Forgiveness and Freedom

Part 2

'Freedom'

Haymitch had left Effie to get into some dry clothes. He'd asked her to meet him in the lounge when she was ready. Ready for what? A lecture? A telling off? She didn't think she'd ever be ready to face that, not tonight at least.

She pulled and old, oversized jumper over her cold skin, slipped on some woollen socks and made her way back down stairs.

Might as well get it over with.

She found Haymitch at the mantel piece, staring into the roaring fire. She knew he was aware of her presence but he was refusing to look at her. That hurt a little.

She slumped down onto the sofa and spied two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table. Effie opened her mouth to ask if one was for her but then stopped herself. Of course it was, there were only the two of them in the house. She lifted one of the mugs to her lips and smelled the sweet chocolate. The warmth helped her shaking hands and the sweet sugary taste gave her the little kick to start the ball rolling.

"I'm sorry..." Was all she could manage.

Haymitchs hands gripped the mantle and his thumbs rubbed at some invisible dust. He let out a heavy sigh but he still didn't face her.

"Look, I know you're angry with me, can we get this over with so I can sleep" Her voice broke on the last word, giving her away. The sound of sadness in her voice finally made him face her.

She looked right into his eyes. It surprised her that his features were sullen and gentle not hard and angry. He almost gave her a tender smile but he turned back to the fire before she could tell.

"I'm not angry" He spoke finally. "Not with you anyway..."

Effies shoulders slumped in relief. No lecture then. Thank god. But the warm feeling inside, was returning. She watched as the glow from the flames flickered across his face, he was as calm as always but his brow was furrowed in deep thought. Thoughts about today? About her? About the war? She wanted to ask but she didn't dare. As much as he may have changed, there was still a darkness inside of Haymitch. Since being back here, after the rebellion, Effie had always felt that there was something very important on the tip of Haymitchs tongue, waiting to be said, wanting to be revealed but never had been.

She couldn't guess what it might be. But she could sense that it had something to do with her. He'd already apologised profusely about leaving her behind and she had thanked him graciously for saving her life. So what was it then?

"I'll be out of here in three more days. You wont need to worry so much anymore..." She took a sip of her hot chocolate but it was still too hot so she placed it down. She saw Haymitch shift awkwardly, then he made his way over to the couch to sit beside her.

It was out of character but in no way uncomfortable when he took her hand in his.

"I'll never not worry about you, Effs. you are my friend. It comes with the job" He said softly

She squeezed his hand a little tighter, she needed to focus on that rather than his eyes. She could get lost, so easily, in those eyes.

"Are you trying to say its a 'job' being my friend?" She teased slightly, trying to lighten the mood a little. Trying to shift the nearly dangerous tension that she could feel building between the two of them.

He laughed and it was adorable.

"It's a job, sometimes, yes" He teased back "But its more...a way of life for me now. To worry about you. To care about you. I've really enjoyed getting to know you better, I've enjoyed you being here and I'm"

Something stopped him from carrying on, but Effie knew exactly what he was about to say. That had always been apart of her life, predicting what Haymitch would say or do next.

"I'll miss you too"

xxx

The fire had dwindled, the mugs were sticky and empty. Effie had let her head fall absently to the back of the couch where Haymitch had rested his arm.

"That was very- what you did today..."

"Stupid?" Effie interjected

"No" Haymitch turned to her seriously "brave"

Ah. So maybe Effie wasnt as good as she thought, at predicting Haymitchs thoughts.

"Adam, that man..." Effie began but she could feel Haymitch tense the very mention of his name

"He's not a man, no man would do that. He's a boy. A stupid, godless boy who-"

"-Who lost someone important and wanted revenge?" Effie said softly. "I don't blame him, I'm not angry"

"He almost- He tried to-"

"I know what almost happened Haymitch, but it didn't. I've suffered worse, believe me" A darkness came into Effies thoughts. It was the first time she'd mentioned anything about her time in captivity since she had been here. Haymitch saw the tears forming in her eyes and the memories making her features twitch, he squeezed her hand again but it didn't help this time. Effie brought her hand to her mouth and breathed a quick "Sorry" before leaping from the couch and running to the downstairs bathroom.

Haymitch listened with a heavy heart as Effie emptied the contents of her stomach in the next room. He wandered slowly towards the noise and leant his head against the door.

"Effs?"

"I'm ok" She gasped and he heard the sound of running water

"Can I come in?"

He was met with a second or two of silence before the handle turned slowly in front of him. As soon as he met her fragile frame, he pulled her into a warm hug. Effies arms curled up and around his back instantly, enjoying his touch, embracing its safety.

"C'mon princess" He whispered, placing a protective arm over her shoulders and guiding her back to the couch. "You need Tea"

xxx

Haymitch had re kindled the fire and they both sat close, watching the flames dance and kiss.

"I'd like to talk to him" Effie suddenly said out of the blue

"Who?"

