Ok guys, this is my first Twilight fanfic so be kind. This is how I would have liked to see things go after the big break up in New Moon. Even in the books I was a huge Jasper fan and now I am taking the leap of writing my own pairings and there will be a few OCs just to spice things up. I know we all have our fav pairings for this series and I have to admit, I am not an Edward fan so there is not much hope that Edward will be favorably portrayed in this fanfic, so if you can't handle that, this is not the story for you.

This is rated M for language and future lemons.

In the morning when the sun breaks free

A reflection that I know I've seen

In the night it's haunting me

A lonely ghost, a lonely ghost

Ever since I was just a child

I've seen the visions in my sleep

Of a man roaming through the wild

With all these ghosts, a lonely ghost

But you can't breathe in if you don't breathe out

'Cuz it's a new day, we're gonna go far

Knuckle down, trim and shake off the dead weight

You know what they say

You can't hide from your ghosts

'Cuz it's a new day, I wanna go far

Break it down, jump the gun, find a new way

You know what they say

I'm stuck here living with all these ghosts, a lonely ghost

Unknown POV

"Aro, it's been 10 years. I have kept my promise, now bring them here."

JPOV

I had found myself a well secluded meadow, far enough away from notice and all I wanted to do was just sit and think. Moving to the center of the meadow, I laid down and looked up to the sky, watching the clouds float past and soaking up the sun. I couldn't even begin to recall the last time I had been able to relax like this. Definitely not a common occurrence in the past.

I felt a growl start as I let my mind drift with the clouds, I thought back over the past 10 or so years and how much my life had changed. This was a rarity as thinking back to that time usual gave me a headache and that was hard to do to a vampire. Our little family had been as happy as can be expected for a bunch of immortals. My first taste of what family should be like and I owe that all to the little pixie. When I found Alice, she had told me that we would meet up with the Cullens and they would help me adjust to my new immortal life, well outside of the wars that is.

Life with the Cullens had started out hard for me but by the time we moved to Forks I had better control over my thirst than they knew or were willing to acknowledge. I was used to their worry about me slipping and could only hope that they would eventually get over it. None of us knew what was going to happen when we moved to Forks. I certainly wasn't expecting anything, but I bet that little pixie did. I never did ask her about that, interesting.

I tried not to think about the time we spent in Forks, Edward and his stupidity and the hell we put Bella through. No one should be toyed with like that. After what happened at her birthday party, Edward forced us to leave Forks, leave Bella behind. I knew what that was going to do to her, but no one listened to me. I was out voted and Alice dragged me with her and the rest of the family to Alaska. The longer we were there, the more guilt riddled I became over how we had treated Bella. We had accepted her into our family and then just left her behind at the orders of a spoiled brat.

Edward laid down the law once we got there, no one was to make any attempts to look in on Bella or go back to Forks. He claimed he was doing it to protect her from our world, but I was paying close attention to his emotions back then and I knew he was lying to us. I just didn't know what the truth was behind the sudden move. The stress of what we had done only seemed to affect me. Alice was fine following Edward wherever he told her to go, secretly I thought she wanted to be with him and not me, but she kept her emotions under control when he was around. Carlisle and Esme were always willing to follow Edward like the doting parents they were. Edward could do no wrong in their eyes.

Rose and Emmett were easily swayed as long as they got to be together, that and Rose didn't want Bella in our world. I knew Rose's real reasons for being such a bitch to Bella, but I never confronted her on them. She knew that I understood and that was enough. She didn't want Bella to give up life and its many possibilities to be frozen in place for all eternity. Emmett did anything he could to keep his Rose happy even though leaving Bella behind broke his big bear of a heart. He loved his little sister and I truly think that he was the most affected by leaving her behind. He had put up the biggest fight over leaving her too, well biggest if you took me out of the picture.

The shock on everyone's faces when I stood up to Edward and told him he was being a selfish prick and that he couldn't just make us all abandon Bella. He claimed he was doing it for Bella and that it was in her best interest if we all left her alone. I watched his emotions and when he made that comment he had been feeling excitement mixed with sorrow which really threw me for a loop. He was acting as if he was really upset about leaving her behind, but emotionally he wasn't matching up to his words. Once he forced us all to Alaska to visit our cousins in Denali, I kept my distance from him and most of the family too. Alice was the only one I would interact with, she felt bad about leaving Bella, but she was glad to follow Edward if that made him happy.

That was when I started to wonder if we were really mates or if we were only together for convenience and companionship. The more I thought about it the more it seemed to fit. We were nothing like Rose and Em or even Carlisle and Esme. We did everything that normal couples did, but it just didn't feel the same as what the others projected emotionally. It was starting to feel forced.

Not long after we left, I started to feel really bad about what we had done to Bella and started thinking about checking on her, which was expressly forbidden by the high and mighty Edward. It never failed to start a fight if he was around when I started thinking about what we did to her. He would always yell at me, telling me to forget about her and would then say it was entirely my fault that we left. I knew what he was talking about. He knew exactly what was going on at the birthday party as he could read my mind, but he insisted otherwise. I am not sure why, but he felt the need for the family to think of me as the weak willed bad guy.

I was still watching the clouds float by above me and was lost in thought, thinking back over the last time I saw Bella. It was her at her birthday party that went disastrously wrong. Even after she saw the blood lust strike the vampires around her, she looked at me with a calmness that still confused me. She had given me such a look of trust and faith and that is when I lunged forward to be held back. Thinking back on that nightmare, I could only think over how she had always reacted to being in our world.

