The Nightmare That Is Marriage

-o-

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.
W. Somerset Maugham

-o-

Twelfth Anniversary: Changing Times

-o-

Sure they'd head straight back to Urahara and return home, Rukia initially continued walking right ahead while Ichigo entered a small, rundown corner store. Perplexed as to what he could possibly be looking for there that the former shinigami wouldn't have in stock, she quickly followed him into the dingy establishment. By the time she found him he was already throwing the owner some cash and turning back around, wordlessly grabbing her hand and stepping back outside.

"What was so urgent you had to risk catching about five STDs in there?" Instead of an answer she only got the soft click of a plastic lighter as her husband lit himself a cigarette, coughing the moment he takes his first drag. Rukia raised an eyebrow. "You smoke?"

Still coughing the orange-head stared at her through tearing eyes. "Do I sound like I do this regularly?"

"Then why the hell are you doing it?"

Taking another drag from the cigarette, coughing a little less than before, Ichigo shrugged, continuing their way to the shôten. "Dad always claimed smoking relaxed him, and I figured now was as good a time as any to test it out." His wife only shook her head. "You get weird when you drink."

He threw her a dirty look, holding the lit cigarette in her face. "You are no better when drunk, so go ahead and act the part." Rolling her eyes she took it from him and quickly took a drag. Much to Ichigo's chagrin she didn't cough and just blew the smoke into the air above them. She held it back out to him. "Happy? I swear, this stuff tastes like burned hair, why do people do this?" The orange-head took the half-burned smoke back and shrugged, bringing it to his lips again. "People do the weirdest things."

"I still think you should talk to Inoue."

"I won't, and I won't talk about this further, Rukia. This is something the two of you have to even out on your own."

Sighing tiredly, she reached for the cigarette again, taking a deep drag. "You are the most stubborn person I have ever met, no wonder you learned bankai in three days." Handing the smoke back to him she smirked cheekily. "I gotta admit though, you don't look half-bad smoking a cigarette." Rukia looked ahead again, not noticing Ichigo's stunned expression.

-o-

Spring had mostly passed, and before Rukia knew it the anniversary of their first meeting had rolled around. Knowing how much Ichigo loved to sleep in she quietly slipped out of their bed, moving over to their wardrobe and slipping on one of her favorite yukata. Silently, she left their room, heading towards the kitchen.

-o-

With a low moan Ichigo rolled over in the large bed, attempting to wrap his arm around his tiny wife and hug her close, only to meet air. Reluctantly the orange-head blinked his eyes open, frowning at the lack of a raven-haired midget next to him and slowly sitting up. Ichigo let out a long yawn as he sleepily ran his hand through his hair, trying to make out the time on the clock on the other side of the room, failing miserably.

Just when he was about to get up and look for his wife did he hear the door open, the reason for his early chagrin tiptoeing into the bedroom as if trying not to rouse him. The grumpy orange-head plopped back onto the mattress, stretching his arms over his head. "What's the occasion, midget?" The petite woman stopped in her tracks, frowning but quickly recovering. Probably too sleepy to remember the date. With a smile she held up the tray loaded with food. "I made us breakfast."

Apparently Ichigo's skepticism regarding her cooking skills was evident on his face, because the tiny shinigami suddenly had a murderous gleam in her eyes. "Is there a problem?" Feeling the hairs on the back of his neck and on his arms stand on end, goosebumps spreading over his skin, he quickly shook his head as the temperature dropped around them. "No, no problem at all."

Her murderous eyes began to sparkle and her lips curved into a gleaming, but evil smile. "I'm glad my husband appreciates my gesture." Her voice dripped of sweetness and a threat she didn't even attempt to hide.

I will castrate you if you act like an ungrateful bastard.

He gulped slightly and raised the blanket to let her settle in next to him before draping it over her legs. The devilish edge to her smiling face lessened some as she set the tray down on her lap. Ichigo leaned over to her slightly, his left arm behind her back and propping him up on the mattress as he regarded the array of food curiously. He let out a low whistle.

"Bacon, scrambled eggs, pancakes, cornflakes, hashbrowns... are those sandwiches? Dammit woman, do you have a secret dadbod fetish or why do you want to fatten me up?"

