This is a short little piece that was inspired by a song I heard the other day. Took a break from a longer piece I was editing to pen this story. Nothing heavy, just a light-hearted if somewhat overly long drabble. Enjoy. Reviews always appreciated.

CHAPTER 1

Early in the afternoon found Hetty and Callen squaring off in the middle of the bullpen having a loud difference of opinion, otherwise known as an argument. Callen was standing in front of his desk with his arms tightly clamped over his chest; his whole body was radiating disapproval. "Use Deeks," he demanded of his diminutive boss who was standing calmly in front of him holding a photo.

"I would, but he doesn't fit the profile, Mr. Callen," she told him once again with an aggravated sigh that indicated she had enough of this conversation and the continued stubbornness of her lead agent.

Callen still refused to back down and he didn't care that his boss was ready to shoot him, dump him in the ocean and swear she had no idea what became of him. He pressed on; his face a mask of defiance. "Then use Sam."

Hetty reminded herself to stay composed and not reach out and strangle her galling agent; it would take too long to train a replacement if she killed him. "As I explained," a hundred times was the unspoken subtext, "Sam will be going under with you, but as a body guard."

Callen's mouth quirked in the corners with irritation. "Why can't we switch? I can be a bodyguard." This too was a conversational point the duo had already visited more than once.

Patience is a virtue, Hetty chided herself. "Switching roles could be problematic for this case. Sam might be considered a tad too intimidating for this particular role."

"I can be intimidating." Callen proved his point by giving her one of his most demoralizing glares. Hetty, however, remained nonplused so he dropped his bad boy act.

"You have nothing to prove to me, Mr. Callen. I know you can be anything or anybody and now I need you to be him." She held up the photo of Callen that had been photo-shopped and gave it a little wave. The picture showed the agent in a pair of skin-tight black jeans and a white, fitted, wife-beater that set off his physique to perfection. It left little to the imagination what he was selling.

"That's not me," he griped unfolding his arms, plucking the beefcake-shot from her hand and firmly placing it face down on his desk.

"It most certainly is," she countered adamantly wagging her finger at him. "Though I do admit it is a composite of a few shots from your file.

Callen shook his head emphatically as he shoved his hands in he front pocket of his jeans. "Can't be. I have never worn that style of t-shirt in my life."

"Longshoreman case, June 2005," she succinctly informed him.

His eyebrows shot skyward. "You went back into my CIA records?"

Hetty gave him an exasperated look not believing he would even bother to voice that comment. "Mr. Callen, as you very well know my reach is long and far," she replied before she crossed her arms across her chest and stared him down.

After a minute, Callen broke eye contact, walked behind his desk and dropped into his chair. His agile mind was already switching to a new tactic. "What you are asking me to do is degrading," he proclaimed with a distasteful expression on his face as he tapped the back of the practically porn photo on the desk with his forefinger.

"Did someone say degrading? Sounds like a job for me," Deeks cheerfully announced strolling into the bullpen where Callen and Hetty were having their heated exchange.

Callen threw Hetty a 'see I told you so' glare which she chose to blatantly ignored.

Hetty took a step forward, reached out her hand and flipped the photo on Callen's desk so it was visible again while she addressed Deeks.

"While you do tend to be assigned many of the, ah, how shall I put this, lower echelon roles, you are not right for this case." Hefty returned her attention to Callen who has attempting to flip the photo face down again. "Mr. Callen," she warned him and he sullenly withdrew his hand.

"Lower echelons. Isn't that a euphemism for low class? You talking about Deeks?" Sam queried walking into the bullpen placing a bottle of green tea on his desk. His eyes did a quick recon of everyone in the room, immediately knowing something had changed since he went out for lunch.

Focusing her attention back on her senior agent his asked, "If that were Kensi in that photo, would you still use the word degrading?"

"I didn't mean it like that Hetty," Callen back-peddled appearing a bit chastised, though he still tried to slide a manila folder over the sex-on-a-stick photo.

The last member of the team strolled into the bullpen to join her teammates. "Did I hear my name?" Kensi asked as she walked over to Callen's desk to hand him the sack containing the sandwich she had picked up for him. She spotted the photo and before he could stop her, Kensi had picked it up holding it with the tips of her fingers as if it were on fire. "Caliente!" she said appreciatively.

Callen slapped his hands on this desk and pointedly glared at Hetty. "That's what I'm talking about."

Deeks and Sam immediately moved closer to Kensi and big smiles appeared their faces when they saw the photo. Callen actually blushed slightly as his teammates examined the sexy photo of him.

Sam let out a low wolf-whistle as he reached over and took the photo from Kensi to examine it better. "You been moonlighting G?"

Deeks opened his mouth to add his own comment but the stare Callen leveled at him made his blood run cold.

"Got something to add Deeks?" Callen challenged the younger man in a tone that could freeze water and melt ice at the same time.

"Nope. I'm good," Deeks wisely retreated as he put his hands behind his back to show he had no intentions of touching the photo.

To break the tension, Kensi asked, "Someone want to fill me in?"

