Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

The crushing despair didn't hit her right away. The fact that her life in modern Tokyo was over and that she could never return registered in a small part of her mind, but it didn't feel real. Denial and anger washed over her strongest at first, fury at the well for its lack of the magic it normally contained, and rejection of her future. There was no way she was living out the rest of her life in feudal japan. Kagome might not know exactly what she wanted to do with her life, but she knew she was destined for something greater than wasting away in a small hut, caring for some grubby children and a husband she didn't love.

And then she thought about her own mother, brother, grandfather, and all of the people she'd known, and the crushing despair closed in.

…

She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting at the bottom of the well. She wasn't sure if it was the morning or the afternoon sun glaring down at her, blistering her aching back. She didn't know which smelled more strongly, the thick vines that were strung from the top of the well or the rough patches of grass splattered on the ground. She wasn't able to figure out if it was her imagination playing tricks on her, or if the faint tingle of magic on her skin actually was getting dimmer with each passing second.

Kagome continued to weep.

…

It didn't matter why the well wouldn't work. Perhaps it was the appearance of her older self, or it was simply time for the well to close once she'd jumped through. Either way, it didn't matter. If she hadn't jumped through then, then she would've some other time to visit Inuyasha and the rest of the crew. Essentially, her ending up trapped in feudal Japan was inevitable, and it had only occurred now because she'd met future Kagome.

Her mind felt tender and she paused for a moment to take a deep breath. It wasn't fair, her whole life was on the other side of the well. She'd been so horrible to her mother the past few months, always brushing her off or ignoring her. She had so much to make up for, so many wrongs to set right. She couldn't live the rest of her life in feudal japan.

She wouldn't.

She wouldn't.

She was going to survive, and find a way back. Kagome Hirgurashi was going to return to her family, even if it took all she had to get there.

…

She didn't have much else to do than to head to the village. If she had a tentative idea, then she at least had a reason to start moving. Start planning, and figuring it out. She looked around the well once more, before burying her phone in the ground and the few other electronics (knowing herself, they probably were at half battery and wouldn't last longer than the next day, so there was no point to carrying around a relic of some other time. Wifi didn't exist here).

It felt like it was her soul on fire, rather than her muscles as she pulled herself out of the well. She hadn't strained herself like this in several months, and she'd gotten a little softer around her edges, and her muscles less toned. Which hadn't been a big deal when she was in modern Tokyo, where her best work out was an all-day shopping spree, trying to forget about college in her ever-looming future.

She swallowed back a hot lump in her throat and resolved herself not to think about her life two hours ago. This was her very temporary not so unknown new life. She had an idea on how to handle feudal Japan. She knew how to act and what to wear, even if she chose to ignore it. It wasn't exactly a foreign land.

Denial was her best friend.

The village approached faster than she expected, having barely noticed moving her sluggish body towards it, and she was very suddenly at Kaede's front door. She shrugged and knocked on the door.

A girl, about her age, maybe slightly older appeared at the doorway. "Hello? How may I help you?"

Kagome opened her mouth to ask where Kaede was, peered over the woman's shoulder into the house and walked away.

No way was she dealing with that.

If Kaede was dead, she could go do that somewhere else. The old hag could be dead all she wanted, but Kagome had eighty million problems, a crumbling sense of sanity and she didn't need anything else trying to tip her over the edge. In a very detached sort of way, she meandered around the village until she found something else to do. Or rather, until something else found her.

That something found her rather quickly. She'd walked around for what felt like ages but was probably only a good half hour, ignoring the blatant stares of the people in the market place who weren't accustomed to seeing someone dressed in high-waisted short shorts and a crop top that said "bite me" in English. It wasn't quite their fault for balking at her, she reminded herself. She looked nowhere near what their imaginations could even dream of. And while she idly pondered the fashion choices of fourteenth century Japan, because she couldn't allow herself to think of anything else, she heard her name shouted in the distance.

In the brief second it took for her head to whip around, Inuyasha had already approached and grabbed her in his arms for a big hug. Her ability, or lack thereof, to breathe aside, she relaxed into his chest and let herself feel relieved. Safety had found her, her friend was here. She sighed when he started to pull away to speak, and clung just a little bit longer than necessary. He was one of the few fragments of her life still around, and though she didn't love him romantically anymore, she needed a reassuring touch.

"Where've you been?" Inuyasha asked, excitement brimming in his eyes.

"Oh haha," she forced herself not to tear up. She wasn't a kid, she could handle this, "nowhere, really. Just busy."