Ever since she came to Forks, I had always been intrigued by her emotions. She never felt what you expected from a normal human and she was always shocking me. The fact that I could sense her emotions and affect them always drove Edward insane, but I had pretty much figured out what Bella was doing from the get go, which I chalked up to dealing with so many vampires and newborns in my first century as a vampire. I just made sure to keep those thoughts hidden.

If turned, Bella would be a very powerful shield, but the type of shield would not be fully known until she was turned. From my past experience, a shield either had a mental or physical aspect, which Bella appeared to have the mental shield as she had blocked Edward from reading her thoughts since he first saw her in the cafeteria. Most shields also had at least one other secondary ability and I was intrigued to find out what else our Bella could do.

I had to admit, I was jealous of her shield. It got to be very tiring to have to control my thoughts to keep anything private. After a while I learned how to keep Edward out of my head. Whenever I wanted mental privacy when he was around, all I had to do was to think back on my time in the Southern Vampire Wars. Edward was instantly disgusted by my memories as he knew that if needed, what they call the Major, the more instinctual, animalistic side of me, would surface. Alice was the same way, anything that I did that reminded her that I was from the south drove her crazy and I slowly tucked that part of me away. I was always made to feel ashamed of my past, like it was something they were always afraid would repeat itself given the chance.

Guess I should have known what was coming, but I was just as blindsided as everyone else.

It wasn't long after we moved from Forks that the shit hit the fan, well not long for an immortal. A year for us flies by like a month does to a human. I am not one that can idly sit by and do nothing when I know that someone I care about is being wronged, and that is what the Cullens were doing to Bella. Edward refused to speak of her and would fly into a rage if we even thought of mentioning her. Anytime one of us, either Emmett or I, would corner Edward to try to get him to see reason, Alice would be there to defend him. At first I was hurt by her actions. She claimed to be Bella's best friend and she was my wife, yet she fully sided with Edward that leaving her was the smart thing to do.

The longer we were in Alaska the worse it got until one day I just snapped. I had just cornered Edward hoping to get him to be ok with me checking in on Bella. We had been away from her for over a year and I had this feeling that something bad had happened to her and I couldn't shake it. Without a conscious effort, the argument replayed in my brain as I stared at the sky.

"Edward, would you listen to me for just a damn second. Something is wrong, I can feel it. If you won't check on her then let me." I pleaded, trying to stay calm.

Edward growled at me. "Drop it Jasper. I said no one is to go anywhere near her. We left her so that she would live her life as she was meant to. No more interference from the supernatural."

I slowly started to send him a feeling of calm, hoping that might help.

He shrugged it off with another growl. "Stop it! You cannot force me to change my mind."

"I don't know why you are so against us checking on her. You gave her up; she is nothing to you anymore." I yelled back. By now the whole family had come to see what the fight was about. "You are not the leader of this family so why do you think we should all bow down and do what you say? Huh? Why is it that everyone is so afraid to go against your wishes? Tell me pretty boy."

"Jasper, they know what I said was the truth. We were ruining her life. She was constantly in danger with us around."

"Boys…" Carlisle started but was cut off by Alice's snarl.

I ignored her snarl, continuing to attack Edward. "You told her and everyone who would listen that she was your mate and that you waited decades for her. If she was your mate you wouldn't be able to so callously leave her. Let's prove my point. Emmett, do me a favor?"

"Sure, Jazz." Emmett took a few steps into the room.

"I want you to imagine leaving Rosalie behind and not coming back to her. Truly get yourself in the mindset that you will never see her again."

Emmett gave me a pained look, but did as I asked. We all watched as he closed his eyes and I could sense his emotions start to swirl. First there was determination, then the sorrow and grief took over. Right as he was starting to feel the depression of being without his mate start to set in, Rose stepped up to him at my nod.

"I'm right here, Emmett. I know you aren't going to leave me." Rose put her arms around him.

Emmett sighed as he relaxed into his mate's arms. "That what you needed, Jazz?"

"Yes, Emmett, sorry to put you through that, but that just made my point." I looked back at Edward. "Everyone felt what Emmett did, I shared it with them and I know you could read his mind. I can only imagine what he was thinking to do as I asked. My question to you Eddie boy is why did I not feel anything like that from you when we left Bella behind? She is your mate isn't she?"

Edward squared his shoulders, ready to come back at me again with more lies when Alice interrupted us, coming to his rescue yet again.

"Jasper, why do you continue to push this Bella thing? You know we need to stay out of her life. Her life was in danger the longer we allowed her to stay in our world." Alice moved to stand by Edward's side, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "You almost attacked her if you remember correctly. That is the main reason why we left."

I snarled at her. "You think that little of me? Am I that much of a monster in your eyes? Even after all our time together you still think the worst?"

"Yes, Jasper, I do. Only a monster would attack a family member like you did."

I heard the bitterness in her words and saw the same emotion echoed on her face. I knew that I should be seeing red with how she was defending him, against me no less, but I was done, this was just the final straw. With a growl I picked up a chair and threw it across the room, smiling with satisfaction as it broke against the wall causing everyone to jump. I might as well act like the monster they all thought I was as there was no point in trying to prove myself any longer. "That's it. I'm done!"

