Hello everybody, and welcome to the first commentary! It is I, your lovely host Ashe.

And this is Nacht, your much more humble host. We're here to-

Horribly eviscerate this abomination of nature.

I was going to say, 'commentate', but seeing the terrible spelling I see already, you might be more accurate.

Well, let's get started. This is the lovely "jO bekke at HUgwRts". Seriously, how? That's actually painful to write.

Try saying it out loud without laughing. I dare you. It was written by Jo Bekke, or maybe Jo Bele, or maybe something else... This author seems to be unable to spell her own name.

It is a Fic set in the Harry Potter world...we think. Maybe it's Harre Potter, or Harre Putter. Who knows.

With this Fic, it's impossible to tell.

With that, we bring you: jO bekke at HUgwRts.

P.S. I, Ashe, am underlined, and Nacht is bold.

jO bekke at HUgwRts

This is painful already.

Ah yes. The amazing HUgwRts. Who doesn't know HUgwRts?

AN Dis iiz mi stury. MI friend edited it 4 me. You're the best, Darry!

Sorry, Darry, but your editing skills are terrible.

And, you know, maybe while editing you could have done something like, oh I don't know, spell check? Just a thought.

BOOK 1: JO BELLE POTTER AND THE SORCERURS STON

Chapter 1: Dumbledore

Mi nam is Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr.

Well, there's a name. Why do we care about this girl named "Puttr?"

I waz drupped uff at mi uncl and ants hose. wen I waz 3 da dark lurd volddenut

Oh no! Tremble in fear of the dark lurd volddenut! The lesser known awkward cousin of the Dark Lord Voldemort.

killd mi parents. I used to hav a bruthr but he livs in engglnd. Now mi ant in uncl in sutth carulia razed me. Dey r abusive. Dey rap and hurt me.

...what.

"Razed." We wish they destroyed you.

Alright, operating under the assumption that the author is making this character Harry's sister, why did her parents die when she was three? Is she older? And why would she go to South Carolina, a state in a completely different and rather far away country?

I hav durty blond hair, that hangs down to mi feet. i hav dimond blu ies dat sparkl.

Diamonds aren't blue.

Well, some are, but it wouldn't be an attractive eye color. And, um, wouldn't that hair get a little hard to manage?

Sometimes my eis are green or yellow.

Compulsory Mary Sue eye color changing.

OI am super hot!111111111

OI? Oi, am super hot! You have no subject. Bad sentence.

1 dae I waz wlkin doewn da street nd I cm hom der was a ledder on da doorstep. I gspd!11111111111111 it sad hugwurts skill od wickraaf nd wizrdy. I tried to get it butt sdunely… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .. .. ..

The worst way to create suspense, ever.

Also, I counted 11 words spelled correctly, with only 7 used right in context.

A knif came me!111111111111111

Um... forgetting a word somewhere? Or the shift key?

Im fast thouh, so I caut it nd thru it bak at mi dum uncl.

"Mi dum uncl." So... Jo B-something is speaking Spanish now?

Don't insult Spanish with this atrocity.

it hit him in da crocht and he did.

He did... what? Oh, 'died'... How do you die from that? You know what? Never mind.

He was obviously hit in the crochet, and it broke his heart. Real men crochet.

den antie Beatrice cam up. "U klld mi usbnd u freek!111111111111111"

How does one say, "11111111111111111"?

Hes nut ded.' I told hur. Den I wavd mi hnd n he cam bak to lif!

Compulsory Mary Sue 'bringing people back to life.'

"Jpo bel!" he screemd

Mi ant thru me acruss the rume.\ I hit da wull nd nearly pasd ou

t!

"Mi ant." And, "I hit da wull." What's a wull? And why would you hit it? That's not very nice.

Sigh...

"wuts dat letr u hav,' jo bel?" ant betric askd

"NOOO" Uncl sd.

"I hut wed stuppd it!" ant betrik sad.

"den unl grvaed be nd thruuu me acrss da rume. DEN DA DUR FLU OPEN!111111111.. ….. .. .. . . .. .

No! The dur!

Why would she say that out loud? Is she narrating her life?

An old man was der. He had a long blak beerd. He spok in an awsum suthurn bretesh axnt. "I am Pruffsr ALbis Peeter Quintin alexndr Dumbldur!111111111" he crid.

Southern British accent? Black beard? ALBIS PEETER QUINTIN ALEXNDR DUMBLDR?! IT IS ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE! EDUCATE YOURSELF!

It's Albis Dumbldur, not Albus Dumbledore, so we're good.

Oh, well that's okay then.

A flash uv litenin was seen oteside da durr. It lukeed lik mi scar. I hav a scar ov a litenn bult on mi 4hd.

This is terrible.

You know, the scar would've been great mentioned up with the rest of her description.

Dumbldur sd. "Cum

Hehehe.

Really?

Hehehe.

w/ me jo bel I hav ur bruthur."!1

2 B CNTUUD!

Dun dun dun!

...Why?

Okay, so we'll be posting the first two chapters at the same time, just to start.