Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, or any related characters.

Hope you enjoy, and please review~

IMPORTANT: At the moment, I have this rated as T. Let me know if I should keep it that way, or change it to M and add a lime/lemon (gasp) later on (it would fit into the plot, don't worry, the rating either way won't compromise the story).

"I just don't understand why you had to take this one," Havoc moaned, sitting dejectedly at his desk. "I thought I had something serious going with her."

Roy waved him off. "She was pretty, and besides, I didn't take her, she came at me. It's not my fault you can't hold a woman's attention."

Breda snickered, and offered Havoc a cigarette. Depressed as he was, he could never resist a smoke.

Roy was still talking. "Maybe you shouldn't bring your girls anywhere near me, if you're that worried about them leaving you."

At this point, perhaps invigorated by the nicotine, Havoc was irritated; he scowled. "Shove off, Colonel. I never see you with any ladies around, you know. They may go for you but they sure as hell don't stay."

"Oooh, Jean's got a point, maybe you're not as good as everyone thinks," Breda challenged.

Roy rolled his eyes. Havoc, he was pouting, and Breda, well, he probably just wanted to see an argument. "Boys, they never leave until they get laid. After that I usually don't want them around. I don't do all that clingy bullshit that women are in to."

"I wonder," Havoc said, voice mocking as he turned to Breda, "if it's really the Colonel who leaves the ladies stranded, or if it's the other way around?"

Alright, that was too far. Roy wouldn't have his skills be ridiculed this way. "Look, I can get any girl you point out in bed—except maybe Olivier Armstrong, but come on, no one could get her in bed—" they all chuckled at that, though they glanced around to be sure Major Armstrong wasn't around to overhear. "—and she won't want to or be able to move for a long while."

Havoc, evidently enjoying the reaction he was getting, kept pressing. "Yeah, yeah, fine. Maybe your skills with women are uncontested—maybe. But I bet you could never get a guy under the sheets. Even if you could persuade someone, you don't have the balls to go through with it."

And that was why Roy should have known better than to take lunch with Havoc and Breda, should have just eaten in his office. He just had to get away from the paperwork…and what was he supposed to say now? Say he could be just as good with guys and be called a faggot, or say he would never do it and be considered a coward?

"Just because I don't choose to go with guys," he said smoothly, finishing his bite of sandwich, "doesn't mean I can't."

"All the same," Havoc snorted, "I bet you couldn't."

There, that was the word. A bet! Roy could save his skin by making this into a bet. That way neither would he want to be with men—and therefore not gay—nor too afraid to do it. Perfect.

"Oh, you want to make it a bet, do you?" he challenged.

"A bet sounds good," Breda mumbled. "Even if I lose and you do get in some guy's pants, that knowledge is a win for me."

Roy scowled, about to make a scathing comeback, but was interrupted by Havoc. "Hold on, hold on," he said, hands in the air. "How can we trust you? You would say you fucked a guy just to win the bet and we'd never know better. I don't know about this homo here—" he gestured to Breda, earning himself a punch in the arm, "—but I do not want to watch."

Roy rolled his eyes. "Men, if you can't trust your superior officer, you've got a lot more to worry about than a bet."

"Sir, I'd trust you with my life in combat, but otherwise you can be a dirty bastard."

"Oh, the insubordination."

"I've got it!" Breda snapped his fingers. "We don't have to watch—not that I'd want to, dumbass—but we can get proof. Just bring in the guy's pants the next day."

"What!?" That was ridiculous; Roy couldn't take anyone's pants…

"Yeah," Havoc grinned. "If you're as good as you say you are, the poor guy won't even know they're missing. Besides, you'd have to leave first to take his pants, so that would prove all your claims."

Roy rested his head on his steepled fingers. What a mess. "Fine, fine, I'll take the pants. But what do I get when I win?"

"Lunch for a month?" Breda suggested.

"Not enough," Roy scowled. "If I have to fuck a guy I should get more than free food. How about that and…" he thought for a moment, "…both of you have to ask Armstrong about his family history. And listen." Roy knew from experience that the Armstrong family history was long and tedious, and that some members got upset if they thought you weren't paying attention.

Breda groaned, but Havoc muttered, "Fine, and when we win, you have to do the same. And you have to bring in the pants tomorrow."

One day? That was all he got? "Shake on it."

They shook, and Roy stood.

"Hey, where you goin', Boss?" Havoc asked.

Roy sighed. "If I have to find someone, get him in bed, and steal his pants by tomorrow, I'm going to have to be alive. So in that case I need to get some paperwork done before Hawkeye shoots me…"

Back at his desk, behind piles and piles of paperwork, Roy tried to concentrate. Honestly, he did. But he couldn't stop thinking about what he had agreed to.

Roy liked women. He didn't want to have to be with a guy. But what else was he supposed to do? He couldn't let his ego down and accept defeat before, and he certainly couldn't back down from the bet now.

But who the hell was he going to aim for? Roy was leaning towards a hooker, but at the same time, he was usually at least a little classier than that. Besides, he didn't want to have to pay someone—he shuddered, almost as protective of his wallet as he was of his pride.

Roy sighed. What else could he do, though, what other option was there with such a close deadline?

A knock sounded on his door. "Come in," he called wearily.

"I have the report you asked for, Colonel Bastard."

Did he really have to take this right now? Any more attitude and Roy might explode. "Give it here, Fullmetal."

Roy didn't even look up at the younger alchemist as he read and signed the report. But when he did, to dismiss the kid, he couldn't help but notice…

Okay, blonde hair. Roy didn't have a thing for blondes in particular, but Edward's hair was long and well-kept, and might be nice once it was out of that braid. His eyes were so wide, too, maybe edging towards feminine…and he was nice and short…

None of that made up for the fact that Edward Elric was a guy, of course. Underneath the clothes, he didn't have any boobs, just a dick. Still, that was unavoidable in this situation.

And it was undeniable that it was easy—actually, a little too easy in Roy's opinion, he would have to reign in his imagination from now on—to picture the younger alchemist underneath him, panting, sweaty, and begging for more…

Roy smiled widely, he couldn't help it. "Thanks, Fullmetal, you can go, but stop off here again before you leave today, alright?"

The boy looked at him oddly, probably because of the grin. He didn't even say anything, just nodded and walked out.

It was all Roy could do to keep from laughing at how uncomfortable just a smile had made Edward. Oh, what the boy had to look forward to tonight…