He kept his eyes shut, and closed off everything around him. He couldn't believe what he had heard. Why would she be doing this in the first place? She didn't have a reason to be experimenting, did she? It was too confusing for Leo to understand. There was too much information missing for him to figure out the big picture.

Astraea seems to be in the mood of sharing things she kept from us, so hopefully she has an explanation for this, he thought, but something in the back of his mind told him otherwise.

Astraea drew in a deep breath and then pursed her lips. She was nervous. Ever since she accidentally choked him and to this very moment. She was nervous. "I do not want to feel like I have betrayed you for working on this, Leonardo", she said with a small voice. The blonde teen cleared her throat to be certain that the blue banded turtle was listening.

"Betraying me? I think you're betraying my brother. You do realize that he's working on the retro-mutagen as well? For all I know, you could be stealing some of his formulas or ideas, and using them to improve yours", Leo countered, but a few seconds later, the statement left him spluttering. What had possessed him to be so cruel even for one second? The instant the words tumbled out, he was beating himself up for saying that. However, some other part said she deserved it.

"I apologize if it seems that way, but I have been creating the retro-mutagen for…a friend", Astraea said. Her eyes were glued to the floor as she spoke, or anything rather than looking into his eyes.

The turtle perked up at the statement, and began to think hard about who she was helping. Timothy was out of the question, because he was Donnie's reason for creating retro-mutagen. Master Splinter was also his brother's motivation, but since Timothy's mutation was partially their fault, Donnie felt more responsibility to engineer the retro-mutagen. Astraea didn't know Timothy very well to consider him as her motivation, as he only recalled one time when she asked about the "interesting looking creature." All he said was that he was a friend of theirs who mutated himself. The expression she wore when he told her that conveyed understanding, as if she could relate to it.

If she understood that situation, then the reason she's doing this is for…

"Fishface", the blue banded turtle said. It was crystal clear to him after taking Timothy and his sensei out of the equation. The only other person she would have been closest to–and being a mutant–was Shredder's henchman. Leo and his brothers weren't close to her either, so they were definitely out of it as well. Besides, why would she want to turn them back into regular turtles if she probably didn't know they were regular turtles to start with?

The sixteen year old raised her head at hearing the name. She left her eyes blank, so the turtle wouldn't detect any emotions that she didn't want to give away. Nevertheless, he was right. The mutant fish is her motivation.

"Yes, you are correct. Xever is my motivation", she said. And just when Leo thought he could squeeze a sentence in, Astraea pushed forward with one of her own. For the turtles, a plain statement was never enough as an answer. She learned that from seeing how angry Raph was because they didn't know her whereabouts sometimes. She knew they were also quite paranoid and jumped to conclusions often, so it was best to explain herself clean and not leave any suspicions lurking around.

"Xever once told me what his childhood was like. He was a street urchin, and could only steal to survive", the teen began, and Leo could immediately tell that she wasn't too proud of what her friend had chosen to do when he was younger.

"Life was not easy for him, but it gradually got easier when he became a master thief. Of course, all thieves are caught eventually, and he went to prison for it. But the Shredder bailed him out of prison if Xever agreed to work for him, so he did. And now, he's a mutant fish because he worked for Oroku Saki to end you…" the blonde teen said. She inhaled then exhaled painfully, and Leo figured that sharing his sad story was agonizing, even for her. He reached his hands out, and grabbed hers, before squeezing them as a gesture of comfort and reassurance.

He couldn't relate to Xever despite the mutant similarities, and they both didn't own a lot. The main difference between them however, was that Leo had a family to care for him while Xever didn't have the satisfying life. Although there was Astraea who did understand his former situation. She too shared the experience of living on the streets and fending for herself. Shredder helped both of them in their toughest time as well. Yet, the sixteen year old was able to see the light, while Xever was too deep in Shredder's business for him to pull out any time soon.

