Jon found me by the fire that evening. He was still supposed to be my guard but he had been busy with my father all day; I suspected they were planning a hasty departure. He had left Ghost with me. The three Stark wolves were monstrous beasts by now, and still growing. The royal kitchens would be glad to see them go; on the days they were not allowed hunt they ate six chickens and a cow between them. Still, I considered them some of the only trustworthy creatures in King's Landing, and I would be sad to see them go.

"The king is dead," Jon told me. There was an unusual look about him. He seemed to tower over me, and hold himself high. He had filled out somewhat since going south. The baby moustache was lost under new growth, and the beard made him look manful. This, with the wolf at his side and sword in his belt, gave a great impression of power. He always had such a doleful, serious expression, but there was something deeper there tonight.

"Gods save him. All hail the new King," I said, without feeling. The king dead – what did it mean? And only a few weeks ago he had been seated near me, feasting and roaring as merrily as always and now, in the space of a day – dead.

"Father… Lord Stark has shared with me something tonight," Jon continued. He shifted uneasily from foot to foot, then sat down heavily. "He did not wish me to share with you, but I asked it, and I trust you. Do I have your word not to reveal what I tell you?" he said. I nodded dumbly. I had no idea what he was getting at. "Well, of course, I always wondered – everybody must have wondered – about who my mother was, and what happened to her. Lord Stark told me she died giving birth to me, and she asked him to keep her secret. But he says the time is come now – he says I am not a Stark at all, but a Targaryen. My mother was your Aunt Lyanna, and my father-"

"The dragon prince." There was nothing to be heard but the crackling fire. My jaw had opened of its own accord, and I found I could hardly breath. On impulse I gave a deep, lurching curtsey in my seat. "No, no, please don't," he said.

"Jon, but Jon – this changes everything-"

"And there's more," he said. He cleared his throat and looked away from me. "He says… about the royal children…"

"Don't speak to me of that." I turned my face from him too. I was sick and breathless. I squeezed my eyes shut. "He seeks to overthrow the crown?"

"He seeks nothing. He says the north will support my claim if I exert it, and he thinks Lord Stannis will rally to the cause as well."

"And what do you think?"

He smiled ruefully. "I still think I might take the black."

What he was proposing was war. A war that would tear up the kingdom, and me along with it. How easy it would make it if he joined the nightswatch and faded into obscurity in the depths of the wild north! "No. It's too late for the black now," I said.

"War is coming, whatever I choose," he said, as if reading my mind. "Stannis knows the truth, and believes he has a claim, and already the Tyrells are massing behind Renly Baratheon."

I thought of Myrcella and Tommen with pity. Innocent little children, who never asked be to born. "It's all set to topple."

"Father offered Cersei a chance to flee with the children, but he didn't tell her about me. Now he thinks it best we move our plans forward, and leave in the middle of the night. We will be gone before the sun rises. I came here to ask if you would like to join us."

The thought hadn't occurred to me. "How can I?" I said.

"Come with us," he urged. "Father made a mistake in sending you here, and your position is so precarious. There has already been one attempt on the life of your son, and Ser Jaime… he is not the worst of the Lannisters, but he is not to be trusted. He has committed treason after treason, and with his sister he has defiled the laws of nature-"

How many times had I lain awake at night with the same phrase circling around my head, and now to hear it from Jon I could not stand it! "Stop!" I felt vicious. "What do you know? There are things you cannot understand… and who are you to judge anyways? What is your own family line, if you are a Targaryen, but a defilement of nature?"

"That is besides the point," he said coldly. "What the Lannisters have done is treason, and they must be brought to justice for the crimes they have committed. The family has been a poison to all that is good in the kingdom."

"And when father sold me down south he made them my family too," I hissed. "What am I to do? What would become of me if I left with you?"

"Your marriage could be set aside," he said. He was back to his usual easy manners with me. He was my brother, and still looked so young and earnest in the candlelight; he thought he had everything fixed, and that he offered me a great gift.

"And what, I could be traded off to one of father's bannermen instead, as a prize for serving loyally?" I said. "Look Jon, I love you, and I will gladly you hail you as king if that is what you choose to be, but how can I abandon my son, or separate him from his father to be raised in the North where he would be reviled by his very name? How could I betray my husband like that?"

"How can you defend him?"

"Because I understand that good people can do bad things, and be trapped in hopeless circumstances, and – and that honour is a luxury for only a few lucky people on the right side of history. Jaime has done the best he can with the circumstances he was given, no more or no less than you do. I don't expect you to understand, but he is doing his best to overcome the shackles Cersei has always bound him with."

He sighed. "Then I wish him the best with that, but the facts remain unchanged."

