Title: What's Eating Sharon Raydor? - Part 1/?
Fandom: The Closer
Pairing: Brenda/Sharon
Rating: T for now. Overall... Probably something a little naughtier ;)
Summary: When Sharon's behavior starts to change, Brenda fears she may be losing the one person she can't live without.
Disclaimer: I don't own Brenda, Sharon or The Closer, and I won't be making any money from this.

Author's note:I wasn't sure about posting this. I'm still not sure, to be honest. I've loved and admired much of the Brenda/Sharon fic that's out there, and decided I'd be brave because we all have to start somewhere. I get the feeling I'm trying to cram too much in at once, but I'll let you be the judge of that. Feedback is love. Constructive criticism is welcome. I'll be cross-posting this, to get feedback and see if it's worth continuing. Here goes nothing!

Brenda Leigh Johnson had never been confident in social situations. Part of it, she was sure, was something innate. It was entirely possible that Brenda was always going to be socially awkward, regardless of her upbringing. Nature over nurture. The rest, she suspected, was the product of being a military brat and moving from place to place, never really settling into friendships. Brenda learned early on that it was much easier to deal with her Daddy's PCS orders when she didn't have the additional complication of leaving behind friends.

She had moved around through her adult life, as well. Although she had always used work as an excuse, there was really no reason why she couldn't have worked happily and been very successful staying in one spot. She had never had the desire to stay somewhere, to settle in one place... Until she met Sharon Raydor.

Brenda and Sharon were curled up at opposite ends of the three seater couch; Sharon reading The Orphan Master's Son and Brenda working. The blonde woman glanced up, sneaking a look at her lover sitting on the other end of the couch. The two of them had started as rivals at work and things had evolved, first to colleagues who had a mutual knowledge of their dislike for other, then to two people who respected each other. Eventually they became friends, and friends had turned into so much more than either of them could ever have imagined. Several years on, and for the first time in her life Brenda had willingly put down roots and was not going anywhere. Rather than feeling suffocated or held back, she felt like she was finally free. She wasn't running from something or chasing anything. She had finally found what she was looking for.

Sharon was amazing. She was beautiful, strong, smart, sexy, caring... She challenged Brenda in ways that excited her, and made her a better person. She knew Brenda, warts and all, and she loved Brenda regardless. Sharon radiated a confidence that Brenda found equal parts comforting and arousing. With Sharon she had someone who could protect her one minute; be it from frivolous lawsuits or gun-toting gangbangers, and the next minute could turn around and challenge her like no one else had, be it physically, emotionally or intellectually.

Tonight, though, Sharon looked... small. Brenda had noticed changes in Sharon lately; a light that used to be in her eyes was missing. She was becoming withdrawn, quiet, and distancing herself physically from Brenda. Brenda couldn't help but worry that she had done something wrong, or that maybe- and this was her biggest fear- that Sharon was falling out of love with her. She had already had two failed marriages, and while they couldn't be legally wed, she considered Sharon her wife in every way.

Brenda reached out and gently took one of Sharon's ankles, carefully pulling her foot into her lap and running her hand over the top of the older woman's foot, her finger delicately tracing over the little freckle on her second toe. She moved her hand around, cupping Sharon's foot and gently squeezing before she began rubbing soothingly, gazing adoringly at the woman she considered the love of her life. Sharon looked just as beautiful in the soft glow of the lamp next to the couch, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and all of her makeup removed, as she did when she was the highly polished walking rulebook known as Captain Raydor. Brenda's lips quirked into a smile at the thought.

Not fifteen seconds into the foot rub- which had failed to earn her even a glance from Sharon- Brenda moved her hands to her lover's ankle, only to have the brunette withdraw her foot and tuck it under herself. The younger woman didn't bother to hide her hurt frown; Sharon wasn't looking at her to see it anyway. She reached up and pulled the blanket down from the back of the couch, wrapping it around herself and staring out of the glass doors of the condo they shared into the darkness. There was definitely something wrong with her Sharon.

