For those not in the States: two-by-four lumber means boards cut to a profile of two inches (about 5 cm) by four inches (about 10 cm), then planed down for smoothness so it's actually a little less than that. Thick and sturdy, two-by-four is used a lot in construction. To give a person a clue-by-four means to do the emotional equivalent of driving information home by whacking the person on the head with a yard (meter) of two-by-four.

Roxanne bought a single-use douche kit on the way home from getting the morning-after pill at a local emergency room. She asked Minion to put her clothes through the wash as soon as she was out of them. In the bathroom, she put them outside the door, then brushed her teeth, douched, showered and shampooed, getting every trace of Wayne off her skin. In fresh sweats, she went up onto the roof of the Lair to breathe air with no residue of his scent and she waited.

The sky was getting light when she felt the transformation, the light and heat that produced a burning smell but left her clothes untouched. She came to herself standing with her arms outstretched to the pre-dawn sky. She felt the returned powers as a tension in her limbs which was nevertheless light and steady, like relaxation so complete that it had come out the other side as a kind of energy. In spite of her resolve to go straight downstairs and defuse herself, she couldn't resist rising into the sky above the city, gently at first, then with a thrill of speed that carried her all the way up into the sunlight that hadn't yet reached the top of Metro Tower.

Then she looked around. The most tempting of the powers for her had been the X-ray vision and super-hearing. The ability to snoop on anyone anywhere in the city was like candy to a nosy reporter. Not that much of a newsworthy character was going on at that hour. It was too late for burglary, too early for bribery. She might catch a respectably married official waking up in a brothel, but that was a little too tabloid for her taste. So she looked in on her relatives, friends and co-workers, making sure everybody was all right, holding the biggest temptation by the throat, reluctant to give in to it, equally reluctant to let go of it. Finally she succumbed: she turned her superpowered eyes toward Wayne's underground apartment. Immediately she regretted it.

He was masturbating. She supposed it was understandable. Just as she was enjoying one last flight before defusing herself for good, he was enjoying one last orgasm, possibly the last he'd ever know in his life. Suddenly she wanted to be done with all of it. She flew directly inside through the hologram wall, settled on the couch, put the defuser to her lips and pushed the button. It worked instantly.

She slept until nearly noon. When she woke up, she was in bed and her blue man was beside her, sitting up against the headboard with a keyboard on his lap and the "screen" projected from the wall above the bed onto the wall opposite, showing computer source code, incomprehensible to her. As soon as he felt her move, he shut it down, set the keyboard aside and turned to her, sliding down under the bedclothes until he was lying beside her. She was happy to discover that all her old feelings for him were back, tenderness and love and lust and aesthetic appreciation of his lean otherworldly beauty.

"How are you, my love?" he whispered.

"Horny but tired," she replied.

"Then just lie back and I will do all the work." He kissed her. "Such onerous work! How will I bear it?" He helped her out of her clothes and slid his bare skin against hers. Her responses from before her infusion were fully restored and he played them skillfully, in the end inspiring a little more energetic participation than she'd thought she had in her.

Afterward they got dressed and went upstairs to the kitchen for a snack. It seemed to her that everything was back to normal.

"Mr. Scott called, Ms. Ritchi" said Minion as they ate. "He wants you to call him as soon as you can. He says it's about amends." And her gut tightened up, as did something a little lower down, and she knew everything wasn't back to normal.

###

"Minion said you wanted me to call you."

"Yeah. I've been thinking about this amends thing. I went online and read about the eleven people you told me about, plus eight who were left permanently disabled. None of them come from very well-off families. I know that money won't make everything all right, but it could make a big difference. So I need access to my inheritance, and for that I need to be officially alive. So here's my idea..."

###

She picked him up in her car, a Datsun 240Z older than she was. (One thing she and Megamind had in common was an appreciation for vintage sports cars.) She refused to enter his apartment even though he hadn't cleansed it of her scent, so she wouldn't have re-contaminated it. She just didn't want to be near him when there was a bed handy. So she pulled up in front of the weathered schoolhouse and phoned him.

He came out wearing one of the suits he had custom made in Italy. He was still defused, so it hung on him; the cuffs were rolled up to keep them from flopping over his hands and the ends of his trouser legs were tucked into his socks. He had shaved and done his hair in his old style.

When he got in the car, there was a long moment when they looked into each other's eyes, and if either had made the first move, had leaned in just a little, they would have kissed and there's no telling what it would have lead to. Then Roxanne used the buttons on her door to roll down all the windows. The cold air broke the mood.

