"I'm not mad" my voice rings through the animal hospital.
Everybody stares at me, terrified, as if waiting for an explosion.
"CAREFUL! IT'S A TRICK!" Cat screams.
Normally, it would have been and they all would have paid for it later. But this time I wasn't lying. I just spend the night driving around LA trying to catch my ex out on a date with the girl I hate. Yet, here I was, in an animal hospital, having strangers analyse my relationship. What the hell is this... 'Dr Phil'?
"It's not a trick, I..." I say as I turn to look at Cat "I thought I was mad but now that I'm here what do I have to be mad about?" I say as turn back to the two people I'd been chasing all night.
"We broke up, we're all friends, kinda." I motion to Tori "I mean, any of us should be able to hang out with whoever we want." Tori smiles at me, looking slightly relived that she's not going to die.
"I still think it's a trick." Cat pipes up
I throw my hands up exasperated "It's not!"
Beck walks over to me "You're really ok?"
I nod "Yeah"
"That's.. That's pretty cool." He replies
He stares at me for a brief moment, I feel nothing more than friendship, I smile back.

The nurse enters the room "And here's your ointment for Buster"
"Oh, thanks"
"Just remember to rub it in every four hours..."
"We know!" Tori cuts her off.
"Oh, hi Cat!" The nurse begins.
"Hey, Maureen."
"How's your brothers turtle?"
"Oh, not so great."
"What's wrong with your brother's turtle?" Tori interrupts
"He keeps accidentally flipping over and can't get back up"
We give a collective "awws" and sympathy, I think to myself 'of course, that weirdo would have a weird turtle!'
"Yeah, the poor little guy just lays on his back for hours." Cat replies
"So sad" Genuinely feeling for my best friend, it's not her fault she got stuck with a weirdo brother.
Cat sighs "yeah".

Four hours later

I'm lying on my bed, my brain buzzing with the events of tonight. I drove my car around in a jealous filled rage all night, but who was I jealous of! I thought I was jealous of Tori, and how most of the people there were saying that she should be with Beck. But when I looked at Beck, it was him I felt jealous of! How could this happen? How am I jealous that my ex is hanging out with her? I mean, I don't even like her!
Her! Tori Vega! The girl, who single handily barged her way into my life and wormed her way through my barriers without even knowing she did it.
"How the hell did this happen?" I say out loud.
There's no one there to answer, I dropped Cat off home hours ago.

I turn over, trying to make sleep come, but to no avail. Images of the Latina dance through my head. The tan skin, the long brown hair and her sparkling brown eyes! They taunt me as I try to sleep. I sigh and turn back on my back! Just as I close my eyes again, I'm alerted to my phone.
It takes a sec for my eyes to adjust to the light, only to find it was a msg from none other than the tormentor herself, Tori Vega.

'Are you sure you're not mad?' -T

'No' -J

'No you're not sure if you are or no you're not mad?' -T

Jesus Christ Tori! This girl will be the end of me!

'Tori!' -J

'I'm sorry! Please tell me?' -T

My stomach does flip flops while reading her msg. Why does she want to be my friend? Why?

'I'm not mad! Now shut it Vega! I'm trying to sleep!' -J

My stomach is now in knots as I deal with the guilty feelings I have about all the horrible things I've done to this girl. How could she still be around? How can I have feelings for her? How? Why? It's building up, all these feelings, I feel like I'm going to scream... *phone alert tone

I look at my phone, it's her again.

'Ok, I'm just checking to see if we're alright. I know you don't see us as friends... But... I do! And I can't do that to a friend!' -T

"I can't do that to a friend" Those words ring through my mind. Why couldn't she do this to me? Why?...

Random flash back

"Just go get the blue one!" I reply, exhaustedly and go and sit in front of the mirror.
"Come on, Oliver." Cat sighs.
"First, we had to get the red skirt, now, we have to get the blue skirt." Oliver whines.
"Life is hard." Cat replies as they drag their tired feet down the hall.
I reach down for a lip liner when I hear Beck's voice.
"I should have just kept my mouth shut!" It rang through the computer speakers. Cat didn't shut down her video chat.
"No, you were right! If I'm going to be successful, I want it to because of my talent, not for throwing tantrums and wearing meat hats." Tori says.
I scoot closer to the monitor and zoom it in.
"Can't you be famous for you music and wear a meat hat?" Beck jokes
"Seriously! Meat whenever you want! Right out of your hat!" He continues.
"Right out of my hat?" Tori giggles.
I roll my eyes, this is sickening.
The meat hat banter calms down and they start to get closer, my heart starts to quicken.
They're seconds away from kissing, I feel like I'm going to throw up. When...
"Ahhh,.. Oh you!" Tori says as she awkwardly play punches his jaw.
This startles me! My heart is pounding. What just happened? My eyes are glued to the screen, like it's my only survival.

"I'm sorry." Beck says, confused
"Ahh, no, I'm sorry." Tori covers her face
"I didn't..I didn't mean to.." Stutters Beck
"No, you didn't.. You.." Tori begins.
I move closer to the screen, my heart is now thumping so hard I feel it in my throat.
"Then, why can't we kiss?" Beck says, feeling defeated
Tori sighs "Coz!...coz of Jade!"
What! I'm literally on the verge of a panic attack watching this.
"Jade and I broke up!" Beck states.
"Yeah, but kissing your friends ex-boyfriend..." Tori begins
"Wait, wait, wait! When are you and Jade even friends?" Beck exclaims.
"Last week, she took your hamburger and rub it against her bare foot!"
"What?! I ate feet meat!" Tori whines
"And she took your spot in the platinum music awards." He finishes.
Tori signs "Look, I mean, I guess Jade and I aren't really friend friends. But we're kinda friends..I think." Tori pauses "and kissing her ex-boyfriend... I can't do that to a friend." She finishes.
I slam the laptop shut. So many emotions are swirling inside me. But the guilt, is just roaring through me. I collapse back down on the chair, as I hear Cat and Oliver bounding back in with the blue skirt.

