The Mission

My palms were sweating. I hadn't been this nervous since Choosing Day. Even my crazy trip to Dauntless was less nerve-racking. All eyes were trained on the screen in the computer room.

I needed to be in the top three. I needed to be. There was a job open in the labs where they developed the serums. If I could get in, I could get info for Matthew. I could stop the spies. I held my breath as the screen flickered to life. Cheers surrounded me, but my eyes stayed glued to the screen.

Second place.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I whirled around and found Ari standing behind me.

"Great job!" She yelled. I grinned in response. This was better than I had thought. Since the Erudite-born were being factored in, I assumed I would have to work really hard to keep my top spot. It turned out all right I guess. The hard work paid off.

We were all led to the Erudite lecture hall and someone mounted the stage. Ari, Lana and I filed in after the Erudite-born. On stage, the mic squeaked as we all settled into our seats. "Welcome, initiates. You have completed initiation!" More cheers followed that. "Now it is time for all of you to choose your jobs and officially become a part of the Erudite faction." He read out the manifesto, and then the rankings showed up behind him. My stomach tied in knots. I was second. I could have any job I wanted.

I could be a teacher.

I could be an engineer.

I could do what's right.

He announced the first name. "Jacobs, Caitlin!" She rose from her seat and chose architect, and sat back down as the hall applauded.

"Reid, Kaylin!"

I wiped my hands on my pants and stood up.

I have to go with what's right.

"Serum scientist." I said, loud and clear.

I wish I didn't care.

When I got back to the dorm, people were there to move my furniture to a new apartment. Ari, Lana and I decided to be roommates and split the rent. In my room, which had been stripped clean of everything else, there lay a piece of black cloth.

I quickly scooped it up and stuffed it into my pocket. I turned to my friends and said, "I have to go, I'll be right back." I wove my way around the boxes and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" asked Ari.

"Off to meet Prince Charming," Lana answered.

"Shut up!" I yelled as I ran out of the room.

There was a small grassy hill outside the apartment compound and I headed toward it. I knew he would be watching, so I pushed through the brush into the clearing and waited. A minute later, he crawled in. This time he was wearing a lot of Erudite blue. I laughed. "You really got into the disguise, didn't you?"

"Well, I had to sneak in." He grinned. "What did you choose for your job?"

"Serum scientist. You?"

"Haven't chosen yet. That's why I'm here. I wanted to know if you found anything else."

"I don't know how it works, but I do know the Erudite don't trust the other factions. Particularly Abnegation. And they want to spy on them, but I don't know what for."

"Maybe I can take a job in the control room. If I can see everything I can tell you what they are doing."

"That works. I can tell you how to stop the serum, and maybe they will give up?"

"We can only hope." We sat together, staring past the trees and the bushes to the horizon. "What's outside the gate?" He said, absently.

"They say ruin."

"And do you believe them?"

"I don't know what to believe." I simply stated. We sat, staring out there until the sun sank below the horizon.

When I got back to our apartment, everything had been set up already. My boxes were stacked up outside the door to my room, and Lana was sitting on the couch across from Ari. They looked up as I walked in. "How is Prince Charming?" Lana asked, leaning back and smirking.

"Fine," I answered, a million miles away. Lana and Ari exchanged a look.

"Alright, spill." Said Ari.

"What am I getting myself into?" I began. I pulled out the note and showed it to my friends.

"There are spies, you see. Erudite-controlled Dauntless. They are injected with a serum and controlled by our faction. Spying on other factions, that's wrong! And I'm, well, I threw myself into the middle of this. I could have had whatever job I wanted, but I chose 'serum scientist' because I can get info to Matthew that way and maybe stop the process. But I regret it. Why couldn't I have just let it go?"

There was a silence as I finished my story. "Oh yeah. I'm also in love with a Dauntless." I laughed, but it was a choked laugh.

"Hey. It's not your fault Charming is Dauntless. And you are trying to stop this because you care. That's not a bad thing." Ari finished and Lana nodded in agreement. "Do you think we'd let you do this all by yourself?" I laughed, a real one this time. These people hardly knew me, and yet they were willing to help me. "You guys are the best." I said.

