Guys, I'm sorry it took me this long but there was summer break and also I wasn't feeling inspired and I didn't want just to write something, so thank you for waiting, and for all your amazing reviews, I loved them.

Also I think I never explained; this story is based on the movie so there's no Wade and Ella, I liked them but I don't know, maybe in another story.

I will update the other two stories soon as well, I can't promise an exact date but soon. Thank you again for reading and I hope you'll like it.

Chapter 3

To love and love not

But I'm holding on for dear life,

won't look down, won't open my eyes,

keep my glass full until morning light,

'cause I'm just holding on for tonight.

...

Scarlett stared at the door thinking once again about her husband. This was nothing unusual she constantly thought about him, but normally was with anger or contempt, now it was frustration... and sadness.

She was sad, beyond she thought prudent but she couldn't help it. When she learned she was pregnant she was so happy, she knew it was a second chance to turn the things around with Rhett, and for first time she didn't think about Ashley or how could he fit in her new life. She didn't care at all; she only wanted his husband as lovely and sweet as in their honeymoon and her child, even if she wasn't that fond to spend time with children. But then he returned and they fought… and she pushed him….

She closed her eyes. Of all bad things she had done in her life—including killing that Yankee—that was the thing that haunted her more. She had pushed Rhett from the stairs, no matter what Mammy had said. He tried to warn her, even he moved her out of the way, he looked startled but she punched him, sending him to this state.

Oh, what she could do? She had decided to leave him alone, without the burden of being her wife, but she was too selfish, even when she knew she will be better. What man needed a wife dreaming about another man? Or a woman who was accused to be carrying other's man child?

She had never cared about what people said of her, at all. She just turned her nose up and rubbed her money in their proud and broken noses, but that last gossip about her carrying Ashley's child and Rhett leaving her wife was too cruel; it sting too much and even when she preferred to die than show them any vulnerability, she couldn't help but feel miserable.

What she could do? Leave Rhett to a happy single life and raise her children as a single mother somewhere else? Or tell him the truth? Then he would take Bonnie and leave her thinking she was carrying another's man baby, surely. He had already doubt the paternity, didn't he?

"Scarlett…."

When her life had become so difficult, why she could just not do things right when she married Rhett? She should have never kicked him out of his room, she should have never dreamed about Ashley while being with Rhett, they should have never stayed in Atlanta; they should have gone far, far away….

"Scarlett!"

She jumped startled and turned to look at Ashley upset.

"What?" she snapped.

Ashley was taken aback and looked away, blushing.

'He can't even look me in the eyes, as if I were really carrying his child', Scarlett thought angry. As if he didn't know better, but of course, he preferred to save his reputation than hers.

"I bring you the books of the Mills," he told her, handling the books and looking at her face but not in the eye.

Scarlett snatched them from him and turned his back on him.

"Thank you, Ashley," she said dismissing him. She didn't see him but heard him walk out of the shop. She sighed, for the corner of her eyes she saw Mrs. Elsing sneaking out the door of the shop, surely to share this new piece of gossip with the other cats.

Scarlett arrived at home feeling exhausted, mentally and physically. She had left Bonnie with Melly but her daughter; stubborn as ever had refused until Melly calmed her down. She explained the situation to Melanie and walked away before she could feel pity for her, Scarlett didn't need anyone's pity.

She opened the door and as soon as she stepped on the hall Mammy's upset voice rang across the enormous house.

"Mista' Rhett! Where are you?! You know you can't leave the library!"

Scarlett couldn't help but smile. In that moment Rhett came out of the dining room carrying a tumbler of scotch in his good arm and stopped when he saw Scarlett standing in the door, watching him.

He shrugged and smirked.

"She didn't want to bring me a drink," he responded easily.

"MISTA' RHETT!" Mammy's booming voice startled them.

"Are you sure I hired her? It's worse than my mother," Rhett asked her smirking and marched to the library as a scolded boy. Scarlett couldn't help but laugh. Suddenly she didn't feel upset or tired anymore.

There was knock on the door and Rhett lifted his face from his book, his eyes locking with Scarlett's.

"I'm under martial law," he informed her and Scarlett smiled, not knowing what that really meant but guessing it by Mammy's scolding.