She wouldn't tell him. She could do this.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she began bawling. "I'm trapped!"

…

When she stopped wailing, he asked her to explain.

"I've been having some difficultly right now—it's the whole college thing. I got accepted and all, but honestly I don't think it's right for me. I'm fairly stupid, I barely passed Biology, and I don't know what I want to do with my life. College costs so much these days that frankly, with my family's financial situation, I shouldn't go to college until I know for sure what I want to do. If I went now, I'd just be wasting my mother's hard earned money and I'm just going to result in a big failure—"

She paused, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her shirt and sighed. "I know you don't understand the whole modern day thing, but I'm just going crazy with the stress and I had to talk about it. But as for why I'm here, I met myself at this bakery that I like. It was just a spur of the moment thing, and I went back to the bakery and bam! There she was. Or I guess, there I was.

And it was this big mess where I started shouting and making a scene and Kami, I feel so bad for that, I just haven't been acting like an adult but whatever. Fuck that. Her shop so deserves to have less people going there so you know what? I'm happy I created a public scene if a couple people don't ever go back because no way do I want her to have good business."

She crossed her arms with a final humph. Inuyasha, who was sitting across from her on the tree branch they'd climbed to at the Goshinbuko tree, itched an ear. "Um, Kags? If she's you, then why do you want her to be unhappy?"

It was like igniting a bomb. She scooted over to him, eyes aflame, and exclaimed, "Okay wow, trust you to be on their side! It's gross, really, who she is. I'm never going to become her. I mean, just because you finally reconciled with him doesn't mean you need to give him your best friend as an alliance. I don't even want to talk to you about this, like why do you want them to be happy?"

Inuyasha visibly blanched. "I, um, don't know? I just thought she was you, ya know? I want you to be happy."

"She's not me. She married Sesshomaru, for kami's sake—"

"You did what?!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"But you just said—"

"I said, the other Kagome did that! And you were on her side just a second ago!"

"I didn't know the full story!"

She fumed, and he tried to erase the mental picture of her and Sesshomaru together.

"Okay, look, I've just had a crazy day. When I told this future version of myself that there was no way in hell I was going to marry Sesshomaru and have twenty something kids with him," she ignored Inuyasha's bulging eyes, "she tricked me into jumping down the well. And I don't know what happened, maybe it was the well or maybe she did some voodoo, but now it doesn't work anymore."

Her voice broke and she started crying again, "I can't go back, Inuyasha. I can't return anymore."

…

They sat up in the high branches of the tree for a while longer, until she had calmed down once more. He waited patiently with her, a comforting hand resting on her back, until she felt like herself once more. And once she did, they exited the tree and he led her around the village to a small hut located on the outskirts of civilization. She noticed that much hadn't changed with the scenery of the area, still as lush and green as her memory supplied, but something else had changed.

Inuyasha was different. Changed in a way she couldn't quite put her finger on, like when someone changes their makeup and you just know something's new but you can't place what.

She allowed herself to be led into the strange hut, only to find familiar faces. Sango and Miroku were in the corner chatting with a cup of tea in their hands. Shippo was lying on his back staring at the ceiling, bored in the way only kids could be. Kikyo, in her full, healthy body, was tending some food at the hearth. And Kaede, that old bag, was sitting there with her, warming herself at the fire.

Kagome blinked back a fresh set of tears. Kami, she was way too emotional today. She fanned herself and smiled. "Hey, guys."

They turned to look at her in unison, and loud exclamations were delighted at the same moment, sounding like one big mess to her.

"Kagome—"

"It's so good to see you!"

"Where have you been?'

"What's wrong?"

Kami, she thought with a relieved laugh, they haven't changed at all. Kaede was still old as rocks but she hadn't died, Shippo had promptly attached himself to her chest in a hug, and Miroku was swiftly approaching, suspicious hands outstretched. But the khazana was no longer there, wrapped in prayer beads.

"Miroku," she hugged him, squishing Shippo in between them, "it's so good to see you!"

"Kagome! I missed you so much!" Shippo piped up, and she patted his head. It was incredibly sweet that Shippo was exactly who he'd been when she'd left—down to the hugging. Souta changed so much every six months that it was a relief to have a baby around who'd stay a baby. Even if said baby was always clinging to her and needing constant attention.

"Kagome, it's a pleasure to see you again. We missed you as well," Miroku said warmly, and gestured over to Sango, who had gotten up from where she was sitting.

