Disclaimer: I don't own The Mortal Instruments.

Chapter One

"I will always care for you, even if we're not together and even if we're far, far away from each other."

"He has made you into a shell, Clary. Can't you see? You were a pyramid, but when he came into the picture, you turned into merely a grain of sand. You were like the sun, burning an everlasting flame. I miss that fire; and I will do anything to get the old you back." He whispered in my ear, his voice soft, breathy, and husky.

He's sexy. Beyond sexy. I can feel my butterflies having a dance party in my stomach, some crawling up to my heart and drumming against it, making it beat louder. Some going into my lungs, causing my breathing to become difficult. Why were my butterflies acting like this all of the sudden? Did Jace have some kind of remote control that forces my butterflies to do these strange things against my own will? If he does, I don't think I even mind.

He is now even closer to me. His nose, mere centimeters from mine. And then, the butterflies stop. They collapse. I have some serious concerns for my health. And my butterflies. I think he actually killed them all with his remote. Poor butterflies, I don't think they ever saw it coming. This boy is causing me some serious problems.

"I didn't know you liked me." I whispered back, since I cannot even think about raising my voice any higher with him this close to me. Maybe some of the butterflies broke my voice before they died.

I can feel him smile against my ear before pulling himself back. I'm getting slightly dizzy from his distance. I will give anything to have him be that close again. It made me feel wonderful, even better than with Sebastian. His hand softly grabs one of my curls, fingering through it. His eyes, staring at nothing besides his hand, gently cradling one of my curls. Then, he drops it immediately. My eyes can't focus on anything else than his own eyes, his wonderfully golden eyes. He isn't looking at my face yet, eyes still trained on my hair. What is so special about my hair? Maybe he is just trying to look anywhere than my face. I grab all of my courage and strength and slightly step back; this averts his eyes directly to mine.

I can see his eyes more clearly now. They are blinking, rather rapidly, diverting his eyes from one of mine to the other. Beautiful and unique, his golden eyes are. I can feel my walls slowly breaking down, about to turn into rubble. But his voice stops me.

"I don't like you. But, maybe I'll tell you the full story later. I just want, no, need you to be careful around him. Just please, leave him. You will be doing yourself and everyone else around you a favor." He said. "We miss you. I, I miss you."

He is still looking at me. Then, gradually, he kisses my left cheek, his lips lingering there for a few nanoseconds longer than necessary. My eyes flutter shut for a few seconds in the after affect, already missing the way his lips touched my cheek; soft and tender. Why has no one else's touch made my body act like this before? Is this some kind of sign? I can tell in his eyes he wants to say more, but it doesn't come. He turns around and walks back to the front door, grabbing his coat and opening the door. As he turns to shut the door, I see him wink, ever so slightly, and give a forced smile as his exits.

After he shuts the door, I can finally try to breathe again. I completely forgot how to breathe just a few moments ago. What had that visit been about? I knew everyone didn't like me being with Sebastian, but is it really that bad? I mean, sure he is a little controlling, but I didn't know it was changing myself. I guess it has been. I no longer have been sketching; I've been filling all my time to please him. There are a few things going through my mind right now, but the biggest distraction in my mind is one word.

Spoons.

Why on Earth, am I thinking about spoons? Why isn't my mind centering on Jace, or Sebastian, like any other normal girls' would have been? After that conversation though, I can only think about spoons.

Maybe I want to be spooning with Jace, or maybe I want to eat something with a spoon? Ice cream does sound really good right now.

I get up and walk into my kitchen, the whole deal with spoons finally getting to my stomach telling me I'm starving. Quickly, I make myself a bowl of Oreo ice cream and sit on the couch. I wonder what kind of ice cream Jace likes? He seems like a Rocky Road ice cream person, but I could be way off. He could in fact love rainbow sherbet ice cream... Sebastian likes plain vanilla. I've known Jace my entire life; I know each and every deep secret, but I don't even know what his favorite flavor is? Maybe cause every time we go to the ice cream parlor he gets a different flavor. When we were kids he loved chocolate. Once, he was eating the chocolate ice cream off the cone very messily and managed to get it all over his face. Does he still like chocolate?

Now that I finally have some food in me, I can start thinking about the conversation I had with Jace. It was weird, and not a normal conversation we would have. I mean, I have always been his little sisters' friend, but then as we grew older, we started becoming best friends, so why would he start telling me to break up with Sebastian? Was he, jealous? No! Of course he isn't. Jace is, so godly. He's so captivating, irresistible. Every time he walks into a room, everyone looks his way. He can make girls swoon with just a wink of his eye. He is just so miraculous that anything and everything he does, he makes it into a work of beautiful art.