Something flashed in Rukia's eyes but he was too focused on drizzling syrup on the pancakes to notice. "I just thought it would be a nice treat... for today." Her husband smiled and pecked her nose briefly.

"It looks delicious." Her cheeks blossomed into a light pink, and turned scarlet when he held up a fork with a bite of pancake on it. "The least I can do is be an attentive husband, since you're feeding me and all."

Rukia wondered how he could be so dense and infuriating, yet sweet and attentive at the same time.

He's an oxymoron.

As she chewed she watched him take a bite of the pancakes as well. "Wow, it actually tastes good too."

He's a kind of moron alright.

-o-

When Rukia had brought him breakfast in bed he had expected a lazy day with lots of bed action.

What he got was a tiny woman getting more and more annoyed with him throughout the course of the breakfast and subsequent hours.

And he really wondered why that was.

Rukia's increasingly sour mood had eventually lead them to do their own thing towards early afternoon, and it wasn't until early evening that his wife returned to their chambers, her mood more sullen than sour.

"What the hell is your problem?"

He had expected her to kick him, but instead she glared at him. "I can't believe you forgot about today."

Ichigo stared at her for a few seconds, which seemed to tick by quite slowly, and then sighed. "That's what this fuss was about? Really?" Grabbing her hand despite her protests and shaking his head in exasperation he dragged her towards the shoji doors that separated their bedroom from their small private garden of the mansion.

"Good to know the day we met had such little impact on you!"

"Could you just pipe down for a little?"

Before Rukia could berate him some more he came to an abrupt stop, grabbing her by her forearms and dragging her in front of him, her back to his chest. Her mouth opened in a silent gasp, her body slacking.

In front of them was a large picnic blanket illuminated only by the soft glow of paper lanterns hung up among the surrounding trees. A bucket filled with ice held a bottle of something Rukia couldn't read the label of but figured she'd find out soon enough. Part of the blanket was covered in an array of food that even in the dim light made her mouth water.

Sometime during her appraisal of the scene before her had Ichigo's arms wrapped around her waist and his chin had come to a rest on her head. Finally, she swallowed. "Why did you act like you forgot?"

Her husband sighed and rolled his eyes. "I didn't. I just figured it was unnecessary to explicitly bring it up, you know? Especially after that nice gesture of yours this morning. To me it was pretty obvious that I'd surprise you back today, but I guess you don't hold me in high esteem after all."

There was a twinge of hurt in his teasing tone and Rukia felt like slapping herself. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad."

You are, but you won't admit it.

Swallowing thickly, she did her best to bring a cheery tone back to her voice. "Well, then what are we still standing around for? I'm hungry, you should feed me, you know?" Ichigo grabbed her by her right wrist, his fingers gently grasping her red wedding band.

"I thought you wouldn't feel like it anymore."

-o-

Rukia had just sat down when her husband grabbed her by her shoulders and pushed her down to the ground. "Oi, I'd like to eat something before you go all horny bastard on my ass!" She only got his rolled eyes as a response, before he grabbed for the bottle. As he turned away to fill two glasses with the sparkly liquid, she pushed herself up on her elbows and watched him with raised eyebrows. "Gee, you're trying to really outdo romcoms, aren't you?"

"I'm surprised you even know what romcoms are."

She rolled her eyes this time. "Yuzu made me watch some of them when I stayed over the first time."

"My condolences." The orange-head turned towards her and held one of the glasses out to her. "But to answer your question, you're the only person who'll ever see me outdoing romcoms, so feel flattered, midget."

She threw him a smirk as she took a small sip from her glass. "I assume you'll also reserve this side of yours for special occasions?"

"You assume correctly." Taking a swig of his own glass he settled next to her, his right leg slowly gliding along the side of her own before coming to a rest above her calf, nuzzling his nose into her neck. "I'm glad I met you."

His affectionate side surprised her, but she didn't mind as she clinked her glass against his before taking another sip. "I'm glad too." She felt his wide grin against her skin, and smiled herself.

You really are happy, aren't you?