And wow, because Sango still wore her hair in her slicked-back pony tail, and she looked gorgeous as ever… but more round. Like, a lot. She had a beach ball underneath her yutaka. Or a balloon. Or something because Kami, she'd only been gone… well, Miroku and Sango's wedding had been in the spring, right? Just after they'd defeated Naraku. And after the wedding she'd said she needed some time off so she went home, and then got caught up with school and graduation… and then summer. So if summer was two months, and finals were another, and then a couple more, maybe she'd been gone for five months? But Sango was so not five months pregnant.

She looked eight months along, at least. She looked like a walking tent.

"Sango! Wow, you look great! And ah, pregnant!" She squeaked, and the pregnant taijia laughed.

"Yeah, I am. I'll be giving birth soon, we think, in a couple of weeks. Kaede says the baby is starting to drop so it could be very soon."

"Umm, when? When did this, um, when did you find out?" She blinked, eyes entirely focused on the swell in her body. The last pregnant person she'd saw was herself.

"We found out a bit before we defeated Naraku, actually. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, it's just with everything that we were doing, it seemed like something we couldn't even count on. But here we are, about to have the baby!" Sango was bright and full of excitement, and Kagome felt a pang of guilt. So much had happened while she was away.

Sango hugged her too, though it was mostly belly and stretched arms, and Kagome chided herself for feeling left behind. So much had occurred for the couple, and she should be so delighted for them. But at the moment, she only felt like a kid compared to rapidly changing adults.

Kikyo approached next, offering a bow that seemed to be a little more stiff than comfortable and she returned the same. It wasn't like she hated Kikyo anymore, it was just the whole thing was conflicting. And when Inuyasha stood next to her, his arm wrapped around Kikyo's side, Kagome understood what exactly had changed in him.

He was mated. She didn't begrudge him that happiness, he and Kikyo looked very much in love. She smiled, because that was all there was left to do.

Everyone was growing up. And then there was her, trapped in time and stagnant. She was worried about things they couldn't even comprehend, and while she felt like she was more an adult than she'd been when she'd last saw them, the truth was there for her to see. Her friends had all progressed in their lives. They'd found love, created families, and begun a long and happy journey in their lives.

She was still whining about the fact that the Shake Shack had stopped selling her favorite smoothie.

She clung tightly to Shippo, who was still close to her chest, and offered her congratulations with grace. She wanted to be genuine with her happiness, but was found she was only content when the reunion was over and she was allowed to sit by the hearth on the mat and think.

"Here's some tea," Sango offered, and sat next to her.

"Thanks," she took a small sip, and noted it was just as bitter as it was in her memory.

"It's been so long since we saw you, we were worried something had happened. We insisted that Inuyasha don't go back for you, because you were really busy when you left, and we knew you needed time off. But I'm so thankful you're here now. I wanted you at the birth."

"Oh, Sango... That's so sweet, I'm honored," she put her tea down and hugged her best friend—her sister. It felt good to be back.

"I'm so glad you will. It's not that I didn't want Kikyo there, but I really wanted you."

"Hmm… and so, what will I be doing?"

"Oh, just the usual stuff. Comforting me, then catching the baby once it's time."

Kagome almost yelped. What the fuck. She did not need to be anywhere near that end of Sango, like, ever. And what about a doctor, or gee, maybe someone trained?

"Shouldn't someone like a midwife do that?" She prodded.

Sango looked confused. "Well Kaede, the village elder, will be there. She's the miko, and the medicine woman, if that's what you mean."

"Okay, but wouldn't you rather her catch the baby? I've never done this before."

Sango looked bewildered for a moment. "You mean where you come from girls aren't taught how to aid a birth? I thought that was common practice, not just for Taijia."

She rubbed her belly and Kagome stared at it nervously. She was going to be the first to hold the baby underneath all that skin. Which was gross, but at the same time it was Miroku and Sango's baby. Distractedly, she mumbled, "No, that doesn't really happen in my time. But I'll do it, if you want me to."

"Yes, I do, if that's okay with you."

"Yup. I'm cool with it."

"Thank you," Sango smiled again, and refilled their tea cups. "It means the world to me."

Kagome returned the sentiment, because even though her life was moving entirely too fast for her, she wanted this. She wanted to be there for her friend.

She would be… her eyes glazed over and she stared into the fire. Her mind was still fragile to the thought. Her shock had subsided and grief set in. She thought maybe she should be angry at life, for the unfairness of being able to travel back and forth for so many years, and why now? But she only felt sad. Sad, and ill at her very core, unable to shake a sort of chill she'd acquired in her mind.

