to our house and grabbed the video camera. I gave it to Charlie and instead of taking the cruiser we took the truck. He started recording as I drove. "do you have to film while I drive I don't want to be remembered for my terrible driving!" I exclaimed Charlie chuckled, "just tell the people what we are filming and what has happened in the last hour" he said suddenly morbid again. "well hello to whoever is watching this is my last goodbye? No I have a better one these are my death diaries and they are going to show you all my beautiful little life so far and how awesome I am" I replied. I thought for a moment and then carried on "in the past hour we have been to the doctors and were told that the tumour in my gut is not getting better and I have a month to live. Now I was not upset by this and decided to make this video to show everyone that I didn't die crying that I died with family, friends and half naked boys that run around La Push all day." I smiled at the camera and then turned down the dirt track leading to Jacobs house. "we are about to tell the guys that I am going to die, I have thought about opening with a joke but I don't know any good ones. I might talk about the weather, but that's really boring. I could be poet about like saying 'a candle only burns for so long and thus my wax has nearly ran out'" I said this in a morbid tone which made Charlie laugh and me to crack a smile. I pulled up and parked outside. Jake saw us coming and ran out, Charlie shut off the camera to save the battery for the main event. "hey guys we weren't expecting you today" he breathed bringing me into a hug, I hugged back. "actually Jake we need to talk to everyone Billy, the pack" I said and he nodded, "most of them are here, we are watching the game, Sam is bringing over Emily around halftime" he said and I nodded. I would wait till after the game to tell them, no use bringing down a party.*

Someone lost but I have no idea who but it upset most of the male in the room. Charlie put the video camera on while they were showing the end scores, a lot of the boy's sweared and it was caught in film; wait till their moms see this video (evil laugh). I stood up and switched of the monitor, I heard some aww's from the boys whose team actually won but I dismissed them. "I have something important to tell you all" they all looked at me eyes full of concern, some though didn't believe I had anything important to tell cough*Leah*cough and went back to playing on her phone. "as you all know I have been unwell for a while now and that I have had to have some tests done. Two weeks ago we found out I had a tumour, and I had to go for more tests we were assured that it was treatable. I got the results today, they got it wrong, it's not treatable, and in fact I have now been classed as terminal. I have a month maybe more maybe less." I breathed out my eyes closed all the time. I sneaked a peek and saw most of them were numb in shock, Leah had dropped her phone and looked guilty, Emily was crying, Charlie's hands shook a bit while holding the camera so he put it down on to of the television high enough so you could see everyone. Jake was crying, he was going to lose his best friend. It was silent and it unnerved me, "I know it's difficult to soak in right now but I really need people to not be sad about this. I want you all to help me with this next month. I am going to do everything I have ever wanted to do in my life and more. I am going to video tape it and make something out of what little time I have left." I finished and everyone looked a little shocked and looked like they were holding back tears. "I don't mind if you cry I mean Charlie did and he never expresses his emotions." I said Charlie smiled sadly at me and I jumped when all of the men turned into a weeping wreck at the same time.

I turned to the camera and said "I wasn't expecting that" I knew it would look funny when we replayed it and stop people from crying again. They all piled on top of me in one gigantic hug, I disappeared in a wave of tanned boys and crying wives. "Guys still need to breathe" I whispered they all cracked a smile and pulled of off me one by one. "So who wants pizza?" I asked hopefully.