-o-

The black-haired shinigami stretched herself lazily as she lied down on the blanket, feeling full and slightly buzzed after they had positively devoured all the food. After the first bottle Ichigo had gotten up and asked the servants to bring them two more, the last few swigs of the third he was currently downing. Sighing in content he lied down next to her, his right arm wrapped around her waist.

Rukia giggled lightly as he began to ghost his lips along her jaw, nuzzling her cheek with his nose. "Still miffed at me or did I do good?"

That only earned him a snort. "Considering it was a misunderstanding you really don't have to ask, don't you think?" Ichigo moaned quietly as she started to run her fingers through his hair, dragging her closer by the waist. His other arm came around her back, dragging her flush against him as he placed a soft, lingering kiss on her lips.

The orange-head let his hands run up and down her svelte figure, kissing her again, longer and deeper this time. Sighing, he broke away from her, his golden eyes staring softly at her and a smile gracing his lips. They stayed like that for a short while, before Rukia broke their comfortable silence.

"You know, you being all touchy feely makes me wonder what you did to my real husband." She watched as his eyes widened slightly, then took on a contemplative look. About to make another quip at his lack of a response her own eyes widened when he kissed her again, pushing her on her back.

His hands slowly came up to gently massage her sides, hugging her closer as he angled his face to kiss her more deeply. Finally breaking apart for air, he quickly went for her neck, nipping playfully at a spot he knew she was sensitive at. "What would you say if I told you I just wanted to get you into the mood?"

"I'd call you a filthy liar." Rukia tried to sound stern, but her shallow breathing worked against her attempts. Grinning at his pout, she pulled his face back to hers and kissed him again, smiling into it. "Just tell me when you're ready."

Their eyes locked for a moment and he smiled back, using his weight to push her further onto the blanket, his hands stroking her long legs as he moaned into yet another kiss, this one more hungry than the last. Rukia sighed as she wrapped her hands around his neck, her fingers losing themselves in his orange locks. She thought something felt different about the way his hands gently squeezed her thighs and the way his lips played with hers.

It certainly felt different when he slowly undid the obi holding her yukata together, unwrapping her slowly as if he was afraid that she'd disappear if he went too fast.

Tugging at the hem of his shirt and sighing softly as she felt his muscles under her fingertips, she supposed that this would be the closest she'd ever get to feel like they were a true couple, the sad twinge in her heart quickly replaced with excitement as his strong arms wrapped around her protectively. She sighed as he entered her, their lips locking again.

His movements were slow and languid, his hands stroking her soft skin as he left butterfly kisses all over her face. That truly was the most striking difference, she realized, her legs entangling with his as she met his thrusts.

Rukia grabbed his hand, their fingers entwining, as they moaned into yet another kiss, finding release together.

-o-

Ichigo sighed as he let his head drop down in her lap, him only wearing his sweatpants and her only wearing his boxers and shirt, a light blush forming on her cheeks. "I'm not your pillow, idiot."

Not opening his eyes he only smirked, making himself comfortable. "I beg to differ, midget." Rukia opened her mouth to retort, but thought better of it when she saw his relaxed expression, his scowl for once not on his face. Sighing, she reached for her yukata, careful not to disturb him, his slow breaths indicating that he fell asleep.

Either I am remarkably comfortable, or he's just a sloth. Smirking mischievously when she found what she had been looking for, she turned back to her napping husband. Giggling slightly to herself she took a picture with her soul pager. After a moment of contemplation, she changed the settings on her phone, her smirk morphing into a small smile. Quickly putting it away again she began to softly comb her fingers through his hair.

Ichigo smiled in his sleep.

-o-

"Ne, Ichigo." Her husband looked up from the book he was reading, the water of the bathtub sloshing slightly as he turned towards the door. He crossed his arms on the edge, the book grasped tightly in one hand. When Rukia remained silent, he raised his eyebrow. "I thought I made it clear that you have my attention."

Blushing slightly she averted her gaze. "I… I wanted to ask if we could go ice skating again, some time." Rukia turned back towards him when she didn't get a reply, and he seemed to contemplate something, before nodding.