I turned my back and started to walk towards the room Alice and I shared.

Carlisle stepped in front of me with his hands up. "Jasper, can we talk about this? I know you're upset, but I know we can work this out."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, but not this time." I sighed; weary of this argument that never ends. "You all want to cater to his royal highness and I refuse to bow down to a spoiled brat. If you all want to stay here and let Edward run your lives, please do, but I can't anymore. I cannot handle the gauntlet of emotions that bombard me every minute of every day that I am in this house any more. I have been forced into hiding the real me as you all fear that I will still slip and kill someone or the Major will come out, or I will just show my country roots too much."

Esme let out a sob as she realized that I really meant it this time. "Jasper, please don't go."

I walked over to her and gave her a loving hug, no matter how she felt about Edward she was still the closest thing to a mother I had in this life. "Esme, I know that Edward is your first son and I know you and Carlisle would do anything for your children. I just cannot stand to be around Edward anymore, especially when everyone else caters to his every whim, afraid to hurt his feelings. I love you, Esme, and I am glad to call you mom, but I have to go."

"I know, Jasper. I just wish you didn't feel the need to leave. I will miss you." Esme placed a kiss on my cheek before stepping back into Carlisle's arms.

I blocked off all of the emotions around me as I turned back to my room. Once I got to the room I shared with Alice, I pulled out my duffle and started filling it with my clothes. I pulled out the few pairs of non-designer jeans and some shirts that were closer to what I liked. Before packing anything else, I quickly changed into clothes that better suited me. I donned a pair of worn Levi's and a white t-shirt quickly followed by a long sleeved red button down. Just to smite Alice I rolled the sleeves up to my elbows showing off my scars. I had hidden all of them away in my dresser along with my boots. I was just pulling on my cowboy boots as I heard her walk into the room. Quickly I closed up the bag, glancing around the room for anything that I would need in the immediate future.

"Box my things up and ship them down to Peter. He will hold on to them for me until I find a place of my own. If you won't do it then have Emmett." I told Alice without turning around.

"Why are you doing this, Jasper? Why are you leaving me?"

Turning around, I saw her standing in the doorway, trying to look sad, but her emotions gave her away. "After all this time, you still can't lie to me, Alice, not with your emotions. You are happy to see me go and I know why. With me here you can't be with Edward."

Alice let out an indignant gasp. "I don't know what you're talking about. You're the one I want to be with, you're my husband."

"Not for much longer." I cut her off. "I will get Jenks to draw up the divorce papers and send them to you. Just do me the courtesy after all these years to not fight me. You have been drifting further away from me over the past year and now you will be free to cater to Edward's every whim."

I picked up my bag, snatched my keys off the dresser and walked out of the room. Everyone was still in the living room and I walked over to Emmett and Rose. I was going to miss them the most, Rose was like a sister to me and Emmett was just like the fun loving brother I missed in Peter. Hopefully this wouldn't be a final parting with them.

"Emmett, you can have the Harley. Keep her safe for me." I tossed him the keys to my bike as I ducked Rose's punch. "He is indestructible Rose; let him have some fun with it."

A loud screech snapped me out of my memories and back to the meadow where I laid, still staring up at the sky, now looking for the source of the screech. I sighed as I watched a hawk fly overhead, remembering just how hard it was that day to leave my family and to strike out on my own again. When I joined the Cullens I thought I had found my home, but all it took was one human and a spoiled vampire to disrupt my dreams. Looking around the meadow, I could feel something brewing in the air. If I would have still been human I would have shivered. Sitting up I looked back at the sky trying to push away the sense of dread that was trying to wrap itself around me.

I didn't want to keep going down memory lane, as it was heart breaking, but I knew it wasn't going to let me go now that I had started the painful journey. I had failed Bella and I didn't realize how much I had failed her until it was too late. After leaving the Cullens, I had driven back to Forks just to check on Bella. I had wanted to see with my own eyes that she was fine and that I was just being paranoid. I had no clue what was waiting for me, but I was in for a shock and not just one, but many. Letting my mind drift as it wanted, I acquiesced to the memory's power flooding my mind, lying back down on the grass, I closed my eyes.

I had pulled into Forks late that night and I didn't even bother stopping by the house to drop off my stuff. There was no need; I wasn't going to be there long. I just wanted to do a quick check on Bella and then maybe head out to find Peter and Charlotte. Thanks to Alice, I hadn't seen my brother and sister in decades and that hurt. Now that I was free of her, it was high time that I got back to my roots and stop acting like something I am not. Deciding that was a relief as I had never quite enjoyed being Alice's dress up Ken doll, add to that the constant worry they all had that I would slip up and cheat on our diet, that stress alone would have done me in if I wasn't already dead.

Anxious to make sure that Bella was ok, I parked on the side of the road, a few houses down the road from her house, watching for movement. There were no lights on and Chief Swan's cruiser was in the driveway, no sound reached me from the house. Looking at the dash, I saw that it was almost midnight, so everyone in the house should be asleep. Opening the door, I got out of the car and darted forward to the edge of the property, just inside the tree line. Listening, I heard only one heartbeat accompanied by a light snoring. So Charlie was home, but there should have been another heartbeat. Maybe Bella was out with friends; I thought to myself, it was a Friday night after all.