Flash back ends

*phone alert tone

'Jade, please! Just tell me we're ok? I need to know!' -T

God, this girl is so needy! But deep down, I'm kind of glad she needs me. Oh, shit when did this happen! I know we started being more civil after that stupid date Sikowizt's made us go on. She's slowly but surely worked her way through my barriers. This is no good! I'm Jade 'freaking' West! I don't feel! I wish this bed would just swallow me whole. *phone alert tone

'Jade? :(' -T

I look at my phone, I feel awful. I sigh and begin to type.

'Vega, we're fine! Can we please just talk about this tomorrow? I'm tired! And I'm going to sleep goodnight!' -J

'Ok, goodnight Jade. Xx' -T

Oh god! She signed it with kisses! I'm never going to sleep now. I turn the TV on and start watching 'The late, late show with Craig Ferguson'! It's one of my guilty pleasures. I leave it on and finally drift off into an uneasy sleep.

The next morning

I wake up at the bottom end of my bed, my body completely covered by my covers. I feel hungover. I'm tired and I have a headache. 'It's Sunday!' I think 'I'm going to stay here all day and not think of how much of an arse I made of myself last night.' Suddenly, I hear footsteps and muffled voices. 'Voices!' The only other person that should be here is my mother. I hear my door open. Soft footsteps pad across my room, and a slight weight shifts onto my bed.
'Oh no! It can't be!' I think, as the aroma of vanilla fills my nose!
"What do you want Vega?" I say, in a low growl.
I feel her jump at the sound of my voice, she clearly thought I was asleep.
"Well, good morning to you too!" She recovers.
"What's so good about it?" I mumble, from under the covers.
"Well... It's sunny outside." She offers.
"How wonderful!" I grumble.
"Are you going to come out?"
"I'd prefer not too." I pause "You can leave now!"
"Nope" I feel her move slightly.
She's making herself comfortable. Why? Why does she do this?
"What do you want Vega?" I repeat myself.
"I wanted to come see if you were ok after last night. I know you said you were, but I needed to see it for myself." She states.
You're not seeing me!"
"What?"
"I haven't gotten up yet, so you're not seeing me!" She will not see me like this, bed hair, make up strude across my face.
"I don't care what you look like, you're pretty no matter what time a day it is!" She states as if it's a fact from a book.

Jesus! Why is she being so nice? I can't do this! I get up, cover my whole face with my doona and walk to my bathroom and slam the door. I remove the doona and take a deep breath! I reopen the door slightly and throw the doona at Vega.
"Ufff!" It nails her in the head, it makes me smile.
Hopefully if I stay in here long enough she'll leave. I start the shower and try to wash away all these feelings. I stay in there for well over an hour, I get out and get change in some sweats sitting on the counter. I tie my hair back and look in the mirror. I sigh out loud, I can't be bothered with make up today. I moisture my face, completely forgetting why I was hiding in here in the first place. I turn and open the door to find my bed made and a certain Latina waiting patiently for me. She turns and looks at me, she mumbles something, I can only just make it out.
"Wow!" She whispers.
"What?" I ask her, unsure if that's what I really heard.
"So what are we going to do today, we could go to the movies, the beach, maybe go shopping..." She begins.
"Since when were we hanging out?" I cross my arms and raise my eyebrow.
"Since now!" She crosses her arms as well and stares me down.
I size her up, and realise I'm too exhausted to argue, but I'm still not leaving the house.
"I'm not leaving my house today Vega." I say and walk over and sit on my neatly made bed.
"Fine! We'll stay in and watch movies." She begins to fiddle with her phone "I'm going to order a pizza, pick a movie!" She demands.
"Nothing too bloody!" She yells back as she walks out my bedroom door.
I sit there slightly dazed. How the hell did this happen?

"Ok, pizza should be here in half an hour... Hey why didn't you pick a movie?" She walks back in the room
I stare at her, still confused at what's going on.
"Well if you don't pick, I'm picking!" She threatens
I continue to stare.
"Fine! But you asked for it." She walks over to her bag and pulls out a DVD.
Suddenly, I regain my senses "Why do you have a DVD in your bag?"
It was as if you she was planning this all along. She ignores me and puts it on.
The title of the movie pops up on my TV screen 'Down with Love!' Oh jeez!
"This is my favourite cheesy movie of all time." She gushes "It's so bad, it's good."
'Great!' I thought 'I stupid romantic movie!'
She jumps back on the bed and sits close to me. The movie begins, it's a parody of 1950's movies. After about 20 minutes, I'm becoming very aware of how close she is, she's radiating a lot of body heat. It's become all too much to bare, when I hear the doorbell.
"I'll get it!" I practically yell, jumping up and running out the door.

