Hello again! As promised I'm posting the next chapter here! Hope you all enjoy it!

Thank you all who dropped a review! I'm so sorry I didn't reply but, like I said before, I haven't really been able to focus on my writing as much as I should. I guess I've been feeling demotivated with everything that's been going on... I'll try to change that in the future and reply to everyone as I used to!

Be safe and be kind to each other! Remember the fight continues, against COVID and against prejudice. Black Lives Matter!

Love,

RedVoid

Before she even noticed what was happening, Bleach was heaving as tears started to run freely from her eyes, blurring her vision until she couldn't distinguish among the many shapes of lights around her.

Warmth enveloped her suddenly, pulling her in a tight embrace.

Bleach tried to will herself under control, demanding under her breath that her body would stop shaking and crying like that. She said she was okay, that he could let her go. She had gone through worse before and dealt with everything by herself just fine.

"You can cry." She heard Illumi's voice whisper in her ear. "And I won't let you go."

Bleach continued to sob dejectedly.

Her hands were clenched around the fabric of Illumi's shirt.

For minutes that felt like hours, Bleach hadn't got one word in with Illumi. After her sudden shortness of breath, palpitation and the desperate crying, she found herself too exhausted to do or say anything. She just sat on her bed, supported against Illumi's chest while he combed his fingers through her hair. She was dazed and limp, like a glass-eyed doll.

"Do you want to sleep?" Illumi asked softly.

Bleach shook her head slowly. "I'm not sleepy. Just… drained."

"... Do you want me to leave?"

Bleach's breath caught in her throat but she said nothing. Once upon a time, she'd jump at this opportunity to make it clear to him - but most of all to herself - that of course she wanted him to leave! They were not in love, so why would she want him to stay for anything more than a fuck? She didn't care about him like that. She didn't.

Who am I kidding? Bleach thought, exhaling harshly. I do. I've cared about him for a long time.

Bleach sat up straight and turned around so she was kneeling on the bed, facing Illumi. Without a word she raised a hand to him, shakily reaching out to his cheek, but when she set her sights on the sickly pale, bony appendage that was her hand she pulled back immediately.

She wanted to hide how breakable she looked, but Illumi was having none of it.

As quick as a whip, Illumi's own hand shot out from his side, wrapping around her thin wrist gently. Staring into her wide eyes he pulled her hand to his lips and, slowly, as if they had all the time in the world, he kissed every pad and knuckle in her hand with the same warmth and intensity as he had done many times before.

"You're lovely, Bleach." He breathed out, and he had never meant those words so much.

The woman's visible eye teared up, and she tried to look away from him but his hand laid softly on her cheek, keeping her face turned to him. His fingers brushed against the bandages covering her left eye and Bleach flinched, but found it in her not to pull away.

"W-Would you…" She hesitated, pouting when the words refused to leave her lips.

"Yes." He answered.

Bleach's lips twitched as a little smirk threatened to show. "You don't even know what I'm going to ask."

"The answer is yes."

"What if I asked you to dress up as Hisoka?"

Illumi frowned. "I don't think that's anything either of us want to even imagine."

"Heh… True."

Bleach leaned further against Illumi's palm. Despite his line of work, his hands had always been soft and warm and she had always enjoyed having them on her.

"What were you going to ask me?"

Bleach blushed prettily but this time she didn't falter.

"Would you lay down with me a bit?"

Then, for what felt like the first time, Illumi smiled at her and it made her heart pound in her chest as her blush expanded to her neck and ears.

"Come here."

Illumi laid down, pulling Bleach with him so her head was pillowed on his chest. His fingers combed gently through her hair in soothing motions that made Bleach let out little moans of delight for him. Illumi felt this was the first time he had felt relaxed ever since their fight before his family dinner. He had spent too many nights without her familiar body pressed against him, comforting him into relaxation and, occasionally, even sleep. But now he had her right there in his arms.

And yet something was still wrong.

Rya had tried to coax him back inside his bedroom, but the mental image of that parasite laying on his bed, where not one week ago Bleach had been, sprawled so comfortably over his mattress, made him nearly tear Rya's arm off as he hauled her in another direction, towards one of the many bathrooms that were used by guests. There Rya had dropped to her knees in front of him, hiding her face beneath a curtain of artificial white hair that was a shade too light to be right as she pulled his slacks down to his thighs.

He had let Rya do that to him out of a pettiness that was not befitted his status. Illumi let himself be manipulated by that second-rate assassin, just because he was angry.