"Fasten your seatbelt," she said as she turned the key. "If I have to stop suddenly, you could get hurt."

###

"This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting from Police Headquarters, where a man previously believed to be dead is about to be identified by matching his fingerprints against those in the police database." She and Wayne stood on one side of a counter with a computer on it, wired to the specialized scanner that would take the prints. On the other side of the counter was Captain Tuomey, Roxanne's most frequent contact in the police department. Fingerprinting was usually done by a lower-ranking member of the force, but Tuomey insisted on being the policeman on camera. A cameraman from Channel 8 News stood filming at the end of the counter. Wayne put his fingers on the scanner, rolling his thumbs as the captain instructed. Tuomey typed for a moment, paused while the machine worked, and then his expression of smug professionalism changed to shock. He looked at Wayne.

"You can't be Metro Man!"

"I'm not Metro Man anymore, but I am Wayne Scott. It's kind of complicated, but the short version is that Megamind took the same technology he used to take Titan's powers away and used it to take my powers away because I refused to help him defeat Titan."

"What? You're saying that you were alive when Titan arose? And you still had your powers?"

"Yes. What you saw at the abandoned observatory was... acting. The skeleton was fake." The runaway hero looked and sounded contrite, even a little ashamed, but Roxanne didn't know how much to trust it. He'd fooled the whole city. How hard would it be to fool everyone again? "I convinced everyone I was dead and went into hiding. Roxie... I never did hear why you showed up."

"Megamind came to me after his first battle with Titan. He knew that Titan's powers were like Metro Man's and he wanted any information I could come up with on Metro Man in the hope of finding a weakness that Titan might also have. I was looking for that information. I never expected to find you alive. If I had, I certainly wouldn't expect that you'd refuse to help us. I still don't understand it." She found herself looking at him coldly as she said it.

He hung his head. "I didn't realize what it was going to be like for him," he replied. "I'd been battling Evil for so long, it had gotten so easy, I thought it would be that easy for him, too. I forgot how often I... well, I always won in the end, but when I was first starting out, there were casualties I failed to prevent because I was inexperienced. I didn't pay any attention to the battle with Titan, because I figured, now that Megamind was on the right side, defending the city instead of menacing it, there was no question that he'd win. So there were casualties he failed to prevent, that I could have prevented if I wasn't so... complacent. Then Roxie decided I needed the clue-by-four." He gave her a rueful smile. "It was your idea, wasn't it?"

Her first reaction was Hey, who's the interviewer here? but then she remembered that she was part of this story, too, and it was a fair question. "Yeah. Megamind has been preoccupied with getting used to his new role, converting his more evil devices to good use, and stopping the kind of criminals who'll keep committing crimes if they aren't stopped. He wasn't expecting any more trouble from you, so he left you alone. I was the one who insisted on seeing justice done."

"In that case," said the captain, "Wayne Scott, formerly known as Metro Man, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent..."

###

Few reporters have ever made a more spectacular comeback than Roxanne Ritchi. When she had started her leave of absence, she wasn't sure whether she was going to still have a job at the end of it. Some of the news show executives had argued that, since her relationship with Metro Man no longer brought the station a steady stream of exclusives, it was time to bring in a fresh new face, by which they meant a younger female newscaster who would have more appeal for the horndog segment of the viewing public. But now she was more popular than ever, and doubly so with every woman and teenage girl who'd ever had a man run out on her. The sharpest change was in the attitudes of those who had criticized her for her growing relationship with Megamind. If she had known since the days of Titan that Metro Man was alive and refusing to help in the city's hour of need, then her cavorting with his former rival seemed like no more than he deserved.

All this Roxanne learned from the storm surge of emails she got after the segment aired on the evening news. She had shut down her computer and was happily in bed with her blue beloved when the phone call came from the Metro County jail. So Minion handled it.

"You've got to come now!" pleaded a panicking police sergeant. "Metro Man's regained his powers! Please hurry! We can't stand against him!"

"Has he bent any bars?" asked the fish. "Has he broken through any walls? Used his laser vision? Anything?"

"We don't know. We've evacuated the whole wing of the jail. Please!"

"Look, Sergeant. Ms. Ritchi said he promised to stay put when she drove him to the station to turn himself in, so long as he was put in a cell by himself. You did give him his own cell, right?"

