Rated M for language and later content

OPERATION: HYUUGA TOWEL JACK

one

Y'know how most days, you hype yourself up, thinking you can do anything, be anyone, achieve it all?

Suave, sophisticated, powerful, beautiful—the object of people's many affections and many envies. You're magnificent, strong-willed, hard-headed, all sorts of fuckable and loveable and huggable in one—

Oh yes. It's because most days, you're that bitch.

Emphasis on "that bitch."

Well unfortunately, today was certainly not one of Sakura's days.

No, no—today was one of those other days. The ones where you think the world's out to get you because you've cheated death, gods, and everything in between. The ones where the world wants to give you a good ole' suckerpunch to the neck.

Yeah. Today was that kind of day for Sakura. The one who—might I add—was honestly stupid enough to let the battle of wits and woes get to her.

She's looking at you, Ino, you fucking bitch. You too, Tenten—Temari, why the fuck are you even in Konoha? And hell, even Hinata—you know what, just damn them all to the fiery pits of hell already because—

"I fucking hate you."

"Love you, too, babe," Ino replied, scandalous, flirty wink at the ready just to spite her bestie.

Temari and Tenten behind her had hands clamped down on their mouths, clutching their midsections to keep the laughter at bay. Or at least restrained long enough (hah, wouldn't want Sakura to behead them just yet). Hinata had a deep, deep blush blooming on her face, remembering exactly why they were in this predicament.

Yes, that's right. Intelligent, beautiful, stupid Haruno got herself entirely fucked sideways because (damnyouInoI'llkillyou) she got caught up in a game of Truth or Dare, courtesy of her blue-eyed, blonde best friend. Temari, the natural stunner and daredevil, had smirked all sorts of wicked and joined in, followed closely by the dauntless brunette sporting meatballs for hair. Hinata's gullible nature somehow also got roped in, far too afraid of the consequences to back out.

And keen on Sakura's stubborn behavior paired with the rather concise jabs and jeers aimed at her skill (or lack thereof), prideful Haruno got finessed and tossed into the game too.

Stick to truths, she reminded herself during the several few rounds. Long enough for one of them to dare a drinking game and get wasted. And then you're homefree. It's genius.

The exact moment she called her plan "foolproof," damnably observant periwinkle eyes flickered sideways, lip curling into this awfully demonic grin.

"Sakura," Ino'd beckoned, taking such deep pleasure in the way her best friend stiffened. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Oh, it was fast, and it confirmed Ino's suspicions and Sakura was doing all sorts of mental self-strangulation.

"I don't think so, Forehead."

Cue getting shoved into a box and mailed to Satan, himself.

The insatiable trio (Hinata's far too kind, even if she did just kind of stand there and let things happen) turned their bloodlust onto her and pulled out the dare of all dares for the night.

She was to enter the Hyuuga Compound undetected, locate Neji Hyuuga's bedroom—

And yank a fucking towel right off his waist.

"Bring the evidence here, Forehead."

Did she mention this was Neji Hyuuga they were talking about? ANBU Captain, child prodigy, "I can shut down your entire body and render you unconscious in two seconds flat" Neji Hyuuga.

He made even strong-headed Sakura quiver on the few occasions she had to function as ANBU medic for his various teams. And that, coming from someone who was supposed to be on the same side as him.

This is why you don't follow your fucking ego, Sakura, she mentally berated, shuddering when the image of Neji dangling her limp body off the Hokage Monument came flying between her eyes. G-Great. Wonderful. I'm fucked beyond fucked, I'm practically not a virgin anymore.

Off to the side, Hinata was busily drawing a simple, mini blueprint of the Hyuuga household, Tenten and Ino whispering harshly between each other. Temari had an especially amused eye trained on the pinkette, fingering what looked like a uh—was that her favorite wooden spoon?

Probably to nail the pinkette in the leg if she tried to flee.

Why the fuck do I keep inviting her over whenever she visits Konoha, she could literally kill me. Actually come to think of it, why do I invite any of them over—

"Alright, Forehead!"