"Leonardo, Xever told me how much he missed being a human. It is like he is losing his humanity over the years because he turned into a mutant. He is not like Master Splinter, whose mind is very strong, and could cope with the mutagen affects. He does not deserve it happening to him either though. I am hoping that if I could reverse the mutagen affects, then he would trust me more", Astraea explained, and paused. "More, so I could change his mind into not working for Shredder any longer."

Leo's breathing stopped short from shock. The task she was putting herself up to was difficult. Xever had been working for their enemy for a while now, although the main reason was because he was in debt to Shredder for bailing him out of prison.

The two remained silent while the blue banded turtle's thoughts were spinning in his head. He had a good understanding of Astraea's plans now, but was still bewildered by it. Xever must have meant a lot to her.

"Xever…are you more than friends with him?" Leo asked. Astraea had told her stories about her relationship with Xever and he sensed there was something more between them than just a simple friendship. If the blonde teen said they're more than friends, he wouldn't be too surprised.

While Leo held those thoughts, the sixteen year old's eyes widened at his inquiry. Was that what he thought and concluded from everything she had told him? Sure she was close with the mutant fish, but they were only friends. She could tell that Xever held a place in his heart for someone else, although up until now, she's in the dark about Xever's love-life. If the special place in his heart was for a woman, and not a villainous vendetta like his master.

Astraea then shook her head and smiled. "Friends. Like us."

Shortly after, she placed her finger atop of her lip and a pensive expression crossed her face. "We are friends too, are we not?" She asked.

There was no reluctance when Leo responded with a nod. This gesture relaxed the blonde teen, and her shoulders loosened with ease. Although as satisfying as she now felt, she drenched up her motivation again to reveal the small guilty truth attached to the main reason.

"I also owe him because I left the Foot clan. I was the single true friend he had. Everyone else was merely considered a co-worker, or someone he took orders from."

Leo blinked twice at this partial reason, but soon got rid of the shock he was feeling and wearing. Her words cut deep into his mind, and she was right. If he was Astraea, he would have done the same thing. Especially for the person who was her only friend. Not that Xever couldn't fend for himself because he had been like this for a while, though she was probably the best company he had from everyone he knew.

"That makes sense", the blue banded turtle stated with a kind smile hovering over his lips.

The blonde teen grinned in return, happy that at least one person understood her situation.

Karai was right. Leonardo was the sympathetic one. From when I tried to escape the lair to now, he had tried to understand me; how I felt so that I would not turn in the wrong direction. So I need to do the same for Xever.

Her wandering thoughts switched to how different Leo was to his brothers, and how they treated her differently because she used to be with the enemy. They didn't even try to understand what she went through and the reasons behind her actions.

But speaking of which, how shall I solve what is happening? Leonardo's brothers probably think I am going back to Shredder, or calling for the Footbots to ambush them. I need something I could use as evidence. Leonardo would come home alive, but that would not prove to be sufficient.

"Leonardo?" Astraea's voice spoke out of the blue. The blue banded turtle immediately lifted his eyes to meet hers when he heard his name asked in the form of a question. He gazed at her only for a few seconds, but saw anxiety. Just earlier she wore content, yet it shifted rapidly to the opposite.

"What should I do about your brothers? They do not know about this place for it is just you have gained the knowledge, but I do not want them finding out. I promise that using my own methods, I will help Donatello create the retro-mutagen. While he is working on it back at the Lair, I will work on it in my own lab, here. Your brothers will not trust me enough to complete the task as I only offered my assistance in finding Jaylene, and not creating retro-mutagen."

"So for now, I need another reason for running off that leaves this place excluded", the sixteen year old explained. The look in her eyes were no longer anxious. They were pleading.

The turtle shut his eyes and turned his back on her to think. What she thought of the gesture wasn't exactly important at the moment. In spite of that, Astraea was surprisingly able to clear her head to figure out something because he didn't face her. She guessed that keeping her eyes in contact with his made her nervous and unable arrange her thoughts properly as anything she came up with may merely have been foolish.