I on the other hand, am so ordinary. The only reason someone would ever glance my way would be because of my electric red hair; it looks like I'm a walking carrot. I'm too short, too many freckles on the bridge of my nose, too bright green eyes, too naïve for my own good, and too stubborn; there is always something the matter with me. But, when I am with Jace, I feel different. It's a good different. I feel more, more special. As I'm sitting on the couch in my living room, I start to think of the memories I have had with Jace.

I remember the time he took Izzy and I to the water park and I was so scared of water slides back then that he promised he would hold me tight on the slides. We first went on the shortest and least scary ride for my sake, and he kept his promise. I felt like I fit so perfectly in his body. My head neatly tucked under his chin, my waist small enough for him to hug me even closer to his body. I remember I only let him ride with me that whole day and every time after. Every time we go to the water park, I grab his hand and we go on every ride, him laughing behind me but still allowing me to drag him.

I think of the time when the whole group went out for a crazy hike where we had to go four wheeling in the beginning. We all had to go with buddies; Simon was with Izzy, Alec with Magnus, Jordan with Maia, and Sebastian lastly with his cousin Aline; that left me with Jace. I was so worried that he wouldn't want to ride with me, that he would change places with Seb so he could sit with Aline instead of me, but that all changed once I looked at his face. He looked so happy. He literally pulled me over to the four wheel, and snuggled me up behind him, making sure my helmet was on correctly and fastening my hands around his waist. Once it got too difficult for us to continuing four wheeling, we had to walk from there on. The whole hike he was beside me, holding my hand, helping me over the rocks, pointing to all the wildlife, telling me what would become a beautiful sketch and so on. Then, we finally reached the spring. After quickly striping off my clothing and jumping in, I saw him staring at me with this strange look on him. When he concluded that he was staring at me, he looked up to my eyes and gave me a goofy smile and jumped in. At the spring, we had one of those 'chicken fights' going on.

"Be my partner in winning?" I remember him asking me.

"Only if you promise we win every time." I said with a smirk.

The whole group and I spent the entire afternoon playing and splashing in the water and having a blast. Life could not have been more fun.

Ice skating has been one of my favorite times when I am with Jace. During the winter, it would either be the whole group, or just the two of us. I'm clumsy even with my own two feet, so you can only imagine how clumsy I am with skates on! I have Jace's hand in a death grip every time we were on the ice, completely afraid and knowing that I will fall over way too many times that I am going lose count. One time he actually fell down with me; we became a tangle of arms and legs, him falling right on top of me. Our faces were so close, so deliciously close. I wanted to kiss him. I could see in his eyes he wanted to kiss me too, at least that's what I hoped he wanted to do too. His lips parted ever so slightly. They look so soft, so kissable. I was frozen though, not at all knowing what to do. Our faces slowly started to come closer until we heard a shout.

"Get up man! You can kiss your girlfriend later, just not lying on the ice." That quickly brought him right back to reality. He quickly jerked up, straightening himself up again. My body quickly missed the warmth he was bringing to me; I want him to kiss me. He looked back down at my still in shock body and stuck out his hand for me to grab. A hand is the best I'm going to get. We didn't talk to each other for the rest of the day. Jace was still polite, but we didn't even speak. It was strange, having him just arm's length away from me, but not being able to reach for him; not completely.

Winter Formal is a big thing for freshman, as it was to me. I doubted that I was going to be asked to be someone's date, but I was still very excited to go. I mostly wanted to get the scene in my head so it could become a drawing. I wanted to see if it was cheesy and alive like all the books said it was. I remember picking out the dress with Izzy and Maia; shopping in general is a bother to me, so you can imagine how hard it was to go actual shopping for a formal dress that I would actually have to wear. I went with a deep dark, but somewhat bright, floor length purple dress. It had a sweetheart neckline and flowy rose lace sleeves covering my shoulders. The dress was fairly tight fitting on the top, but flowed out smoothly towards the bottom. There were occasional sparkles on the sleeves and towards the bottom of the dress. It was the first dress I ever loved.