Ino turned abruptly, brushing aside the sudden acid figuratively shooting from her best friend's eyes. Reaching through the threshold of the second floor apartment window, a little, rectangular slip of paper slid clean between Sakura's awaiting fingers. Against her will, she grudgingly looked down at the thing, signing off both her soul (and Ino's for collateral).

"Do explain, dear Hinata," aforementioned Yamanaka remarked with much gusto.

Tenten had to slap Temari in the arm, bark of laughter at the ready. Together, the moronic duo choked on their giggles, having to hold onto Ino's shoulders for standing support. But the blonde wasn't laughing at all—no, that viciously smug and self-satisfied look on her face was just enough.

Before our protagonist could so much as hurl herself off the tree branch and back into her (under siege) apartment to cause bodily harm, Hinata stood right at the windowsill.

Grumbling, Sakura willed herself to pay attention, watching pale fingers point across the little makeshift map, trailing between the entry gates, to a room on the far right side in what was understood as the Branch House's district. "After the gates, this is the fastest route to the umㅡN-Neji-nii's room is over there..."

"When does he clock out of his shower?" Tenten asked, deftly smacking a sniggering Temari beside her.

"About ten minutes from now..." Curse his well-maintained daily schedules.

"Well you heard the girl, sweetcheeks," Ino remarked, patting the pinkette on the knee. It took a little more than just a few pounds of control to not jab her foot into the blonde's head— "I'd say you should get going. Good luck."

With another spicy wink and flick of the hair, the window drew shut, curtains drawn. Growling in sheer, absolute malice, the pinkette kicked against the glass (gently, of course) to let off a little steam.

And then a hard kick to the concrete, pleased when a yelp that sounded distinctly Tenten echoed. Wait till I fucking get my hands on you assholes.

She didn't even have the chance to put on some fucking shoes, let alone change.

Which, at that point, she resolved to tack on "do not get caught" to the makeshift mission. Something told her that it wouldn't do to have her corpse unzipped from a body bag at the morgue, only to find it clad in a carrot orange, oversized shirt marked by a yellow swirl, and a pair of blue shorts with an uchiwa stitched onto the ass.

The coroner would have a field day laughing at her ill-dressed dead body.

Fighting the semi-chilly summer night breeze, our doomed protagonist sat against her current tree branch, applying the little map to her personal memories of the compound. Directly right from the gates sat the branch district, smaller and less confusing than the main house. Take a left, then a right, then two lefts—once the koi pond was in view, look left and there it would be, first door of the hall.

Doesn't sound too hard.

Right?

Scrounging up the few remains of her dignity, dear Haruno straightened to full height, expression every bit as solemn as walking to a funeral. Then with one more acidic glare at her window, she crouched, funneled chakra down her calves, and sprung.

Skyrocketing into the night, she darted across the evening life, unable to admire the dinnertime chatter and views ordinarily catching her eye. Not when her fate, signed and sealed, awaited her.

And then came a little smack to the head.

What the hell am I talking about, this is literally just a dare, she mentally scolded. It's not like I'm headed out to fight Sasori's reanimated body. I'm being overdramatic.

Be that as it may, it did absolutely nothing to calm her nerves.

Great.

You know what?

Fuck it.

But like—fuck it—but with her as the dominant, in-control top, not a spazzy, submissive botto—

She wouldn't give Ino the pleasure of watching her best friend squirm and feel embarrassed. No one makes a fool out of Sakura Haruno.

When I come back with that towel, Ino, I'll strangle you with it.

Okay so maybe some of that confidence might've back-fired. But that's totally understandable.

Getting into the property wasn't really that hard, what with being a top-notch kunoichi and all that, and neither was locating the bedroom. With most of the Hyuuga members either having their own formal dinners, or being absent due to duties, cloaking her chakra and bypassing whoever might've been coming her way was easy.

But now that she stood inside Neji's actual bedroom, pressed into the corner beside the bathroom, the gravity of the situation suddenly hit her like four-thousand speeding meteors and a chakra-laden punch to the temple (both temples).

Folding up her panicked breaths, she inched sideways until she stood directly next to the door beyond where Neji likely was, listening to the light thrum of shower water beating against tiles.

Was it still kind of early? No way, ten minutes would've peaked by now.