"We know. Now, what's the plan?"

I walked into my job the next day, my head held high and my lips sealed. I greeted my facilitator and he put me to work on one of the serums. "Sir, may I ask- what serum is this? I thought if I had a better understanding of its purpose, I could do a more effective job."

"Sure." The man was older, probably in his 60's. His eyes crinkled when he smiled and his hair was greying. His personality was kind and polite. "This specific one is a prototype control serum."

"What will it be used for?"

"Well, certain Dauntless will be injected, and they will act as spies in other factions."

"Spies?"

"Yes."

"How would we control the Dauntless?"

"I really shouldn't-"

"I'm sorry I'm just so curious..."

"It's quite alright. I'm sure I could entertain your curiosity. The serum has a transmitter that connects to the control room here, where we send instructions to them."

"Thank you." I smiled at him and for back to work.

The three of us reconvened in our apartment. I told them about the confirmation. "Good thing I transferred to the control room then." Lana laughed. "What?" I yelled. "I'm in the control room now." She said. "How?"

"You can transfer jobs, as long as the job you want is open." I straightened up. I don't have to stay in serum development. I could be an engineer. I laughed. "That's great!"

"I thought you might want to hear that. Plus, I have news. Apparently our leaders think Abnegation is stealing food and clothes from the factionless deposits."

"What?" Ari asked, incredulous. "They seriously think that?"

"It's what I've heard. So they are spying on everyone as a precaution, and using the Dauntless as pawns."

"Ok." I started to explain the plan. "I am going to try to mess up the serum a few times when I make it. Once I actually develop the serum, I will tell you how to control it, and hopefully you will be able to show them that it 'doesn't work'?"

"I can try." Said Lana.

Weeks went by before my co workers began getting suspicious, and I had to make the serum correctly. I missed him everyday. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the Amity fields and his smiling face. Digging through my dresser, I pulled my old iPod out from its hiding place. I carried that with my books and headed to the small library I went to at the beginning of this mess. I hadn't listened to music in a while. The Erudite approved of classical music, and that was it. I sat at my desk and plugged my headphones in. "Why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down." I loved this song. The more I listened, the more I felt relaxed. Soon I began mouthing the words. I got up to find a reference books and I felt like dancing. So I did. I danced over to the shelf, unafraid of being caught. No one came here anyway. I began to sing, "and then worst of all, you never call, baby, when you say you will. But I love you still! I need you, more tha-" I heard the door shut and I whipped around. A boy, my age, with chocolate brown hair and grey blue eyes looked at me from across the room, stunned by what he had seen. I blushed and ripped the earbuds out of my ears. "I'm so sorry-"

"No it's fine." He said. "I just thought, um, this would be empty. It usually is."

I laughed. "That's what I thought too." He smiled and walked toward me, hand extended. "I'm Emmett." He said. "Kaylin," I responded, taking his hand.

We talked for a while and got to know each other. I learned he was a Erudite-born, and he was really good with computers. We ran out of things to talk about and lapsed into a comfortable silence. "Emmett?" I decided to trust him.

"Yeah?"

"Can you... Help us with something?"

I burst into our apartment, tugging Emmett behind me. "I have a new recruit!" Both girls looked up, confused. "He can help us in the control room." They smiled.

The next day, I found a piece of black cloth on my bed. I met Matthew in the same place as before. This time he hadn't bothered with the disguise. "Kaylin." He started quickly. "I'm going to be the spy."

"What?" I started.

"I've been injected. You're next person will be me."

"Oh." I said, and kicked myself. So much for being Erudite. "That's good right? Because you can help us. There is a boy I recruited, his name is Emmett and he can help us."

"You trust him?"

"Yes." I reassured him.

"Just..." He trailed off. "Just don't get hurt, ok?"

"I won't. And, I want you to fight this, ok? I don't want to control you. Please try."

He responded softly. "I'll try." We were facing each other, standing face to face. My heart jumped up to my throat. He leaned down, and suddenly we were kissing. For once, my brain slowed down and I couldn't think. All I was focused on was the feel of his lips on mine and his hands on my waist. He pulled away slowly and looked down at me. "I have to go. It's getting late."

