Disclaimers: I, sadly do not own NCIS or its characters. This story is purely for entertainment value and no money is being made. Not beta read so all mistakes are my own.

Warnings: AU, series spoilers, not Tiva, Tony/OC, team as family, incredibly long author's note ahead

A/N: I was never opposed to the idea of the show creating a romance between two agents. I was opposed to the show pairing Tony and Ziva. I like both their characters, I do not like them as a romantic pairing. If Cote had stayed and his would have happened I could see their relationship being volatile. Heck, it already was in "Aliyah" and they weren't even involved then.

My problem with Tiva was that we know in the past Tony was abused by his father and that Ziva was raised to be a killer. What made writers think that this pair could ever make it? If it had been the reverse, if it had been Tony that took Ziva down in "Aliyah" we wouldn't even be having this discussion because it would have been labeled as abuse/assault. It bothers me that the writers just glazed over this, ignoring that men can be the victim of abuse as well.

I will not deny that Tony/Ziva had chemistry or were attracted to one another. I just...cannot get onboard that they are "soulmates".

THAT being said, yes this story does introduce a romance between Tony and another agent on his team because quite frankly, with proper writing and a grasp on the characters the show COULD HAVE a romance like this. So, if a romance between two agents is not your thing, I do not mind if you skip over this story all together. It is mostly written like "Safe and Sound" follows what canon has established but weaved into my story.

As usual your feedback is always welcome, as long as it is doesn't degrade into flames. Enjoy!

Carry Me Through

Jethro Gibbs wasn't surprised when the door to his house opened and footsteps plodded down the basement stairs. Glancing up he watched as his senior field agent slowly made his way into the cellar, his eyes dull and face expressionless.

It had been a rough few days. Gibbs had been anticipating Anthony DiNozzo stopping by. The younger man was beating himself up over what had happened in Ziva's apartment, blamed himself for her leaving, despite the fact the senior field agent had been under orders from the team leader. "You're late, DiNozzo."

Tony dropped a six pack of beer down onto the work bench. "Yeah, well, Abby wouldn't let me go until I had answered all of her questions and then I had to stop for the beer. Was going to stop for a pizza too but then realized I only have one good hand so, flipped a coin for it and beer won out. Beer is probably more of what I need right now anyways. Especially after being grilled by Special Agent Abby. When you don't give her the answers she wants, she becomes scary. She'd make a good interrogator."

Gibbs stopped his sanding and reached for a beer. He popped it open and handed it to his agent. Tony grasped it around the bottle neck, watched as Gibbs opened his own beer, and then with a heavy sigh, whispered, "I really screwed up big this time."

"You were following orders—my orders, DiNozzo. Stop trying to blame yourself. We all make choices. You made yours. Rivkin made his. Ziva made hers."

"I suppose now you're going to tell me that I've got to learn to live with my choices."

He took a sip of his beer. "If you don't, it will eat you alive."

Tony looked away, his green eyes focusing on the unfinished boat in the basement. "Yeah. Figured as much. I just didn't expect her to...leave. I thought she'd come back and we'd work out the problems like we always do. Guess I went too far this time. Broke rule 10—again. Always struggle with that one. Eli David was right on one account—it was personal. And I let that cloud my judgment. I shouldn't have gone over there without back up."

Gibbs shook his head. "No. It probably wasn't your best decision."

"So why didn't the Director discipline me? We both know that he doesn't like me."

"Didn't discipline you because you didn't go there to arrest Rivkin, you went there to talk to Ziva. Situation like that didn't require backup. Technically you didn't break protocol."

For a moment Tony didn't say a word and then he glanced up at the former marine. "So, tell me, why did you choose me over Ziva?"

Gibbs blinked. He took a slow sip of his beer, contemplating his answer. It wasn't a shock that Tony knew about Ziva making Gibbs choose between them. Even though Gibbs had thought the younger man was on the plane when she had posed her question, he should have known better. His back had been to the senior field agent. Of course she had wanted Tony to hear. That way if she got on the plane with them, he'd know what Gibbs' choice had been. She had left Gibbs no way to quietly sweep things under the rug and get Tony transferred without the senior field agent knowing that he had put Ziva first.