Maybe Sharon was sick, Brenda thought, swallowing hard. She didn't know how she would deal with something bad happening to her. Would Sharon tell her if she was unwell? Sharon hadn't mentioned a doctor's appointment, although she was certainly showing less interest in food than she used to, with the exception of the occasional evening where she would abscond with Brenda's ice cream and a spoon, the empty Ben & Jerry's container turning up the next morning at the bottom of the trash in whatever room Sharon happened to have consumed it. Yes, it was a little out of character, but Brenda could hardly deny her the occasional binge when she had such a sweet tooth herself.

Brenda racked her brain, trying to think of any other changes she had noticed in her lover lately. Truth be told, Sharon hadn't been her 'lover' lately at all. She had been her partner, her friend, and her colleague, and they shared a condo and a bed, but they had not made love in quite some time. The usually amorous blonde had certainly noticed that. She tried to reason that that was natural in relationships. Everyone went through slumps, didn't they? It had never been a problem for them in the past; they hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other since the night they first kissed several years ago, and now? Brenda took a moment and counted back. Surely not! "Six weeks?!" she said out loud, causing Sharon to jump a little and look up at her.

"Hmm?" the brunette asked, turning her attention to Brenda. "What's six weeks?" she asks her.

Brenda shook her head, still trying to process everything. "Nothin'," she mumbled, brushing it off. She couldn't believe it had been that long and she was only just realizing the exact length of time since they were last physically intimate. She had been working hard, of course. That usually put a bit of a damper on things, but they were both quite adept at arranging a quickie to help them relax and reconnect. Sharon had seemed disinterested in it, which Brenda had chalked up to the Captain's schedule being as hectic as her own, but six whole weeks was a serious issue in Brenda's opinion. Maybe not on its own, but paired with her recent changes in behavior Brenda was more convinced than ever that there was something going on.

She knew, for her part, she had been neglectful by letting things go on for this long. How could she not have dealt with this earlier? She knew how. Her first marriage, to Rick, had been explosive from day one. She was on the rebound from Will and seeking validation. She hadn't been 'enough' for Will to want to leave his wife, and truth be told she was glad she hadn't ended up being a home wrecker, but she had wanted to know she was enough for someone. Rick had come along at exactly the right moment. Rick had wanted her, and the passion they shared in the bedroom had easily spilled into other areas of their lives. Rick was the jealous type, and prone to outbursts. Every little thing between them led to a fight, and in the end neither of them could be in the same room as the other without it ending up in a screaming contest. Their divorce had been bitter, the fighting continuing to the day they finally signed the final papers, and she still carried the emotional scars.

Three years later Brenda thought she had learned from her previous relationship when she crossed paths with her friend Fritz again. At first they were just old friends catching up and she was hesitant to get into anything too serious, but he had been sweet, and patient, and she was only human... Their relationship evolved slowly and she was determined that she would not repeat the mistakes of her past. Rather than fighting with Fritz, Brenda had avoided issues. Serious conversations were always initiated by him, usually in response to a 'final straw' act on her behalf, when something she had done had him unable to avoid the conflict any longer. Given he was ex-husband number two, Brenda had learned that conflict avoidance clearly wasn't the way to go either. With Sharon, Brenda needed to find a middle ground, but she was still unsure of where that was, and terrified of repeating the behaviors that had led to the demise of her relationships and losing the one person she had ever felt she truly could not live without. While she had largely managed to do that, Brenda still second guessed herself when it came to broaching bigger issues.

The blonde chewed her bottom lip anxiously. She knew was going to have to bring this up with Sharon but... how? How could she ask, when she didn't know what the problem might be? Of course they had talked over the past six weeks, and Brenda had asked about her day, and about Sharon's children- children that had come to occasionally called her 'Mama B' with teasing affection. She asked about whether Sharon had picked up the dry cleaning, and if she wanted Brenda to get anything for her at the store. The conversation between them had been polite and friendly, but certainly not intimate in the way it usually was between them. The Deputy Chief glanced at her partner again and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders, a sick feeling in her stomach as she started to wonder if she had realized her neglectful behavior too late.