I pay for the pizza and walk to the kitchen. I breathe for a second, since when do I let things like this happen. I just let her walk in and take over. I kinda liked it. WHAT! Ok, ok, ok, I'm going back there with all my shields up!
I grab two drinks from the fridge and make my way back up. I walk in to find Tori sitting in rapt attention at the movie. She notices me.
"Oh yay, pizza!" She squeals.
"Calm ya farm!" I say, throwing a drink at her.
We eat the pizza in comfortable peace, I watch the movie, suddenly getting into the movie. Not that I'd admit it to her. Once the movie finishes, I pick up the rubbish and take it down stairs.
I wander back upstairs, hoping she'll be leaving. I arrive back in my room to find she's put another movie on and she's half asleep. I sigh, she's like the plague.
"Aren't you leaving yet?" I say, more bluntly then I intended.
She glances at me for a second "Nope!"
"Why?"
"Because we haven't talked about what happened last night." She said suddenly looking more awake.
"We are not talking about last night." I reply, bluntly.
"But you said we would." She whines.
"What? When did I say that?" I argue.
She pulls out her phone and shows the msg I sent her last night.
'Vega, we're fine! Can we please just talk about this tomorrow? I'm tired! And I'm going to sleep Goodnight!' -J

Shit! I sent that to shut her up. This is why she's here. I look at her, she looking at me with pleading eyes. She just wanted my acceptance. To know we are friends, why can't I give her that?
"We're fine Vega, I'm not mad at you." I say, to her "and you can go now."
She's not sure to be happy or sad at my statement, so she furthers on.
"Are we friends?" She asks with a sad voice as if knowing what the answer will be.
I look at her, so many feelings swirling in body, I think I'm going to throw up.
I wanted to tell her, yes, yes we are! You're one of my best friends! But...
I shrug and turn my back, I hear her sigh sadly.
"Sure."
"What?" She asks almost excitedly
Keeping my back turn, I responded again "Sure."
The response was almost immediate, the girl threw herself on me and hugged me from behind. She hugged me so hard, like she was trying to tell me exactly how happy she was from my final acceptance. I brief smile fluttered on my lips, and my heart was pounding harder than ever. The hug lasted longer than I'd normally have allowed it. My pounding heart was getting too much for me. "You can let go now." I say simply.
She holds on for a few more seconds, then let's go. I turn to her, her eyes are watery and she's smiling so big it's almost blinding. These feelings I'm having for her are become harder to ignore. I watch her settle herself down on my bed.
"So you're not leaving?" I ask
"Nope!" She replies as she watches the movie.
I groan slightly, I wasn't sure if I was happy about this situation or not. I simply stand there staring at her. In awe at how brazen she's being. She pulls back the covers, while still watching the movie. I give in, climb onto the bed, I start to watch the movie.
"This doesn't mean I'm going to change." I blurt out.
"I know." She replies simply.

Later that night

"Goodbye Vega."
She floats out my front door as if she's on cloud nine.
"Goodbye Jade, I had so much fun with you today." She smiles at me, brightly.
My iced fortress is beginning to melt again, nope, can't let this happen.
"We watched movies, Vega, I'd hate to see how you'd react if we actually did something fun." I snark, at her.
She looks at me for a second as if puzzled, then throws her arms around me. I stiffen up, not knowing what to do.
"Why is this happening?" I word breathlessly, as she is squeezing me so tight.
"I'm going to make you smile one day, for real, and not because I'm in pain! I'm going to make you have fun, and you're going to enjoy it!" She says, as a matter a factly, all the while squeezing me. She reluctantly let's go and holds me at arm's length. Looks me square in the eye and says "Yes! This is happening!"
She let's go and walks to her car only pausing to yell "Bye Jade. See you in the morning."
I stand there, frozen in place, unsure of what just happened. I don't know how long I stood there, with the shocked look on my face, but mother came up behind me and spoke.

"She's almost as abrupt as you, except she's nice about it." Her voice pulling me out of my state of shock. And turn and look at her.
"She's nice, I see why you like her." She winks at me.
"I don't like her!" I argue back "I just..." Words seem to fail me.
"You just what?" My mother teases "complain about her all the time, pick on her, drive her crazy?" She continues.
"What's your point?" I shoot back.
"Sounds like you like her." She says in a sing song.
"OMG!" I whisper as facepalm myself "I'm not dealing with you tonight!" I begin to walk away.
"Don't run from this Jade! She's stuck around this long, she must see something in you that you don't!" My mother's voice trailing up the stairs.
I slam my door. She's right. Why are mothers always right? Why do I have such a problem admitting this? It's not like I care that I like a girl. Gays are just fine in my eyes, but it's just her, why did it have to be her? I throw myself on my bed, and can immediately smell her vanilla scent on my bed.
"This is going to be another long night." I say, to myself. I sigh and crawl under the covers, and breathe in deeply, the scent of vanilla fills my nose, and I become calmer. I find myself drifting off to sleep.

Monday Morning

I stroll in to school with an unusual pep in my step. I take a mouthful of coffee as I open my locker. As I sort through my books, I was greeted by a perky redhead, who knows no boundaries. Squeezing the life out of me she squeals "Hey Jade!"
"Hey Kitty Cat." I say, trying to breathe.
"How come you didn't text me back yesterday?"|
I looked at her confused, then looked at my phone, 12 msgs, 8 missed calls.
'Whoops' I think to myself.
"Sorry Cat, I was a bit distracted yesterday." That's the understatement of the century.
"Are you ok?" She looks concerned.
"I'm ok Cat." I say, nicely.
She looks suspiciously at for a moment and then pulls me into another hug.
"Kay Kay!" She skips away.
I smile and shake my head. I hear the doors open, the smell of vanilla hits me. I look up and see Tori walking in arguing with her sister. I stand there watching her, lost in my own thoughts, when...