"Yes. Of course. We would have anyway, just for his own safety. But what if he changes his mind now that he has his powers back? There's no way we can hold him!"

Minion sighed patiently. "I'll send in a couple of brainbots." There was always a camera bot on patrol in the general vicinity of the jail, anyway. Minion sent a projector bot to join it. The two little cyborgs let themselves into the building and floated down the hall, past the trembling guards, to the cell where a reinfused Wayne was floating on his back in midair as though on a comfortable bed, in shirts sleeves, playing air guitar and looking smug. The camera bot rose to the ceiling just outside the cell and extended its lens through the bars toward him, while the projector bot sank to the floor, aimed its lens at the ceiling and showed him a video feed of Minion in the Lair's control center.

"Hey, Mr. Scott. Sounds like you got the staff all freaked out."

"Did I? Sorry. I had no control over it. You know, I have no idea what the process looks like from the outside. Must be pretty scary, huh?" The superpowered fingers continued to move up and down the imaginary guitar strings as he spoke.

"They just want you to reassure them that you're not going to use your powers to bust out."

"I'm not going anywhere. Although it would be nice if they could give me a mirror. I'm worried that the transformation mussed up my hair."

"Hmm. Tell you what. If you'll give me just one second, I'll send the signal from the camera bot directly to the projector bot and you can see yourself instead of my ugly mug."

"Don't put yourself down, Minion," Music Man replied as the mechanical hands worked over the controls. Abruptly, the image he saw overhead was his own, slightly off center. He twisted his head around to get a view from all sides, then floated to vertical to show the camera the top of his head. Satisfied that his hair was in acceptable shape, he returned to his prone position. "Thanks, buddy. That's all I needed."

"Don't mention it. Say, why don't I leave the bots where they are for the night? I'll put the feed from the camera bot through to one of the security screens at the front desk there, just to reassure the staff, and if you need anything, just speak up."

"Great. One more thing." The former hero hesitated a moment. "Roxie and your boss. How are they doing?"

The fish gave a suggestive smile. "Why do you think I'm handling this instead of him?"

###

"Too bad there wasn't a camera pointed at him when he re-infused, or a guard watching," Roxanne remarked when she heard about it over breakfast. The only witness to Wayne's regaining of his powers had been the prisoner in the cell across the hall, who was in for running a shell game; not exactly the picture of reliability.

"You think there are people out there who don't believe Wayne lost his powers?" replied Megamind.

"You should see some of the emails I've been getting. People who think I've been fooled, who want to help me by pointing out all the signs that the man who was arrested on camera yesterday was obviously an impostor, or the ones who think I'm in on it, that this whole story is some kind of hoax and Metro Man is really dead. It drives me nuts."

"Well, what if he defused someplace where there were a lot of witness, including a judge and a lawyer from the district attorney's office?"

"No way will they let you take the defuser gun into the courtroom."

"I wasn't thinking of the defuser gun. I was thinking of Eau de Roxanne, straight from the source."

###

The way Megamind looked at it, just because he was one of the good guys now, that didn't mean he needed to inform the authorities about everything he did, much less ask permission. Getting past the courthouse's security system was child's play for him, of course, as was the planting of tiny or sensors and cameras in every courtroom. He did these things in the dead of night, sending in brainbots to do all the courtrooms at once so as to complete the task without disturbing the guards on their rounds. What those sensors were there to measure was air movement. By the eve of Wayne's hearing (not a trial, because he had pled guilty, but a sentencing hearing), the blue genius had a complete map of the air flow in each courtroom to show to Roxanne.

"The ideal position would be directly behind him," the blue man explained as they leaned over the printouts, "but there's no telling where at the defendant's table he'll sit. So the next best is here," he tapped a red dot on each of the maps, "where your scent will be carried directly to the witness stand."

"Wouldn't it be easier if I just sit along the aisle so he'll smell me as he walks past?"

"Too quick. You want him in a place where he's got to be for at least a minute, preferably several. Better if he transforms when all eyes are on him, anyway."

###

They were both subpoenaed as witnesses, so they went to the courthouse together. The place was packed, but the crowds parted for the city's defender, and they got exactly the seats they wanted.

"You're sure adjusting to the hero privileges," she remarked once they were seated, seeing how he smirked and preened in response to the attention.

"Oh, yes. None of that noble false humility for moi," Megamind replied, putting a hand to his lightning-bolt-bedecked chest. "One of the reasons Wayne grew so tired of being a hero, in my not-at-all-humble opinion, is that he felt he had to suppress all evidence of even his minor flaws. I defend the city, but I have no intention of being anything other than what I am: a barely reformed supervillain, vain and egotistical and positively greedy for special treatment."