"You're lucky it's still pretty chilly in the human world, I'll ask the bitch dragon later." Moving to sit back in the bathtub he saw her frown. He sighed and gestured her closer, putting his book aside. The moment she was within reach he grabbed her wrists, dragging her down to his level to give her a short peck. "Sorry I can't promise anything." Smirking, he nudged her in the side. "I mean, you could ask her, you seem much better at intimidating the hag than I am, anyways."

Rolling her eyes, she reached and splashed water at his face, relishing in his glare. "Fine, I guess the mighty husband is too scared of an old crone so he's sending his poor wife instead, very brave."

Pointedly grabbing his book and focusing back on it he waited until she was in the doorway before he replied.

"It's easier to have a witch fight a crone, I figured."

He really wanted to kick himself when he realized the bath water had frozen solid.

"Bitch."

-o-

Ichigo slid forward on the ice, his hands buried in his pants pockets. Slightly twisting his feet he turned on the spot, watching with a raised eyebrow and mocking smirk as his wife hesitantly made her way on the rink as well, wobbling the entire time. Finally taking pity on her he came forward, just in time to grab her wildly swinging arms and steady her before she fell face first on the ground.

"You know, you really suck at this."

"Why don't you tell me something I don't know?"

Chuckling lightly his grip moved to her hands, slowly skating backwards and dragging her along. "Why did you want to come back?"

To his surprise did Rukia blush, her eyes fixated on her feet. "I had a lot of fun last time." He understood what she didn't say out loud, and squeezed her hands tightly.

"Me too."

When she slipped again from leaning too far forward he made his way around her, grabbing her shoulders from behind. "Your entire posture is just fucking wrong, midget, I'd figure this would come natural to you."

She jerked out of his grasp but immediately regretted it when she lost her balance again, finding herself in his arms once more. Rukia glared at his smirk. "If you're just going to mock me the entire time we're here we can just leave."

"I was going to help you, but fine, be that way."

Growling, frustrated, she waved her right hand. "Fine, go ahead."

Ichigo rolled his eyes as he loosened his grip, moving one hand to her shoulder and the other to her lower back, pushing slightly. "It's okay if you lean forward slightly, but you need to make sure you balance it out with your core." He bent down to her knees, and she blushed. "You can't keep your legs straight like this, keep them slightly bent so they help with your balance."

Checking if she'd be able to stay upright he moved back a little and went in a few circles in front of her. "Basically, what you want is to make sure you are steady, and only move slowly at first. Don't try to do this like walking, you'll just bash out your teeth." Grabbing her hands again he slowly dragged her along, once again going backwards. He could tell she was starting to get the hang of it but didn't want to risk letting go of her hands and have her fall again.

Smiling at her he picked up the speed slightly, chuckling lightly at her surprised yelp. "Don't focus so much on your feet, you'll just screw up your balance. Look at me." Rukia did, just in time for Ichigo's skates to get stuck in a small nick in the ice, and they both tumbled to the ground with a loud thud.

She blinked, her face pressed against his collarbone. Slowly raising her gaze she noticed his bright blush, people around them staring and giggling. Realizing that she was sprawled on top of him, she slowly moved her hands to his shoulders, pushing herself into a sitting position on his lap. Deciding that she didn't really care too much about the staring audience she gave him a quick peck on the nose, smirking as he started to splutter.

-o-

"Did you have fun?"

They were taking their time walking back to the shôten, the sun having set a while ago, and neither in quite a hurry to get back to the stuffy mansion. He felt her tighten the grip on his hand, the smile clear in her voice. "Yes."

Ichigo smiled. "I'm glad."

Just then a flash illuminated the sky, closely followed by a deep rumble, and the next they knew they were in the middle of a sudden downpour. Quickly pushing her under a small doorway Ichigo unzipped his jacket, unceremoniously shoving it in her face, their serene mood broken. Grumbling, Rukia grabbed the jacket in her right fist, glaring at her husband. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

He rolled his eyes, his hair and sweatshirt completely drenched already. With a start she realized he hadn't fit under the slight overhang of the doorway. "Wear it, what else? Come on unlike yours it's waterproof and has a hood." Seeing her frown he ripped the jacket out of her hands and started to put it on her before she could protest. "Come on, I'm already drenched and I don't want you to get sick, you're a pain when you're healthy already."