Just after I bought my dress, Jace left me a message that he needs to have a 'very top-secret and very important meeting' with me. I laughed when I saw the message and we drove back to Izzy's house, where Jace wanted to meet me for our 'meeting'. I had the bag with my dress in it hanging off of my shoulder as I made my way to his bedroom. I don't think I will ever get over the fact that he is a teenage boy, and his bedroom looks like a hospital; everything precise and exactly where it should be, no dust in sight. As I walked into his bedroom, I saw him there, in the middle of the room on one knee with a piece of paper that simply said, 'You're going to the Winter Formal with me. No exceptions.'

At the night of the Formal, more like in the afternoon, Izzy had called me over to begin her 'transformation'. When I walked into their house Izzy came running up to me grabbing the bag with my dress in it and my hand. As she was pulling me to her room, I heard Jace yell. "Don't make her look slutty! I want her to look like herself tonight!" I think my cheeks were permanently red after that. But, Izzy followed mines and Jace's decision. She did a very light amount of makeup, only foundation, a thin layer of eyeliner, mascara, and a hint of lip gloss; very light in Izzy's opinion. Coming down the stairs all dolled up; I caught sight of Jace before he saw me. He was in an all-black tux, even his undershirt and tie were black. I saw what was peeking out of his front coat pocket, clary sage. When Izzy started to click-clack her way down the stairs, did he finally look up. I remember his eyes slowly raking up my body, taking in every single detail. As I made my way down the stairs, my eyes never strayed away from his. When he handed me my corsage, I couldn't help but smile brighter. The corsage was absolutely breathtaking. It was simple yet elegant, white lilies with clary sage hidden within the flowers.

At the dance, I was always by Jace's side. He would send glares to the other girls who looked clearly jealous of me, scare off any of the other boys and so on. He has always this protective over me, so I deemed it normal. We danced almost every single song, laughing and joking around; trying to find out when someone would spike the punch, pointing out all the sluts, and running around the gym like little kids. There is a park near our school, so we walked over there, very bored with the crappy decorations and people. We walked side by side; I was holding my heels in one hand, and the other grasped Jaces'. We sat on the swings, talking about anything, until Izzy came screaming that she was tired and wanted to go home. I will remember that night forever.

Laser tag; one of mine and Jace's favorite activities known to man-kind. I can't tell if I prefer when Jace is on my team, or if we are opponents. When we are teammates, he sacrifices himself to save me from blasts from the other team, and if we were opponents, he would be chasing me the entire time, completely oblivious to everyone else. One time when we were teammates, Simon decided to ambush both Jace and I. Simon was just about to blast me first, when Jace came in his range of fire, also shooting Simon. Jace made this whole show about having a dramatic death, even telling me his last words.

"Clary, I won't be alive much longer, so I better say it now. I love you, and I will love you until I die and if there is a life after this when I am dead, I will wait for you and still love you then. I'm sorry we didn't have more time togeth-"And he fake died.

"Jace," I whispered, getting close to his face. "You know Simon didn't actually shoot you, right?"

"SERIOUSLY!? THAT WHOLE SPEECH I PLANNED FOR YOU WAS WASTED FOR NOTHING?" Dramatic Jace, very dramatic.

I can't help but smile at the times we went on road trips. It would be my best friends, before we met Sebastian and Aline, going on strange trips to nowhere in particular, just driving until there was no road left. Normally Jace would be driving his dad's giant van for the trips, when we had more people coming, so it was normal that I would always have shotgun, riding along side with him. Occasionally, he would reach over the center console and grab my hand, making sure our fingers are laced tightly together. It would happen on more than one occasion. Whether he was grabbing my hand after a joke someone told, or during a love song. When 'our song' came on, he would turn to look at me, interlocking our fingers together, and singing along with the song, a goofy grin covering his face. Sometimes, I would stare at Jace-marvel about his beauty I mean-and study him. He is exactly what every artist would want for a model. I would be too lost in my world to notice that he would catch me staring at him, and give me a wink. I would blush like crazy; even the simplest things he did in his life, he did it with grace. He was so beautiful.

On most of the road trips, we would go to the Lightwood summer house on the beach. We would build sandcastles, splash in the water, throw beach balls around, and nap together in the sun. When everyone was asleep, Jace and I would play board games, watch sappy romance movies, and build forts. Most nights at the cabin, we would sneak into each other's room and cuddle, talking about everything and nothing until we fell asleep. Those were the nights I spelt the best, safe and protected in Jace's arms. I remember the time that the whole gang took another crazy, wild adventure which included: snow mobiles, cabin, hot chocolate, pillow fight, s'mores, and an intense game of 'Truth or Dare.'