I decided that I would check out her room just to see if I could get a grasp of how she was doing. Glancing around the house, I could only sense Charlie, so I ran to the house and looked up at Bella's window, remembering that it used to always be open in invitation for any of us to come and hang out. Now the window was closed, so I moved to the front door. Picking the lock, I moved into the house quietly and stood in the entryway listening. Still only the one heartbeat sounded from upstairs and my earlier sense of dread settled over me again, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.

Quietly, I made my way upstairs and stopped just outside of Bella's door, noticing just how empty the house felt. Taking an unnecessary breath, I opened the door and stepped into her room. Stopping just inside the doorway, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and smelling, or not smelling. The room showed no traces that Bella had been there in months. Being a senior in high school she should still be living here with Charlie. Moving further into the room, I hoped to find traces of her scent, but all I smelled was a dusty emptiness that clung to the air, giving it a stale taste. Suddenly I was standing by her window and looking out into the night, not fully comprehending that I had moved and I saw movement down below. Just at the edge of the property, in the same trees I had hid behind earlier, a pair of golden brown eyes stared at the house and I heard a deep growl drift its way to my ears.

Turning my back on the creature in the trees, as it had nothing to do with me; I moved to her bed and sat down. I picked up the pillow and held it to my nose, catching a very faint trace of freesia and something else that I couldn't quite catch. Putting the pillow back, I went back downstairs to see if I could discern where Bella may be. Maybe she had gone back to live with her mom and yet, even as I thought that I knew I was wrong. Bella would not have left Charlie or Forks on her own. I knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't leave on the hopes that she would see her second family again, regardless of what Edward had done or said before we left.

Looking around the living room, I saw absolutely nothing that would help my search. The room looked like a room used a lot, by Charlie. There wasn't a single sign in the room that Bella had been there recently and that started to really worry me. Moving into the kitchen, I saw a note on the fridge that looked old, it was from Bella and as I read the simple words my dead heart lurched in my chest.

Dad,

I love you and I'm sorry.

Love forever,

Bells

After reading that my sense of dread doubled. Would she have run away after we left her? From our few interactions, she did not seem to be the type to recklessly leave a loved one behind. I reread the note for the tenth time and as I sighed, I heard a bark and a whine come from just outside the back door. Walking to the door, I looked outside and saw a giant wolf standing there staring right at me. Guessing that this was the same creature I had seen from Bella's window, I went out the door. Sensing the creature's emotions, all I got was grief and annoyance, which the latter caused me to smile.

Stepping outside and closing the door behind me quietly, I walked past the wolf, confident that he wasn't there to attack me. Stopping just inside the tree line so that we couldn't be observed from the house or any random passersby on the road, I waited for the wolf to make the first move.

Silently the wolf moved further into the trees and then came back out shortly after, this time on two legs. He looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place him at first. I checked his emotions again and they were the same, but with an added flavor of disgust. As he walked closer, I was finally able to remember how I knew him and I knew that he would know what happened to Bella.

"Jacob, I wasn't expecting to find you here." I spoke quietly, not wanting to start a fight. "I see you have followed in your tribe's footsteps."

"Leech." Jacob spat as he stopped a few feet away. "I'm here keeping my promise to Bella and making sure none of you bloodsuckers hurt Charlie."

"Where is she, Jacob?" I asked and noticed a spark of sorrow filter into his emotions. "What happened to her?"

"You leeches are what happened to her. She was happy and enjoying life before your family ruined her." Jacob growled, clenching his fists tight at his sides. "What the hell are you doing here leech?"

I hung my head in grief, I could tell by his emotions that something bad had to have happened to Bella and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know anymore. "I came here to check on her. I don't know what Edward said or did to her, but I know the rest of the family hurt her by leaving without saying goodbye. I don't expect you to believe me, but he forced us all to leave here and made everyone promise to leave Bella alone. I tried to get everyone to see reason, I was the only one that could explain to them Bella's emotions and how our leaving would affect her. I was out voted and forced to move."

"That doesn't tell me why you're here."

"I'm here because Edward has the family believing that I was the cause for Edward's choice to leave her, but I wasn't. It just made for an easy escape for him. I have worried about Bella since we left and finally left them to check on her. I need to apologize to her and make sure that she is ok." I lifted my head and caught a grimace on Jacob's face that matched his feeling of grief. "Why are you so sad? Tell me what happened."

Shock registered on Jacob's face and then recognition. "Oh, well, so it's you. I never expected you to come here, but she told me that you would be the one to check on her."

"Jacob, what are you talking about? Bella told you that I was coming? How? When?"

"She told me a couple of months after you guys left, once she was talking again that is. We started hanging out and she set the ground rules of whom and what we could or couldn't talk about. You and the big guy were the only ones she would talk about and the rest of them were no go's. If they got brought up she would wrap her arms around herself like she was holding herself together and leave. Needless to say I learned quickly to just keep my trap shut." Jacob turned to look at the house with longing and pain in his eyes. "She didn't tell me how she knew, just that she did."

So she would only talk about me and Emmett? That didn't make any sense. I mean I understood with Emmett, he was her big brother, but me? We never really talked. Except for one time when we were waiting on Edward and Alice to get their stuff for school. She said something and got me to laughing and I ended up poking her in the side to tickle her. She responded by throwing a couch pillow in my face. I had reminded her that I don't play fair and called her darlin' which of course showed my southern side. She stood still, shocked at my natural accent and then smiled. From that day on she never called me by name; it was always the nickname she gave me.