-o-

"You are an idiot, Ichigo."

Her only response was a loud sneeze and a sour glare, greatly diminished by her husband's bloodshot eyes and pale face.

Figures he'd get sick.

Sighing, Rukia helped him sit up, realizing he was off worse than she had thought when he leaned his entire weight against her, his eyes barely able to focus on her. Frowning, she swiped his sweaty bangs back, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead and the sides of his face, stopping under his chin. "Are you sure you don't have a fire-type zanpakutô?"

She expected him to slap her hand away, but only received a grumble. "I have a fever, I get it." His voice sounded like sandpaper, and she winced.

A knock on the door kept her from giving him a retort, and she helped him lean back against the headboard of their bed. "I guess that's the soup and tea I asked for, right back." Ichigo mumbled something under his breath, leaning back heavily and closing his eyes.

He had been about to doze off when he felt the mattress sink in by his side, and opened an eye. "I'm not hungry."

Ignoring him Rukia grabbed the soup, turning towards him. "Too bad I don't care." Ichigo glared as he watched her blow gently over the spoon, holding it out to him. When he made no move to accept it she glared. "Eat or I swear I will end the royal lineage here and now."

"As if death is the worse option in this scenario." Rukia sighed, her face falling. He watched her as she slowly seemed to sink in on herself and had to bite his tongue. He knew she was just acting. He shouldn't care.

Oh, who was he kidding.

Grumbling lowly under his breath he made to grab the bowl, but her gaze shot up and he stopped in his tracks. "What?"

The next he knew she was straddling him, grinning smugly as she fed him the soup. "As if I'll let your weak ass spill soup all over our bed, dumbass."

"Oh please, you just want to pretend that you're a caring wife."

He deserved the punch in the gut, he supposed.

-o-

Rukia had just helped him lie back down when another knock sounded from the door. Ichigo grumbled, pulling the blanket up slightly. "I'm not drinking more tea." Rolling her eyes at her husband's antics she patted his hand, making her way to the door.

A frown made its way on her face as she saw the maid holding a steaming bowl of water and several wash cloths, seeming slightly too eager. Before she was able to say anything Rukia gave her a cold smile, grabbing the bowl from her. "Why thank you, I was about to prepare one." Giving her a meaningful glare she grabbed the towels. "Leave."

Ichigo looked at her as she came back into their bedroom and raised an eyebrow. "What happened? If I didn't know better I'd say you were about ready to kill someone, judging from your reiatsu." His wife smiled, the corners of her mouth just slightly too sharp to make it warm.

"A young maid thought she'd get the chance to grope you, from the look on her face." Ichigo gulped as he saw the edge in her purple eyes. "I merely told her that her help is unwanted." Sitting down by his side she placed the bowl on their nightstand, wetting a small cloth. Turning around to him her face had lost most of its anger, replaced instead with a creased brow.

Ichigo was smart enough to keep his mouth shut as she placed it on his forehead, her damp fingers finding their way to his locks and softly stroking over his scalp.

It was, after all, much nicer to have his violent wife fuss over him than try and argue against jealousy.

He was stupid, not suicidal.

-o-

I feel fucking horrible because I've had the first 2000 words of this chapter sitting on my computer for two years and never got the drive to just fucking finish it.

I'm sorry.

The ending killed my drive more than I realized, and I just lost faith, I guess. I will admit that this story felt, to a degree, like a waste, and it took me a while to realize that no, it's not. Funnily, it was Trollhunters fanfictions that made me want to write again, to write anything, and I figured this was a good place to start.

This and some dumb drabble that will lead nowhere and I made my boyfriend read. Don't ask.

I also want to apologize if the writing seems inconsistent, but I guess that's what you get if half of it was written two years ago? Also yes, Rukia still hasn't figured it out, because she's a dense motherfucker. I told you I'd make you wait for it… although I admit it wasn't planned to be quite such a long wait.

Also also, I read every single review, even if I didn't reply. They all warmed my heart and I love you all dearly. I promise to try and do better.