It hadn't been as hard of a choice as the Mossad officer thought it was going to be. Tony always came first. He had been on Gibbs team the longest. He was the most loyal. He had stepped aside and allowed Gibbs to have his old job back without so much as batting an eyelash. Although, Gibbs often wondered if the mistreatment that Ziva and McGee had put Tony through, always comparing him to their former boss, waving what they believed to be better qualifications in his face, had anything to do with the fact that Tony had so easily backed down from his promotion. In the team leader's mind Tony was more than capable. It was the whole reason that he had left the young man in charge when he'd left. He never would have done so if he didn't think that Tony was ready.

Ziva's continued treatment of Tony,even after Gibbs came back, had been a red flag. She had never truly trusted Tony. But Tony, he had learnt to trust her and cared for her, perhaps too much for his own good. Gibbs, in the end, wasn't surprised that this whole fiasco had even come to pass. Tony's empathy had gotten the best of him this time.

"Boss? Why did you pick me over her?" Tony asked, his quiet voice breaking into Gibbs' concentration.

"Simple. You wouldn't have made me choose Tony," Gibbs answered. "If you felt that the team was going to suffer because of what happened between you and Ziva, you would have asked Vance to transfer you. Even if that meant going back out to sea for several months. You always put the needs of my team before you. And that is reason enough alone to keep you."

Tony smiled, the faintest of smiles, but it was there. "Thanks, boss."

Gibbs reached out and pat him on the shoulder. "Vance is going to give us time to smooth out some wrinkles before adding a new team member. I think I'll let you and McGee handle that. You were always a better judge of character than I was. It's what makes you so good undercover. You smell a rat a mile away."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I wasn't such a good judge of character when it came to Ziva, boss."

"I never gave you much of a choice," the former marine said, sipping his beer. "Director Shepard assigned her to our team and I owed her."

"Owed her for what, boss?" Tony asked, innocently.

Gibbs suddenly realized that as far as anyone knew, NCIS, Mossad, his team—it had been the marine that had killed Ari. No one knew that Ziva had been at his house that day, that she had been the one to pull the trigger to save his life. It was in that moment that his senior field agent was looking at him incredulously, green eyes retaining some of his sparkle. "Ziva...killed Ari."

Tony's face went pale and his eyes grew wide. "She...she shot her own brother? To save you?"

He winced and laughed, nervously, "Sounds a bit unbelievable now that you say it."

"Boss, why would she do that? Why would she kill her own brother after she vehemently argued that he was innocent?" Tony asked with a shake of his head.

"Guess she played us all, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied sadly coming to the logical conclusion that she had been sent there to murder Ari all along to gain his trust. And it had worked.

Tony plopped down onto the last basement step and leaned back, cradling his beer. "She was good. Made us believe that she was one of us, that she was turning into an investigator. When it really was just to get someone on the inside."

Gibbs sighed and went back to sanding his boat. "She was a trained spy, Tony. We were naïve to think that she was changing. For all we know her father wanted her to come to NCIS as apart of her training."

His senior field agent let out an angry chuckle. "We were ripe for the picking, grieving a member of our team. Fell right into their trap. And Jenny, well, she was Ziva's friend. She would naturally think that you would be the best person to teach her how to be a field agent. Should have seen it coming boss. I've been off my game. For a while now it appears. First Jeanne, then Jenny, Rivkin, and now that list can include Ziva. Wonder where it all went wrong boss? Actually. I think I know the answer to that. Kate. It all went wrong when Kate died."

He was not going to argue that. Kate's death had left a gaping hole in his team. One that he had plugged with someone that couldn't be entirely trusted. Gibbs was going to have to make sure that this time he was extra careful at plugging the hole. Which was one of the reasons that he wanted Tony and McGee to find their next agent, not have Vance just pluck someone out of the blue and place them on the team. Of course, Gibbs got the funny feeling that Vance ran NCIS differently than Jenny did. As much as he had cared for Jenny, in the end it had become obvious that she had just used the office for her own personal wars.

"Kate wasn't your fault either, Tony," the former marine assured his senior field agent.

