A/N: Errr…this is a little different than the kind of stuff I usually write. They're not really in character, and it's pretty dialogue-heavy. Actually, the whole thing really doesn't make much sense. I was like half-asleep when I wrote it. But hopefully a few people can enjoy it a little bit. If possible.

Distractions and Dates

"Never let your guard down."

Ryoma balanced the tennis ball on the rim of his racquet. "Buchou, it's Ryuzaki-"

"Nevertheless, it's a date. It's important to keep your guard up, even if it's a girl."

The freshman made a face. "But it's Ryuzaki-"

"There are a number of things that could go wrong."

"What kind of things?" Ryoma demanded.

Tezuka's frown deepened, the solemn expression never leaving. "Inui was telling me the statistics of the amount of damage girls can do on teenage boys. He told me that girls can quite strategically play with the male mind using their – assets – as bait."

"Inui-senpai?" Ryoma asked faintly, conjuring a mental image of an evil-looking Inui holding up a pitcher of Inui Juice. "Why would you ask him?"

"His data provided solid evidence," Oblivious to how confused Ryoma appeared, Tezuka simply adjusted his glasses and proceeded with the conversation. "The amount of damage a young girl can do to a young boy is highly underestimated. Inui predicted that 95% of girls can distract the adolescent male using their…" Here, Tezuka coughed again. "…assets."

"I'm not going to get distracted."

"According to Inui, most boys don't even realize they're being distracted. It's important you keep your focus on tennis, Echizen."

Ryoma blinked. The tennis ball rolled off of his racquet and fell to the ground, tumbling down the cool clay of the court. "My focus is on tennis. Momo-senpai's giving me free Ponta if I go on the date."

"Dates shouldn't be taken lightly. Aren't you a little young?"

"I'm twelve."

"Yes, twelve. You could quite easily be seduced."

Ryoma scowled, his eyes flaring. "Buchou, it's Ryuzaki! – not a 40-year old woman."

"But the facts are there. You need to be careful."

"You need to be careful too, then."

"What?" That finally snapped Tezuka out of his somewhat semi-serious stupor. His brain scattered, before he recollected himself. "I don't know what you're talking about, Echizen. If you were unaware, I haven't been on a date before. Middle school romance isn't my priority. I focus on tennis and my schoolwork – as you should be too."

Ryoma's brow furrowed. A gleam caught his eye. "So buchou's never been on a date before?" How interesting.

"Of course not. After my arm got injured, I realized – even though I had already known it before – that I couldn't focus on the female specimen when I had such important matters to contend to. I dedicated myself to tennis. I focused on my career. And I continue to do so…"

"So dates are definitely wrong?" Ryoma drawled out.

Tezuka adjusted his glasses again. While he didn't think dates were particularly wrong, in this case, it was necessary to convince Ryoma that they were. "I would never go on a date, and considering your age, it would be reasonable for you to do the same."

"Buchou, your arguments are stupid."

Feeling uncomfortable, Tezuka quickly refuted the statement. "As I said before, Inui showed me reasonable data on the effect girls can have on boys. If you want to survive the date – which, I once again advise you not to attend – then it's important to keep your guard up."

"We're only going to the park and getting some ice cream afterwards."

"Is it an isolated park?"

"Buchou! What do you think she's going to do to me? Che, it's Ryuzaki. She can't even hurt Horio, never mind me," Ryoma countered.

Tezuka was beginning to feel frustrated. Ryoma was obviously not relenting. "Just don't let your guard down."

The freshman looked thoughtful, and a sudden smirk scrawled across his face. A second later, he went on his tip toes, and said, "Okay, how about this?" Tezuka leaned forward, feeling somewhat victorious.

The words spoken, however, caused his voice to catch in his throat. "Does buchou want to go on a date with me?"

Tezuka felt the air leave him in a single whoosh. He straightened up, and took a solemn step away from Ryoma's twinkling face. "I – ah –" Yes. That would be lovely.

Ryoma smirked, and tugged his cap down. "Oh, wait, I forgot. Buchou has to focus on schoolwork and tennis, right? He doesn't have time for a date with me." With that, Ryoma gave Tezuka another haughty look, before he picked up his tennis ball and sauntered away.

Tezuka was still, absolutely frozen as he watched Ryoma walk out of the courts.

His entire plan had been to convince Ryoma that going on a date with Sakuno was a bad idea.

Now he was going to have to spend the rest of his life asking Ryoma for dates and getting sassy rejections consisting of, "Oh, but aren't dates distractions from your tennis and schoolwork? I thought Buchou was against dates? But Buchou, what if the park is isolated?"

His plan had clearly backfired.