Um, could you, just eh, shut up?

Summary: Ron happens upon the Headmaster's office, which happens to be empty. He's on his way out when someone decides to talk to him – and the Sorting Hat, being cooped up on a shelf for months on end, can talk for hours!

Harry said he had to go see Dumbledore, but that was an hour ago. Ron couldn't believe that the pair had so much to talk about that it would take an hour, but figured that maybe Harry had gone back to the common room afterwards. However, when he went looking, he found that his best friend was nowhere to be seen, nor in their dorm.

That was a bit odd, wasn't it?

He climbed back out into the corridor, and thought for a minute. It was quite possible that his best friend had gone to see Hermione, who in no doubt would be spending the afternoon in the library. Ron had actually spent an hour there too, but that was more than enough studying for his taste. Hermione for some reason made every homework assignment as soon as they got it, and then spent time reading ahead. He started towards the library in long strides. If Harry was there, he would tell them why Dumbledore wanted to see him, and then they could go do something fun.

"Hey Mione. Is Harry around?" he asked, coming up to the table that Hermione and her many books had claimed. There wasn't much space left.

"No, not that I know of. Is he still with Dumbledore?" she asked, only glancing up from her essay. Ron wondered for a moment what essay that was, if he should be thinking of writing it too… But it was probably not due for a few days, it could wait.

"Dunno, he's still gone. He's not in the common room either."

"Why are you looking for him? Is something going on?" This time Hermione did look up, but Ron shook his head dismissively.

"Nah, I'm just bored, thought we might go flying," he said, and left the library. He'd had an idea. Harry had told them that Dumbledore always had sweets for his password, and Ron thought he might as well go see if he could get in. It would be terribly rude to interrupt a private meeting of course (not to mention his mother would get a fit, should she find out), but he didn't think much of it. If Dumbledore asked he could just say that he wanted to make sure Harry was alright. That kind of thing usually went down well with the Hogwarts staff, loyal friendship and all that.

It took him a few tries, but finally, the gargoyle stepped aside when he uttered "liquorice wands", and he quickly walked up the stairs. Ron knocked on the door. No answer. He waited a minute, then tried opening it.

"I'm really sorry, Headmaster, I was just wondering if you know where Harry went…" his voice faltered, as he realised the room was empty. Some of the old headmasters sighed or muttered in their frames up on the wall, and a baby Fawkes squeaked from his ashes, but other than that, it was quiet.

"Huh, well then I guess I'll just go," he mumbled, and started out the door, but a voice stopped him.

"Oh you don't have to go just yet. You can wait here," it said, and Ron whirled around. There was no one in here, so he walked closer to the portraits. Maybe one of them..?

"No, up here, boy!" came the voice again, and he realised that it was the old Sorting Hat, up on a shelf to his right. Ron peered at it.

"D'you really think it's okay if I wait here?" he asked, nervously. The Hat tipped its top towards him, as if to nod. Alright then, thought Ron, and sat down in the chair opposite the Headmaster's desk.

"You know, I recognised you as soon as you came in here. You look a lot like your brother Charles," the Hat said, and Ron turned to look at it again. He had no time to say anything before the Hat continued. "He was a clear Gryffindor that one, straight through. I guess it's easy to understand what with his choice of professional work... Much like your other brother, William. A curse breaker, isn't he? Now that's nerves." Ron didn't know what to say to that, so he chimed out an uncertain "yeah".

"Of course, Percival, and the other two, Frederick and George, all could have gone to Slytherin. Very ambitious, the lot of them, and cunning as well. I don't regret my decision, they fit in very well in your house…" the Hat mused, while Ron's eyebrows rose. The twins in Slytherin? That was a bizarre thought, but after thinking on it, he realised it made sense. They were quite ingenious with all their inventions, and he knew they had plans for a spectacular joke shop. That Percy was ambitious was about as new to him as the revelation that the Earth wasn't flat.

"In fact, I think I contemplated Ravenclaw for William… I know I did for your father, Arthur Weasley. He was interesting. Molly Prewitt went straight for Gryffindor of course, with that temper… Godric had it as well, he could explode like a cauldron with absolutely no warning. A no-nonsense type of man."

All the while the Sorting Hat reminisced, Ron sat silent. It was a bit interesting hearing about Godric Gryffindor, but he felt a bit self-conscious listening to people talking about his family. If they didn't judge them all, they were sure to judge him. After all, he was the least accomplished one in the family. Even Ginny had better grades and spellwork than him. When the Hat stopped for a minute, Ron made to leave. He started rising from his chair, coughing slightly, making some sort of excuse as to why he suddenly wanted to go.

"Well, er, I should probably…" he started, but the Hat cut him off.

"Molly's brothers! They were great students, clearly courageous, not all too arrogant. Yes, I liked them. Gideon had an interesting thought process during his sorting, Fabian was more straightforward. In fact, he reminded me of your great-uncle Ignatus. That boy wouldn't see sarcasm if it hit him in the head!" The Sorting Hat laughed heartedly, and Ron looked desperately at the door. He didn't know how to leave without being incredibly rude to the old hat, but he certainly did not want to stay listening to more of these stories. The Hat however, unconscious about his audience disinterest, or maybe simply not caring, kept talking.

"… Of course, Selwina was an incredible witch, but most of it came from natural instincts I think – not too good with books, that one. Her cousin on the other hand…" the Hat drivelled on.

Ron sighed, and not in a discreet way. At first he had tried to make excuses ("Hermione's probably looking for me", "Is it not dinner soon?", "Harry must be back by now", "I can't possibly invade on you any longer") but the Hat only ignored him when he said such things. Instead, he tried to talk to it, to have an actual conversation, but after a few awkward remarks about his family tree, he concluded that the Hat preferred to just monologue. After all, Ron didn't know the people the Hat was now talking about, except that they all had made it into the Weasley family line, either by birth or by marriage. Suddenly the flames roared to life, green and high, and Dumbledore stepped out of the Floo.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Ron said, cutting off the Sorting Hat, who had been talking about the inner workings of yet another distant relative. Dumbledore watched him through his glasses, looking a bit surprised to see him slumped lazily in a chair. Ron quickly rose.

"Sorry, sir, I was just waiting for Harry, I was wondering when he would be back… The Sorting Hat said it was okay if I stayed," he said meekly. Dumbledore nodded, and the Hat cheerily explained that he had been in the middle of talking about the great Doralinda Weasley, who lived during the 1600s. Dumbledore's eyebrows rose.

"Oh? And did you enjoy learning about your family relatives?" he asked, looking pointedly at Ron, who faked a smile. He thought he must be looking rather tormented, cause Dumbledore let out a small chuckle.

"I see. Well, you are very welcome to come back again if you wish to continue your conversation with the esteemed Hat, however, right now I think you should be heading down to dinner," he said, and Ron nodded eagerly. Merciful Merlin, he really could do with some food right now. "Your friend Harry should meet you there, I dropped him off at Hagrids' a couple of hours ago."