She felt too serious to be herself, and too unhappy to remain sitting with her friends and pretending to be okay. So when her smiles became too hard to hold up, she retired for the night and slept.

…

And slept late into the next day, no one remaining in the house when she woke, breakfast cold over dimming embers in the fire. She rolled over in her make shift bed and fell asleep again.

…

Night moved in and Sango was in her dream, patting her back and wiping a cool cloth over her hot forehead.

Kagome thought about her best friends and how she should've stopped hanging out with them a long time ago. She remembered Eri and Ayumi like they were right next to her, and felt ashamed. The three of them had made quite the team together, breaking hearts and laughing about it later. She thought about Yuka, who always discouraged them from their antics, trying to make them better people.

She wondered if anyone had noticed she was missing. She wondered if they would miss her.

She wondered if she deserved to be missed.

She cried for the person she'd been.

…

The next few days came and passed, and she knew she needed to go out and experience life with her friends. She was showing them a different side of herself than she wanted to. But she couldn't make herself move any more than to sip the tea they brought her each day.

She knew she should pretend it was just another visit to the past, just one more journey on their quest for the jewel.

But she saw how Kikyo was fully human again, restored in health and in life. She watched Inuyasha and Kikyo fall more in love from the window and felt a twang of regret. Once, a long time ago it had been she he'd loved. And she didn't want to be with him now, but… he was her friend. One who kept her close, and safe, despite how loudmouthed and brazen he was.

She wanted comfort, and she knew the type of comfort she wanted could no longer be found from him. When she had loved him she had found peace in him, and now she wanted what she had obtained before. A sense of home.

Kagome picked at her nail polish until it was gone, smudging out one more reminder of her past life.

…

After a week, Shippo came to her crying.

He left her room crying when she wouldn't move.

…

Sometimes her breaths felt labored, as if it was an act of courage just to keep living, even though Sengoku Judai held nothing for her.

…

Another week passed and Inuyasha came to her about his fears. His ears lying flat on his head, an all too familiar emotion written in the pucker of his eyebrows. She found his worries were not enough to make her leave the little piece of safety she'd found.

…

It was lastly Miroku, who arrived a day after Inuyasha, hauled her over his shoulder, and dragger her out to the well.

"Kagome, you've got to stop."

She looked at him with bleary eyes. "I can't."

"It's been weeks. Your life is passing by, with or without you."

"You don't understand," she frowned, looking at the earth underneath her feet. "You couldn't possibly know what this is like."

"I couldn't? You tell me. Tell that to the man who had a kazaana in his hand from the day he was born, always keeping the people he knew and loved at a distance because he was so goddamn afraid of hurting them. Tell him."

"You don't get it!" She whipped around to look at him, face in a rage. "MY whole life was just destroyed. I have nothing left—no future, no home. I have so many regrets that I can never fix, and I can't do anything about it."

He gestured to the well between them. "Jump."

"Are you crazy? I'd kill myself."

"Jump," he reiterated, with more of a challenge. "You think you're the only one with regrets that you can't fix? You've barely been living as it is, what's the difference? Try once more, see if the well will work."

She took a step, and then backed away. "No."

"Why not?"

"I…" she looked away again, ashamed. Barely a whisper, "I can't."

"What? I couldn't hear you." His diplomatic expression was a dare.

"I said… I can't."

"Sorry, the wind," he motioned nonchalantly.

She began to shout once more. "I can't! I'm a coward—there! You already knew that. I'm too scared to go back, way too scared of facing who I am, who I was. I can't move forward, because that's accepting I can't go back. You don't understand because you guys have all grown since we defeated Naraku. You all went out and found everything you ever wanted but here I am, with nothing!"

She took a deep breath and watched Miroku approach her. Resting his hands on her shoulders, his smile was full of pain, and a wisdom only achieved through hardships.

"Kagome. You forget about the fact that we are also part of your life. You say you have nothing left, but you do. You have us. You have the promise of a new future, a family of your own to create. If you do the only thing there is left to do, move forward, then you will find the life you want to live."

"And if I don't want a future in feudal Japan?" He wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Then you'll find one somewhere else. You've done more in your life than any of us could ever dream of—what says you can't carve your own path?"

She felt her heart lighten with every second that passed, and he left her to herself for the rest of the day. Sitting by the well, she remembered her first few thoughts after realizing she was stuck in feudal Japan.

She'd return to her life. No matter how long it took.

…

"Oh, Kami! We never even gave you a baby shower! Ah, I was so stupid, how could I forget something so important?!" Kagome looked over at her friend with wide eyes.

