AN: Edited Chapter.

I do not own any of the characters. Not gonna mention that the characters belong to the writer of DGM. Clearly its not needed and Im not claiming the characters.

spoiler warning: There is rape in a few chapters in this story. (Someone asked for this warning in the summary but I don't want it there so I'm putting it here.) Don't like? Don't read. I do not approve of rape but it is a good catalyst as to why Allen is the way he is.

The young author was pacing the living room of his somewhat upscale open floor planned apartment. He was in only a large white button up shirt but of course even alone in his apartment he wore his white fabric gloves. Usually pacing helped a little but the author's writer's block had not changed in the last two hours he had been pacing. A knock on his apartment door made him jump a little before he moved to the door only opening it a crack to peek out. Out in the hall stood a tall man with long fiery red hair and glasses staring down at the white haired fairly short author.

"Marian-san…. I sent in the drafts… why are you here?" The author, Allen Walker, asked timidly. His deadline for his next bit wasn't due for another two months. Which is why Allen was rather confused as the why his editor, Cross Marian, was at his door.

"Remember that actor you wanted as the main character for you movie turned book?" Cross practically forced his way into the apartment. Allen sighed closing the door following behind Cross to the living room.

"Yes. What about it? Oh did he answer?" Allen suddenly felt happy yet nervous. Cross turned to face Allen about to light a cigarette but he noticed Allen tense up at the sight of the cigarette even though Allen tried to hide it. Cross looked to the cigarette before putting it away.

"Yeah. He's agreed to take the part. But on one condition." Cross held up his index finger which Allen blinked at.

"What might that be?" Allen inquired. What could the actor possibly want with Allen? He had no real say over anything concerning the movie or anything involving the actors….

"He wants to meet the author. You." Cross replied. Panic set in and Allen didn't even hide it.

"What? No. Not me. Have him meet my stand in. No way. I can't….he can't see me…." Allen started to pace again in distress rather than trying to get rid of his writers block. Cross watched Allen closely, he still had no idea what had Allen too afraid to really go out and meet people…it had started a few years ago. He started to act strange when he was 16 then at 20 he changed again. Moved into this apartment and rarely left it but for absolutely necessary things like groceries and such.

"Allen. He'll be here in ten minutes." That made Allen freeze before slowly turning to face Cross. Shock and horror covering his face. "He's your idol no? Why don't you want to meet him? I know how much you 'like" him."

"That…is two very different things! I never wanted to meet him in person! No! Don't let him in! I can't let him see me! He can't see me!" Allen closed his eyes and covered his ears like a child. Cross stared at Allen confused.

"Allen what the hell is your problem? Why are you so freaked out?" Cross demanded but Allen didn't move.

"I'm hideous. Tainted. No. He shouldn't have to look at me. I can't stand it when you look at me. You shouldn't have to see me either. No." Allen muttered like a fearful child as he turned running to his room.

"Damn it Allen! Do I need to call Froi?" Cross growled as he followed after Allen. Allen was in his room the door closed as he was putting on some black dress pants but wasn't bothering to tuck in his somewhat wrinkled shirt.

"No! No….I'm fine….just don't let…." Allen was cut off by a knock on the front door earning both peoples attention. Cross started for the front door. Allen stood in his room trembling trying to figure out what to do. Cross let in the actor who was actually a little early. Allen could barely hear them talking from his room. Allen opened the door just a tiny bit to see Cross who was facing his door and a shorter long haired man in front of Cross with his back to Allen. The man's long dark hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. He had one hand on his hip in a display of agitation. Cross' eyes shifted from the man in front of him to Allen who was spying. The actor turned his head to look over his shoulder at what had earned Cross' attention. Allen jumped when dark blue eyes locked with his own grey eyes.

"Che. That's the author? He's just a kid." The actor stated a little annoyed.

"22" Allen called softly causing the actor to make a slightly puzzled look.

"What?" The actor demanded.

"I'm not a kid. I'm 22." Allen poked his head out a little.

"Well what the hell are you doing hiding like a kid if you aren't one?" The actor growled sending Allen back into hiding some.

"Don't do that. He's had some issues in the past. Not that he would tell anyone what happened." The last sentence Cross said was louder as that was aimed at Allen.

"I told someone just not you. Or anyone but my therapist…." Allen slowly emerged from his room standing in the hall awkwardly as he stared at the floor nervously. The actor scoffed not one hundred percent sure what to make of the white haired 'kid'.

"So Moyashi…..you're Guardian?" The actor turned to fully face Allen which for some reason made Allen blush looking further to the ground and take a step back. As the actor started to move closer to Allen Cross put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Cross would never really admit it out loud but he cared about Allen and didn't like him being scared.

"M-moyashi….? Allen. My name is Allen…." Allen peeked up at the actor. Man….he never though Yu Kanda, his most favorite actor could be so….broody….. Kanda had been an actor since he was a child and Allen had watched every single movie or show Kanda had been in.

"Moyashi fits you better. That should be your pen name." Kanda huffed looking away folding his arms over his chest. Allen sighed softly. Slowly Allen walked up to the two guests in his apartment.