I cheated.

The assassin swallowed, lowering his black eyes to the woman laying on his chest. Bleach wasn't smiling - how could she, after everything? - but her face was peaceful.

He wanted to keep her that way forever, but he had to tell her.

"Bleach?"

"Hmm?"

"..."

At his silence, Bleach pushed against his chest until her face was hovering over his. Her rainbow-colored eye - so pretty, so bright - stared down at him, curious and confused.

"Illumi? What is it?"

"I... apologize."

Their lack of communication with each other brought them to this situation. They had to change that. He had to change that.

"What for?"

He should tell her. He should. But then he'd risk losing her. Again.

"For not coming sooner. For letting you be taken in the first place. For what happened between us in my room." Illumi spoke, pulling her back to him so her face was pressed against his neck and her eye wasn't searching his anymore. "If I had gone after you that night and made things right between us and not-"

And not let myself be swayed by my own emotions.

"-and not let you go, none of this would have happened."

The words were heavy as lead as they rolled out Illumi's tongue. He wasn't someone who was used to apologizing - not even to his family - and yet, as he spoke, the tension in his shoulders eased. He had made mistakes with Bleach - too many to count, even if he regretted very few of them - but he wouldn't allow them to keep him away from her again.

If I have to lie to her just one more time, so be it.

It wasn't even a lie, just an omission, and he certainly wouldn't risk losing her because of something as inconsequential as a blow-job that wasn't even good. He'd be more honest with her from now on, but not about that. He'd bury that lapse of judgement so deep it'd be as if it never happened.

Only he and Rya Feile knew about it. So, if they both kept their mouths shut, it would be as if it As a matter of fact, it didn't happen. He'd make sure of that.

And if the Feile woman has anything to say about it. Well, one person less to crowd the business.

Bleach thought once they arrived to Padokea she'd be dropped at her apartment and that would be the end of the terrible nightmare that she had lived.

However, it seemed her companions/saviours had very different plans for her.

"Tsubone, please tell me this is a bad joke." Bleach whispered at the butler as she followed her outside the airship. They were at the airport's private area, and there was a car waiting for them. "What do you mean I'll be staying at the Zoldyck state for the 'foreseeable future'? Surely Kikyo would never allow for me to sleep under the same roof as her family?"

"This is no joke and there's no mistake about it, Bleach." Tsubone assured. "Kikyo-sama agreed with her sons, that the other butlers and I should assist in your recovery. A butler has already gone to your apartment to retrieve anything you may need during your stay. You'll find all of them in Illumi-sama's quarters."

Bleach's breath caught in her throat as she looked behind her, relieved at finding Kalluto out of hearing range. Not slowing down her steps, Bleach pulled on Tsubone's shoulder so the butler lowered her ear to her.

"You mean to tell me not only Kikyo Zoldyck is inviting me over, she's having me share a bed with Illumi? Inside her own home?" The thief whispered, as if she was talking about some sort of unspeakable sin.

Tsubone frowned in distaste. "It's not like you two haven't already… you know… in there."

Bleach stared at the large woman in horror.

"Surely you didn't think your little late-night visit to Illumi-sama's bedroom would go unnoticed by his mother? Kikyo-sama sees everything that takes place under her roof."

Thank gods they reached the limo at that moment. If Bleach had nowhere to sit down, she was positive she'd faint in mortification.

Namid, help! What am I going to do? How can I get out of this?!

I... honestly have no idea what to say to you right now.

That was only the beginning of what be a sequence of shockers for Bleach. Not only Kikyo would welcome - demand - her presence in her home for the foreseeable future, but she also had prepared a small reception for her and her sons, and the entire family was present.

Zeno, Milluki, Silva. Everyone.

It made Bleach wish she had died in that damned palace.

"The food is great." Bleach spoke with a voice that was strained and not quite her own.

The thief sat at the table with the whole Zoldyck family, nervously eating some soup that seemed to be the first of multiple courses of food. She smiled awkwardly to everyone, pretending not to notice how their eyes lingered on her too thin body and the bandages around her left eye. No one replied or made any attempt at small talk. The silence at the table was heavy with something Bleach couldn't quite comprehend, so she assumed it was because her presence there annoyed them.

Why don't they send me away? Please, whatever gods are out there, make Kikyo kick me out of here. I can't fucking take this. And she knows! She knows Illumi and I fucked in his bedroom. She must want to kill me!

