Ok this is basically just a place for mostly unrelated stories, drabbles etc. detailing Barney and Robin's married (and engaged) life. Obviously doesn't count the so called "finale" as canon. No real order to them, just when I come up with ideas.

Note: In this universe Ted and Tracy get engaged sometime 2014 (despite Future Ted saying it was 2 years after they met in "The Lighthouse") because I really dislike the idea of them getting married after Penny is born. I may make further small alterations to season 9 canon at some point as I go on (things like Marshall and Lily moving to Italy (because I hated "Daisy") and stuff) but I'll let you know either way.

October 2014

A woman comes up to Robin at the bar, "Hey, that guy you're talking to, Barney Stinson, I just want to let you know he's a total slimeball, he's just saying whatever it takes to get into your pants."

Robin looks the woman up and down, slutty, big boobs, apparently too dim to notice the wedding ring, perfect, "Oh really? Thanks for the warning..."

"Lulu."

Robin holds back a snigger, "Thank you, Lulu." Then strides over to the booth, tapping Barney roughly on the shoulder.

"Oi, you, Lulu over there at the bar says you've been lying to me all night."

Barney smirks, catching on quickly, and then plasters a sleazy smile onto his face "Why would I lie to you baby? You eyes really do look like majestical ponds in the moonlight!"

She narrows her eyes at him, "Are you sure? Because I was told you just wanted me for my body."

"Well you were told wrong, I love you for all your talents! I love your... hair, and your ability to count to ten without having to use your fingers much... probably. I love..." he searches round for something else to say.

"Oh my god!" Robin screams to cover the second of silence, "my boobs! You were just staring at my boobs!" the bar around them has gone strangely silent, the newer patrons are looking on in horror, the older ones are looking slightly bored.

"No I wasn't, I love you Roxanne!"

She sends him a playful glare, fully aware of the reference to their first meeting, until she's back in character, "It's Robin."

"That's what I said."

"No you didn't!" She waves her ring in his face, "we got married in Vegas yesterday and you can't even remember my name!" (ok, so she's kind of changing the story there, but whatever, they're awesome, she's sure Lulu at least won't notice.)

"I didn't even want that to happen! I was drunk! You tricked me into it!"

"So you're telling me, our Vegas marriage was not valid? When I met you five days ago I knew I wanted commitment and you are just throwing it in my face!"

He stands up, flinging his suit jacket to the floor and loosening his tie (Robin is momentarily distracted as she takes in his slightly dishevelled appearance),"I am saying that. I saw you at the bar looking smoking hot in that dress you're wearing, and the lacy bra and barely there panties that are doubtless underneath and..." he fades off for a second, staring at her, but quickly recovers, "Of course I wanted that to hit that, I might have lied about a few of the other details!"

"IT WAS FAKE!" Robin screeches, she notices immediately the way that Barney's eyes go from mildly amused and attracted to almost black with lust, he loves angry Robin and she's happy to give it to him, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WAS ALL FAKE! THAT'S NEARLY A OF MY LIFE WEEK I'LL NEVER GET BACK."

The intensity of the way Barney's staring at her (how the man manages to keep his full attention on the task at hand while still undressing her with his eyes she'll never know, but it's a talent she relishes) makes her tempted to give up this whole charade and just slam him against a wall and stick her tongue roughly down his throat (that would certainly surprise Lulu), but she stays cool. For now.

"WHAT ELSE IS FAKE ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP? IS THIS RING FAKE?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" Barney shouts, outraged, "IT'S NOT EVEN COMPLETELY MADE OUT OF CANDY! ONLY THE JEWEL!"

Robin bites her lip to stop herself laughing, (candy? Really? Just how stupid does he think fictional her is?) "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PROPOSED TO ME WITH A FAKE RING!" then adds, "I BET IT'S NOT EVEN VERY NICE CANDY!"

"WELL I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME PROPOSE TO YOU BEFORE YOU'D SLEEP WITH ME!" he pauses, "AND IT'S GREAT CANDY THANK YOU VERY MUCH."

"YOU ARE A HORRIBLE, NASTY, MANIPULATIVE PERSON BARNEY STINSON, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN." She shouts at the top of her voice, she grabs her glass of beer from the table (the others groan) and throws the whole contents at him, the liquid hits him square in the chest.

Barney looks down and splutters, "HOW DARE YOU WOMAN! YOU KILLED QUINTUS!" he looks distraught enough that she wonders if she's genuinely upset him but then he winks at her and she knows it's (at least mostly) still part of the act.

"YOU DESERVE IT! YOU DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR HEAD DECAPITATED BY THE SLAP OF A THOUSAND EXPLODING SUNS AND THEN FOR ALL YOURS SUITS TO GO MOULDY AND EAT YOU AND FOR RALPH MACHIO TO DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE."

He recoils in horror in a way that she can tell is only half faked, "WELL YOU DESERVE, YOU DESERVE... SHUT UP!"

Finally Lulu, apparently satisfied, leaves. As soon as the bar door closes Barney and Robin burst into giggles (earning them some even weirder looks from the bar's non regulars).

"That. Was. Awesome!" Barney splutters.

"I know right!" says Robin, grinning, "sorry about your shirt, baby. That girl would just not leave until I started getting physical."

Barney shrugs, "Totally worth it," he announces. He glances at her, her face still flushed from all that shouting, the blood pumping fast through both their veins from the excitement of their latest performance, "Feel free to go physical with me any time. You were so hot."

"You too."

"Sex in the alley?"

"Sure."

Barney slips Carl a bill for tolerating them as they walk out. Carl rolls his eyes, but otherwise doesn't comment.

The bar, somewhat silent after the drama, quickly gets back to its normal volume – which is probably good because it blocks out most of the noise coming from outside.

After a while both come back, looking appropriately satisfied, Barney miraculously now in a clean shirt and tie.

"So, what's up with you guys?" says Robin, sitting down and reaching for Barney's beer which has amazingly survived the 'fight', (Barney scowls at her and tries to grab it back, but she holds it out of his reach and he relents, albeit sulkily).

Ted lets out a sigh, "Do you really have to be that melodramatic every time?"

Barney considers, "Yes," he says and high fives his wife.

Ted rolls his eyes, "I get it, you both get some kind of sociopathic pleasure out of this, but come on, this is the third time this month, some of us quite enjoy just having a quiet night at the bar."

"Yeah, and some of us have babies who don't appreciate being woken up by loud noises."

"Mickey's babysitting Marvin and Daisy upstairs."

"Daisy's a sensitive sleeper and you two were... not being sensitive."

"Guys, I know it's hard for you sometimes, given we're making monogamy awesome and you very much are not. But really, you should be thanking us for the privilege of us lighting up your boring little lives with our extreme role-playing."

Ted looks at his fiancé, "Are you sure you're able to handle this? It's not too late to run away."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Tracy teases, "Is this ring made of candy?"

"It probably is," Barney says, before Ted has the chance to respond, "Ted's an old miser like that."

Ted looks very offended, "It is not, I'll have you know that I got that ring from a very reputable jeweller..."

"Yeah, Ted whatever," says Barney, "We're not on you anymore. So Robin, you were awesome, as per usual, but I feel we still need a more cohesive storyline for next time, maybe we should work on some scripts... I feel you need a skankier name too – how about Ginger, or ohoh, Bambi?"

Robin laughs, "I don't know, I was more thinking... hmmm... I like this Roxanne thing we had going on – how about Roxii – with two 'i's?"

Ted sighs and turns to Marshall, "They're never going to change are they?"

"No," Marshall says, "Probably not."