AN: Time for a super short update after a really long unintentional hiatus. I recently had exams and a really big argument and my mental health just wasn't very good but I really want to finish this fic. There's really not much of this fic left so I also feel weird coming towards the end (there are three other chapters after this one) so with out further ado, here is chapter 20

Rin felt the question of whether he liked Haru or not tearing him apart inside. By Friday he felt emotionally exhausted as he sat next to Haru in the common room trying to keep to himself in order to avoid that ridiculous sensation of feeling Haru's skin against his own. All they had to do is bump knees and Rin would turn bright red and feel his skin heat up.

"Are you okay?" Haru asked, after the third time Rin had practically jumped out of his skin because of an accidental incident of physical contact.

"Me? I'm as fine as someone on a psychiatric ward can be," Rin responded.

"You're acting odd," Haru added, staring at Rin with a burning intensity which made lying feel that much harder.

"I'm just anxious, Nagisa thinks I might be leaving soon and I haven't been home in a really long time."

Haru was silent and he turned his head towards the TV.

"Have you… ever realised that we always sit on the couch in front of the TV but we never actually watch any TV?" Rin chuckled, stumbling over a few chuckles and falling sort of flat in his delivery towards the end. Instead of answering, Haru turned back and wrapped his arms around Rin's waist and despite the initial lurch in Rin's chest, Rin put his arms around Haru's shoulders.

Haru put his head on Rin's shoulder and held him tighter causing Rin's stomach to twist. Then he felt Haru shake slightly and he heard sniffles in his ear.

"Haru, are you crying?" Rin asked, Haru moved his head in what Rin imagined must have been a nod of some sort and Rin rubbed Haru's back in response.

I'm fucked.

Rin sighed as the thought passed through his head and indulged in the cuddle with Haru.

It wasn't until later in the afternoon Rin heard the same old receptionist yell "Phone call for Rin Mastuoka!" and Rin felt everyone's eyes on him in the common room. It was a running gag by this point. No one else seemed to get so many phone calls. There were few other people who ever even seemed to get phone calls in the ward. Many people tensed up with a glint of excitement in their eyes at the word "phone call", only to completely deflate at "For Rin Matsuoka."

He wondered who was calling him. He hoped it wasn't Sousuke. Before all of the shit that had gone down when they were fourteen, Sousuke was someone Rin could ramble to about crushes and now having a crush and having that thought linger in his head would only make Rin feel more upset about Sousuke.

Instead, the person who was calling was Makoto.

"Hi, Rin!"

"Hey," Rin responded casually.

"So, I have some news for you," Makoto began, his voice was soft and he spoke very carefully.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's only if you want to but… the hospital said that I could take you for a day out tomorrow in the city for about two hours. They want to see what you're like out of the ward without medical supervision. They're thinking of releasing you in a few weeks and they just wanted to trial it with a volunteer and they said we get on quite well and I've been volunteering here for a long time so I'm trustworthy so I wanted to call and ask if you think you'd like to do that?"

Rin wondered if Makoto had been able to get any air in his lungs in between that rushed sentence.

"I don't know," Rin began, "Can I give you an answer tomorrow?"

"Of course!"

"Okay, see you," Rin replied and hung up the phone.

AN: I said it was short. Now, here is some news that might make you less angry with me, I'm considering ditching my holier than thou "T" rating, shocking right, and writing harurin smut which will probably be super unrealistic because I've never had sex before and even if I had it still wouldn't have been male on male gay sex. However I'm kind of on the fence about it (e.g.. con: I've never written smut before, pro: I can get experience writing it) so I'm going to ask you guys what you think I should do. Love you all.