"Adam"

Haymitch let out a stern laugh and shook his head

"No way, no! He's not getting near you ever again, no!" His shoulders squared up defensively but the soft touch of Effies hand reminded him where he was.

"I want to and I will" She stated. Her fingers making gentle circles on his palm "I want to talk to all of them, everyone. I want to hear their stories. I want to know their faces, the families of all those innocent children, I want to. I need to."

Haymitch closed his hand, capturing her fingers between his.

"Why?"

Effie just let out a sad sigh.

"To be free, Haymitch." she looked up at him so that he could see the honesty in her eyes "To be able to forgive myself for what I've done"

Haymitch tried to protest. She hadn't done anything in her past without force from the Capitol, he knew it and now the whole town would know it now, after todays dreadful display. But, looking into her sky blue eyes, he knew it wasnt enough for her. It would never be enough, not even the awful things she had suffered had made her feel worthy of the people's forgiveness.

"I can't go on like this, Haymitch" She started. Fresh tears began to form in her eyes. "I can't keep looking over my shoulder, to see who wants their revenge, I can't shut myself away here or in 4, I need to face people, head on. I need them to know my story, I need to know theirs. Then and only then will I feel free. I'll be free to start over again" She brushed her free hand over the stubble on his cheek. Her actions bringing them dangerously closer. "Please. Understand."

He closed his eyes at her touch and took in her scent. Her perfume was floral and airy, her fingers were cool and soft against his rough skin. The urge to kiss her was unbearable, but what kind of gentleman would he be if he pounced on her now, after what she'd just been through.

"If that's what you want. If that's what you need to get better, then, I'm here for you. I'll help make it happen"

xxx

And happen it did.

Haymitch worked with a few heads of importance in the town to set us a sort of meeting point at the town hall over the next couple of days. Everyone in 12 was informed and Effie was surprised to know that nearly everyone had accepted the invitation. When the day came about, and with Haymitch, Kat and Peeta by her side, she felt ready, she felt brave and she no longer felt like the cowardly Capitol escort, hiding away from life and its problems. She shocked alot of people that day, her friends included, by giving a detailed and heartfelt eulogy of each and every boy and girl she had ever reaped. There were tears, there was outrage, but in the end, everyone had sat and listened, respectfully. Finally the time came for Effies story. For the first time since her rescue, she went into detail of what she had been through, not only during her imprisonment but during her time as an escort. She explained the laws and rules that each escort had had to live by in order to stay alive. At last the people began to realise that they hadn't been the only ones being ruled by the games.

The meeting had been a success. Effie was thanked by many, in some respect. Most though, had hurried away quickly after, with regret in their hearts and uprooted memories of thier dead. Effie respected that though. She was sharing an embrace with Katniss when she was tapped on the shoulder. It was Adam.

"Hi" He began sheepishly. The young girl, that had been with him the night of the attack, appeared from behind his back "Airinden wanted to say thank you, for what you said about Merida" the young girl crept closer

"Nice to meet you Airinden" Effie spoke softly. She could feel a sudden warmth behind her, then Haymitch stood to her side protectively and placed a hand at the small of her back. She watched as he and Adam shared a look and spoke quick as not to rouse any anger from one or the other.

"You're sister was very brave Airinden. I'm so very sorry" Effie said and the girl nodded once with a sad smile before running away again.

"You have apologised enough, Miss Trinket" Adam began "It is I, that would like to apologise. For what I did. I'm so sorry" He bowed his head and stepped back but Effie wasn't satisfied. Without thinking, she closed the gap between them and pulled him into an embrace.

"We all have regrets" She whispered "To be free of them we must forgive one another. Can you ever forgive me?"

Adam pulled back and looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"I forgive you. Can you forgive me?"

"Yes!" Effie cried and a smile came to her face "Yes I can"

xxx

Katniss and Peeta had said their goodbyes at the house. They left the short walk to the station to just Haymitch and Effie.

It had been an awkwardly quiet walk. They had made small talk about the meeting, the weather, Kat and Peetas baby. But now that they had reached the platform and Haymitch had loaded her luggage on board it was now or never.

"I love you Effie"

It came out quick and messy and he wasnt at all prepared for the outcome, whatever it may be. But he had to say it. He had to get it out. It had been on the tip of his tongue for weeks and now she was leaving and he had to let her know.

She froze. Blinking. Taking in what he had just said.

He knew he couldn't stop her from leaving, he didn't want to. He did, however, want to make a claim on her in some way. Make her realise that no matter what, no matter where, she had his heart and he would wait til the end of his days until she returned it.

"I want you to take some time, think about it, about me. Whilst you're in your new home." He continued. "Dont forget me. Don't go meeting some handsome stranger and falling in love and never coming back. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish, of course you can do all of those things but...I'm just asking you to think twice, before you do." He was rambling now and he was well aware of it. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as she stood there, still silent but with a glitter in her eye that he hadn't seen for a while. "Think about Effs. Thats all"

The whistle blew, pulling Effie from her thoughts. She looked at the train and the conductor beckoned her in. She gave a courteous nod and took a deep breath.