"Umm, earth to leech? Did I lose you?" Jacob waved his hand in front of my face.

"What?" I looked at him and his emotions told me he had been trying to get my attention for a bit. "Sorry, was lost in thought."

"Well, I don't want to drag this out any longer than needed. I am only talking to you to find out if you guys are moving back and to give you something."

"Huh?" Now I was totally confused. "No, everyone is still in Alaska, but I don't know their plans. I left them because of their easy acceptance of what we did to Bella. I couldn't be a part of a family that so easily left one of the members behind."

"Well that's good to know. We don't need you bloodsuckers to come back here ever."

I nodded; I didn't think they would have to worry about that any time soon. "Wait. You said you were here to give me something?"

Jacob looked down at the ground as he reached into his back pocket of his jean shorts. "I'm only doing this because I loved…love Bella and she made me promise."

I watched as he pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to me. I saw my name on the front of the envelope in her beautiful handwriting. Looking back up to Jacob, I saw curiosity in his eyes. "You don't know what's in here?"

He shook his head. "Another promise. I wasn't to open it or try to read it over your shoulder. I can only read it IF you let me."

I chuckled, opening the envelope. "That does sound like her."

Jacob watched quietly as I pulled out the letter and unfolded it. "Will you let me?"

My only response was a gasp as I started reading the letter written in her precise script.

Howdy Cowboy,

I knew you would be the one to come looking for me. I'm sure Emmett would have come, but we both know Rose would have stopped him. So that leaves you, cowboy. I'm sure he (yes, I refuse to say his name) blamed you for everything and used that as an excuse to finally leave me. It wasn't your fault, I know what happened so stop beating yourself up over it. Please don't feel guilty, it wasn't your fault. I blame the rest of the family, not you.

I also knew it was coming, there was no way that someone as perfect as him or any of you really could love a clumsy, plain human like me. Now don't frown as I'm not there to see just how adorable that makes you look. After you all left and I stopped being a zombie, I forced myself to think and go back over my time with your family. You know how they say hindsight is always 20/20? Well, yeah, needless to say I was quite shocked by what I learned.

Now I won't bother you with all of the little details, but I did learn that he was not the one I was meant to be with. I had needed to be loved so badly that I let my need cloud my true feelings for him and…well, he wasn't the one, wasn't my mate as you guys called it. What really hurts is the time wasted on him and finally realizing just who my mate is or was or whatever. I know I'm not making any sense and I'm sorry for that, Cowboy, my cowboy. I loved it when that side of you snuck out by the way. Between you, me and Jacob (yes, I fully acknowledge that you will let him read this. Hi Jake), Alice is stupid for not loving every side of you. That is what mates are supposed to do right? Love the other, all of the good with the bad?

That is what I would have done with my mate, loved every bit of him and wouldn't have tried to change him. I think I actually kinda do already, but he will never know. Too many complications, too many roadblocks. Wow, look at me ramble.

Well, all of that is in the past and now my heart hurts not for losing him, but for never getting to be with the one I was supposed to be with for eternity. Guess that is the only bit I will tell you, I was supposed to be with a vampire. Carlisle told me once that I was born to become like you as I was already so much like you and only he seemed to notice it. But I know that I won't get that choice now.

Ok so I will get to the point of this letter. Which if you are reading this I can only imagine that Jake kept to his promise and no one has seen me for a long time. That is why I wrote this, in case something happened to me. You know my luck or lack thereof when it comes to dangerous situations. List is short so far, but I'm sure it will grow. I mean I hung out with a family of bloodsuckers (that's for Jake), was bitten and broken by James, I'm just naturally a walking disaster, and then you add in Jake and the rest of the werewolf craziness…I just attract danger so I'm smart enough to acknowledge that my time is gonna be short.

I'm not trying to be depressing, I just want you to understand that I do not regret having met you and Emmett and the rest of the family, or any of my time spent in Forks. I need you and Jake to promise me that you will not look for me, as most likely I was made to disappear by becoming someone's snack and there won't be a point for you to search endlessly for me. I want you both to get on with your lives and not waste away from your worry or grief over me. Cowboy, you need to relay that to the family too. I don't care if you tell him; I will leave that up to you.

Tell Jake to go searching for his imprint and to have lots of kids and love life. He was my sun and now he needs to find his own.

Cowboy, my cowboy, how I wished your w…Alice would have let you shine in your southern roots. If you had been mine, I would have encouraged it, your southern drawl should have melted her on the spot. I bet you look amazing in a pair of boots and a Stetson and I am just sad that I won't get to see it. Umm…moving on now.

Promise me that you won't do anything stupid, instead go be with your wi…family and Alice. Can you do that for me, cowboy? Please? Do I need to make it an order Major for you to follow?

There is a part of me that hopes you never have to read this letter, but the rational and logical part of me knows that you will someday. So now that I have poured out my heart and cried all over the place, I think I should stop writing. Definitely before I say something that you may regret reading. My goal wasn't to make you feel bad or uncomfortable, so as I know you can't forget things, if something I said bothers you, just ignore it as the ramblings of a sad and pathetic human.