"Would you like something to drink Kanda-san?" Allen offered quietly as he walked past the two keeping as much distance as possible at the same time.

"Tea." Kanda turned same as Cross to watch Allen. Allen walked to the open kitchen setting up a kettle on the stove before getting a tea cup down and a glass. As the water heated up Allen poured Cross a glass of wine handing it to him.

"Thanks." Cross took the drink moving to sit on the couch. Kanda watched Allen as he stayed in the kitchen staring at the kettle as if that would speed up the process or something.

"So….Kanda-san….why did you want to meet me…?" Allen asked still staring at the kettle.

"Just Kanda. And look at who you are speaking to. Its rude not to." Kanda growled. Allen quickly looked at Kanda scared and not just from his tone of voice and Kanda could tell that…

"I'm sorry." Allen said softly.

"I wanted to meet Guardian cause I read all the books and was….curious." That was it? That was the only reason Kanda had wanted to meet him? That surprised Allen for some reason….

"You read all the books I wrote? Really? That makes me really happy." Allen smiled happily. Kanda actually blushed at the smile before looking away.

"Don't think too much on it. They aren't half bad that's all." Kanda huffed. Allen smiled chuckling softly.

"Even you saying they weren't half bad means a whole lot to me. You have no idea. Really." Allen smiled. In all honesty the main character of the series that was now being turned into a movie which Kanda was now starring in was based off of Kanda….not that Allen planned on telling him that.

"Whatever." The kettle going off drew their attention. Allen prepared the tea before setting it on the coffee table for Kanda gesturing politely offering him a seat on one of the couches. Kanda sat down on the couch opposite of Cross who was silently drinking. Allen sat beside Cross but not too close. The room was silent for a while till Cross' phone went off. After his conversation was over Cross stood up holding his empty glass out to Allen who took it looking up at him.

"I have to go. Will you be alright?" Allen could tell by Cross' eyes what he was referring to exactly, that being the actor who sat across from Allen.

"Yes." Allen said after some thought. "I'll be fine…Thank you Marian-san." Cross ruffled Allen's hair gently before glaring softly at Kanda then leaving.

"What the hell was that for?" Kanda demanded when Cross was gone. Allen laughed nervously.

"Sorry. He's protective though he won't care to admit it." Allen stood up taking Cross' glass to the kitchen.

"What is he? Your father or something?" Kanda huffed.

"Sort of actually. He's been helping me out ever since Mana, my foster father died when I was young." Allen commented from the kitchen.

"How young?" Kanda actually sounded a little interested.

"Hm? Oh….I was….about ten...Hard to say….I don't even know when my real….ah it's not important." Allen walked out of the kitchen sitting back on the couch.

"What don't you know?" Clearly Kanda wasn't going to let it go. Allen sighed softly.

"My real birthday…my birth parents abandoned me as a baby….I really don't talk about it…." Allen gave a polite smile to in a way ask Kanda to drop it.

"Really….huh." Kanda turned away. To break the silence that had stretched too long Allen turned the tv on to some random channel. Allen made his way to the kitchen to get Kanda some more tea. Kanda looked over his shoulder to the tv for some form of entertainment while Allen was away.

"….And Tyki Mikk another actor is flying into to play part in up and coming…" Kanda's attention was taken from the tv to the sound of crashing in the kitchen. When Kanda went to the kitchen to see Allen kneeling on the floor eyes shut and ears covers.

"No no no no no…" Allen whispered over and over. He freaked out falling back when Kanda had knelt down in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. Allen looked down right terrified.

"Moyashi. What's wrong?" Kanda reached out to Allen who pulled away.

"No!" Allen covered his face turning his head away.

"What's wrong? Should I call Cross?" Kanda really had no idea what was wrong with Allen, why he was freaking out or what to do to make him stop. Guess Allen wasn't going to be okay alone with him.

"No….no….Tiedoll….Tiedoll…." Allen said behind his hands. Kanda blinked. Tiedoll…and Allen had a therapist? Only one person came to Kanda's mind. He pulled his phone out of his pocket dialing a number.

"Hey old man. I think…one of your patients is having a break down and I don't know what to do." Kanda spoke as Allen sat trying to make himself as small as possible trembling in fear.

"What? Yu….who are you with? What are you talking about?" An older gentle man's voice replied.

"I don't know. His name is Allen….that's all I know. All I know is he has a therapist and he's asking for 'Tiedoll' so…" Kanda was cut off by Tiedoll.

"Allen? Allen Walker? Can you put him on the phone?" Tiedoll was a little concerned.

"Not really old man! He's in a full blown panic attack!" Kanda growled.

"Yu….where are you?" Tiedoll asked. It was surprising that Kanda wasn't even mad that Tiedoll was using Kanda's first name.

"At his apartment. I don't know what to do! He's crying…and hiding…in a sense. He won't let me…." Kanda was cut off again by Tiedoll.