"Ok." Neither of us moved. "We could run away, you know." He said. "We could run away and face whatever is outside the fence together, with no factions to keep us apart." I looked up at his face. "I-I can't. I have a job, and, well it's safe here."

"But the faction system is falling apart. They are turning on each other and we could be happy out there."

"How do you know? For all we know, we could get lost out there with no way of surviving."

"But it's better than this!"

"No Matthew! No, it's not. At least here we can see each other every once in a while, in safety."

His face hardened. "You would pick safety over me."

"No, no, it's not like that."

"Then what is it?"

"I have a whole life ahead of me here. If we had stayed in Amity, this would have been so much easier. But we aren't. We have to make a choice, and honestly, I wouldn't survive out there. There is a reason you are Dauntless and I am Erudite."

"I see." He took a step back and looked at the ground. "This can't work, can it." He asked. By now, tears were streaming down my face. I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I love you, but we have to find a new life, separately. I will see you again. You are still so important to me. You will never know how much, but this, it can't work."

"I know." He kissed me again, but on the cheek, and pulled me into a hug. "Find someone worth your time. Don't settle for just average, ok?" I let out a dry laugh, muffled by his shirt. "You too, Matthew. You too." It's amazing how he can still make me laugh when my heart is breaking.

I woke up the next morning, my lips buzzing and my heart aching. You never really get over your first love.

The mission was scheduled for early in the morning. Lana, Emmett and I headed to the control room. I was allowed in since I helped develop the serum. I watched as Emmett guided Matthew into Candor. The vacant look in his eyes killed me. He immediately blended into the crowd with his black and white clothing. Emmett took the headset off. "Hey, Kaylin, want to have a go?" Suddenly I found myself taking the headset and sitting down. What was I doing? I put the headset on and immediately I could hear everything he could. I navigated him through the streets to our destination. "Alright, Kaylin, take him into the crowd at the base of the judicial building's steps." Emmett's voice came over the headset. "Ok." I responded, slipping into professional mode. I guided him into the crowd as a rally of sorts started. The longer it went on, the more people became suspicious. The simulation did not allow the spy to speak, so the people were noticing when he didn't respond with the crowd. The control room's atmosphere was tense. "Kaylin, take him out of there." Slowly, I pushed him through the crowd, and sped up when two men followed him. The sense of urgency was tangible. I couldn't make him run fast enough. They caught up with him and pushed him against the wall. "What's with the fishy behavior, eh?" One man asked. "Act dumb, Kaylin." Said Emmett. "Tell the truth, buddy." The other snarled. I made him look around with vacant eyes, not seeing and not hearing. The men faltered a little when he didn't answer. "Answer me, boy!" The first on got in his face, but jumped back when a nearby window banged open. An older woman stuck her head out. "Boys!" She yelled. "Don't bully the poor boy! Can't you see he's not quite... Present?" They took a step back. "Go on, hon. Run back home." My heart was racing as I made Matthew run towards the train. Emmett took over control again and I stood up with shaky legs. Lana came over to me. "Are you ok?"

"No." I whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut, but I could still see Matthew, trapped between the men. I could hear Emmett conferring with the other control room worker. I heard words like, "noticeable," "not suited for stealth," "army," and "Dauntless soldiers," but I blocked them out. I didn't want to worry about it.

It has now been a month since that day. I transferred to an engineering job, working with cars and robots and inventing things. Emmett transferred with me, and we work together often. My heart has healed, but just like all hearts, it now has a scar. I will never forget him.

I do visit Amity every once in a while, to fix something mechanical, and sometimes I bump into him. It used to be painful, but now I'm ok. No matter what, you never truly get over your first love, but sometimes you have to move on. The doorbell rang, startling me from my musings. I peeked out the window of the apartment I still share with my best friends. It's Emmett. I open the door quickly. "Hi!" I greet him cheerfully. "What's up?" He smiles awkwardly. "Well, I was kinda wondering if you wanted to maybe go see a movie with me?" I shoot my friends a death glare as they giggle in the background. I have to move on. "Sure. That would be awesome."