Sango muttered something incomprehensible and continued to putter around the hut, clutching her spasming belly. The contractions were drawing closer together, and though Sango claimed the walking was helping, Kagome was out of her mind with worry.

What if she gave birth while standing up? The baby would just plop out of her and land on the dirty ground. Something horrible could happen to it. It would literally be dropped on its head.

Or it could get ever dirty than it already would be. And Kagome'd be forced to tell her niece or nephew that the day they were born they were so gross she didn't even hold them. Which would cast her in a horrible light, she could feel it.

It was only a week and a half since she'd pulled her head out of her butt. She was still in mental recovery, and hadn't even thought about doing any of the proper preparations the best friend of the mother did. Like, maybe a baby shower? Or buying clothes. Or actually, knowing feudal japan, she should be out in the woods knitting a beanie for the baby out of grass stems and carving a cradle from a tree.

She could've at least collected supplies to make the birth as sanitary as possible.

Oops.

"Kagome," Sango hissed angrily, arms braced against the wall. "Why the fuck did I want a baby?"

Kagome dashed over to her friend and tried to massage her back. Whatever contractions felt like, they had to be horrible because Sango never swore.

"You thought a mini version of yourself would better the world?"

"Wrong," She groaned, a palm slapped across her face. "I thought a baby Miroku would be the cutest thing. But Kami, the world doesn't need another one, right?"

"Absolutely," Kagome noddle as sagely as possible, "you should just sign out now, tell the gods you rethought your decision. No baby today."

"I've already come this far, I'm not stopping now!" She declared with force, which was much better. Much more like Sango.

Kagome shifted around more, as Sango began walking again, the contraction having subsided. She didn't really know what to do to help, other than wait around and talk to her. She'd been in labor for hours, probably since the sun had risen, and the day was well past afternoon, heading for dinnertime.

Miroku hadn't been allowed near the hut, which Kagome thought was stupid and completely old fashioned, but Sango insisted. She only wanted women near her now, which meant even Shippo, who'd been accustomed to rubbing Sango's belly in an attempt to play with the baby, was banished. Inuyasha had gleefully bailed when the first pains had come on, unable to stomach she sounds, scents and idea.

Kikyo was drifting outside the hut, but had no real inclination to come inside and experience the stressful preparations for the birth. Kaede was somewhere else entirely, taking a bath or whatever old women did when they weren't concerned with the world.

"Should I, umm, do something for you? Maybe some tea, or a massage, or? What do you want me to do, I want to help." Kagome could hear Sango struggling and it was the absolute last thing she wanted to hear.

"I don't know, I think it might be time," she huffed, and carefully lowered herself on the ground. She seemed to blink at her statement, surprised that she'd said it, but then her face hardened in the way it did when she was going into battle.

"Yes, it's time. Call Kaede and Kikyo, I should being."

Kagome, the complete opposite of Sango, who had determinedly accepted her fate, was not ready in the slightest. She bolted out of the hut, dawdling only to shout at Kikyo to go inside. The birth was going to begin.

Women died in childbirth. Frequently. Especially in feudal Japan.

Her fear quickened her pace, running into the village to find the elder miko. She knew in theory that if the birth was going to be long, painful, and problematic Kaede couldn't do much to save Sango, but she was at least experienced. There weren't any twenty first century doctors around to perform an emergency C-section, and blood transfusions weren't possible, but irrationally, Kagome wanted Kaede to be the safety net of the procedure.

Charging into Kaede's old hut, she shouted, "Hey old bag, you here? Sango's giving birth!"

From the corner she stood up, and cracked her back. "What's the rush, child? First babes don't come quickly."

"But she's ready! You have to come now! It's time," she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, unable to control the adrenaline pumping through her veins.

"Just because she's decided to start pushing doesn't mean she's going to give birth soon. Ye are more nervous than she is, ye ken?"

"Oh stop loitering and go already," Kagome huffed, and took the woman by the arm. "No one has time for your sluggishness, and being old as the dinosaurs doesn't count as an excuse."

"I'll not ask ye what dino-saurs are, if ye stop grabbing at me." Pushing her off, Kaede straightened her clothes and took up a bag of herbs that had been sitting on the ground. They set off, one miko directing their pace and the other begrudgingly matching it.

When they arrived Sango was lying on her back, Kikyo checking everything to make sure it was progressing properly.

"How is she?" Kaede asked, pulling out a few herbs and arranging them.