Deeks and Sam dually shrugged. "Just walked in ourselves," Sam supplied. "But I too am dying to hear the story behind that unbelievably hot photo of our man G."

Three gazes shifted to look at their team lead who was scowling and appeared to be trying to make the photo self-destruct by the sheer force of his will. "Keep it up and you might get your wish," Callen muttered darkly as he snatched the photo from Sam.

Knowing no honest answer would come from quarter, Sam, Kensi and Deeks shifted their focus to their Ops Manager who was standing there with a deceptively innocent expression on her face. She wasn't called the Duchess of Deception for nothing.

Nell, who had a habit of bursting into a room without knocking so to speak, rushed into the bullpen right in the middle of the conflict. "I found it Hetty," she announced triumphantly holding the item aloft.

All eyes rotated from Hetty to Nell to the item she was holding. "What is that?" Sam probed having no clue what the analyst was holding in her hand.

"Looks like a slingshot with polka dots," Deeks supplied helpfully.

Kensi started giggling. "Guys, I think it is a bikini."

Deeks shook his head no. "Ut-ah. I like to think growing up in California and being a surfer, I am a bit of an authority on women's swimwear. A bikini is a two piece suit. So where's the top? Unless," he added getting a bit more animated, "we're going to a topless beach. Oh please Hetty! Say our next assignment is at a topless beach and that is for Kensi!"

Kensi gave her partner a look of pure disgust as she walked over to the blushing, red-headed analyst. "That Deeks," Kensi instructed as she took the object from Nell's and stretched it between her two hands, "is a male bikini, sometimes referred to as a thong."

The ever-practical Navy SEAL glowered at the scrap of material in her fingers. "You can't swim in that!"

"Technically, you can Sam," Nell corrected, still sporting her rosy red-cheeks.

Deeks reached over and snatched the suit from Kensi's hands. "Stop fondling it Fern." Deeks held the bikini up as if he were imagining it on Sam. "You'll look great in this Sam." Deeks studied the suit again and then gave the well-built muscular man another appraising glance. "I don't know Nell. This might be too small for the, ah, area it needs to cover."

Nell's blush deepened, while Hetty gave Deeks a stern glare of disapproval. For the second time in the space of fifteen minutes, Deeks received the death glare, but this time from Sam. "I can't believe you said that Deeks."

Deeks had the decency to appear a bit abashed. "You know, I can't either. Ok, maybe that comment, like this suit, was a tiny bit inappropriate."

Hetty had enough of the shenanigans of her agents. She held out her wizened hand, palm up. "The suit please, Mr. Deeks. This is neither for you or Sam." Deeks meekly handed it over to his boss. Sam and Callen might intimidate Deeks at times, but their ninja boss spooked him 24/7.

At some point during the discourse, when no one was focused on him, Callen had quietly slipped away taking the photo with him. When Hetty turned to speak to him and found him missing she muttered, "Oh bugger." With a long suffering sigh she addressed Sam. "Please go find your wayward partner and escort him to my office by whatever means necessary." With that she and the itsy bitsy teeny weenie male polka-dot bikini glided off to her desk.

As soon as Hetty left the bullpen, Deeks burst out laughing uncontrollably. "Do you think she plans to make Callen wear that...that...thing?"

"Only if she forces him at gun point." Sam paused moment thinking about his partner. "Nope that wouldn't even work. He'd take a bullet over the bikini."

Kensi got indignant with her male colleagues. "If Hetty forced me to wear a minuscule bikini, you'd be all over that like a slobbering Saint Bernard."

Sam defended himself and tossed Deeks under the bus. "I'm married but there ain't nothing saintly about Deeks."

Kensi continued on with her tirade. "Sure, it's ok for the female agent to go out in public almost naked to catch the bad guy but not male agent?"

"The only thing Callen is going to catch in that loin cloth is a cold," Deeks wisecracked. "Or maybe a rash. Definitely sunburn." He held out a hand for a high five and Sam actually gave him one.

"Sam, surely you don't stand behind his sexist view point?" Kensi indignantly demanded not believing Sam, the honorable SEAL, was siding with Deeks on this subject.

"SEALs don't swim in gear like that. It's not Navy issue," Sam evaded not answering the question. "I gotta go find Callen." He rapidly left the bullpen happy to be away from any further discussions.

All remaining eyes turned towards Nell who was still standing there and had not yet voiced an opinion on the subject at hand. "Nell," Kensi coaxed trying to get someone to agree with her viewpoint.

"Ah, well, ah," she stammered, "there's no water in the Midwest. We don't swim." She spun on her heels and practically sprinted back upstairs to her tech-safe haven leaving Deeks and Kensi alone in the bullpen.

Deeks walked over and flopped in his chair behind his desk. "I mean if you really want me to put on that suit and give you a private viewing I'd be happy too. Not my normal style. I usually go for board shorts. My mama always said don't give the milk away for free, but for you Kensi..." Kensi rolled her eyes and went back to her own desk and started on some paperwork. Deeks gave her a cheesy grin which she totally ignored. "Alright. Your loss."