Sorry I haven't been active. Life gets in the way... degrees take too much out of you. I've had not mojo for anything. It's really brutal but I really am trying to update stuff. I hope you can all keep being patient with me. And that I don't disappoint too much.
Please do review or PM me. It really boosts my confidence and motivation to read your words.

Astrid did not sleep. Not a wink. Every few minutes she sat up, thinking she could hear the beat of Toothless' wings. But it was only ever the wind.
She'd wake thinking she could hear his soft rumble outside her window. But it was only ever the rumble of an engine.
She'd wake thinking she could feel his breath on her skin. But it was only Sneaky as he curled up closer for warmth.

Astrid sighed and wrestled with her own emotions. She'd screwed up. And now she might really lose Hiccup. That wasn't worth considering.
She tossed and turned so much that Sneaky abandoned her to sleep elsewhere in the room. Astrid desperately tried to think of a way out of her situation. She'd been so stupid about all of this. The pregnancy and Heather and everything.
She and Hiccup were nowhere near ready for a child. They could barely handle themselves as a couple. This was more than they could deal with. But what could she do? Maybe she should… but she'd need to talk to Hiccup about that… but what if he wouldn't talk to her? Or worse? What if he was hurt? Or dead?
She threw back her bedding and got up, pacing. It didn't matter what Ruff said. She needed to find Hiccup. She grabbed whatever clothes she could find and slipped as quietly as she could from the flat. Once out, she just ran for the academy, Hiccup's shirt clutched in her hand.
Stormfly was an expert tracker. She'd be able to follow Hiccup's scent no problem.
Arriving at the academy Astrid quickly unlocked Stormfly's pen and saddled her up.
"We need to find Hiccup and Toothless girl. Come on, track them." Astrid said as she held out the shirt for Stormfly to sniff.

Hiccup hovered outside of Astrid's room but a quick look told him she wasn't in there. He didn't waste time. He and Toothless headed straight to the academy. If Stormfly was there, Astrid was on foot and Stormfly could help them track. If she wasn't… it meant Astrid had probably gone searching for him. They were just circling the academy when he spotted Stormfly with her saddle. He didn't wait any longer. They dived down and through the open doors and Hiccup slipped off the saddle with minimal effort and he practically glided across the floor in just a couple of steps, wrapping his arms around Astrid and pulling her close.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled into her hair as he breathed in the scent of the golden locks. "I'm sorry I went off like that. And I'm sorry for how I reacted." He didn't let her go. Toothless greeted Stormfly and the pair stood watching the humans ready to take action if things turned nasty. "I know I shouldn't have got so angry… But I just wished you'd have told me first. I freaked out and I was mad that you hadn't spoken to me about it. But I don't want to fight. I can't fight with you, especially now. I want to fix this. To talk about it. Figure this out together." He loosened his hold up so he could turn her to face him. "I want us to figure things out. Whatever happens, we can get through it."

Astrid looked at him with blue eyes that were glassy. Hiccup felt awful. She'd obviously been up all night and been worried. He'd upset her, worried her. She really didn't need that.
"I'm sorry too Hiccup. I shouldn't have done what I did." Again he pulled her closer and hugged her tight.

"It's ok. I still wish you'd not done what you did. But we need to move on from that. We have more important things to worry about right now."
He placed a hand on her face and smiled at her. They were a team. And they would deal with it together.
"I love you, Hiccup." Astrid said. It kind of stopped his heart for a minute. It was the first time she'd actually said those words like that. He knew she loved him… but she had never said the words herself. He'd only said them when he was mad. It lifted his spirits and made him feel like he was flying when he heard them. He smiled more and kissed her softly.
"I love you too, Astrid. Always have and always will." She shivered slightly. "Come on, let's get back to somewhere warm, get some sleep, and tomorrow we can talk."
She didn't protest and he steered her out of the academy to take her home. It didn't take them long to get back and into bed. Astrid lay on her side and Hiccup wrapped his arm around her, letting it rest on her belly where their baby was quietly growing.

