I was reading some of my reviews this morning, and one of my favorite people showed up. :-) As I was reading her review (which always makes me smile) this story popped into my head and refused to leave. I hope you enjoy it, I did.

As always, all characters you know and love belong to Janet Evanovich. All mistakes are mine. I make nothing from this.

Edna Mazur was downstairs, trying to get her daughter to hurry up. "C'mon, Helen, we gotta get a move on. We'll miss the flight!" Her daughter was still trying to get her bags packed. They were going on a 3 day all expense paid trip to Los Angeles. Edna walked back into the room to see what was keeping her daughter. "Helen, you know you can't take liquor bottles in carry on luggage. Leave them and let's go!"

Helen muttered, "Damned TSA" and closed her suitcase. The trip to the airport was uneventful. The security checkpoint was loads of fun as Helen got selected as a "Random Passenger", and removed from the line for a body cavity search. The bottle of Wild Turkey that she had forgotten in her jacket pocket didn't help matters any. People up and down the concourse could hear cries of "Why me?" coming from the interrogation rooms. Edna was almost arrested herself for feeling up the agent that was doing a pat down on her, but the agent just shuddered and said he wanted to forget all about it.

Eventually they were put on another flight just to get them out of New Jersey.

California was a beautiful state, and Los Angeles was filled with exciting things to see and do. They went to Disneyland, but their trip was cut short when Helen started yelling at Belle that "She needed to stop associating with thugs and marry Morelli". Edna was really looking forward to going to the TCL Chinese Theater. She was looking forward to measuring the Actor's footprints. After all, You can tell by a man's shoe size... well, you know the rest. As soon as Helen saw that they were showing a Batman marathon at the theater that day, she refused to go anywhere near it.

On Sunday, mother and daughter were going to spend all day at Universal Studios. While they were on the Studio Tour, however, Helen got off the tram at the King Kong exhibit and started pleading with the giant Gorilla, "I tried, Joseph! Please give her another chance!" As they escorted her and Edna from the park, a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 fell out of her purse.

Finally, Monday arrived, and on their last day in California, they were going to Disney Studios. Edna made sure that Helen didn't 'tipple' at all during the day. This was their last day to enjoy themselves. When they got there, they found out that they were being treated to a 'special' tour, and were selected to be members of a live studio audience. They were seated in the dimly lit auditorium. When the lights came up, they found that they were on the set of America's Craziest Home Videos. They watched with amusement as various people were subject to all kinds of pratfalls in the hopes of winning the $100,000 grand prize.

The host finally got tho the moment they had all been waiting for. He announced that the Grand Prize winning video was called Motherly Love from Trenton New Jersey. The house lights dimmed, and the screen showed what appeared to be a typical kitchen on a typical day. Helen Plum herself was sitting at the kitchen table peeling potatoes. Stephanie and Carlos walked in and Helen immediately slammed her peeler on the table. "WHY ME?" she wailed. "Does Betty Molnar's daughter associate with Thugs? Does Loretta Swanson's daughter have a job working with Criminals? Why can't I have a daughter who wants a normal life?"

Stephanie turned to her mother, smiled, and said, "Hello to you, too, mother. We just came to tell you that in honor of my Husband's company reaching the Fortune 500 list of top companies, we're having a party aboard our new yacht, Ranger's Babe. I understand that you don't want to associate with thugs, so we'll just collect grandma and be on our way. Toodles!" With that, Helen dropped to her knees clutched her bottle of Old Grandad to her chest and cried, "WHY ME?"

The house lights came up to show the audience crying with laughter. The host walked over to them and announced that the Grand Prize winner was none other than Trenton New Jersey's own Edna Mazur! A shower of balloons and confetti fell on a smiling Edna and a stunned Helen. Edna jumped up and planted a kiss on the host. She also pinched his behind and 'checked his shoe size' while she was there.

The Governor of California personally escorted them through the security checkpoint at the airport to make sure they got on the plane.