"Mammy can be… tough," she responded closing the door behind her and walking to his bed.

"Tough? I thought she was going to whip me," he commented and she chuckled.

Rhett smiled; he didn't know why but this girl's laugh was enchanting and mesmerizing, he wouldn't mind if he heard her laugh all day long.

Scarlett felt his stare and clear her throat.

"Hum… the dinner it's ready and—hum I thought you—maybe would like some company?" she asked suddenly nervous, wrinkling her hands lightly. She felt so unsure and it was so weird because she had never felt that way with Rhett, on the contrary, he always made her feel she could be herself around him.

"I'd loved to," Rhett responded inviting her to come forward, to the chair next to his bed but she stayed where she was, again feeling oddly awkward.

"Hum, I'm going to tell Mammy to bring me my diner—"

"Wait her here," Rhett interrupted her quickly, not wanting her to go, "she's going to bring me a tray and you can ask for another then," he told her kindly, but cocked an eyebrow, watching her with interest. She didn't like that, she felt as he could see right through her.

"All right," Scarlett responded nervous and entered the room sitting in the chair next to Rhett's bed. Once there she felt his gaze fixed on her and felt terribly uncomfortable so she had to say something, anything.

"What are you reading?"

Rhett cocked his eyebrow.

"The Odyssey, have you heard about it?"

Scarlett was about to say a simply no, but she remembered all the times Rhett had mocked of her, calling her an ignorant.

"I haven't read it," she responded shrugging, it wasn't a lie but a graceful answer. She hadn't read it and of course, she hadn't the intention to do it.

"You should, it's a really good story," Rhett said, marking the page and closing the book; the woman in front of him was more captivating.

"What it's about?"

"About a man named Ulysses who left his home for the war and is lost in his way home, having many adventures on the sea, while his wife is waiting for him. She waits for him twenty years," he responded in that storytelling-way that had Scarlett mesmerized always.

"Twenty years?! My God, it's awfully long to wait for someone," she exclaimed frowning, imagining waiting all that time for someone.

Rhett found Scarlett's reaction amusing and chuckled.

"Do you think?" he said with a smile and pensive eyes, recalling the story. "She could have married someone else, but she decided to wait for him."

"Well, that's just silly, he was obviously happy on the sea away from her," she responded buffing and rolling her eyes.

"He had no choice, he was lost, and he tried to go back home all that time. Besides she loved him," Rhett replied and found even more amusing that Scarlett didn't seem to share his romanced version or the story, usually women loved all that but of course, he already had noticed she wasn't nothing like other women, and he liked that. He felt an incredibly curiosity for her.

"Wouldn't you wait that long for someone you love?" he asked wanting to know more about her thoughts.

Scarlett was taken aback by his question not really know what to say.

"Why…"

"You wouldn't?" Rhett's lips corner curled up as he cocked an eyebrow and she pouted, frowning.

"Only if he loves me back, if not, then it would be a stupid thing to do," she responded as if were the most obvious thing in the world, not realizing she had spoken in a hypothetical way, as if she didn't love anyone at the moment.

"It is, but I think when feelings are involved the reason is quickly forgotten," Rhett told her scratching his jaw, really amused by her. He had never met someone so fiery, so full of life and courage, and deep, deep inside, he found envying her husband.

Scarlett watched some changes in his features but she wasn't able to read him as always, however the fact that she had noticed them amazed her. Rhett seemed really curious with her and it felt so nice to have a conversation like this with him again, with no cruel jesting or mocking, or his favorite blank mask, just the two of them enjoying each other's company, as good friends.

'I've missed you', she found herself thinking while watching her husband, recalling those lonely years since she vanished him form her room. How foolish she was! That was one of the greatest mistakes in her life. She missed him beyond her compression.

"Have you ever loved someone Rhett?" she suddenly asked him, curious as well, actually anxious to know if he'd had someone else in his heart, but his answer was a reliving one.

"No, I'm afraid I haven't met any woman that held my interest enough to be more than friends," he responded frankly.

"I see."

"What about you?"

"Me?" Scarlett looked up to him, frowning.

"Yes, I mean, you're married, don't you? Your husband doesn't mind you're staying with me?"

Scarlett's smile faded as well as the color from her face, and she felt as she didn't have enough air. It had been as he had punched her stomach with that question.