"Yeah. I know," Tony whispered. "She wasn't your fault either, boss. Wish you'd start believing that."

Gibbs sighed, heavily. As much as he wanted to believe it, the facts were just had to refute. Ari had killed Kate to cause Gibbs pain. And pain it had caused. So much that four years later they were still feeling the ill effects. Movement caught his eye and Gibbs watched as his senior field agent went to retrieve another beer, pop it open, and slug half of it back in one sip. "You should go easy there, DiNozzo. Alcohol and pain killers don't mix."

Tony shrugged. "I flushed the pain killers down the toilet the moment I got home from the hospital. You know I hate them, boss."

It was true, Gibbs knew this. Tony shied away from them as much as possible. The team leader had a vague idea why the young man didn't like prescription pain killers but they never spoke of those theories. "Doctor gave them to you to help."

"Yeah," Tony mumbled, "that's what they used to say to my dad about my mom."

Gibbs paused with his beer bottle pressed to his lips. Tony never spoke about his mother. In fact that last time he had heard Tony speak about his mom was three years ago, when he confessed that she drank his sea monkeys. The woman was shrouded in mystery, as was most of Tony's personal life. Slowly he lowered the beer bottle from his mouth and asked, "What did they give your mom, Tony, that didn't work?"

Tony's eyes glistened in the dim lights of the basement. "Nausea medication, pain killers, ya know to dampen the effects of chemo therapy."

"Cancer. Your mother died from cancer."

"Yeah, back then...it was a death sentence. She didn't live very long after the diagnosis. I think she just gave up the will."

Gibbs recalled his own mother being sick with the deadly disease and shuddered. He'd been older than Tony when his mother eventually passed. He'd been old enough to know what was going on, did Tony at the age of eight really understand?

Tony was looking at him now with a faint smile. It was then that Gibbs noticed he'd abandoned the beer and poured himself a jar of bourbon. "Wanna know something funny boss? She was the first woman to break my heart—at the age of eight. Guess it explains why I fear commitment to women, relationships. I don't want my heart broken. And it's also funny that the three times since my mother's death that I've decided to try it, I've had my heart stomped upon."

Pausing, Gibbs studied his senior field agent for a moment. This was the most about his personal life that Tony had divulged to him in years. He knew that the first woman that Tony was speaking of was his fiance, Wendy, who'd left him before their wedding. The second woman was obviously Jeanne Benoit. Despite his better judgment Tony had fallen in love with her and when she'd left, given him the choice of her or his job, it had devastated him. But he was struggling with who the third woman was. Someone before the two had met? "Who's number three, Tony?"

"Isn't it obvious, boss?" Tony retorted, lightly. Upon the stern look that his boss gave him, he chuckled, huskily. "Wow. Guess I did a better job of hiding it than I thought."

Gibbs watched as Tony downed his bourbon, poured himself another jar and then poured Gibbs a jar. He slid the mason jar towards his boss, who took it in his hand, contemplating drinking it. One of them was going to have to be sober during this...soul bearing? Heart to heart? The former marine wasn't sure what to call it.

Tony swirled the bourbon around in the jar. "Ziva," he whispered, "the third woman was Ziva. I was foolish enough to think that...she had feelings for me. If she would have asked, I would have broken rule 12, boss. Given how everything went down I guess it's a good thing that I didn't break rule 12."

"What stopped you?" Gibbs questioned. His voice wasn't harsh or accusing. It was soft, gentle, knowing that Tony needed to get this off his chest, to get closure. Or at least get closer to it.

"Don't know to tell you the truth. Little voice in the back of my head," Tony mused, "Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder telling me it wasn't a good idea. Who knows really."

A faint little wince crossed the senior field agent's face but Gibbs caught it. "DiNozzo, if you're in pain you should have skipped the alcohol and taken something."

Tony grinned, sheepishly. "It really doesn't hurt that much anymore."

Gibbs frowned. "Yeah? Why are you rubbing your shoulder, the one that isn't injured?"