Her gaze floated from the shell on the blue banded turtle's back, across the filthy wooden walls, to an object laying upon her brown work desk neatly.

The green orbs are dead-focused on the object, and thoughts race through her mind all tugging her to one side or the other. It was like her mind was going to tear in two because of how conflicted she was feeling.

The object on her table was something she treasured, but there were high chances it would help her.

Should I risk bringing this back to the turtles? This is something that I cannot afford to lose…

Astraea couldn't stand her thoughts arguing any longer. She'd return empty-handed and the other turtles – especially Raph – would not be satisfied. On the other hand, she could convince them that she didn't help them to betray them, with the object as evidence.

And that was the end of the debate in her mind. She'll bring it to them.

The small cuboid object is tight in her grasp as she walks with Leo on the sidewalk adjacent to the old subway tracks. She rolls it around in her right palm hypnotically, keeping her calm and stable. There was nothing though that could stop the loud beating of her heart in her chest, and that too was hypnotic, but slightly painful.

The rhythmic beating was beginning to cloud her head, because the louder it got, the more the feeling of anxiety was chewing at her.

We're getting closer and closer to the lair…I hope Astraea has planned what she's going to say to the others…and mostly Raph, the blue banded turtle thought worriedly. Back in the shed, Astraea told him she had it covered, and that small object she showed him would give enough reason for his brothers to trust her. She said even Raph would be convinced, or in the least, slowly come around to it.

Before they knew it, the two had reached the entrance of the lair. Instead of Astraea's heart beating wildly in her chest, the beating abruptly halted. It was a worse feeling than the previous.

The blonde teen stopped rolling the cuboid in her palm, and squeezed it once before mustering up the courage to walk up the steps.

Leo's mouth was barely agape when he watched the sixteen year old in front of him. She took less time that he thought she would to gain the confidence to enter the lair. He figured she was determined to prove her innocence to his brothers.

This sounds like some court trial…and she's only proving her innocence to Raph. Donnie and Mikey seem to trust her just fine, the thoughts appeared in Leo's head. He found himself correcting what he said for the second time. He said that his brothers didn't trust her, when in fact it was just one brother.

Leo soon followed Astraea up the steps, and shadowed her movement as she swiftly hopped over the turnstiles. His eyes strayed from observing his footsteps on the ground, to Astraea's right arm. He noticed it was stiffer than her left, then noted that the object she was carrying must be in that hand. The way she held it made it look like she would guard it with her life. It must have been that important to her, was the turtle's guess.

He heard muttering of voices ahead of him, and moved his gaze to see his brothers standing in a small group near the couch.

Five words rolled off his red banded brother's tongue, and it was a hit to his chest, and moreover, Astraea's.

"Oh good, Leo's with her", Raph said to his two brothers next to him.

Those words did not mean as much to him as it did to Astraea, once it reached her ears. She cursed under her breath, before thinking, Leonardo was sufficient evidence. This whole time, I thought if he returned with me safely, Raphael's trust would not change, but it seems I am wrong. Maybe I should not have brought this with me…

Her grip on the cuboid object tightened once again. She kept her face stiff as her grip, and approached the group forming a semicircle.

She soon had three pairs of orbs closely examining her with pressure building up from it. Astraea couldn't hold it any longer, so she thrust her right hand forward and uncurled her fingers to show what she was holding onto. She felt like a small child showing their parents what they took without permission; about to be punished.

The three pairs of orbs averted from studying her, to studying the object in the middle of her palm.

"What is that for, Astraea?" Donnie asked with a quizzical expression displayed on his face. He knew what it was, but not what it was for. Questions raced through his mind such as, what could it have in it?

However, not everyone understood what it was. One being the orange banded turtle.

"What is that?" Mikey inquired, soon after his brother's question. Raph rolled his eyes in annoyance for his lack of understanding. He wacked the back of his little brother's head as he would usually do when Mikey didn't understand something obvious, or said something ridiculous. He deemed it was necessary to do so even though it wouldn't really help anyone.