Eventually the warmth of the room and the gentle humidity from the shower started to feel kind of nice.

Dozing a little, she bolted back to earth, heart in throat when the shower water stopped with a creak of the tub handle. Sucking in air between teeth and holding it, Sakura stood still, bracing for the door to open. Each muscle wound up to peak tension, ready to snatch and bolt.

This is easy. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Use all of Gai's speed conditioning and training to catch Kakashi and Sasuke and corralling runaway Naruto clones—use all of it and pray. Reach in, take, and run like hell.

You can do this, Sakura. Just think of the towel not on an undeniably sexyㅡbut totally lethalㅡman's waist and instead, around Ino's neck. Yeah. That's better—

The low, soft padding of feet moving around echoed dully through the door, their owner getting themselves situated. In response, she stood, prepared and anticipating, heart pounding and every body part tensed to the point of tightness, waiting to suddenly be put to use.

The shuffling stopped and so did her breath.

Fuck.

Fifty fucks.

Five hundred fucks.

Only silence first.

And then—

"Looking for something?"

Yes, do you happen to have a kunai on you so I can trip and land on it?

Both words and color drained from her face as that obviously masculine, richly-toned tenor flooded into the room not in the bathroom but rather, right in front of her.

Fuckㅡ

Like a deer about to be run over by fifty lions, she slowly and eerily turned her head, half-horrified, half-planning her will, meeting the sight of Neji Hyuuga in all his towel-clad glory.

He stood there, groomed brow arched over a pearled eye, puzzlement and questioning dripping from him (much like the water snaking across those planes of muscles). Goddamn, since when was he so... so man?ㅡand Jesus fuck, that towel did absolutely nothing at hiding his attractiveness (or skin, for that matter).

"Sakura-san?" She heard her name numbly, and she had to tune in to hear that he repeated, "Sakura-san," once again, genuinely inquisitive in nature.

Ah... ahaha...ㅡ

"S-Sakura."

He raised that pretty eyebrow higher.

She swallowed thickly (the shower humidityㅡyeah, that's totally what's making her dizzy). "Just Sakura," she said again. "I figured seeing you in erㅡjust a towel would uh, y'know... get rid of... formalities."

Oh god, please someone, where the fuck is Pein when you need him now. Just kill me already.

She tried to laugh to get rid of some tensionㅡshe really didㅡbut the sound came out strangled and broken, and well, if he hadn't been suspicious before (pfft), then surely, he had his thoughts now.

And suddenly, that raised brow and straight-lipped expression quirked until it turned sly, almost mischievous. She didn't like it. No sir, not one bit.

He's probably picturing me really dangling off that fucking monument now, huh.

"So what brings you here"ㅡpauseㅡ"Sakura?"

Did... did her name really just... roll off his fucking tongue like thatㅡ

"Uh, aha, er well, funny story really, um." Nerves were a bitch, putting that out there. "Inoㅡshe uh, sent me here on a dareㅡ"

"Oh?" Oh great, now he's purring. And now he's advancingㅡfor every step he took onwards, she ventured back, and like any predicament that involved a half-naked god and a helpless girl, she found herself pressed into the corner beside the bathroom just as she'd been previously.

Only now, two arms pushed against either side of her, flat against both walls, effectively caging poor Haruno between multiple planes of muscle and man.

Shit. He had her.

"Erㅡyeah," she managed to choke out. At this point, she tried to keep her eyes at chest-level and avoid abs, but it was hard seeing as pretty much nothing was covered and wellㅡNeji was far too fine an example of the male specimen. Seriously.

"I don't believe you," he began, voice coming low at the close proximity, especially teasing. "You do realize... this calls for some disciplining, right?"

Discipliㅡ

"Punishment."

She clenched her fist, adrenaline starting to pump. Half of her swayed towards the luscious greek god displayed before her, less than PG-13 thoughts skimming along the surface, the other fearing for her life and the discovery of her body on top of the Nidaime Hokage's monumental head, mangled and maimed.

Either I get dragged to die, or he finds out I'm getting Icha Icha thoughts of him and then I get dragged to die.

"So what'll it be?" he murmured softly, inching lower, closer, "Sakura...?"