"I really don't want to intrude though." Bleach continued, her one rainbow eye dancing between Kikyo, Zeno and Silva. "Really, you don't need to do this. I can go back to my apartment without a problem. As you all can see I'm perfectly capable of-"

"You'll be staying until you're fully recovered, Bleach." Illumi spoke from her side. His voice left no room for arguments, but still she tried.

"There's no need-"

"Bleach."

Zeno's voice calling her name silenced her immediately. His tone was calm as usual. And, as usual, it drew her complete attention to him.

"Those second-rate assassins came in to our home as guests and dared to kidnap one of our employees. You have a contract with me that ensures you protection from other families who work in the same business as we do. We have failed in that. By taking you, they have insulted our name and honor. Be it their intention or not, they made a statement to the other families and now we'll make our own. The Vinça twins have been dealt with. Now we'll deal with their actions. You'll heal and recover here, under our protection."

Bleach's eye widened at Zeno. Never in a million years would she ever think they'd feel responsible for what happened to her. It made no sense to her; they had nothing to do with it.

"I don't know what you've been told about what happened, but those two kidnapped me for personal reasons. It had nothing to do with the assassination business. Meeting during this dinner was terrible luck, but it could've happened anywhere. I don't see any of you as responsible for what happened." Bleach said those words as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You took me out of that place. If anything, I owe you for that."

"From what I heard you had already handled the situation by yourself." Silva said, cat-eyes unsettling in their intensity.

"That's not exactly true." Bleach admitted. She had done nothing; it was all Iadbo. "And even if it was, if Illumi and Kalluto hadn't come for me when they did I wouldn't have made it out of there alive either way."

No one responded to her words. The butlers came and replaced the soup for a salad.

And they ate the rest of the meal in silence.

Bleach couldn't be more relieved when she was finally excused from the table. She followed Illumi back to his room with hurried steps, embarrassment at sleeping with the matriarch's son easily overshadowed by the profound discomfort she had been feeling at their dinner table.

Are all meals horrible like that? Killua and Kalluto, how did you turn out so relatively normal and nice?

The door closed behind Bleach, snapping her into focus. And it made her want to go back to her apartment for a whole different set of reasons. Without meaning to, her eye immediately focused on the couch inside the room, as memories of what had happened there a few nights ago surged to the forefront of her mind.

Being alone with him is still… a bit fucked up. That he saved me doesn't really erase what happened before.

Illumi noticed where her attention was.

"I can sleep on the couch." He offered, successfully grabbing her attention. "And then replace it for a different one. Whatever it takes for you to forget that. I'm sorry about that. I'll repeat it as many times you want me to."

Bleach looked away. She wasn't sure what to say to that; it's not like any guy who had ever wronged her like that had ever directly approach the subject and apologized for it.

"I know you didn't mean to do that." Bleach said slowly, walking to the window. "And it's not like you actually did anything. You stopped. And apologized. And you saved me from those crazy bastards. But…"

"I scared you. I lost control. It was for only a moment, but I lost control and it scared you." Illumi concluded, moving so he stood side by side with her. "And it reminded you of things that happened before. Things I've done to you before."

Bleach lowered her eye to her feet. "Yes."

From her peripheral she noticed Illumi turn to face her and, before she had the chance to escape, his hand was on hers, pulling it gently, inviting her to face him too.

And she did. She turned to him and in a moment's notice she was once again lost in his eyes.

How does he do that to me? No Nen, no drugs, no nothing. Just a touch and a look and I'm in his grasp.

"I'll do anything to help you get over this. And I'll wait as long as it takes."

Bleach groaned and lowered her gaze to the floor. It never failed to surprise her how someone so unfeeling could say the corniest things with a straight face like that.

"Why?" She asked. "Why are you being like this? So… understanding."

Next thing Bleach knew, Illumi pulled her against him. He hugged her tightly and when he exhaled against her ear, she almost thought his breath trembled.

"You know why, Bleach. You know."

Bleach felt her heart come to a complete stop inside her chest. He can't mean...

"I don't know what you're talking about." She denied, burying her face in her chest as she gripped tightly on the back of Illumi's shirt. Bleach could feel her pulse speed up and felt how hard her heart was beating inside her chest. "I have no fucking idea."

She felt Illumi chuckle against her and she smiled. "But I think it's okay for us to sleep in the same bed tonight."

That night, Illumi and Bleach didn't have sex.

A few kisses in the dark and whispered words breathed out in each other's ears that would never be said in the light of day.

Things weren't fixed, but they were better, and after everything that had happened, it was enough.

For now.