I felt desperate, but how could I convey to him what it had taken me months to come to terms with? I heard far off familiar footsteps and felt the urgency of time. "Jon, know that I love you, but my place is here," I said. I hugged him and tried to fit all the fierceness I felt into it. He was stiff in my arms for a fraction of a second and then relaxed into it. "May we meet again in better times," he said. "You gave me the chance to accompany you, and now I offer you the same in return. You know where to find us if you change your mind."

He and Jaime crossed in the doorway. Jaime nodded at him but got response, and even the wolf seemed to shove past him without acknowledgement. Jaime raised his eyebrows at me. "Well, seems we've both been having heavy talks with our siblings," he said. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," I said. It didn't feel right to lie to him. I wondered how it would be in the morning, when news of their sudden departure spread, or in a week, or however long it took, when Jon crowned himself king. I got up and poured us both a glass of wine. Handing Jaime his, we both sat down.

"The king is dead," he said.

"So I heard."

"Cersei claims to have nothing to do with it, and nothing to do with Tynan, but it is her mark all over it," he said. It seemed he was trying to reassure himself, and harden his own will. "She tried to seduce me, and said things will be easier now. She said I could be Hand, once your father is out of the way."

"How does she think the role has any appeal to you?"

"That's what I wonder. I think she cannot understand that I'm more than just an extension of her; I do not crave the same things. She wants to be Hand, not me."

"What did you say to her?"

"Well, I resisted. It was harder than I thought." He said it routinely enough, but there was a quiver in his voice. "I don't think I can stay here with Joffrey on the throne. I looked at him again today… He is foul. All my life, I thought my one act of greatness was the death of the Mad King, and what did I do hardly a year later but create another one?"

"It's not your fault." I reached out and touched his arm.

"It is! I knew it was wrong… not when we were little, but by the time I was in the Kingsguard I knew. I saw what came of kin lying with kin, but by then I had given up everything to be with her and – and I knew it was wrong, but I made myself unsee it. God, how can you bear to look at me?" I didn't think he expected an answer, but then he went on – "Really, what are you still doing here? That night… in the inn up north, when it all came out, I thought that was the end. I didn't expect you to speak to me again, and then you've been so kind, with the baby, and listening to me harp on…" He trailed off.

"Look, you might have done wrong in the past but I see so much good in you still. I can feel that you're on the verge of a big change in your life."

"Do you think?" he smiled at me then with such an expression of tender hope that he reminded me of Tommen. He was baring his soul, and had trusted me with so much, how could I not be open with him? There was so much to come in the months ahead, and I wanted to feel united with him. "Jaime, can I trust you?" I said.

"With anything." I saw my own worried reflection in his eyes.

"I am speaking to you now as my husband, not as a Lannister. We have something of a friendship, don't we?"

"I like to think so."

"Something of friendship, and something of trust. So please, I tell you this in confidence, and I ask you to consider your loyalty to me before your sister, or your father." I knew I could be making a horrible mistake, but something in me trusted him. It was the soldier Jaime in front of me now, honourable and true, the best version of himself. I swallowed and plunged in to the story Jon had told me.

"I knew there was something about that boy!" he said. "He is Rhaegar through and through, if you consider it. He even fights like him!" He was not frightened, or angry, but energised. His face shone and he raked hand again and again through his hair until it was unruly. "Didn't I do well to knight a future king?" he said.

"You think he will succeed, then?"

"Oh, who knows. There are a lot of battles between now and then… But a new Targaryen, with some fresh blood to stave off the familial madness, wouldn't that be mighty? You are too young to understand how close to greatness we came with Rhaegar Targaryen… now he would have been a king to end all kings…" I got the sense this was a subject often on his mind, but one he could never speak of.

"You would support him then?"

He hesitated and then his face dropped. "It's a bit awkward, isn't it? I can't exactly cheer for someone who's baying for Lannister heads on sticks, can I?" He ran his hand through his hair again. "Once again I seem to find myself on the wrong side."

"I don't even know who I would want to win if it comes to battle," I said, head in hands. "I was talking about it with Jon – he wants me to leave with them – but it all gets so complicated so quickly…"

"What did you say?"

"Well, like it or lump it I've sort of thrown my lot in with yours, haven't I?"

Some inner conflict played out across his features. "It might not be a bad idea," he said.

"You think so?"

"I don't know… it might be safer… it might be better for you." When I gave no reply he rushed on – "Look, I know it can't have been your dream, to be married off so young to someone you'd never met before, and I haven't exactly acted any maiden's idea of a dream husband… this could be a good opportunity for you. I… of course, you would have to take Tynan with you, but I wouldn't stand in your way."

I was overcome. He was so plain in his words, and he could hardly look at me whenever anything close to emotion came into his voice, but he was offering to isolate himself from the baby, from the one thing that seemed to give him any joy, all in the name of giving me freedom. I reached out and squeezed his hand.