"HEY" somebody shouts in my ear.
I turn around, it's Beck. I punch him in the arm.
"What the hell did you do that for?" I yell at him.
He looks over at Tori, and smiles a knowing smile.
"So it was me you were jealous of." He says, as matter of factly.
My eyes widen in shock, I stare at him, he grins at me.
"What... What did you say?" I manage to stutter out.
He leans in and whispers "Go for it."
I punch him in the arm again and walk away.
"You know, you can't solve all your problems with physical violence!" He says to me.
I stop and turn.
"Would you like me to punch you again?" I ask politely.
"No!" He whines as he rubs his arm.
"Then my problem is solved." I turn and continue walking. Thinking to myself this is going to be a long day.

Later that day

The door opens, and a familiar scent enters the janitor's closet.
"What do you want, Vega?" I say, without even looking.
"How do you do that?" She questions "you're not even facing the door?"
I wasn't in fact. I had my back turn to the door, while cutting up a plastic bin.
I small smile plays at my lips, if only for a second.
I repeat myself "What do you want, Vega?" I continue cutting the bin. She sits down beside me. She stares at me for a while before saying "Why did you skip class? Are you ok?"
"Why does everyone insist on seeing if I'm ok? I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be fine?" I turn and look at her annoyed. I'm fine, right? I just didn't feel like going to class. Just because I had one temporary moment of insanity and suddenly everybody needs to know if "I'm ok?" I ignore my phone for one day and I get 12 msgs, and several missed calls.

'Jade are you ok?' -C

'Hey, I heard about last night? Just checking to see if you're cool?' -A

'Hey Jade I heard you went insane last night! Good job!' -Rex

'Hey Jade I'm sorry about what Rex wrote! I hope you're ok?' -R

And they went on from there. I'm totally fine. I don't need people checking on me. There's nothing to check on. I don't want Beck anymore. But it seems that only Beck now knows that. Him and my mother. How the hell did they pick up on my crush for Tori? I don't even want the stupid crush. I hate how she's so nice, I hate her stupid hair, and her stupid voice. God I sound like a 12 year old boy trying to deal with his first crush.
I continue attacking the bin trying to get my frustrations out.
"JADE!"
"What, what, what?"
"I'm trying to talk to you, but you keep cutting the bin, mumbling stupid hair, stupid voice." She says with concern in her eyes.
I throw the rest of the bin on the ground and stand up. I storm out.

I walk into the bathroom, I need to breathe. I can't stand this, every time she's near me. My heart pounds, I get nervous. And what's worse is, I can't control my mouth. I seem to be on a bitchy default. I can't let her know. Not her.
"Jade?" A tentative voice trails through the door.
"Go away, Vega!" I say, just get her to leave, it'll be ok then. I start to feel everything building up inside, so many things placed on top of each other. I start to hyperventilate slightly.
"Jade, what's wrong?" She asks.
"Why would anything be wrong? Why do you need to know? Why are you always here?" I scream, 'shut up Jade, shut up before you make it worse' I think.
"Jade.." Her eyes starting to well
"Just leave me alone." I push past her, and out of the bathroom, making my way to the front doors.
She follows me "Jade! Jade wait?"
I walk out the front doors and away from the girl who makes me feel so vulnerable.

I get in my car and drive home. I storm into the house.
"Jade? What's wrong honey?" My startle mother says, as she watches me make my way to the backyard. I hear her walking after me whilst calling my name. I finally make it to my final destination, the large oak tree in my backyard. I look up, and see the old ladder that hangs from the old tree house. I climb up and enter through the door. It smells musty. I see my old toys tucked away in the corner. I slump onto the floor. I hear the ladder creaking, and footsteps on the floor, then finally my mother's voice.
"It's ok, you know!" She says, quietly

I remain quiet. So many things running through my head. She starts to stroke my hair. I let out a small sob.
"It doesn't matter that you like girls" she says.
"Mum, that's not the problem!" I argue.
"Then, what is?" She questions.
"It's her!" I yell, while trying not to completely melt down.
"What's the problem with Tori? You like her, right?" She seems, confused.
"Mum, I don't understand how I like her. I'm supposed to hate her. I have made her life hell, and yet, she stills wants to be my friend. I don't understand how she even likes me! I don't even like me. I'm a horrible person!" I'm now sounding like a crazy person, spewing out things that I've held in for a long time.
"I actively try to ruin her days, her dates, her performances. I've gotten her into trouble when she's done nothing wrong. She's never ratted me out or turned me away when I needed her. I don't understand, I have pushed and pushed her away, I have pushed these feelings for her away because I'm not supposed to have them!" I'm now in complete meltdown mode. Letting my mother in like I'd never done before.
"You say she must see something in me, mum! But what the hell could that be? I'm a horrible, vindictive person. And I don't deserve somebody like her!" I can't continue.
My mother gathers me up in her arms and starts rocking me back and forth. After about ten minutes, I start to calm down.

"Jade, please look at me?" I stare at her through watery eyes.
"I need you to listen and listen good. You are not a horrible person, yes, you've done something's that you probably wish you hadn't done. But you've had a rough childhood. Does that excuse your behaviour, no, but it does explain it. Your father and I had a bad separation and that was so hard on you. You pushed us all away, you became cold and distant. I finally saw you coming back to life when you went to 'Hollywood Arts'! You made some really good friends, but you have never truly let them in." She says.
Tears start to fall again.
"But I really noticed you coming alive when you talked about this girl. She really got to you! Even, if at first it was in a bad way. She challenges you, she breaks down your walls, she makes you better. You are already a beautiful person, inside and out. You are so talented, your voice makes me melt. But when I hear you talk about her, you become so passionate, even if it's just because you're mad! This girls gets you better then you get yourself." She continues, looking me in the eye.
"You may have made some mistakes with her, but she sees you for what you truly are. And if she can stick around through all of your madness, I think she's the one you need." she hugs me again.
"It's ok to let her in!" She finishes.
"What if she leaves?" I voice my true fears for the first time.
"Some people are worth the risk!" She says wisely.
She continues to hold me, we stay in my old tree house for a long time.