"She appears to be almost fully dilated, and thinks she needs to start pushing," Kikyo directed at her sister, and then to Sango, "You can't push yet."

"You don't get it," Sango groaned and Kagome ran over to her, grasping her hand, "I need to. I have to."

"No, you don't. Your body isn't ready yet."

"Kikyo's right, Sango. Bad things happen if you push too early," Kagome agreed. Out of everyone in the room, she feared the most for Sango.

"But—!" Sango inhaled quickly, and let another contraction pass.

She labored for what felt like hours, until Kikyo checked again and exclaimed, "Okay, start to push."

Kagome watched the dance play out, the two older mikos running in a flurry and coaching Sango, who didn't know much of what was happening. The pain felt like it was seeping out of Sango and filling Kagome's mind, and she couldn't focus. All too soon, Kaede called her over from her place Sango's side.

"She's crowning."

"And that means…?" Kagome stared at the whole scene dumbly.

"The baby's head is coming out. Be prepared to catch it."

Placing herself at Sango's other end she could've nearly gagged. Kami, I'm never having kids. I'm never going to be able to look at Sango the same way. Something's sticking out… it's coming out?!

A little baby boy slid out and Kagome caught him, nearly fainting. Blood was everywhere, and she had to clean out the baby's mouth, but then he started to cry, and all she could do was look at him. The little, tiny baby, fragile and shriveled with a purplish color, looked absolutely perfect.

"Sango," she breathed, "he's perfect."

His tiny body gave out a large wail, powerful as anything, and Kagome brought him over to Sango's head. "Look."

If there was ever a more beautiful moment, Kagome didn't know it. Standing above her best friend, relishing the experience of bringing a new life into the world, surrounded by an earthen hut in the woods. It felt like she was grasping at the universe, achieving something new in her mind, something glorious.

…

His name was Raiden, he had a tuft of brown hair splattered on his head, big chocolate eyes, and he never stopped crying.

"Powerful set of lungs," Kaede remarked.

"I can't take the crying," Shippo murmured to Kagome, hands cupped over his sensitive ears. She cuddled him closer and tickled his nose with hers.

"That's what babies are like. I bet you were that way a long time ago."

"No, I don't think so. I would've hurt myself if I cried like he does."

Kagome sighed, and pulled him closer. "He doesn't cry all that much."

"Yes he does," Sango piped up from the other side of the room, bags under her eyes and groggy.

"Well," Kagome started to defend him but stopped when she saw Sango's exhausted and irritated expression. "Parenthood is a big adjustment…?

"You're not the one who has to breast feed him in the middle of the night." With an air of finality, Sango returned to the baby in her lap.

"You could just let Miroku feed him. Like with a formula or something."

Everyone in the room turned to stare at Kagome and she laughed sheepishly, with a wistful hiccup. "Oh, right. No formula."

"Whatever that is, I wish I had it right now," Sango muttered, and passed the baby off to Miroku, who had arrived at the scene. "Let's take a bath, Kagome."

She shifted in her spot, placing Shippo on the bed beside her and hesitantly moved to get up. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, you just gave birth."

"That was a week ago. I haven't bathed in ages," Sango snapped, and stormed in the direction of the hot springs.

Kagome, stunned into shock, gathered two towels and some handmade soap and ran off after her. Sango was finally getting comfortable with her body again, and it was good to see her moving, but Kagome couldn't help fearing that something would happen.

Maybe she'd trip over a twig and her organs would spill out from her vagina. Or she'd bump one of her boobs into a tree and it would explode. And then Miroku would have to grind up some rocks and mix them with water to create a formula for Raiden to live off of.

"You don't need to keep treating me like I'm so delicate, Kagome," Sango said once they had reached the springs.

She shook her head. "I've heard stories, about the past. You could've died in childbirth."

"I could've also died when we were fighting Naraku, collecting shards, or just any old day when we were doing something stupid. There's always a risk of death."

"Yeah, but with giving birth there's a greater risk." She sighed. "You had so much more to lose, this time."

Sango smiled, and hugged her. "Thank you for your concern. I was really scared too, but now it's over, and everything was fine. We don't need to worry anymore. Life is life."

They changed out of their clothes and slipped into the steaming water, Sango hissing as her body hit the warmth. Kagome tried not to stare at her normally fit and trim friend's saggy skin, but did anyways in the end.

"That's what it looks like once the baby's out?"

"Ugly, right?" Her laugh was more self-deprecating than humorous.