I have already said my goodbyes to Jake and he promised to take care of Charlie for me. You, cowboy, I need you to take care of yourself and Emmett. You are my boys and I miss you both something fierce. Bet you never saw that coming thanks to our minimal interactions. Blame that on my soul searching and everything I learned about myself.

Jasper, my lo…my cowboy, take care of yourself and don't take crap from anyone. Please.

I love you all very much.

Forever yours, cowboy, in spirit at least,

Bella

I think I read the letter ten times in under a minute, trying to understand everything she was trying to tell me. Thinking it over I decided to let Jacob read it, she did address him a few times so naturally it's what she wanted.

Jacob took the proffered letter and moved a few steps away to read it quietly. He let out a few gasps as he read the letter and a chuckle here and there. "She knew and she didn't tell me."

"What?" I asked, having been pulled from my thoughts.

Jacob turned to glare at me. "She knew she was going to die or disappear. Why wouldn't she tell me? I could have protected her; the pack could have protected her."

"I don't know, Jacob." I sighed and stared up through the trees. "You know as well as I do that Bella put others before herself and she probably thought she was protecting you by not telling you."

"Yeah, that was..is Bella. There were times I thought she did that just to irritate me." Jacob's shoulders slumped in grief. "She's really gone isn't she?"

Closing my eyes I let his grief roll over me. I knew he wouldn't welcome me messing with his emotions and this was something we both were going to have to get through. There was something nagging at my mind though, something she wrote in that letter. "How long has she been gone?"

"About four months."

"And you didn't find any…"

He cut me off with a snort. "No, there were no vampire scents that we didn't recognize around here and nothing else that would have made us worry. There were two vampires, one that we dealt with before she disappeared and one that showed up two months ago, so we know she isn't connected. She only came through here a few times and then disappeared."

"I wonder who they were." I thought out loud. "Hand me the letter."

Jacob passed it over to me. "Bella said the one we took care of was called Laurent. She was out walking in the woods and we happened on her at the right time, he was just about to kill her. That was how she learned about me and the wolf pack. I don't know who the red headed leech was though."

I looked up at him from the letter. "Laurent? I always wondered where he disappeared to. So he came here, to what, find Bella or did he just happen across her? Was he working for Victoria? Maybe that is why she came here herself, looking for Bella and to find out what happened to Laurent." I trailed off with my thoughts, glad that Laurent hadn't succeeded in killing Bella, but worried that Victoria had come sniffing around as well. She didn't show up till after Bella had vanished so that made me a bit more hopeful that Bella was still alive somewhere. But where?

"Earth to leech. You still with me?" Jacob was sending off vibes of anger and I could tell it was all aimed at me.

I focused on him and he sighed. "What Jacob?"

He started to pace back and forth in front of me, growling. "Who were those two you were talking about? Laurent and Victoria?"

I really didn't want to deal with that issue anymore, so I focused on the letter while I told him all about our initial meeting with James, Laurent and Victoria and everything that happened afterwards. As I talked I could sense fear and anger flowing off of him and then gratefulness when I told him about destroying James.

"So that's how she got that scar on her wrist. She never would tell me about it."

"Yeah, that's when we learned just how far she would go to protect those she loves." I sighed.

"He deserved far worse than he got." Jacob snarled as I went back over the letter. "So you think this Victoria chick is after Bella to get even for your killing James?"

"Well, that is what usually happens when we lose our mate. The pain is so great, we either find a way to join our mate or we seek revenge on the one that took them from us. At that point we become a single minded killing machine and will do anything in our power to reach our goal. When a vampire gets to that point, nothing will stop them short of death." I glanced back down at the letter; something was still bothering me about it. "It's not unlike if you were to lose your imprint, you would become an empty shell without your other half. You would live for your children, if you had any, but we don't have that option, Jacob. For us, its revenge and then death so that we can rejoin the missing piece of our soul."

"So should we assume that she got Bella?"

"No, if she came after Bella went missing then she was not part of it." Closing my eyes, I tried to clear my mind of this crap so I could focus on the letter.

"If it wasn't her…"

"Jacob, shut up for just a damn moment. I'm trying to think." I snapped. I was tired of him interrupting me. Focusing, I started to think out loud, trying to figure out her letter and cryptic words.

"She said she realized that Edward wasn't her mate, but she knew who it was supposed to be. She believed that she would never be with him that way. She knew it would be me that would come looking for her." I growled low in my chest. "What am I missing? She said 'your' not 'our' family so she feels rejected by them, but not by Emmett or me. She made me promise to take care of myself and Emmett, but why was she so worried about me? There were words it seemed like it was hard for her to write, like with Alice and not calling her my wife. Well, she won't be for much longer, but Bella couldn't have known that."

I started to pace as I thought, it felt like I was circling around the point here, but I just couldn't grasp it. "She only called me by name once, always cowboy otherwise. That was nothing new though, she stopped calling me anything but cowboy a long time ago, but she never called me her cowboy. Maybe that was just because she gave me that nickname. So what is it that I am missing?"

Hastening in my pacing, I reread the last bit of her letter out loud. "You, cowboy, I need you to take care of yourself and Emmett. You are my boys and I miss you both something fierce. Bet you never saw that coming thanks to our minimal interactions. Blame that on my soul searching and everything I learned about myself. Jasper, my lo…my cowboy, take care of yourself and don't take crap from anyone. Please. I love you all very much. Forever yours, cowboy, in spirit at least…" I stopped in my tracks.