"I will show you", the blonde teen said. For some reason she was stunned at hearing her voice, in spite of the fact that the last time she talked was probably twenty minutes, or half an hour the longest. The tension prior to this moment may have made her ears close off to sound, so hearing again felt unusual.

She lowered her arm, and began to make her way to the lab. Bits of distant muttering followed when she was already in Donnie's lab, and although she couldn't catch what the words were exactly, she could tell what they were conversing about.

Raphael is most likely telling his brothers not to trust me, no matter what I say, or do…

Fortunately, Astraea didn't wait too long until the turtles joined her in the lab. While they were filing in one by one, the blonde teen seated herself at Donnie's work desk and computer, before plugging the small object into the machine.

In a short time, the four brothers were surrounding Astraea on the computer, with Raph keeping his distance, but keeping his eyes on the computer screen like everyone else.

"I have had this with me ever since I have been with the Shredder", she started and could sense the four turtles flinching ever so slightly from mentioning the name. She wished to apologize to them for bringing her former master up, but she needed to start strong, and be hard-hitting so they would listen to her point.

"You are all aware that Shredder took me in, I do not know who my real parents are nor where I came from, correct?" Astraea rhetorically asked the turtles, and even then, the turtles responded. Well, three out of four. It was no doubt that the red banded turtle wouldn't reply, although Astraea detected that he was mentally responding, and would rather keep a stoic face.

"And not long ago, a feeling that I had previously buried, resurfaced. This feeling, was the need to find out my true past." She glanced up at Leo at the end of her sentence, conveying her gratitude that he – along with Splinter – were the ones to wake up that need. The blue banded turtle caught her gaze, and smiled back as a "You're welcome."

"When I became a part of the Foot Clan, the Shredder gave me a name, a home, and a place I felt I could belong. I accepted it all because I did not have it for…such a long time. However, when the Shredder revealed some bits of my past, I refused to believe that I had motivated forgetting, causing me to forget so much of it."

"So I got this", she pointed at the small object connected to the computer. "A USB."

"Oh, so that's what it is", Mikey suddenly spoke up. All eyes went to him, and he smiled sheepishly for his outburst, which was clearly not at a good time. Astraea gave him a light smile because he finally caught up with everyone else, and then continued.

"This USB is not to help me get rid of my motivated forgetting of course, but to keep the files I could get my hands on about my past." The sixteen year old pulled up a file on the computer to show some diagrams she had with pictures, small paragraphs, and red lines connecting it together. It looked like a police 'link diagram', although there were many question marks and missing pieces of information.

Surprisingly, Raph was intrigued by the 'link diagram' and shifted closer to the group to get a better look at the computer screen. Astraea's breath hitched as Raph, and all the turtles stared at the diagram she created, as they were more interested in it than she thought they would be. She peered closely at the diagram as well, realizing how long it had been since she'd last seen it. She noticed the missing spaces and the multiple question marks like they were neon lights flashing at her, and it made her blush in embarrassment.

I did not realize how far off I am to figuring out my whole past, she thought sadly as she stared at the 'link diagram' with her hands beginning to shake.

"The last time I opened this was just less than two years ago", Astraea said slowly, and the turtles snapped out of their stare to listen to her.

"I thought that searching for my past indicated that I was ungrateful to Oroku Saki, who had been kind to me then. So I buried this need, and locked up the USB somewhere where I did not have to think about it. Only recently I had thought about it again. It was after I escaped a few weeks ago."

"At first, I agreed to help you find Jaylene because it meant I could use an undetected computer to search through the Shredder and kraang files in their database as I could not do that when I was there secretly using the kraang's own computers…" She lifted her eyes to look up at the purple banded turtle, and cracked a nervous smile. She was near apologizing to him for trying use his computer behind his back, when he raised his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder before squeezing it. Her orbs grew into large saucepans as he did so, but he followed this brief hug with an explanation of his own.