Tuesday

I wake feeling exhausted. I'm emotionally drained from my complete meltdown. I drag myself out of bed and into the shower. The hot water starts to revive me. When I finish, I look at the clock, it's 2.30pm. 'Holy shit! I slept for almost 20 hours.'
I walk down stairs, and see mum cooking.
"I'm making your favourite" she chimes, happily
I'm smell pancakes "Mum, it's after two!"
"So what?" She puts a big stack in front of me.
"How come you didn't wake me for school?" I ask, before tucking in.
"I think you need a little break sweetie." She replies "So I called school, and told them you'll be back next Monday."
I was floored, mum's always been so school orientated.
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Listen sweetie, when you were a kid you went through something nobody should have to go through, and quite frankly, you never really let it out. Yesterday you did. Andthat takes quite a toll on a person. I'm telling you need a break" she smiles softly at me.
I take in what she said, I did finally break yesterday. After everything.
"I don't deserve a break though, not after all the bad things I've done." I say, quietly
"Nonsense, Jade, today is a new day! Embrace it! Good things will come only if you let them." she replies. I sigh, still feeling guilty, I continue to eat the pancakes. It's better than I remember. I see mum watching me from a far. She picks up the phone and walks out of the room. I hear her talking not sure what she's saying. I shrug it off and continue eating. I finish as she enters back into the room.

"Ok, so tomorrow, after you've had another big sleep, I was thinking you and I could have a girl's day, what do you say?" She says.
"A girl's day?" I reply a little surprised.
"I know you and I don't exactly 'hang out' anymore. I thought we could go and do some fun things tomorrow." She says excited about the prospects of the events to come.
"Mum, thank you! But... "I feel so guilty.
"No buts, you may not think you deserve this, but you did something yesterday that you haven't don't in years. You let me in! And for that I'm so proud." She beams at me.
Still feeling I didn't deserve this, I ask "what do you want to do?"
"You and I kiddo, are going to get our hair done, I think you need some new colours." She plays with the green curls in my hair.
I smile despite myself "That sounds great mum!"
"And then, maybe when could go grab some lunch, then maybe after go buy some new clothes!" She gushes, caught up in the excitement.
I smile at her, this could be fun.

Later that night

I'm sitting in bed texting Cat.

'Cat, I'm fine, I'm just having a few days break.' -J

'Jade, I miss you! I hope you feel better soon' -C

'Cat, I've been gone a little over a day, how can you miss me?' -J

'BECAUSE I DO!' -C

I giggle, Cat's a little crazy sometimes, but I love her.
*door bell
I hear the door bell, I get up and go to close my door, I don't care who it is. Just before I fully close it, I hear that voice.
"Hi, Mrs West, may I see Jade?" Tori asks.
"Ah, Hi Tori, I'm afraid not. I don't think Jade wants to see anyone at the moment." Mum says.
"Oh" I hear her say, crestfallen "I just wanted to see if she was ok."
"She will be, she's just taken a little break." Replies mum.
I open the door again and sit in the door frame and continue listening.
"I feel like this is all my fault!" Tori says, sounding very upset.
"Tori, it's not your fault, dear."
"If I hadn't pushed her yesterday..."
"Tori, please listen, Jade... Well..." She sighs "come in for a sec" I hear her motioning Tori to sit on the stairs.
"This has been coming for a while, Jade had a breakdown yesterday." Mum begins
I sit there silently, I'm not sure if I want mum to tell her or not.
"Oh no" Tori starting to get upset "I knew it, it's all my fault! I'm so sorry Mrs West!"
"Tori, stop!" Mums says softly "there are probably a lot of things you don't know about Jade. Yesterday was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Jade's gone through some horrible things and it finally spilled out yesterday."
"I don't understand! I know she broke up with Beck.."
"No Tori, this is far beyond Beck." Mum pauses "Did Jade ever tell you she has a brother?"
"No!" Tori says, clearly surprised by this news.

I sit there, listening. I lean my head against the door frame
"When I married Jade's father, he had a son, James, from a previous marriage. He was such a good kid, so polite and well mannered. He was the apple of Lewis's eye." she begins "Then about three years after we married, we had Jade. She looked so much like James, dark hair, pale skin, and those piercing eyes. Lewis loved both of them very much. And James and Jade were inseparable." She continues "This is my parent's old house, it's very big, they were quite wealthy. So, we use to bring them here all the time. But that all stopped when Jade turned eight, James got sick, really sick. For about three years, he fought, he fought so hard for his life." I hear her starting to get a little upset remembering James.
I single tear rolls down my cheek.
"He never showed how much pain he was in. He never let Jade see just how sick he was. But about two weeks after Jade's eleventh birthday, James had to go back to hospital. He didn't come home." I can hear Tori sniffling.
"After the funeral, Lewis and I started having problems. He was so distraught about losing his son, he became cold and distant. He started to ignore Jade. I continued to ask him why? Why would he ignore his own daughter? The only answer I got was that she looked so much like him." Mum pauses "We divorced a year later. After that, Jade started going the same way. Cold, distant and angry. She was always so angry. She almost never let anyone see who she really was, and very rarely ever let anyone see her upset or cry. I believe you are probably the only other person beside Cat or I that's seen it." She finishes.