"Iㅡfuck, sorryㅡ!"

Red-faced, she did the absolute first thing that came to mindㅡpunched.

Hard and fast, gloveless and all bare knuckles, she threw a mean hook closely parallel to her. Somehow surprisingly (and blessedly) it caught him off guard and he took the blow. Poor Hyuuga seized up and fell to the ground, groaning loudly and cradling his uhㅡmini-Hyuuga.

In a last ditch effort (and arguably suicidal one), she reached out and yanked the white towel clear off his hips without sparing a glance, flung open the door like a madwoman, and fucking bolted.

"Heyㅡ!" was the pained, indignant, and very irritated groan calling after her. She deemed it heavily unsafe to continue on the ground and launched into a tree by the koi pond.

Pausing just slightly, she glanced back to see the same previously fetal Hyuuga emerge from his room, beyond furious and thoroughly miffed.

Sakura squeaked, still utterly red in the face, forcing her eyes away from the pissed man and trying to withhold her gawking mouth. Well, what the fuckㅡ

"Give me back my towel, Haruno," he growled, glaring an especially mighty glare that promised a death slower than Tsunade getting paperwork done. "Hey. Look at me." She refused.

And without another word, she fled the scene, a comical blur of pink, orange, and blue.

Cursing her speedy escape, the Hyuuga made to give chase in pursuit of his towel and a duly required punishing hand for breaking and entering, when he noticed a draft.

"Why's it so cold?"

It's literally the middle of summer.

...

"Oh fuck."

Seconds later, he hopped in a tree, vengeance at hand and fully clothed this time around.

He followed that familiar chakra signature out of the compound and into town, dashing across rooftops as she attempted to shake or outrun him.

Up ahead, Sakura was still very much the same color as her teammate's beloved fruit-disguised-as-a-vegetable.

SheㅡShe'd seen everything.

How the fuck do you unseeㅡ

Shutting her eyes and bidding the image away with great difficulty, opening them brought to her the promise of sanctuary, for her home was in sights. Bless her starting time, holy hell.

She'd be able to get in and the girls would vouch for her (since he hadn't been convinced about her actual reasons for being there), and she'd have the safety and comfort of her home. Maybe they can negotiateㅡshe'd happily abide time working a little for the Hyuuga Compound as compensation or something, and he can even take back his towel after the girls saw that she'd snatched and completed the dare.

Win-win.

Kinda.

She wanted to kiss her front door for being so damn close.

Just a little moreㅡ

Andㅡ

"Hello, Haruno."

Ino snickered, watching Hinata put down the phone after calling up Naruto, who was probably as confused as a camel in the middle of Snow County.

The pearl-eyed woman had been pushed into taking her first dare of the night as well, and was told to phone up the stupid Uzumaki and speak so out of character, it was blasphemy (and heavily reminiscent of Kiba's slurred slang and speech).

So basically, Naruto was probably sitting in his littered apartment, mouth hanging open, scratching either his head or his butt and staring at the phone like someone told him his father and mother were cross-dressers when they were alive.

"Oh my fucking god, Hinata," Temari managed in between fits of laughter, a distinct wheeze in her words. "'You sad piece of shit, wake the fuck up and take me out on a real date that doesn't involve watching you snort noodles through your nose.' Youㅡmy girlㅡare a fucking godsend."

Tenten couldn't even form words and only laughed harder at Temari's recounting, curled tightly into a ball on the floor nearby, fully unable to straighten out for the pain in her abdomen was just too great. At the same time, the Suna-nin collapsed, joining their meatball friend.

Hinata flushed deeply, thoroughly horrified and embarrassed and yet unable to stop herself from smiling. Honestly, it was pretty damn funny wondering what Naruto's poor face looked like at this moment.

Banging on the front door cut the mirth short, and the four women paused in their laughter.

Ino snorted. "I bet that's Sakura," she began, getting to her feet. "Probably bailed."

"Or she got the towel," Tenten put in after calming her breathing, still grinning widely despite the pain. "She was gone pretty long, y'know."

Hinata giggled and led the girls in a line down the stairs, letting Ino take the lead near the door.