Jacob looked up from his own thoughts at my sudden silence. Concern ebbed off of him in waves mingled with his grief and anger. "What did you figure out, leech?"

"I know what she was trying to tell me. Why didn't I see it sooner? Oh Bella, what have I done?" I dropped to my knees and pulled the letter into my chest.

"Umm, Jasper, you wanna share your thoughts a bit more coherently?" Jacob growled at me.

"Why didn't I see it sooner? Was it Alice? Was she trying to keep me away? They all were worried that I was going to snap and kill her. I knew I wouldn't, but they wouldn't listen to me. I was always calmed by her presence and I just put that down to her happiness. But if that were the case, then why did I feel the need to protect her when she was threatened by James?"

Jacob stood there silently staring at me as I rambled, trying to make sense of what I was thinking.

"I should have seen it at the ballet studio. I knew I felt different once we found her. My first thought was to get rid of the threat, but I also had to make sure she was ok." Suddenly a hole opened up in my chest that was filled with the most intense pain I had ever experienced. "I saw her, lying there burning from James' bite and all I wanted to do was get rid of James and then hold her through the change. Alice, she must have seen and then kept me from her. Fuck!"

Jacob flinched away from my growling, but didn't retreat. Then he felt it and was forced to sit down or fall down. "What is that?"

Looking over at him, I realized I must have been projecting. "Sorry, Jacob, I will try to keep better control of my emotions."

"That was you?" Jacob relaxed his muscles as he was back to only dealing with his own emotions.

"Yes, Bella told you I was an empath, remember? That's how you knew who I was. I feel everyone's emotions around me and I can even influence them if the need arises. Or I can project my own emotions to anyone around me, which is what I was doing apparently. Sorry." I took a deep breath and folded the letter back into its envelope.

"Ok, just don't ever do that shit again." He stood up, looking back at the house. "So what did you learn?"

"I don't know where she is or what happened if that's what you're asking." I took a deep breath just to steady myself before continuing. "What she was telling me was that I am her mate. So I have lost her before I even knew she was mine to lose. That must be why I have been so worried about her over the past year and why I was compelled to check on her."

Jacob looked at me and I could sense his grief and sorrow mingled with worry. "You aren't going to go all revenge crazy are you?"

"No, the mating bond wasn't fully formed so no, I won't become like Victoria. I will look for her though; I won't be able to stop myself." Looking up into the sky through the trees, I felt the pull to find her, to complete the bond, but I also needed to know more about her.

Jacob spent the rest of the night telling me about Bella and what happened to her after we left and didn't spare my feelings one bit, and I was grateful for his honesty. Hearing about how she was zombie like for the first few months after we left hurt. Then learning about her daredevil side made me angry with how she risked her life. It was only natural for me to worry about her, even with things that happened in the past. He told me about how hard it's been for Charlie since we left and since she disappeared. I knew that unless we found her, Charlie would most likely never come back from the loss.

After talking with Jacob, I left Forks and drove around the area for a few weeks, searching for any signs as to what happened to her. When I found nothing, I headed south, to my old homestead in Texas. I knew I would find Peter and Charlotte there or they would eventually show up. That was the only place that we had to truly call home and since they moved around a lot, they always came back to Texas, I knew that they always hoped to find me there when they got back.

When I got to the house outside of Houston, I found a note on the fridge addressed to me. Damn Peter and his knower. I chuckled to myself as I read the note.

Major,

It's about time you left that damn pixie pest and came back to us. But as you can tell, we aren't there and I can't tell you when exactly you will see us again. There is something that needs our attention more than you do right now, but I promise, this can only turn out good for you. Just remember that you will see us again and we will have something that will make your life so much better, finally. So stop frowning and enjoy the homestead.

Welcome back to the family,

Peter

P.S. Char says to keep your cell number so we won't have to hunt you down when the time comes.

I remember being shocked over that little note, but I knew better than to try to second guess Peter and his knower. I spent a few years enjoying the homestead and getting back to my roots, every once in a while I would venture out to look for clues, hoping to find something that would tell me what happened to Bella. When I didn't find anything, the pull I felt in my chest would become almost unbearable and I would return to Texas to lick my wounds as they say. It came to the point where I was spending more time out looking for her than at home.

I didn't have much contact with anyone else. Peter and Charlotte were still off doing who knew what and I hadn't received any messages or anything from them since that note on the fridge. I would check in with the Cullens about once a year, just to keep up with Carlisle and Esme mostly. I had told them about the letter, some of it at least, and Bella's disappearance. I left it up to them if they shared the news with everyone else. I didn't care if Edward or Alice knew; I could only hope that if Carlisle did tell them that they understood their part in what happened to my mate. I didn't tell them about that part, I wanted to keep that to myself. To have something that I shared with only my Bella.

After the years started passing me by, I began to feel more alone and the pull became stronger. Every time I left the homestead to search for Bella, I was gone longer and would venture farther and farther away. After five years had passed I had searched all of the states as well as Canada. Upon my last trip back home, there was another note left for me and I cursed my luck for the bad timing.

Major,

I don't know how you are doing it, but keep surviving and searching. You will eventually find the answers to your questions, don't give up. I know I don't have the pixie's gift of visions but my knower keeps me in line with what's going to happen. We are still tied up with our own mission, but we shall be seeing you soon. Once you are in a place where you can accept the answers you will receive them.

