So…I got another request from a fan and I am trying here…so those who are familiar with the SOA fandom, please be gentle with me. I am new to the show and have just reached season six (I hear I am in for heartbreak). I got a request from an SOA fan to write a Jax and Tara rewrite…so here it is. Begins after Tara catches Jax and Ima. I think that Tara is so smart, but she isn't smart when it comes to Jax. At all. So in this story, I am going to write her a bit differently (hopefully not butchering KS's character in the process). Let me know what you think.

I might be persuaded to expand…not sure. It depends entirely on the feedback I get. Thanks for giving it a try everyone and please enjoy!

And Then What (Title was taken from SOA former Police Chief Wayne in Season Six Episode 4…when he said it to Jackson, I think it kind of woke Tara up to a truth she had never considered)

Chapter One

Tara

Tara's cheeks flushed in fury as Ima smirked at her from the bathroom, leaning against the door jam in only Jax's t-shirt. That t-shirt...one night not so long ago she had worn it. "That's a good look for you…" he had said then, a look of love in his eyes.

Tara looked back to Jackson, whose eyes were now cold and devoid of all emotion. She shivered as she looked into them, wondering what there was left of the sixteen year old boy she had fallen in love with. Tara clenched her jaw and walked out of the stuffy, soiled room, slamming the door behind her.

She gasped for breath, holding her hand over her heart, as if to make sure it didn't have a knife sticking into it. No knife, but still broken nonetheless.

She heard Ima giggle on the other side of the door and that's when her eyes filled with tears. She wiped them away angrily and her head spun as she tried to figure out what to do.

Walk...her brain told her. Finally, her head was taking over when her heart had failed her so terribly.

Tara walked down the hall and out into the bar area of the clubhouse. Several people called out to her, at first in greeting and then in concern, noting her tears. She ignored them, continuing to walk until she was out in the morning sun once more.

She inhaled the fresh air in deep gulps until her head ordered her once more...Calm down! You will hyperventilate and then never get out of here!

Tara nodded as if her brain was a corporeal phantom, standing before her, dedicated to getting her to survive this betrayal...this heartbreak. Tara trusted no one anymore, not even herself. She just trusted her brain.

Tara manually slowed her breathing until it was regulated and her inner doctor reassured her...Good. Normal rhythm.

Now...car. Get in your car….her brain said. Tara's eyes searched for her car, which was haphazardly parked in a spot nearby. She reached in her pocket for her keys, looking down at them curiously.

Ten minutes ago, when she put them in her pocket, she just wanted to see Jax. She wanted to comfort him and reassure him about Abel. Twiiiisssst….her heart squeezed in excruciating pain over both Abel and Jax, who sought comfort with...Ima...

NO! her brain yelled angrily...No thinking about that now...not any of that...CAR! NOW!

Tara bit her lower lip as she wiped away the tears that escaped as she gripped her keys and walked to her car. She clambered in and buckled up. As Tara pulled it into gear, she saw Gemma out of her rearview mirror watching from the garage office, puffing on a cigarette.

Did she know? Tara wondered to herself...of course she knew. Gemma had predicted pain and suffering for both her and Jax when Tara had first come back to Charming. The same night Tara had worn Jax's shirt...Tara winced as an image of Ima in that t-shirt flashed in her mind. As much as she hated to admit it, Gemma had been right. Damn! That was almost as bad as finding Jax in bed with another woman.

Drive….her brain ordered, not liking where Tara was going with that line of thought. Despite all Tara's efforts to focus only on the road, she couldn't shake the images of Jax and Ima. Ima's smirk, Jax's eyes, and the smell of sweat, cheap perfume, and sex...it was almost too much and Tara released a small sob, even though her brain yelled at her to protect herself and drive home safely.

How she made it back to Jax's without an accident was miraculous. She credited it all to her muscle memory because in her mind she was still stuck in that dingy, dorm room, her heart breaking into a million pieces.

Tara parked the car and waited for instructions. Her heart told her to stay...to hear him out...her heart wanted to reason with her brain...Jax was hurting because of Abel. He needed someone to blame and Tara was an easy target...he was just acting out...trying to push her away.

That doesn't make it okay…her brain said softly. Her heart sure as hell didn't have a response to that logic.

And as much as Tara wanted to go with her heart and ignore the logic, Tara had to admit her brain was right. She closed her eyes and released a sob as something in her broke. It was something small, but very strong. It was the last straw, the final nail in the coffin of her and Jax's long, passionate, painful relationship.

Tara sagged in her car and let herself cry. She was ending a relationship that she had allowed to define her...more than being a surgeon, more than being a smart, intelligent woman who beat the odds and made something of herself, despite her upbringing and struggles….more than all of that Tara had always first been and was proud to be Jax's girl...his soul mate, then lover, then old lady. But it was only now that Tara realized she didn't like what that definition meant.

Being his meant accepting a lifestyle Tara couldn't morally condone and accepting rules of that lifestyle with no complaints...including getting cheated on and accepting it as an inevitability…and for what? Despite what they claimed, it wasn't for brotherhood…no, it was greed. For money, for women, for power…greed was what the Sons were all about. And they would do anything to keep it that way.

No more...her brain pleaded with her….We can't take it anymore...and for once her broken heart agreed.

Tara listened for her next step, exhausted beyond belief. Pack...her head and heart said together. Tara nodded once more, inhaling as she looked for strength she didn't think she had. She reached a trembling hand and opened the door to her car.

As she closed it the door behind her, she felt like she was closing the door on everything that had happened. About time...her head grumbled. Oh shut up, she thought back petulantly.