"I know it's not what you wanted, either," I said. "I know it wasn't easy on you, and I know we didn't exactly start from a fiery courtship, but we've worked alright together, haven't we?"

"We have," he said, nodding earnestly.

"It's not what you'd expect in a family, but we're our own sort of family, and I think we should stay together, if you'll have it," I said. "Honestly even when I hated you, there was something in me that liked to be around you, and now I find I don't want to leave you."

"I don't want you to leave either." I think he meant to give me a modest peck on the lips to underline his words, but caught in the moment the kiss deepened and lingered unexpectedly. After a few long moments he pulled back but his face was still so close to mine, his eyes so wide and green in that perfect face. Somehow the air was more charged here in all our layers of clothes in front of the domestic fire than I had ever felt in bed with him naked on top of me. I was still so unpracticed and clumsy at these things - I couldn't judge whether the feeling was only on my side and I couldn't read his expression. "Do you want-" I began, and put my hand on his waist, but before I could finish the sentence he pulled me on to him, and from there we simply sank into one another…

When I finally pulled myself apart from him we had been occupied for quite some time. All of a sudden I hardly knew where to look.

"You blush all the way to the tops of your breasts," he remarked. I laughed, and that relieved the tension.

"Such a gentleman," I said, and brushed the hair from his face to dip back in for another kiss. A great deal of assorted bodily fluid was rapidly cooling between my thighs. It was funny how during the act you were insensible to it and now I felt an almost violent urge to wash.

"No, stay," he said, holding out his arms as I delicately climbed off.

"Look, that was all the convincing I needed not to go north," I said. I smiled and he grinned foolishly back at me. As I hobbled over to the water jug I realised how cold the room had grown. Jaime began to build the fire up. I cleaned myself and marvelled at his naked back and buttocks, so golden in the firelight, and all overlaid with hard straps of muscle. I was just pulling a nightdress on when I heard a mewling cry pick up from the other room. Well, thank god for timing! Jaime and I raised our eyebrows at one another and I swatted him as I went past to the "nursery". Usually I left Tynan in there for the evening and moved him into our bed when I was ready to sleep.

I brought him in and fed him where it was warmest by the fire. I was not thinking of much except the flames, and vaguely watching Jaime lace his breeches out of the corner of my eye. It was impossible not to find my gaze wandering to him when he was shirtless. He looked up and we shared a silent moment, staring without saying anything. Life was such a funny mix of ups and downs lately.

"Give him to me," Jaime said. "You should go and say goodbye to your family if there's time." It hadn't occurred to me, but I wanted to. I put on a robe and a shawl and crept out and made for the Tower of the Hand.

I found my father with Jon and a few Stark men in his solar, making final preparations. "I did not think you would come," Jon said.

"I'm just here to say goodbye," I said. I was sad to see them go, but I felt I had made the right decision.

"Go and wake the others," my father said to Jon. "It's time we were going anyways." This left us alone. I tried to take in my father, not knowing under what circumstances we might meet again.

"My little girl," he said. "When did you grow up?"

"Around the time you sent me down here," I said.

"Elta." He took on a pained look. "In time, you may see with your own children - there are so many mistakes we make in the name of what we think is best."

"I understand." I didn't really, but I felt it was time to let go of the bitterness I nursed. "And things haven't been so terrible. Jaime and I… we get along well."

"He's not the worst of them, is he? The queen let slip to me that their relationship has ended. I will be sorry to take up arms against him."

My eyes filled with tears. "Papa, please spare him, if it comes to that. Please see that he has no choice but to fight with his family, and that is what it comes down to. None of us are free, and none of us can help who we are born to."

"I'll try to remember that," he said, and touched my face as if to imprint me to memory. I felt like a child again, with my father's voice so deep and soothing, and such tenderness in his eyes. As I grew I felt I baffled my father more and more – he understood so little of women, and even less of girls. It was easy to think of him as a hard man, as so many who did not know him did, but in that moment I knew him as he really was, and the sense of protection he exuded almost tempted me to leave with him. But no – the thought of Jaime and the child waiting for me was stronger. We embraced and I kissed his cheek and that was goodbye.

Arya and Bran entered then. Their clothes had been hastily pulled on in the dark and Bran still held a boot in one hand. They were bleary eyed with tousled hair – they had not been told about the midnight departure. They hugged me and I told them I loved them and to be good and brave, but they were so sleep-addled I think they hardly knew me.

Creeping back into my own room Jaime and the baby were asleep. Jaime made a noise as I slipped beneath the covers, and put a hand on my side. I felt no regret or worry about my choice, only a cool sense of peace. I had no idea what the following months would bring, but I was sure of some things, and that was enough.

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