There was no easy discussion to be had about their situation. A baby was a game changer. Not even that. A life changer. They were still studying. Still training. Still building their relationship back up.
They were not ready for a baby.
But a baby wasn't just something you could easily get rid of. You couldn't just decide, 'No I'm not ready for parent-hood can I defer?' or send it back because it's not what you really wanted.
For Hiccup, making a decision about what to do was hard enough. For Astrid it would be a thousand times harder. Whatever choice they made, it was her body that would be impacted. If they aborted, she'd be the one drugged and treated. If they decided to give the child up for adoption, Astrid still had to go through all the pain and drama of pregnancy and then go through the pain of giving away the baby. Likewise if they kept it, Astrid would still go through pregnancy, but would then have to give everything up in order to raise and nurse the baby. Any decision would take a heavy toll on her.
Hiccup of course wanted a say, but he knew, in the end, her opinion mattered most.
If Astrid decided to abort, Hiccup would take care of her through it. If she decided on adoption, he'd be there for everything then too. And if she changed her mind and couldn't give away her… their... child, then even if he wasn't ready, he would stay with her. He would do everything in his power to be a good father to that babe. He would never leave her.
He would never abandon the child. Not the way his mother abandoned him.
He bit his lip. He hadn't had a chance to tell Astrid about his mother yet. Her becoming a mother was the more pressing issue.
A part of Hiccup didn't want to give up the child. They weren't ready and he knew that. But he'd been abandoned by his mother. Could he really willingly do the same to his own child? Let Astrid do it?

Neither spoke for a time. Astrid just held her mug of hot chocolate with both hands, knuckles white and face a little pale.

"Astrid… I know this is a shared decision… But in the end, your choice is the final one. You're the one who is going to be most impacted. You're the one who carries and nurses a child. So we'll talk about the options… but in the end… Your choice matters most."

Astrid gave a slight nod and stared at the contents of her mug. Hiccup couldn't possibly imagine how she must be feeling right now. He was scared, he was anxious, worried and unsure. Astrid must feel so many things. She must be terrified, even more worried than him, she must feel so awful about having this decision, guilty about considering different things. He just couldn't imagine the added complications for her as she carried the child.

He just wished she would say something.

"So… so what are you thinking?" He dared to probe. She still didn't speak for a minute.

"I… I don't know." Came her quiet reply. Hiccup could understand that. He didn't really know either. They weren't ready. But he wasn't sure he could condemn or abandon the baby either. "I'm not… I'm not mother material. I can't have a baby."

Hiccup thought she would make a great mother… when the time was right.

"What do you think, Hiccup?" She asked, looking up at him finally. Blue eyes locked onto green and Hiccup felt truly terrified. He didn't know either. And he certainly didn't want to push her towards a decision that she might not be happy with. He was cornered.
But her blue eyes stared into his, they were desperate. She needed his help. She needed his honesty.

"I don't really know. I mean, it's hard. I don't… I don't feel ready to be a dad yet. I don't think we're ready for parent-hood. But then, maybe that's the point. But we… we aren't ready. But I don't know if I can just give up a baby… I know it's harder for you, and that you're the one who has to do all the work so it's really your choice but…" He took a deep breath. "But I was abandoned as a baby. I know I had dad, but my mother just left me behind. Never gave an explanation. Never tried for contact. And it doesn't matter how much dad and Gobber love and look after me… There's a part of me that will always wonder. Always feel hurt knowing… And I just don't know if I can do that to my own child."
He bit his lip, feeling awkward. He didn't think his opinion really mattered. At least not as much as hers. Again though, Astrid gave a small nod and looked down at her drink again. Hiccup wondered what was going on in her head. Must be a battle more fierce than his.

"But Astrid… That doesn't really matter because what matters is how you feel and what you want…"

Astrid shook her head.

"No. Your opinion matters too. This is about both of us. We have to make a choice together." She sighed again. This was hard. There was no easy option. "I just don't know… I don't know what to do. I get where you're coming from… and I… I hadn't really thought about it before… But I think… I think it's our best option. We go for adoption. They'll find a family who want a baby and can't have one. A family who will love it and protect it…" Her voice cracked a little but she battled through it. "At least then we know we did the right thing for them. And we could do closed adoption…"
Hiccup gave the small nod this time and looked down. Astrid moved a hand to take his.
"I'm not totally sure about this either… But we don't have to make a firm decision yet… We can change our minds…"
"But this is the best decision right now. And not just for us… we aren't ready for a baby. But somewhere out there is a family who really are, and we can give our baby the best chance by having a family who are ready adopt them." He smiled back at her.

"So we're going with adoption? At least for now?"
"Yeah. But I'm going to be here with you for everything."