Be patient and stop cursing me,

Peter

I growled and crumpled up the note, throwing it in the trash. I was tired of his cryptic ass and all I wanted was for whatever this was to be over. I apparently wasn't going to be granted a reprieve any time soon per the note so I packed my duffle with my essentials, hopped in my truck and took off. This time I wasn't planning on coming back until I had either found out what happened to Bella or I caught up with my missing brother and sister.

Over the next three years I traveled all over the states and Canada again, searching for clues. I would check in with Jacob every once in a while to see how things were going on his end, but neither of us ever had any good news to tell the other. We were both still searching for Bella, completely ignoring her plea for us not to, and Jacob had the extra task of keeping an eye on Charlie. He was starting to move on finally after eight years and had settled down with Sue Clearwater and in doing so, learned all about the pack and the cold ones. I was never brave enough to ask if he knew about the Cullens or not and Jacob never volunteered the information.

At that point it had been over eight years since I had learned that Bella was missing (I refused to think she was dead) and that we were mates. I had found no hard evidence confirming she was still alive, I only had my belief and the pull I felt in my chest. I just knew she was still out there, she had to be. I could not go on with this hole in my chest, which I did my best to ignore most of the time. I decided after the last check in with Jacob, that I would try looking somewhere new as I didn't think I could handle searching the states and Canada again knowing I wasn't going to find anything.

And that is how I ended up in Italy. After leaving the states I spent the first year searching Ireland, Scotland and Great Britain. I vaguely remember those being places she had mentioned in passing that she wanted to visit. So I figured they were worth checking out. Of course I came up empty handed again. Once I finished there I moved on to Germany and Romania, I knew both places had a high concentration of vampires and if I went by the thought that a vampire took her, those would be viable places for her to end up. At one point I thought I came across her scent, it was Jasmin with a light hint of freesia mixed with a warm spice that I couldn't place. I only knew it was her when my chest constricted at the scent and the pull to her almost brought me to my knees.

Searching more closely around the area, I realized I was just outside of Bucharest in Romania. I tried to find more clues as to where she went. There were no signs that were able to lead me to where she went or even why she had been here. I did note that there was a scent that mingled with hers, it was a male from what I could tell, but it wasn't one that I could place with a name. Growling low in my chest, I didn't like the thought of any males being anywhere near my Bella. After finding nothing, I moved on to Italy. That was the only other place with a high number of vampires that I could think she would go to. It was also the home to our vampire royalty, which made me cringe at the thought of her being anywhere near the kings.

Aro was a collector of sorts and I just knew that with Bella's powers, he would want her for his own and that was just not something that I would allow. Bella was not an object, she was my mate, a living creature, if you could call us that, and she deserved to live freely, not as someone's pet. Being controlled was something she already experienced thanks to Edward; I never believed that he actually loved her and his treatment of her towards the end just proved my suspicions to be true.

I spent a year searching all over Italy and even ventured close to Volterra, where the kings resided in their castle. I came to the conclusion that there was no way that she could be in Volterra as I never once picked up any traces of her scent close to it. If I had found her scent I would have gone in to confront Aro, I would have done it fearlessly, but I can admit that I am glad it didn't come to that. It would not have fared well for any of us and that kind of danger was not something that I wanted Bella to get caught up in. I decided to find a home in Italy to stay for a while so I found a little cottage about an hour south of Florence in Siena and bought it. I would stay there for a couple of weeks before traveling the country and searching for my lost mate. After finding nothing I would return to the cottage and start the cycle over again.

It was on one of these trips that found me, a year after arriving in Italy, relaxing in a secluded meadow, watching the clouds float past in the sky. I could sense something in the air; it held a sense of foreboding as well as excitement and closure. I can't tell you how I knew that, I just sensed it as I watched the clouds go by. This little meadow was peaceful and tranquil and allowed me to detox from the search and worry over my precious mate and what happened to her.

That afternoon, as I finished going down memory lane, is when I decided to locate my missing siblings, hoping they could help me find Bella. It had been too long since I had seen them and I had no idea what they were up to. I was making plans for my return to the states when my phone starting ringing in my pocket. Curious, I pulled it out and looked at the caller id.

I growled as I hit the answer button. "What do you want, Alice?"

"Jasper, we have a problem and need your help." She responded, worry evident in her voice.

I sat up and frowned, after ten years she thinks she can call and ask for my help? She wasn't really one that I would be willing to help any time in the near future and I realized I needed to tell her that.

"Alice, I don't know why you called, but I don't believe it's my job to save you anymore. I believe that ended when you signed the divorce papers." I know it was cruel, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

She sighed in frustration and hurt. "It's not for me, well not just me. It's for the whole family. We received a summons from Aro earlier today. It was addressed to all of us, including you and …"

I closed my eyes, fighting another growl. "What aren't you telling me, Alice?"

She groaned, apparently she had not wanted me to catch on that she was hiding something. "Jasper, they know about Bella."

A/N - Sorry for the cliffy with the first chapter. It just flowed and it seemed like a good place to stop.

Please review…I am happy to get good and bad reviews, how else can I get better? Please no flames. If you don't review I won't know if you guys want me to continue the story. I will let you know that I am almost finished with the next chapter, so please review. If you do, Jasper may just fill you with a sense of joy.

Chapter song is Ghost by American Authors