For a second a look of fear passed over Tony's face and the team leader knew he'd caught him. He just wasn't sure what he'd caught him in. Tony's hand dropped from his shoulder and his shoulders slumped. "I confronted Ziva, after Eli David questioned me. I thought if we had it out that things would go back to normal. She...she was a little angrier than I thought. Probably the third dumbest thing I've ever done—confront an angry Mossad assassin after killing her boyfriend."

"Tony," Gibbs cautioned, "what did she do to you?"

"Took me down, shoved her gun into my chest."

Blinding, cold rage enveloped the team leader. What she did was unforgivable in his mind. Partners were supposed to have each other's sixes. They were not supposed to turn on them like that. It was one of the reasons Tony had left Baltimore. He couldn't betray a man that had had his back for two years, he couldn't betray his partner. Ziva had done just that by physically assaulting the senior field agent. "She did what?" he spat, angrily.

Immediately Tony knew he had confessed about the confrontation. His eyes flashed with fear, remorse. "Nothing. She did nothing."

Gibbs grabbed his senior agent by the shoulder, gave him a little shake for good measure. "Tony, damn it, do not play the loyal St. Bernard right now. What she did was unforgivable no matter what wrongs she thought you committed against her."

"Maybe I deserved it. I pushed and pushed until she snapped. Know the saying boss? Don't poke a sleeping bear? Well, I poked an already enraged bear."

"You didn't deserve that kinda treatment from her. You were following my orders. If anything she should have taken her anger out on me."

"That would have been a pay-per-view event," Tony mused drily, pouring himself another jar, not caring at this point that he was going to be drunk as a skunk.

Gibbs softened his gaze on the young man. "Tony, why didn't you tell me?"

Tony looked away every so briefly, then downed his drink. "I knew if I told you, you'd be pissed. And then you'd demand that Vance take her off our team, and I just...I couldn't be the one that was responsible for putting the team through that again."

Damn him and his the team comes first attitude. He felt for the young man, he really did. "Tomorrow, you get checked out by Ducky."

Softly, Tony smiled. "Yes boss."

Gibbs took a small sip of his bourbon and set the jar down. He reached out and pat Tony on the back and guided him towards the steps. "Come on, guest room is all set up for you."

Tony, like the loyal puppy that he was, obediently let Gibbs lead him up the steps towards the guest room. "Thanks, boss," he slurred. "For listening. Never really had someone do that for me before. Hey, if the federal agent thing doesn't workout for ya, you would make a great shrink."

"Bite your tongue," Gibbs snapped. If the younger agent hadn't been so unsteady on his feet thanks to the alcohol he would have head slapped him. But that would have knocked the young man completely off his feet. Slowly he helped Tony into the guest room, sat him on the bed and pulled his shoes off.

Tony groaned and fell back against the pillows. "Boss," he said, "I'm really sorry that I screwed up—again."

Gibbs sighed. "We've been through this, DiNozzo. You were following orders. We all make choices. Live with yours."

Tony was silent for a moment and the older man wondered if perhaps he had passed out from the alcohol. "Does it get any easier? This living with the choices you make thing?"

No, it most certainly does not, Gibbs thought, woefully. He had made a lot of bad decisions in his life. Some of them did not have far reaching consequences, some of them haunted his thoughts. His relentless pursuit of Ari that lead to Kate being killed in the line of duty was one of them. But Tony did not need to hear that. He needed to hear that yes, it did get better over time, or once the team leader fell asleep on the sofa the young man would be down in the basement finishing off the beer and bourbon. "Yeah," he finally lied, "yeah eventually it gets better. Ya just gotta give it time, Tony."

In the darkness Tony lifted his head to look at his boss in the light of the hall behind him. "Guess it's little comfort, huh?"

"Sure. But little is better than none."

With a heavy sigh, Tony fell back against the pillows. "Real, sorry boss, for the mess I made for you."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and again resisted the urge to go head slap his senior field agent. "Tony. Will you stop apologizing and go to sleep."

"Yes, boss."

"And DiNozzo."

"Yeah?"

"Tomorrow—after you get checked out by Ducky—you can start cleaning up that mess by finding us a new agent."

He lifted his head and in the low lights Gibbs could see his trademark grin across his face. "On it boss."