"No." Kagome bit her lip. She might've thought it was ugly before, but she didn't now. "It's a testament of your battle. Look at how well you grew the baby, look at how strong you were. And you'll lose it soon anyway, with how active you are."

"This is what I'm scared of too, now," Sango murmured, skimming her hand lightly across the surface of the water and then touching the leftover flab on her waist.

"What if I'm not a good mother? What if I don't ever look beautiful again? What if Miroku doesn't love me anymore?"

"Sango!"

"What, it's true! He loves the female body, and now mine is all loose."

"Miroku loves you, not just your body! He's just as thrilled to have a baby as you, and you guys are getting used to being parents and being responsible for someone else. Sex is probably the last thing on his mind."

"I'm just worried that once I feel better and we start again, it won't please him anymore."

"I wish you knew how dumb those fears are, Sango. Something like that isn't going to happen, and you should only worry about it if it occurs. There's no sense in worrying about something that hasn't happened yet."

They stewed in the springs for a couple of minutes until Sango conceded, and shrugged it off. "Even if your point was put indelicately, I should stop thinking about it so much, you're right. So pushing my life aside, how are you?"

Kagome didn't want to flinch at the question, but thinking of the answer made her. "I'm alright. Feeling better, I think."

"It's been two weeks since you came back to us." Sango moved closer and placed a comforting hand on her arm, "I know that was no small feat. You've changed a bit."

"I guess I have." If she wanted to stare the problem in the face, she was immature and she'd grown slightly with the loss of her family. Her life still didn't have a focus, and she felt like she was drifting, but at least now she didn't have deadlines and consequences for taking her time. That was one thing that the modern age could not provide: time to think.

"So I wonder if the topic is still too fresh, but have you formed a plan? Do you want to stay here with us, and become the new miko of the village?"

Kagome visibly blanched, and Sango quickly dispelled the idea. "Sorry, no, never mind that. We don't need to talk about it."

"Thanks."

After a moment, Sango felt the need to say one more thing, "I know you've had to change a bit since you got here, because this time it's permanent, and the switch is all that much more real. But Miroku told me that you wanted to get back to your time, and I just wanted you to know that's okay with me. I don't know if I've been accidentally holding you back… But I want you to know we're on your side, no matter what happens. We want you to be happy, and if you can only be happy in the future, then so be it."

"I don't know yet." She hung her head low, "I want to be here, experiencing everything with you guys, but I can't. I feel like there's a part of me missing, that I can't get back because I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I'm worried that I'm going to do something and mess up the world…"

She swallowed, not allowing herself to think of the future. Five hundred years… she had so much knowledge about Japan's future. She'd learned all about it in school, and studied the history of the world too, memorizing dates and battles. It was scary to think that those fights hadn't happened yet.

And then her family. Not just her mother and grandfather, who weren't anywhere near being born, but her other family. The family that she certainly didn't want with Sesshomaru.

She'd barely thought of him since arriving in the past. But if this was her future, then was she supposed to go meet him and become his mate? Because there was no way that was happening. She still thought of him the same way she had before: she'd rather end up married to some village chief wasting away as his house wife than become Sesshomaru's mate. Aka, bound to him for forever with a ball and chain.

There was the small part of that life that she would miss, though. Seiji, her best friend. Seiji, also her son.

She groaned out loud and Sango looked over. "Well, you could say I'm in a tricky situation."

With a nod from her friend, Kagome continued. "I don't know how much Inuyasha told you, but the reason I'm here isn't because I wanted to come back to see you guys. I mean, I was going to come visit, but it probably would've been sometime else, I guess. The reason I jumped down the well was to prove to my, er, future self that the well still worked. Which it did, but then it stopped.

And I don't know what to believe about fate, but basically I think my fate is to go to Sesshomaru and become his mate. Which I'm not doing, so I'm stuck. Because if I'm going against my intended future, then I have no future, and could affect the outcome of the future I came from."

Kagome shrugged, and asked, "How much do you know about Grandfather Paradoxes?"

Sango shook her head, eyes wide and confusion marring her expression.

"It's like you back and time and kill your grandfather. Which couldn't happen because first your grandfather needs to father your parent. But if you did, then you mess up the future you came from, and essentially create an alternate dimension. You can't be alive, either, because—"

"Yeah, um, Kagome? This is way too much for me to think about."

Kagome nodded, sulking into the water so it lapped at her chin. "Okay. It's no big deal, we don't need to talk about it."