I silently let the tears fall.
"I had no idea, none at all" Tori says, sounding like she's close to tears.
"I'm not surprised, the only people who know about James, is Cat and Beck. We moved here to my parent's old house when she got into 'Hollywood Arts'." Mum explained "Her father very rarely talks to her, as far as I know, he's only seen that one play she wrote. It was the first time she'd seen him in quite a long time."
They're silent for a minute. I hear Tori get up. "I'm so sorry. About everything! I'm sorry if I had anything to do with yesterday. I would never intentionally make Jade cry." I hear the front door open.
"Don't give up on her yet, Tori!" I hear mum say "I think you two are very good for each other."
"Thank you Mrs West, Goodnight!" The door closes. I then hear footsteps up the stairs.
"Jade..., did you hear that?" She see me in my door way silently crying. She pauses only for a second, and then runs over and gathers me into a hug. She holds me for there, sitting on the floor until I finally cry myself to sleep.

The next day

"So, we're going to refresh you base colour, and recolour your green streaks? Yes?" Tina asks
I look at my hair dresser in the mirror.
"Yes."
"Cool, what colour should we make them this time?" She's asks, excitedly.
"I'm not sure. Surprise me." I reply
"Really? Ok!" she says, excitedly.

A couple hours later, I'm looking in the mirror and I see my ebony black hair with streaks of purple. I liked it, a lot. Tina continues doing my hair.
"You ok love? You not your fiery self today." She asks.
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I reply.
"You've never let me pick your colours before." She states "you're usually so particular about them."
"Oh!" Realising how demanding I can actually be.
"It's cool! I loved that I got to pick your colours. But I do like your fiery side, but some days we do need a break." She says, wisely.
She finishes up and she stands back and admires her work.
"I love it." I genuinely smile for what seems like the first time in days.
"Really?" Tina's face lit up.
"Yeah, maybe I should get you to pick my colours more often." I say, while checking my hair from side to side.
Tina smiles down at me.

The day continued, we had lunch a Nozu, and went shopping all afternoon. Mum basically bought me a new wardrobe. I still felt kinda guilty, but I had a lot of fun today. It was nice. We got home after a long day, and I was exhausted. Apparently, having cried yourself to sleep two nights in a row has that effect on you. I sit down for dinner with mum, it's a comfortable silence.
"What would you like to do tomorrow?" She asks
"I dunno! Is there's anything you want to do?"
"You really want me to pick?"
"Well, I had a pretty good time today, so why not." I say, honestly.
Mum beams at me.
"Oh I know, there's a classic slasher marathon playing at the cinemas on sunset tomorrow. Let's do that!"
"Wow! Ok, that's sounds awesome!" Looking forward to spending the day with her again.

The next day

We get home after the marathon. It was awesome, they played my favourite old slasher, Halloween. It's been nice hanging with my mum. I forgotten how much I'd enjoyed it. I sat at the table as mum cooks dinner.
"So, I got a text from Tori today." She says tentatively as she put dinner on the table.|
"What?" I say surprised "How'd she get your number?"
"From Cat, I think." She says, thoughtfully.
She says nothing else.
"Mum!"
"Oh right, well she apologised for the other night, she said she had no intention of upsetting me. She sure thinks it's her fault all the time." She replies
I feel guilty, I always tell her things are her fault. I've done this for so long, so she wouldn't get close to me.
"Maybe you should call her."
"Hmm" I sigh "Maybe, I'm not sure I'm ready to tell her yet."
"Just at least tell her you guys are ok. That it's not her fault"
"It's partly her fault" I mumbled "She doesn't have to be so god damn pretty" I smash my food into the plate.
"She is pretty!" Mum chuckles slightly. "Oh, she also said she has homework for from Sikowizt's"
"Wonderful!" I roll my eyes.

We continue to eat, making small conversation. Eventually, I make my way up too my room. Still feeling a little guilty about Tori, I should txt her. But I have so much trouble talking normally with her. Knots appear in my stomach, my mouth goes dry and switch back to my bitchy default. I pick up my phone, and consider texting her, but I chicken out. Instead, I look at 'The Slap'. I scroll down the page, and see the general crap about homework and relationships but then I come across Tori's latest update "Tori Vega's feeling Guilty". I sigh, I really need to talk to her.

Friday Morning

Mum had to work, so I had the day to myself. I walked downstairs, and see a note on the table in the kitchen.

'Jade,

I left some breaky in the fridge.

I'll be home around five, I'm gonna cook

your favourite.

Love Mum'

I smile and walk to the fridge. While eating I stare out the window, at the old tree house. My brother and I use to play in that thing for hours when we came to visit my grandparents. They treated him so well, despite him not being their actually grandson. I looked at how worn it was. It looked a little like how I felt. So, then I decide to fix it up a bit. I finish breakfast and grab my keys. Driving to the hardware store, I bought some paint and all the various things to go with it, on my way out I see some fairy lights, so I grabbed a bunch of those too. I stop at Target on the way back and buy some small furnishings to go in the treehouse.

After a lot of hard work, I stood back and admired my work. The treehouse was now painted in midnight blue. It was my brother's favourite colour. I also put a whole bunch of bean bags inside, lots of solar fairy lights in the tree and solar lanterns around the front of the tree house. It was getting on dark, so all the lights all suddenly lit up while I was standing there.
"Wow! That looks amazing!" I hear mums voice from behind me.
She walks up beside me.
"I see you've been busy." She says.
"Yeah... I just thought it might be nice to fix it up a bit." I say, quietly.
"Midnight blue?" She looks at me.
I nod silently. She smiles "It's a nice touch." she wraps her arm around my shoulder.
"So, are you hungry? Because I'm making your favourite Mexican food."
"Mmmm, tacos. Just let me clean up and I'll be in to help!"
"Oh? How uncharacteristic of you, dear!" She says, surprised
"Mum! I'm trying to be nice."
She starts laughing "I know! And I appreciate how hard you're trying."
She wanders back into the house.