Jax

Jax dressed quickly, his heart empty...his head empty. He had no room for feelings...for thoughts.

Jax's thoughts flashed to Tara...her hurt expression. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. He then stood angrily, grabbing his cut and leaving the room. He couldn't think about that now. Any of that...he only had room for one thought and that was getting his son back...his Abel.

Jax would deal with all this...all this fucking misery when his son was back in his arms...when they were back in charming.

"Where are we at?" he asked his brothers, who looked at him in concern.

He sat and listened...fuck, he would need to go to Ireland. Didn't matter. If he had a chance at finding his son, he would go to the ends of the earth to get him.

Tara

Tara heard a motorcycle rev in the driveway as she finished packing and closed her eyes….she couldn't do this. Not now. She was surprised he even came back here. Since Abel had been missing, Jax had been detached….never coming back to the house during the day unless he had to grab something. No words had ever been exchanged between them on these occasions.

Tara heard the front door click and her heart thudded in a panic. She wasn't afraid...not really, but she was nervous. She couldn't trust herself around Jax...this morning was proof of that. When it came to Jax Teller, she was deaf and blind to reality. She hated the woman she had become because of him. The woman he made her.

She heard heavy boot steps and she immediately knew it wasn't him. Jax wore sneakers. Now she was scared...who the hell was here? Her mind flashed to an enemy of the club and she shook in fear. They had taken Abel...what was to stop them from taking her? And if they took her, Jax wouldn't be coming for her.

She looked at the window, panicked, and slowly headed towards it, listening for more movement. Tara grabbed one of her bags and eased open the window, not breathing as her heart thudded in fear.

"Tara?" a familiar voice called out.

Tara jerked at the sound of her name and she sighed in relief….not Jax. Not an enemy...just a member of the club. Tig. She walked out to the foyer area and regarded him cautiously. What was he doing here though?

"What are you doing here?" Tara asked once she was standing in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest as he looked her over, for what she didn't know.

"Jax sent me to keep an eye on you," Tig explained, "He's going away for a bit, got a lead on Abel."

Tara's heart expanded as hope filled it. Abel...her heart and brain both took the news as well as she was.

"Good news?" she choked out.

Tig nodded and said, "I think so."

Tara couldn't help the tears that filled her eyes. If Abel had even a remote chance...Jax would find him. And Abel was as strong as his father. That kid was a survivor.

"Good," Tara said in a thick, wobbly voice, "God that's good."

"We are going to get him back," Tig said, putting his hand on her shoulder in comfort, "I know you must be...going out of your mind with worry."

Tara shrugged and nodded, thinking, Oh Tig, you have no idea. I am currently talking to my head and heart as if they are people.

Which reminded her….

"Thank you," Tara said, wiping her tears, "And thanks for checking on me, but you go do club stuff. I am going to be fine."

And you will be...Really...her head and heart said together in a comforting voice, reminding her of what she needed to finish.

Tig nodded and said, "I can hang outside if you don't want me in here."

"No, Tig, go back to the clubhouse. I don't need you here. I am actually going to my dad's old place for the night," she said, "Trust me, if anyone comes looking, they will run screaming when they see all the piles of junk in there."

Tig chuckled, but his eyes looked wary, "Are you sure? You can come stay at the club if you don't want to stay here without Jax."

Tara shook her head vehemently, "No, I am sure, I want to stay there."

Tig nodded and relented, "Okay...do you want me to come?"

Tara was getting tired of this and just shook her head, leveling him with a glare.

He nodded and held his hands up in defeat, "'Kay, have it your way. Can I help you with anything?"

Tara began to shake her head and then stopped. "I have a couple of bags of laundry...can you help me carry them?"

He nodded and she pointed to the back room where she had left the bags.

When Tig saw one near the open bedroom window he smirked at her over her shoulder, "Worried I might be Cameron Hayes?"

Tara gave him a weak smile as she grabbed her purse from the bed and the smaller duffel as Tig left the room. Two bags...that's all she had here. She couldn't believe that was all the evidence of herself in this room. A couple of drawers...a few books. Not much.

She looked around the sparse room and sighed. Before all this...before her and Jax reconnected, Tara had bonded with little Abel. When you hold someone's heart in your hands...it changes you. You connect to them and know...you have stared into the mystery of their soul. Abel was no different. On the dresser, there was a picture taped to the mirror of her and Abel in the NICU.

Tara glanced at it and smiled nostalgically. As much as Tara tried to remind herself over and over that she wasn't Abel's real mom...that Wendy was...Tara had grown motherly towards him. She loved the small little warrior, who battled all odds against him.

Tara slipped the picture into her purse and walked out of the room. As she passed the kitchen she unhooked Jax's spare key from her car keys and gently set it on the counter. She looked down at it. Once she left she wasn't coming back.

She looked around the house and heaved a sigh. Tara had tried...she tried to make this work. But it just...it wouldn't. It would never work. They wanted different things from life. And Tara could never tolerate the MC, despite the people she cared about in it.

At least now she knew…she knew that her staying eleven years ago wouldn't have worked in her favor either. She had returned for protection from Kohn, but honestly, she also returned to answer that big "what-if" question she had carried around for so long….now she had her answer. And it fucking hurt the shit out of her.

As she heard Tig's motorcycle roar to life, she jerked out of her sad train of thought and walked out of Jax's house and his life for good.

So what do you all think? Should I continue? Was I true to the characters? Eek I am nervous about this one, but I want to thank you all for reading. Please drop me a review (Good, bad and ugly welcome)!