A/N: It's been a crazy week, and I've got a couple more crazy ones coming up. I'll update as I'm able. Let me know if there's anyone you particularly want me to mess with.

Someone requested a check-in with Ren and Nora, and this is what came to mind.

"Nora, it's very thoughtful of you, but hiding a pair of tube socks in my underwear really isn't going to make me feel any better," Ren took a long sip of his tea, still trying to eradicate the mental image of Pyrrha and Jaune getting it on in the dorm room. More likely Pyrrha had gotten fed up with their team leader wearing her night clothes around the school, but still, the image was there and it needed to be erased.

"How do you know unless you try?" Nora coaxed, urging him to take the socks. Whose were they, even? Ren was certain he owned nothing of the kind. Upon further inspection, he noted a set of red initials sewn at the top. JA. Hm. Well, if he hadn't been settled on the matter, he would have been now. He was certainly not putting Jaune's socks in Nora's underwear. All that remained was to convince her of that.

The cafeteria echoed with the talk and raucous laughter of the other Beacon students. The ingenious placement of windows high in the vaulted ceiling allowed the midday sun to fill the place with light without bearing down on them directly. While Nora chattered away, Ren allowed himself a moment to appreciate the elegance of the design. Perhaps in days gone by this had been a place of dances and feasting. Not that it wasn't anymore, in a sense—he had been seeing notices posted announcing the Beacon Formal for some time—but the throng of hungry teenage monster hunters didn't quite resonate with the quality of nobility the ancient stones evoked.

He tuned back into Nora's station just as her monologue took a dangerous turn.

"—not so bad. I mean, there's tons of stuff I've always wanted to try if I were a boy. Like this!" she started climbing onto the cafeteria bench and undoing the clasps across the chest of her coat.

"Nora, wait," Ren spoke the warning, but it was too late. She whipped the jade coat off and threw the modest undershirt beneath it into the air, baring her—his—chest to the world. Students at the other tables turned to look.

"See?" Nora crowed to Ren, arms still raised over her head. "Nobody cares! If I were a girl people would be freaking out."

"Nora, please… put my shirt back on," Ren massaged the bridge of his nose. Dust, his skin was pale. Pasty, even. At least he was fairly toned. The other Beacon students laughed or shrugged and went back to what they were doing.

"I've always wanted to try having a mustache too," Nora rambled on, plopping back down on the bench. She stroked her upper lip, "Why don't you have more facial hair, Ren?"

"I really don't have any control over that," and thank goodness, or he might get his body back with a handlebar mustache to rival Professor Port's. He leaned back, gathering his coat up off the floor. "Nora, shirt."

"Wait. I'm trying to savor the experience."

"You can savor it when we're not in the middle of the cafeteria, you know."

"I can also pee in the woods standing up!" she realized, "Or in the men's room. Ooh, I've never used a urinal before. How do you flush those? Is there some kind of 'urinal etiquette'? What do I do if someone's at the one next to me?"

Ren laid his coat on the table, shifting into damage-control mode, "Just ignore them and aim for your own."

"What if girls hit on me? You are pretty handsome. I mean, not that I think you're particularly handsome, because that might be weird, but girls would have to be pretty crazy not to think you're good looking. Should I flirt with them? Do I let them down easy? Do I tell them I'm a woman in a man's body?"

"Please don't do that." He didn't feel like dealing with the repercussions of that approach. Fortunately Nora interrupted him before he could give any attempts at advice for dealing with infatuated girls.

"Oh, Ren! Ren! Ren," she was practically on top of him with excitement, "I need you to punch me between the legs."

Ren blinked. Well. Nora spilled out a stream of quasi-reasoning while he stared at her, stunned.

"I know it's supposed to hurt and guys always crumple up and make funny sounds when I do it to them but I don't know how much it hurts and maybe I'll be able to finally know if it's worse than cramps or giving birth, or something, except I've never given birth, of course, but still, maybe—"

"Nora?"

"Yes, Ren?"

"No," he said.

"No?"

"Just, no."

Nora's face fell. The expression lasted only a moment before she brightened, "O-o-oh, right, this is one of those important guy things," she giggled, planting her hands on her hips, "Well, no worries, mister, from now on, consider me the official protector of the family jewels."

Terrific. She would probably list it on her resume: official protector of Lie Ren's family jewels. Ren tried to protest, "That's really—"

Nora ignored him entirely, raising one clenched fist, "If anyone tries to mess with these, I'll show 'em some real rocks. As in the kind you find on the ground, not the euphemistic kind. And by 'show' I mean 'hit them in the head with'."

Ren took a long, steadying sip of tea and sighed in surrender, "You're too kind, Nora."

"Don't mention it!" She grinned, puffing out her chest, "We are best friends, after all."

The edge of Ren's mouth twitched up in a smile. On the bright side, this had certainly been an effective means of forgetting what was going on back in the dorm room. He handed her the bundle of green material, "How about you put your coat back on now?"

"Nope. Still savoring."