I walk over to the tap and wash all the paint off my hands. I walk back over and climb up into the treehouse to grab all the stuff I needed to pack away. I was kneeling on the floor, when I hear the back sliding door open. I hear a familiar click of heels on the patio. 'Oh god!' I stay still in the treehouse. I hear the footsteps walk across the grass up to the treehouse.
"Do you ever go home Vega?" I yell down, without looking.
"How the hell do you do that?" She replies "You've got a tracking chip on me somewhere don't you?"
I pop my head out the door "No, but that's a great idea!"
She furrows her eyebrows. And starts to climb up. She comes inside and gasps.

"Wow!" She looks around in wonder. I had lantern lights strung up everywhere inside, giving plenty of light. I decorated the inside quite nicely, in fact, with only one skull.
"I didn't say you could come up, Vega!" I snark.
"This treehouse is awesome. It's so big and spacious!" She says completely ignoring me "The lanterns are a nice touch! I love it."
"I'm so glad." I say, sarcastically, actually a little happy she likes it. I continue to watch her walk around admiring all the work I'd done.
"You did all this today?" She says, in awe.
"Yes" I reply.
"I always wanted a treehouse but dad always said no." she says, a little sadly
"How come?" Thinking how weird it was for Mr Vega to say no to Tori.
"He thought that Trina would use it to push me out of it." She answers. Suddenly moving to the middle of the floor, as if she just remembered who she was with in the treehouse.
I laugh at her, "I've already pushed you off a ledge Vega, I've got that out of my system!"
She laughs, uncertainly and sits in one of the bean bags.
"So, why are you here?" I ask her rather bluntly. 'Be nice, Jade' I think to myself
"I have your homework from Sikowizt."
"You know Sikowizt doesn't care if I don't do his homework." I look at her questioningly
She stares at me for a sec and replies "I know."
"So, why are you really here?" Stare back down at her.
She sighs at me "To say, I'm sorry."
This startles me, what did she even do wrong?
"What for?"
"For everything! I shouldn't have pushed you. I feel like all this could have been prevented if I just shut my mouth and stop trying fix everything. If you really weren't ok, you would have come to me and told me or Cat. Instead I just made you mad at me. I just wanted you to know that I'll try not to push your boundaries so often anymore." she says, with a sad little look in her eyes.

I look at her for a moment, remembering what my mother said in here on Monday "it's ok to let her in!"
"I'm not mad at you." I reply, nicely.
"You're not? But interrupted you cutting up the bin!" She says "and you ran out of school and you..." Her voice trails off, I'm guessing uncertain if I know that she spoke with my mother.
I sign, I'm never going to get there if I just don't let go.
"Listen, Tori, I went temporarily insane on Monday and yes, you may have been part of the reason." she looks upset, I throw my hands up "I'll get to that. I'm not mad at you. If anything you should be mad at me!"
"What?" She's confused "why?'
"WHY? You're asking me why?" I ask, exasperated "Tori! I have made your life a living hell for the past 2 years and for what, FOR WHAT?" I yell, losing my calm. How could she still be around? I just still don't get it.
"Jade.." she begins to get up and comfort me.
"No Tori! Let me finish!" I interrupt her "I have had a personal vendetta against you since day one because I always thought you wanted Beck, and even though you've proven that you don't countless times, all I ever felt is jealousy towards you." She sits back down and lets me finish, as if knowing that I needed to get this out.
"If it wasn't for my stupid jealousy, we could have been friend's ages ago. You have put up with more than anyone I know, I have dished out more hurtful things on you then anyone I have ever hurt. I have tried so hard to push you away because I knew you were special, and I knew you could be good for me. I didn't want you to get to close to me in case you..." I stop.
"In case I?" She seems to be hanging on every word I say.
I look at her, I finally get it. She has stuck around through all my crap and she's still here.
"In case you left!" Tears threaten to break.

The look of shock is prominent on her face. She stares at me, unsure of what to say.
"I have never had anyone work so hard to stay in my life. Except for mum. You have been more constant than anyone I've ever been friends with. Even Beck. I have been so afraid if I let you in, you'd leave eventually. Like everyone else did!" I finish.
"Jade, I'm not going to leave." she says.
"What I realise now is you don't seem to understand the word leave. And I'm kinda glad you don't." I smile even though the tears are starting to slide down my face.
She's looks at me unsure of what to say, but I can see tears welling in her eyes.
So, I continue "I drove around all Saturday night, thinking of all the jealousy I have for you, and when I arrive at that animal hospital, I suddenly realised, it wasn't you I was jealous of." I turn and look at the wall, I'm about to spill my secret, I can't look at her in case she rejects me, I know she'll always be my friend, but the something more is now what I'm afraid of. What if she doesn't want my something more? I guess I'll never know until I try.
"I was jealous of Beck!" I hear a small gasp "Jealous that he was out on a date with you..." Here goes nothing "and I wasn't!" There it is! It's out there in the open now. Can't take it back now.

The tears continue to slide down my face as I stare at the wall. The silence is deafening. She's not talking, this is a bad sign right? So, I continue to talk "I was always so mean to you because, as soon as you were near, my heart would start to pound, my mouth would go dry and my thoughts would get jumbled. So, I used the mean things as a defence mechanism, to keep you at bay. But most of the time it didn't work. You fought me on everything. I know you were scared of me sometimes, but you were brave enough to stick around..." I was babbling, thinking the worst, before I knew it Tori throws herself on me. Hugging me, like she's never done before. I can feel her own tears on my face.