My mind goes back to one day I was in a terrible mood; yelling and lashing out to everyone. I don't even know what caused me to be in such an awful mood, intense PMSing most likely, but it was bad. Everyone gave up after a few hours, hoping I would just cool down if I was alone, but not everyone left me alone. I had one lone survivor who will never stop until I am in a better mood; Jace. After bring giant homemade chocolate chip cookies up in my room, he started Operation Get Clary Normal Again, or Code Normalness. I remember begrudgingly taking the cookie and stuffing it into my mouth, allowing the crumbs to fall from my attack. I was currently glaring at my wall when the voice of an angel broke my concentration.

"I love you, always forever. Near and far, closer together. Everywhere, I will be with you, everything, I will do for you. I love you, always forever. Near and far, closer together. Everywhere, I will be with you, everything, I will do for you."

It was so cheesy, but I was, and still am, so stubborn, I wouldn't even let the song get me out of a bad mood. I remember Jace smiling at my pigheadedness and saying, "Well then. I guess I'll have to bring out the big guns." My eyes opened in fear, knowing that if he even sung the first line, I would no longer be in a bad mood.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't take, my sunshine away."

I felt my walls crumbling. I remember Jace slowly scooting over towards me on the bed, bringing his arms around me, holding me safely in his arms; I didn't even bother pushing him away, finally letting the song get to me. I closed my eyes as he softly sung.

"The other night dear, while I lay sleeping. I dreamt I held you in my arms. But when I awoke dear, I was mistaken. So I laid, my head down and cried."

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't take, my sunshine away."

I remember one time Jace took me to the aquarium. I loved looking at the fishes, and I barely paid him any attention. I would grab his hand and drag him to all the exhibits, not caring how childish I looked. When we were looking at the seahorses, I looked back and saw Jace simply smiling at me. His eyes and smile were so loving and caring; I felt like this is what it feels like to be in love, to feel like you're with someone important and special in your life. He didn't care when I forced him to pose for pictures with me or anything. He stayed with me the entire day, watching me watch the sea creatures. After we walked through the aquarium twice, we walked into the gift shop, laughing and playing with the stuffed animals. I looked at the jewelry they had displayed, but mostly gaped at this very simple necklace they had. It was small green and blue seahorse, barely the size of the tip of your finger. Right when I looked at the price tag I dismissed the idea of having it, but apparently Jace saw me admiring at it. I tried as hard as I could to tempt him that I didn't need the necklace, but he quickly ignored me while grabbing his wallet and buying it for me. When he had the necklace in his hands, he made me turn around so he could put it on me. I felt goose bumps travel all the way up my arms when his hand brushed against the back of my neck to move my hair away. I shivered a little when I felt the cold metal wrap around my neck. His fingers lingered a little longer before he turned me back around allowing him to see the necklace.

"Beautiful." He breathed out. Let's just say, I really wanted to kiss him then.

I think back in middle school, Jace was going through some issues and kept to himself for too long, and he cracked. Unfortunately, he let out the monster on me. It started out with him crying in my lap, hugging my waist tight; then he would start to yell. He would yell and started to throw random objects from around the room. Jace yelled at me to get out, which I obliged. I was scared, but I knew he needed some space. The next day at school, I arrived early so I wouldn't miss him. When he came out of the bus, I instantly ran over to him and hugged him. He was tense at first, as if he expected me to run away from him. When he responded by hugging me back, I whispered something to him that I have never forgotten.

"I'll never leave you."

My mind goes back to the times when the whole gang would go out to the movies and dinner. He would always sit next to me in the theatre and allow me to lay my head on his shoulder. Always put his arm around me and rest his hand on my shoulder, occasionally rubbing it. When we get to the restaurant, we could kick each other from under the table and steal each other's food and drink.

I thought back to the time we all went bowling. I could not, and still cannot, bowl back then, so he helped me the entire time. He would come up behind me, his hand entwining with mine, helping me swing the ball back. I remember feeling his minty breath on my neck. Every time I hit one of the pins, he would celebrate along with me, hugging me, lifting me off the ground and spinning me in a circle; my arms around his neck, knees bent. When it wasn't either of our turns, he would go get us drinks and food. He would feed me French fries and steal sips out of my drink. I thought it was just normal for people to act like that back then but, it wasn't.

Oh no.

I can't-

It must be some kind of mistake!

It isn't.

I am in love with Jace Herondale.

A/N: Editing all my chapters, and re-uploading them.