This chapter takes place after the end of The Titan's curse. I probably should have posted this at Christmas, but well, life got in the way.

Iris
Chapter 5
All I Want for Christmas

It was past eleven o'clock on Christmas Eve and Percy Jackson was awake. No, there was nothing that strange about that. In fact, she had spent many Christmas nights awake as a kid, hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa as he came to bring her presents.

Only this time Percy was not curled up underneath the Christmas tree, waiting for the good old white-bearded man. No, she was sitting on the window still, peering into the night outside with dark, brooding eyes. A forgotten cup of hot chocolate sat in her slack grip and it would have fallen, had she not manage to tighten her fingers around it in the last moment.

In the darkness outside she could almost see a pair of dark eyes glaring at her with pain and accusation from the face of a young boy who had just lost the last of his family. Guilt sat heavy on her shoulders, making her slump under its weight.

Her fault, it was all her fault.

She should have been stronger, faster, more decisive. She should have been the one to climb into that wretched robot. Bianca shouldn't have been the one to die.

Wiping a stray tear from her cheek, Percy sighed and wrapped an arm around her folded legs, curling herself tighter as if that would protect her from the onslaught of her own poisonous thoughts.

Suddenly bright light penetrated the gloom of her room and the demigoddess instinctively closed her eyes. The light made her eyes water even behind the protection of her eyelids, but she did not have the energy, nor the desire, to shield herself further.

When finally the light died down she was faced with Hermes' wide grin which was almost as blinding. Somewhat desperately, she tried to pull herself together enough to smile back, but the grimace felt empty and hollow on her face. A tinge of regret pierced her heart (adding to all the other regrets she carried) as the god's smile fell at the sight of her dark eyes and weak smile.

"What's wrong?" He rushed to her side as if his mere closeness could make her happy again. It did help, though, the reminder that she hadn't done wrong by everyone in her life yet. "Percy, what happened?"

"I-" She opened her mouth to answer, her voice hoarse from disuse, but then stopped. What should she say? She couldn't tell him about her suspicions of Nico's parentage – she had vowed to protect the boy, even from the gods themselves. And at the same time she couldn't bring herself to lie to his face. "I can't tell you." She whispered, turning away so she wouldn't see his face fall as he processed her words.

"Why?" Hermes asked her quietly, solemnly and she winced when the underlying hurt in his voice tugged at her heart strings. Wetting her cracked and dry lips, Percy turned to face Hermes, wondering how to explain the whole messed up situation she had found herself in the middle of.

"I can't – I won't – make you lie for me." She confessed watching the god's eyebrows raise. "I can't ask that from you."

"Lie? Percy, what did you do?" He asked and the slight suspicion in his voice hurt her more than she would like to admit. He probably thought she had betrayed Olympus or something similar. And in a way she probably had, by omitting the identity of the siblings.

"A lot of things I regret." The demigoddess laughed in an uncharacteristic show of bitterness. In her mind she could hear a similar laugh coming from the mouth of a boy who had betrayed his own father and sided with their enemy. Brushing the thought away, Percy focused on Hermes' hooded gaze. "But that's not what bothers me. Not entirely, at least." She sighed. "I made a promise to protect someone. And I failed." A lump formed in her throat, but she forced herself to keep on speaking around it. "I can't tell you more because it's not my secret to share, but I promise you, I have not betrayed Olympus, if that's what you fear."

"Oh, Percy" Hermes sighed, wrapping his arms around her, hoping to bring whatever comfort he could. The demigoddess uncurled herself from the tight ball she had been in, allowing herself to sink into his warmth. She could feel his chin settle on the top of her head. "You can't protect everyone, Percy." He whispered into her dark curls, rubbing her back gently. "People die all the time and it's not your responsibility to keep them safe."

"But I promised." She whispered back, the words tearing out of her chest in the form of a strangled sob. She could feel the walls, which had kept everything inside during the last week, crumble to dust when faced with the familiar comfort of a friend.

Hermes pulled back slightly, tilting her head so he could peer in her watery eyes. "Look at me." He beseeched her when her gaze wavered to the floor in shame at her weakness. "Don't let this drag you down, Percy. Mourn as long as you need. Cry your heart out. But in the end of the day remember that you are not all powerful. No one is. I'm sure you did all you could to save your friend and that is all anyone could expect from you."

Biting her lip to stifle another sob, she allowed him to pull her back to his chest. It felt strangely freeing, to cry openly, to accept comfort openly. She had not let herself speak about what happened to anyone. Not to her friends at Camp, who always, though unconsciously, looked up to her for guidance. Not even her mother, who, despite her awareness and understanding, would never truly understand the burden her daughter was destined to carry.

Nothing was spoken between them for a long time, the only sound penetrating the silence were Percy's occasional whimpers and the soothing humming of the god. Slowly, the flow of her tears stopped and her breathing steadied and she allowed herself to pull away slightly, rubbing the last of the wetness from her face.

"Better?" Hermes asked quietly, watching her with careful consideration. Her eyes were red and there were a few wet streaks remaining on her face, but she looked lighter than she had when he arrived.

"Yes." Percy answered, clearing her throat. "I'm sorry for breaking down on you. I can't really remember the last time I cried like that."

"Then it was high time you did." The god told her, with a small smile and she smiled back, still a little sad but much more real than the twisted version of it she had offered earlier. "I have a present for you." He admitted finally, something inside of him purring at the excitement which overtook her expression, wiping away the last of her misery.

"Really?" She bounced slightly, like a child would, oddly charming in her eagerness. Unable to hold back his grin, Hermes rummaged through his messenger bag, producing a neatly wrapped package, placing it in her awaiting hands. He watched her tear off the glossy paper and bow with abandon, not even flinching at the memory of how long it had taken him to figure out how to wrap it without having the paper wrinkle or stick out in every direction.

"Is that a phone?" She asked, twirling the shiny, high tech device between her slim fingers.

"It is spelled." Hermes said, anticipating her question. "It wouldn't attract monsters when you use it, so you can call whoever or whenever you want without worry." He watched her look at the device with almost reverent expression, suddenly feeling somewhat awkward. "I-I know that your mother worries when you can't get in touch with her and I thought this way at least I could spare you – and her – some heartache." He bit his lip. "And – ugh – I worry as well, when you are on a quest. I've programmed my number in it so should you need me, you could have an instant way of contacting me."

Percy looked up with bright glossy gaze, tears gathering once again in the corners of her eyes.

"Oh, no, don't cry." The god said urgently, his heart plummeting. He had wanted to make her smile, not bring tears to her eyes. "If you don't like it, I'll think of something else. I'll-" But his rambling was interrupted by a raven head demigoddess throwing herself at him. Her arms wrapped around his torso so tightly that he was sure his ribs would be cracked had he been a mortal. Baffled by her reaction, he allowed his arms to rest lightly around her smaller frame, his mind racing at her outburst.

"Not like it?" Percy finally spoke, her voice muffled against his chest, but loud enough for him to hear. "I love it! This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me." The weight in his chest settled at the realization that her tears were from happiness rather than displeasure.

His arm tightened around her slightly and he bent his head to kiss the crown of her head, wandering when exactly had this girl managed to burrow herself so deep into his immortal heart that her happiness had become the focal point of his existence.

"Merry Christmas, Percy."

Read and Review! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.

Much Love,
Just a Drop In The Ocean