"You like me?" She whispers in my ear.
My heart is about to burst out of my chest.
"Yes." I finally manager to get out. Her grip on me tightens. Like if she let go, it wouldn't be real.
"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that!" She says.
I pull her away, and look at her "Really?" I croak.
She nodded tearfully. "I've liked you for so long! I couldn't tell you, because I thought you hated me, so I thought even if we could just be friends. I'd be ok with that."
"Why do you even like me? How could you even like me?" I say still can't believe what I'm hearing.
"You don't see it, do you? Things I see. You're so passionate, and stubborn. You're confident and talented. You write like no one I've ever read, and you're singing, oh your singing just takes me to another place. Not mention you're the most beautiful person I know and not just on the outside." She says, tapping me in the nose "I know that even though you seemed to hate me, you've done things for me that I'm not supposed to know about." She finishes.
"What things?" I asked confused
"Well, for one, I know after the full moon jam, you cornered Ryder and beat the crap out of him." She says
I blush "How'd you know about that?"
"Ryder, came up to me a few days later and told me to keep you away from him." She admits "I knew you must have had your reasons for doing what you did. So, I didn't question it. It just made me want you more. Knowing that you hurt the guy that hurt me."
I'm not sure what to say now, how many other things does she know?
"I also know that you destroyed Steven's car." She said, smiling.
I cover my face, nobody knows that. How the hell does she know that?

"How?" I say from behind my hands.
"Apparently, Kenan has his whole property under surveillance. He showed Andre a copy of the video of you taking his baseball bat to Steven's car." She says, somewhat amused.
"He told Andre, I should keep friends like you around no matter how crazy you seem. Because it was clear you cared about me." She said, smiling.
"How did he know I did it for you?" I ask
"The video had audio." She grins. I have a feeling that she's seen the video.
She pulls me back into another hug, I feel so warm and light. I'm not sure if I like it, but it's growing on me.

We hear our names bringing called from the bottom of the tree. We climb down.
"Jade, I've finished dinner. Tori, you're staying right?"
"Oh no, I couldn't impose." Tori says
"No, I always make too much. It's ok if she's stays isn't it, Jade?"
"Yeah, I don't mind."
"Oh no really... I shouldn't..." Tori begins, to stutter.
"Shut up and get in the house Vega!" I push her from behind.
"Alright, alright, jeez! No need to be pushy!" She walks in and sees the food laid out on the table.\
"OMG! I didn't know you were having tacos! Oh I'm definitely staying!"
"Good." Mum claps her hands "Both of you, sit."
"Wow, Mrs West, this looks amazing." Tori says, I can see in her face that she can't wait to dig in.
"I'm glad you think so." she looks at us and can see how red our eyes are "Are you two ok?"
She looks at me, her face full of concern. "Yeah mum, we're ok." I smile at her.
"Great! Let's eat!" Knowing I'll tell her later.
Tori and mum starting talking like they were old friends and swapping recipes for Mexican food.
"Oh, you have no idea how much I love Mexican food! It's so good!" Tori exclaims.
"Well, it's also Jade's favourite food." Mum says
"Really? I didn't know that. I should really start taking notes."
I kick her under the table. "Ow!" She says, quietly.

The rest of the dinner went well, and soon enough I found myself in the kitchen doing the dishes with Tori. She insisted on doing them since my mother made such a great meal.
Putting the plates away I hear Tori sigh happily.
"How are you this happy about doing the dishes?" I question her.
"This has been a really nice night." She responds.
"Don't get used to it! You might know that I like you, but I'm still a bitch!" I remind her.
She throws her head back laughing "I think I can live with that."
I smirk at her. I watch her for a few seconds, my smirk turns into a genuine smile. This girl has well and truly work her way through my defences and has taken up residence. She really isn't leaving. I'm stuck with her, whether I liked it or not.
I stand beside her "So, what now?" Trying to figure where we went from here.
"I'm staying over and we're watching a movie." She states.
"Oh? Um.. That's not what I meant." I say, awkwardly.
"I know!" She says, as she dries her hands "But I'm so full, that I'm amazed I can even move right now. So I'm going to go upstairs and crawling into my girlfriend's bed and I'm not moving too much for the next few hours or at least until I've finished digesting."
'Girlfriend!' I think. I stand there a little stunned. She leans in and softly kisses me on the lips.
"You're stuck with me now." She grins and turns on her heel and makes her way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

I continue to stand there. Just letting all her words wash over me. Tori Vega is now my girlfriend. I make my way out of the kitchen. Unaware of the smile plastered on my face.
"Wow kiddo, I haven't seen a smile like that on your face in a long time" mum says walking down the stairs "So, I take it that things are going well?"
"I...I think so." I say, still a little dazed.
"Well, I take it she's staying over?"
"Yeah, is that ok?"
"Of course honey. I love your new girlfriend." She smiles and winks at me.
"OMG, Mum!"
She laughs and pulls me into a hug "I'm so proud of you. Now go up there and start enjoying your life."
I start to make my way upstairs when I hear "Just no sex! House rules!" Then she giggles, before I hear her run off into the kitchen.
"OMG!" I shake my head.
I walk into my room, to find Tori already half asleep, in my sweats, in my bed. I smile at the sight. I feel so much lighter than I have in years. I climb into bed, she automatically cuddles into me. She sighs deeply. 'Mum was right' I think 'good things will come to those who let them.' I sigh, contentedly, the goofy smile still plastered on my face. Tori looks up at me.
"I knew I'd make you smile one day." She says, triumphantly.
"Yeah, yeah!" I say, as bring her in closer. Both of us drifting into a pleasant sleep.