"No," Sango declared, brows knit together, "I'm sorry, I just don't think I can process it. I don't really understand time travel, and everything you're going through. It doesn't really click right now, I'm just too tired. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm just at a crossroads right now. I can become Sesshomaru's mate and live up to my apparent destiny, but I don't want to do because I barely know him. I mean, he's Sesshomaru. Literally everything is wrong with him, he has a stick up his ass, he hates humans, has tried to kill me, and there's still more! I could never marry him, we're way too different! I'd hate my life!"

"Then no one will make you. If that's not what you want, then you don't have to force yourself."

"But at the same time, I had these great kids who I was really close with. I didn't know they were my future children, let alone Sesshomaru's too, but I just feel so bad. If I don't get with Sesshomaru, then they don't get to live, you know? So it's selfish."

Sango patted her shoulder. "That hasn't even happened yet, so you can't even be sure it's your fate. Anyways, you don't know Sesshomaru all that well."

She thought for a second before broaching, "What if you went there to see what he was like?"

"No! Sango, you've seen him!"

"Yes, I've seen what he's like. He's our ally now, he helped us defeat Naraku, and he travels with a human child. I see an improvement, someone who has reassessed their morals."

"He has no morals."

"Kagome."

"Sango." Her expression was a warning, and Sango let the idea drop.

"You're right, it's completely your choice. I think you should do what you think is best."

"I don't want that fate. I don't want it at all."

"So change it. You want to return to the present, plan on that being your future. What's your best idea?"

She paused for a moment, and then voiced the strategy she'd been nurturing in her mind since Miroku helped her return to her life.

"I know that the world has always been looking for a cure to mortality since the dawn of humans. I think that if I can ally myself with someone who has this cure, then I can become immortal and live until my family is alive."

"Kagome," Sango was quiet, barely above a whisper, "do you even understand the price of immortality?"

Her face was hard when she answered. "Yes. I don't care."

Sango sighed, "Then I guess it's decided."

…

Kagome flipped through the pages of an ancient historical document that Kaede had recorded throughout her lifetime, depicting the battles the village went through. They were fairly minor, nothing that had reached her history textbooks, and she pursed her lips. I'm not asking for anything big, just a mention of immortality or something nice. Real simple, just longevity.

But the scroll wouldn't produce, so she sighed, pushing it away.

"Inuyasha? I have a question."

He looked up from where he was sitting on the other side of the room. "Yeah?"

"Who's the most powerful youkai you know?"

"You're kidding, right?" He stared at her blankly, and twitched an ear.

She returned a flat look.

"Sesshomaru."

She rolled her eyes and grunted. "Who, really?"

"No, I'm serious."

"You don't have to say him just because he's your brother. I need to know who the most knowledgeable youkai is in Japan, like, the best one."

He frowned, and shrugged. "I'd still say Sesshomaru. That bastard's a jerk, but he has the most extensive library in all of the land. They say he's got some fancy scrolls from some place called Egypt, India and Rome or something."

Egypt, India and Rome. Kami, that's pretty good. If I can remember, those places were pretty advanced in their times, and at some point must've been a search for immortality. I wouldn't be surprised if the scrolls mentioned some strange ritual or something.

"What about Spain?" She furrowed her brow, trying to remember as much as she could. There was some explorer, Ponce de Leon, who searched for the fountain of youth. That had been around now, right?

"I don't know. You'd have to ask the bastard yourself, he'd have a better clue about the world. He's pretty in tune with it all."

So, the news wasn't exactly the worst thing. It just wasn't what she wanted to hear. At all. Begrudgingly, she forced herself to accept that Sesshomaru might be the best youkai to ally herself with in a quest for immortality.

"If only we still had the jewel," she mumbled and went back to reading.

…

A week later and she stopped dawdling. She wasn't getting any younger sitting around and avoiding actually putting an effort into her journey. If she was committed (and she was) she realized she needed to ally herself with Sesshomaru.

Which in all truth wasn't the worst thing. He was powerful, he was soulless, and he wouldn't question her desire for power. She wouldn't become his mate because she didn't want that, and he wouldn't want that anyways. Mating wouldn't even be mentioned, and they could have a relationship even more platonic than friendship. They'd barely be acquaintances, simply using each other for a goal.

There was just one snag in her idea. She knew why the symbiotic relationship would work for her, but she didn't know why it would work for him. She didn't have anything to offer in return for his help.

Which meant she was screwed.

...

Seventeen pages, I hope you're happy. I'm looking for a Beta to help me fish out all my mistakes and whatnot, so if you're interested please PM me. Chapters will be sporadic, but they'll keep coming. I live for reviews so please, let me know what you think!