"You better go..." Haymitch sighed.

"Yes..." She agreed. But she held her ground for another moment. "Haymitch?" she called out, He had started to walk toward the train door ahead of her but she wrapped her fingers around his wrist and held him back, pulling him back towards her. Pushing herself against him.

"I don't need to think about anything" She breathed. Cupping his face in her hands and stroking his stubble gently, with her thumbs.

"I already know what I want Haymitch. I want you" and without another thought, she pressed a lingering kiss to his soft lips "I love you too"

Haymitch got the permission he needed and he closed the gap between them again, kissing her hard and running his hands up the sides of her neck, his fingers curling up and into her hair.

His tongue slid delicately over her bottom lip bading acceptance, which she gave, hungrily. It deepened their kiss and they became lost in one another.

The 2nd whistle blew, forcing them apart.

"I have to go" Effie smiled into his mouth and nipped gently at his bottom lip with her teeth.

"I know" He sighed sadly, pulling her into a hug before walking her to the train cart door.

"You'll visit? When I'm settled, right?" She asked, ascending the step onto the train

"Just try and keep me away princess. As soon as you're ready" He replied.

She nodded gently and the train started to move. This was it. She was going. He would be a whole 8 districts away and she would be on her own. He sensed her unease and just like he could read her thoughts he called out to her

"Don't worry Effs. I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait right here, for as long as it takes"

His words made her cry and she didn't take her eyes off of him until he was nothing but a blur on the platform.

It was time to be brave.

It was time to re build herself, discover herself. It was time to prepare herself for a better future. A future with Haymitch.

xxxxxx

Annie had met her at the station, overjoyed and over excited. She drove them right up to Effies new home. The renovations had been finished and the little cottage was un recognisable from the inside.

"I told them to make it just how you wanted" Annie beamed. "Everything is brand new, the kitchen, the bathroom. The fire is electric too so you wont need to worry about chopping or gathering the fire wood"

But Effie loved it when Haymitch used to bring home the freshly chopped wood. She would be in the kitchen, cooking up his dinner, when he would be starting the fire. Pine leaves. He always brought her pine leaves, because he knew she enjoyed listening to the crackle sound it made on the fire.

"Annie, Its beautiful, thankyou" Effie smiled graciously. But Annie being Annie could sense the doubt in Effies tone.

"You miss him already, don't you?" Annie Smiled, catching Effie off guard

"What? Who? What do you mean?" She was a terrible liar

"Haymitch" Annie giggled "He's been on your mind since you got off the train Effie. I can tell"

Effie huffed in submission

"I don't know what I'm doing Annie, I just don't know..."

Annie took a hold of Effies Hand and squeezed it gently

"You wanted to come here to find yourself Effie" Annie began "But, I'm afraid you've come here looking for something that isn't here. Haymitch"

"We can't be together Annie. Not yet" Effie started to cry.

"Why not? Whats holding you back?" Annie asked worriedly

"I thought I wasn't ready. I thought that I needed time away to...to"

"Find your strength?" Annie finished

"Yes"

But finally, admitting it out loud made Effie realise. He was her strength. He had been all along.

Annie picked up Effies suitcase, switched off the light and headed for the door

"This place...it'll be a great holiday home for you and Haymitch, when you have little ones" Annie mused and flashed a sentimental smile her way. "Go home Effie" And then she went out to load the car once more.

xxxx

Haymitch couldn't sleep.

He watched the flames of the fire dance around the logs of wood, making shadows on the walls. He could no longer smell Effies perfume, which saddened him to no end. The sound of the cracking pine leaves were a small comfort. But undeniably, he was missing her.

Whiskey was tempting. He'd had a glass or two but he had been doing so well because of Effies daily encouragement, he felt like he'd be letting her down if he had another one.

There was a light tapping at the door which stirred him from his slump.

We wasnt prepared for the vision that engulfed him when he opened the door.

She fell helplessly and heavily into his arms, knocking the air from his lungs and squeezing him tight.

"Effs? What- how?"

She kissed him hard as he kicked the door shut behind them. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and he picked her off the ground spinning her around and pinning her to the wall so he could devour her further.

They kissed like they'd never kissed before, like it was their first and their last. Gosh, he prayed it wouldn't be the last.

They finally parted for air and they erupted into an excited bout of laughter

"Effie? What happened? I thought you wanted to be at home?" He wondered. Stroking her soft hair and helping her shed her coat. As soon as she was free of it she wrapped her arms around his neck again tightly, kissing him again and again and again.

Everything in that instant felt right. She finally felt ready. Ready to face anything. As long as he was by her side. She had found her strength. She had found her freedom

"I am home Haymitch. I'm home."

xxx

Fin.

Hope you enjoyed xxxx