"Scarlett..?" Rhett frowned concerned because she suddenly looked like she could faint in any moment.

"He's... gone," she managed to reply, hearing her voice very distant and weak, the truth in her words gnawing her heart. What if he never recovered? What if he never remembered anything? And she found herself wanting to cry, as she hadn't had enough messed emotions in that day.

"I'm sorry. It must be hard, loosing someone you love…," he said confusing her despair with sorrow.

Scarlett just nodded, wanting to leave but she couldn't move.

"Did I know him?" Rhett asked kindly and she swallowed.

"Yes—no, I—I need to—," the door opened and Mammy entered carrying a tray wit Rhett's diner. The woman stopped when she saw her mistress in there.

"Miss Scarlett?" Mammy said surprised but Scarlett stood and walked to the door.

"Wait, are you not staying?" Rhett called her before she could leave. "I though you wanted to stay with me," he was worried for her but he didn't want to let her go. There was something in her that soothed him and made him feel light, almost… happier.

"I—," Scarlett wanted to say yes and left and not coming back, but she craved Rhett's company as well, "I… yes, I'll be right back. Mammy can you bring me a tray too?" she asked to the woman before left the room quickly.

"Miss Scarlett, you're all right?" Mammy asked her when she was half way up the stairs and she stopped a moment completely messed up, because of the mixing feelings her husband had given to her. She couldn't stop her tears any longer and she sobbed.

"I—no, I... don't know," she said and ran to her room, her sanctuary as Rhett used to call it.

Scarlett locked herself crying and she wasn't sure why. Maybe was the irony of this entire charade. But what was... puzzling was those confusing feelings se had, since that night, when Rhett had taken her upstairs and made love to her. It was forced at first but then she joined him willingly, gladly. And then he told her he loved her and she saw a new beginning. Her marriage with Rhett hadn't to be angsty and cold, they could be friends again, now that she knew that and then... everything was just messed up. Her husband didn't remember her or his love or their daughter and she was pregnant. She wouldn't be able to hide it longer than two more months. And then what? What if Rhett never recovered his memory? Would he forgive her when he learned about their life together? Of course not, she already knew it. So what to do? And why did she care so much?

Why did she care if Rhett never remembered her? She didn't love him after all… or…? No, she did not. She couldn't love him, he was mean, and cruel and… caring, and tender and… NO! He had slept with her, with that prostitute, after sleeping with her, he had taken her child away for months, he didn't love her, that wasn't love! But maybe, maybe it was his way to protect himself against her, maybe it had been just a misunderstanding…, no, it couldn't be. Oh God! Why things couldn't be clear for one? Wht to do...? There just one thing to do, the same thing she always did; refuge in the past and that meant Ashley, her prince, her love, always conforting.

She opened her drawer and took out the daguerreotype case containing Ashley's photo. 'I love Ashley, she said focusing in the picture but she didn't felt a thing, she may be as well watching a newspaper. "I love him," she repeats to herself kneeling and then sitting on the floor, "I love him, I love him, I love-" but as she stared at the photo she realized it was very different from what now Ashley looked. He was not the same that in that photo, he was tired and he was old, he was no longer a charming prince but a smeared former picture of the one she was holding. It was like to see a the picture of a ghost, the ghost of the past. And as she thought about Ashley and their childhood, she started to wonder, for first time in her life, what was love. She had asked herself that before but she had never had a proper answer, and as it was a complicate and tiring subject she used to dissmise it, and when she met Ashley she knew she loved him, plain and simple. She had loved him those years despite him being married to Melanie and her married to Charles, Frank and now Rhett but... how can she loved Ashley if she didn't know what loves mean? Maybe, maybe what she had been thinking had been all wrong, maybe she didn't love...

"Miss Scarlett?! Mister Rhett is asking if you're coming down?" the strong and oddly soothing voice of Mammy snapped her out of her train of thoughts and she rose from the floor quickly, dusting off her dress.

"Yes, Mammy, I'm coming," she responded as she hurried to the mirror pinching her cheeks and rubbing some lemon verbena on her neck and hair. She examinated her hair and her dressed, assuring everything was in place before leaving her room, forgetting Ashley's picture in the floor, in her hurry to join her husband.