"Astraea, I've never experienced what you're feeling because I'm not an orphan since I have Splinter and my brothers, but it seems to be an instinct for orphans to want to know who their real parents are. You could have told me you wanted to use my computer for that too though. I would've let you, and better yet, help you", Donnie said in a soft voice. There was nothing fake in his tone because he was telling her the truth. He couldn't believe that Astraea worked so hard to keep this from them, when all she could have done was ask for help. He wouldn't hesitate to help…although he couldn't say the same for his red banded brother.

Astraea leaned against his arm in comfort for a little longer, content that he was this accepting after she kept so much from them. Hopefully they would all feel the same as the purple banded turtle.

"What I am trying to get out of this turtles, is a deal. I will help you find Jaylene, and you will help me uncover the truth of my past. Please", the blonde teen proposed, in a way that the turtles didn't think she'd show herself. The way she asked them wasn't asking. She was begging.

It didn't take long before the turtles responded. And Leo was the one to represent their thoughts in his words. "Of course Astraea. Even Raph's okay with it, because one, this is his way of apologizing for what he said earlier. And two, we'll never refuse any help to find Jaylene", the blue banded turtle said.

A beam was sneaking up on Astraea's face, and she turned to Raph to make sure he agreed with it.

His stare was locked with hers, and he saw the look of hope in her green eyes. That look, was the one he had been carrying with him for over two years, and even now. It was as if he was looking into his own eyes, for hers were green like his.

A groan escape from his lips in annoyance, much like he rolled his eyes at his little brother earlier. Nevertheless, his older brother was right. He wouldn't turn down an opportunity to find Jaylene, even if he disliked Astraea and wasn't going to let his guard down around her. Not feeling like responding with words, he gave a slow nod.

That gesture was probably quite rude and had the angry edge to it, but Astraea was too delighted to notice the anger conveyed.

She jumped from her seat and began hugging the three turtles around her. Raph separated himself from that group to escape the hug, yet it didn't stop Astraea.

The sixteen year old dashed to the red banded turtle and tackled him in an eager embrace. They were lucky enough not to land on the floor, and Raph was surprised at how strong she was in something insignificant, like this hug.

His body reacted differently than he expected though. He guessed that his instincts would be to push her away straight after they came in contact, but instead, he found his arms wrapping themselves around her smaller frame.

He was stunned as to why he would do this when he had very little trust in her. Despite that, he didn't want to release his grip, and the emotions in his head began to argue with each other. One thought found its way to Raph's center of attention among his contradicting emotions, and it showed him why he wasn't fighting this embrace.

His body pressed against a petite, delicate, yet strong frame made him reminisce his hugs with Jaylene.

So that's why…I feel like I'm hugging Jay..., Raph thought, cherishing this feeling, up until the reality of sadness smacked him right in his face. He looked down at Astraea who was still clinging to him, and cleared his thoughts. She wasn't Jaylene, she'd never be Jaylene. She had so many qualities of Jaylene, but she's not her.

Raph allowed the embrace to last a minute longer as another thought stamped on his wondering mind.

I can't trust her. Maybe I should like Leo, Donnie and Mikey, but she'd better not be spying on us…even without realizing it. I can't let my guard down yet. She needs to earn my trust.

Fin

Hehe, I feel so bad writing this and only posting it now…I'm sorry you guys had to wait 6 months until this rushed chapter, but hopefully you'd understand that writer's block and not having any motivation or inspiration really takes a toll on you. I probably lost some readers because of this, but ehh, I guess I deserve it. Anyway, the last part Raph thought may have been confusing, but it'll be a lead on to the next chapter, so please bear with me! I promise that the chapter will not take six months to write XD Cause I've finally found the motivation and inspiration that I've been missing for so long, and I also have most of the chapters planned ^_^ Anyway, please review, and please don't attack me in these reviews because of this very late update :D

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT 2012

10/11/15