She pulled it open.

"So Forehead, got the goods?" she asked with a mocking smirk. Said smug expression fell as soon as she saw who stood at the door.

Both "who"s.

These four sleep-over goers froze stock still, wide-eyed, utterly gobsmacked and flabbergasted.

Perhaps not a single soul had ever thought such a scene would've graced their eyes tonight. Maybe red-faced Sakura or a furious Hyuuga or a hospital visit or another kind of miserable outcome.

Certainly not this.

Yesㅡfor there stood the sexy motherfucker, Neji Hyuuga, himself.

What's more, the drop-dead gorgeous lad was plain-as-day shirtless, only in a pair of white, low riding sweat pants, a distinct contrast against his usually put-together appearance and immaculate clothing. That smirk on his face was probably stolen from some hybrid between the devil and several incubi (and maybe a nice, strong dash of Chris Hemsworth for good measure) in the mix.

And then there was Sakura Harunoㅡor at least Sakura Haruno's assㅡtied up in chakra string binds and thrown over the shoulder, fully supported by lean, toned arms. She struggled, blushing and attempting to speak despite sounding muffled.

Neji raised a delicate eyebrow at the dumbstruck girls.

"I believe this is yours."

He tightened the arm looped around her thighs (blatantly exposed, might I add, for the position had thoroughly ruffled Sasuke's shorts up her legs), and she stopped struggling at the hold.

Goddamn him.

"Erㅡ" Ino trailed, unable to form a logical sentence.

Justㅡjust what the hell happened here?

His eyes skated across the sleepover-goers as if gauging, calculative, and then he seemed to nod in acquiescence or acceptance. "She won the dare," Neji remarked, nodding over his shoulder where in her dangling arms was a damp white towel, tightly coiled between fingers. "In quite a way, too."

Sakura snarled rudely from behind, most likely spewing nasty curses and insults.

He only chuckled and hefted her back up and over, depositing the pink-haired kunoichi none-too-gracefully upon the floor by the doorway.

She landed ass-first andㅡnewly freed from the bindsㅡbegan exercising a fair amount of chakra along her flexing knuckles, furious emerald-fire eyes glaring at him like twin cat-eyes in the dark.

Sakura was not amused.

"What the hell, Hyuugaㅡ"

"You girls owe her her winnings or whatever for completing the dare," Neji interrupted, glancing sideways at the four others. His gaze settled on Sakura, and the smirk returned tenfold. "And you. I'm taking some time away from you."

Greatㅡworking in the Hyuuga Compound, here I comeㅡ

"What for?" she snapped angrily anyways.

"You owe me."

"What?"

"Don't you think you've been skipping steps, Haruno?" he inquired almost smugly, taking deep pleasure in her miffed state. "It's only proper etiquette to go with someone on a date before seeing them naked first. Or are you so into breaking tradition just to glimpse at me?"

He left her gawking at her doorstep, pivoting on his heel and exiting the scene.

Three.

Two.

Oneㅡ

"SAKURAㅡFUCKINGㅡHARUNO, YOU DIㅡYOU- I- YOU SAW WHAT?"

There was a crash and a screech, and thenㅡ"IT WASN'T LIKE I HAD A FUCKING CHOICE, OKAYㅡWHATㅡDID YOU EXPECT HIM TO BE WEARING BOXERS UNDER HIS TOWEL? WHO THE FUCK SHOWERS WITH BOXERS ON, YOU STUPID BIㅡ"

Neji shook his head, laughing to himself.

Goddamn, she was entertaining as hell.

I'm back, guys. Feels pretty darn fabulous.

I'm also going to be posting some multi-chapter stories. It's been a while. Look out for that and thanks for reading!

EDIT: Alright guys, looks like several want the lemon. And also someone asked about the date. So we'll make this one-shot into a three-shot. Let's do this.

NEWER EDIT:

Y'know, I have fonder memories of this story. It was not only my first venture into a personal favorite ship, but also my first posted lemon. I've come a hell of a long way since 2014, so now that it's five years later and 2019, I figured a good rewrite was in order. I might lengthen it a chapter or two so- enjoy!

- burrblefish