She was about to respond with a bit of suitable banter, but a very angry feminine voice spoke from behind them. "And I suppose you know all about his minor flaws." They looked back to see a slender blond snarling at them.

Megamind's grin grew even wider. "One aspect of the Game we played that was generally not known to the public was the research aspect. I would evade the security system at Scott Mansion, fill the place with hidden cameras and microphones, and snoop until he noticed and destroyed them. Then he would upgrade the security system, which I would once again defeat." The grin turned a little sinister. "One of these days, if I get especially irritated with him, I shall release some of the more embarrassing selections. Let the whole world see what an oaf he can be when he thinks there's nobody watching." The blond continued to snarl, panting, getting worked up for an outburst, but then Roxanne, who happened to be facing the door at the back of the courtroom, saw the defendant being led in. She caught her breath at the sight of him, full-sized again, the Wayne she had known. He was still in the same suit, but it fit him now. He looked beautiful, and she'd never thought that about him before.

"There he is," she said, and the blond turned like a dog that hears the can opener. On his wrists were shackles, the kind that usually go on prisoners' ankles. She supposed no handcuffs would fit him. He looked straight ahead at the back of the detention officer leading him. Except for that officer, every person in the courtroom watched him. Another officer, behind him, used a billy club to wave off people who tried to touch him.

Megamind gloated. To see Metro Mahn doing a perp walk was just too delicious. It was only when his old rival was seated at the defender's table that he turned and saw the look of distraught longing on Roxanne's face.

"Courage!" he whispered. "Remember your public."

She took a deep breath. "You're right," she said, making an effort to compose herself.

"All rise," said an official voice as the judge entered. The court's normal morning routine followed. The judge asked Wayne's lawyer to confirm that Wayne's plea was still guilty. Then there were opening arguments. Wayne's lawyer argued for the sentence that would allow him to be most effective in setting things right - basically community service. The prosecutor, who looked to be fresh out of law school, emphasized the immensity of the fraud and asked for the harshest penalty the law allowed. Did they give this newbie the case because they know it's hopeless or was he just the only one in the D.A.'s office who didn't have too much history with Metro Man to prosecute this case dispassionately? Then the kid called Wayne up to the witness stand. The former hero was sworn in, identified himself and the questioning began.

"Let's start on the day of the museum opening, with your arrival at the abandoned observatory," the prosecutor began. "When you flew in there, what were your intentions?"

"To rescue Roxanne Ritchi and bring Megamind to justice."

"Nothing more than that?"

"Not at that moment."

"And when did that change?"

"When Roxie asked if she could go home." He glanced her way, then back at the lawyer. "Suddenly I..." His eyes returned to hers as his jaw went slack and his expression turned to one of worry and confusion. He started to rise. "Roxanne," he murmured, and the flames took him.

The crowd rose to its feet, babbling its astonishment. Roxanne, rising with them, burst into tears. What's wrong with me? This is just what I wanted to happen, a public demonstration that the man I led into the police station was him. Why does it hurt so much? Why do I want to go to him now?

A bailiff ran forward with a fire extinguisher. Megamind jumped up on his seat. "No, you fool!" he shouted. "Don't use that! There's no telling what the chemicals will do to him in this state!" The bailiff hesitated, looking at the blue hero. "The flames are harmless and they'll be over in a few seconds. There. They're already dying down." Wayne collapsed in the witness chair, unconscious. The judge ordered a recess.

As he stepped down from his perch, Megamind unfastened the spiked leather yoke that held his cape on and shoved it away behind him so that it landed on the seat. He took Roxanne in his arms. All this was as she had instructed him when they were first dating. He had freely admitted that he was probably in the bottom one percent of the adult male population in terms of understanding the feelings and motivations of women, having never known any when he was growing up, and had invited her to train him as she saw fit. This was one of the first things she'd taught him. When a woman you care about is crying for emotional reasons, the best thing you can do is shut up and hold her. And lose the spikes so she can cry on your shoulder. Once the first outburst is over, you can say something to express sympathy, but at first, just be there. The blond woman behind them was weeping, too. She gave Roxanne a tissue from her purse. Other citizens gathered around with words of sympathy and pats on the back. It made Megamind nervous, but he was no longer as inclined to panic in crowds as he had once been.