"Don't touch him. Just wait there. I'll be there shortly." And with that Tiedoll hung up leaving Kanda still very confused. When Tiedoll knocked at the door Kanda quickly answered the door. Tiedoll hurried to Allen who was still on the kitchen floor trembling but he hadn't said a word since saying Tiedoll's name. "Allen…..what happened?" Tiedoll asked softly as he knelt down in front of Allen in ball form. Tiedoll hadn't seen Allen this bad in a long time…at least a year. He had thought they had been making good progress….

"T-Tiedoll…." Allen slowly peeked at Tiedoll.

"Yeah. I'm here….Can you tell me what happened?" Tiedoll sighed when Allen shook his head hiding his tear stained face again. Tiedoll stood up looking to Kanda who was standing off to the side watching them. "What happened before he got scared?"

"I don't know. He turned on the tv, went to the kitchen to get me some more tea then all I heard was the cup break." Kanda shrugged.

"What was on tv?" Both looked to Allen when he protested.

"No no no. Bad. Bad name….bad man….bad place….why?" Allen said still hiding. Kanda had no idea what he was going on about but Tiedoll seemed to know.

"Oh….that explains it….you're okay Allen…You're safe. Remember? This is a safe place…." Tiedoll said softly as he knelt down in front of Allen again. Kanda tried to recall what had been playing on tv….but for some reason he couldn't remember.

"No….he came back….he's here….what if he comes and….no…" Allen sobbed. Tiedoll tried to calm Allen but nothing worked.

"Allen should I get Cross? I can't seem to reassure you…you're safe…." Tiedoll was a little lost.

"No. I…I….no. I….I'm okay…..I'm okay I think…." Allen took a deep breath as he slowly started to calm down a little. Slowly he looked up at Tiedoll.

"Hey….there you are." Tiedoll smiled softly as he pulled out a handkerchief. "Can I wipe your face?" Allen slowly nodded in response. Tiedoll gently wiped Allen's tears away.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to be a bother to either of you….." Allen sighed closing his eyes when Tiedoll was done being fatherly.

"It's fine Allen. This hasn't happened in a good long while….this is good progress. There are bound to be some steps back….it happens. I'm here to help you Allen so don't worry." Tiedoll gave a big smile. Allen sighed again lying down on his side.

"You really shouldn't lay there stupid Moyashi….there's tea cup pieces everywhere…." Kanda remarked making Allen look at him before closing his eyes.

"Yu….look….you should really be nicer…." Tiedoll sighed as he stood up getting the dust pan to clean up the broken cup. He had learned it was best not to touch Allen or try to move him after such episodes. Once the cup was cleaned up Tiedoll sat on the floor next to Allen. "Allen….now….do you care to talk?"

"Not really…"Allen sighed again. That was a concerning sign.

"Allen…" Tiedoll called Allen's attention.

"Yes?" Allen opened his eyes to look at Tiedoll. Even Kanda who had only met Allen today noticed the difference in Allen's demeanor. Yes Allen was shy but this passive….it was strange.

"Old man….what's wrong….?" Kanda called but Tiedoll waved him off not looking from Allen.

"Allen….focus. Please. Remember who you are. Where you are. You're not there anymore. No need for the defense." Tiedoll spoke softly, like to a young confused child.

"Heh. But its nice…I keep him safe….isn't that important…Allen being safe? No pain….no feelings…." Allen spoke in a more….playful manner or something like it.

"Nea…Allen doesn't need you anymore….he can't heal if you're still here…He needs to stand on his own…." Tiedoll explained carefully.

"No. You're wrong. He needs me. I keep him safe. He's here and Allen needs to be kept safe. You can't keep him safe. You don't understand. You won't be there if he finds Allen." 'Nea' smiled at Tiedoll almost sweetly.

"Allen is safe. It's been two years. I'm sure whoever hurt Allen has long since given up on him." Tiedoll offered.

"One does not give up on an obsession so easily." 'Nea' stated.

"You think he was obsessed with Allen?" Tiedoll even after two years didn't really have an any understanding to what had happened to Allen the four years he had been away from Cross.

"Heh. Of course. He didn't want anyone to have Allen. To want him….that's why he hurt him." 'Nea' put a hand to Allen's chest grinning. "He scarred Allen mentally, physically so no one would want him. So all Allen had was him. That is obsession is it not mister therapist?"

"…..I suppose you are right. But Allen has people to protect him. His friends, Cross, Me…you are only hurting Allen at this point which goes against your original creation no?" Tiedoll pointed out.

"Cross? Ha fat lot of good that drunk has done for Allen. Took him a year to find out Mana had passed, that was a year Allen was on his own. So don't you dare talk about Allen having people! No one noticed his pain but me! So just leave him alone! He doesn't need you! Any of you! Only me!" 'Nea' sat up pushing on Tiedoll's shoulders but Tiedoll refused to budge.

"Nea….I think….you like that man…that you want to be with that man…all you did was talk about him before…I think you are obsessed with him as much as he was obsessed with Allen…" Tiedoll remarked making 'Nea' stare at him wide eyed.

"S-shut up! You're wrong! Stupid!" 'Nea' laid back down closing his eyes. Tiedoll sighed when Allen's breathing showed he was fast asleep. After some silence Kanda spoke.