Brand New May Not Necessarily Be Quite New

Fandom : Gintama

Pairing : Gintoki/Katsura (GinZura), eventually. Because this pairing deserves more fics.

Rating : T, just to be safe for later chapters.

Warning : None, as far as I think.. Oh! Gintama is funny, hilarious and awesome. Unfortunately, this fic is not. I'm sorry.

Summary : Sakata Gintoki lost his memory and decided it was an opportunity to start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. All went well until he encountered a certain long-haired man from his past life, Katsura Kotarou. [Takes place in the Memory Loss Arc]

Disclaimer : This is a work of fanfiction with characters originally created by Sorachi Hideaki for Manga/Anime Gintama. I own no rights to them.

Author Notes : This story is loosely based on the Memory Loss Arc in Gintama (manga lessons 50-52, anime episodes 31-32), so it would make more sense if you have read or watched that Arc beforehand. Please bear in mind that Gintoki here is the Amnesiac Gintoki, not the usual dead-fish-eyed nose-picking Gintoki we're all familiar with. I hope you enjoy the story.

PROLOGUE

(***)

It had been three days since Gintoki had decided to leave his old life behind and start anew. Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan seemed like some nice kids, but that's precisely why he had decided to leave them. He didn't want to be a burden to them anymore. All the people he had met that day had one way or another said that his old self was pretty much a useless human being, after all. He was sure his former apprentices were happier now that he's no longer around.

As for Gintoki, he had found a job two days ago. There was a factory readily hiring every wandering samurai who needed a job and Gintoki was lucky because they also provided him with a place to stay. He wasn't even sure if he could be categorized into wandering samurai, but they had taken him in anyway. His work started pretty early in the morning and went on until lunch break at noon, and then continued until late in the afternoon. So far, this starting anew thing had been going well.

He was currently having the lunch break period of the day, walking on the streets of Edo looking for a nearby place to eat before he had to go back to work. All the while he wondered about what kind of a man his old self actually was. Was he really that bad? Kagura-chan had said he was a good-for-nothing lazy bum. Shinpachi-kun had told him that his old self did a lot of bad things and never bothered to apologize. His land-lady had said he never paid his rent. Shinpachi-kun's sister had said that he was an overly carefree person.

He figured the old Gintoki really was an awful person, then. Even the purple-haired ninja girl he had met that day had implied that he was some kind of a sadist. Gintoki sighed. He mentally went through his memories to look for more testimonies about his past self from the people he had met that day. Did he miss any? He then remembered about the long-haired man Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan had brought him to meet that day. They had met him in front of some kind of a hostess club, where that man had been trying to invite some customers in. Shinpachi-kun had told Gintoki that his name was Katsura Kotarou, and that he and Gintoki were old friends. That's why Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan had decided he was the first person Gintoki should meet, in hope of bringing his memories back.

What had that long-haired man said about him, again? Gintoki tried to remember. He remembered that man had said Gintoki was his underling or something like that. Gintoki smiled to himself. At least that man hadn't said anything bad about him. But was that true, that Gintoki was his underling? Gintoki could somehow sense some kind of playfulness from that man. Some kind of familiarity, like the two of them did that all the time, fooling around each other. And that was probably true if what Shinpachi-kun said about them being close friends was also true. Probably that's part of the reason why Gintoki had gone along when that man had suggested him to come to the club to forget about his worries. Well, he had tried to go along at least, before Shinpachi-kun had stopped him.

Gintoki smiled and slightly shook his head at the memories. He was snapped out of his thoughts when some neighborhood kids almost ran into him. Only then did he realize that he had been so deep in his thoughts, he had no longer paid attention to where he was going. He looked around him. He didn't recognize the streets nor the buildings, and the tall buildings of the factory where he worked were nowhere in sight. He was lost. He had planned to go looking for a nearby place to eat lunch, but now he didn't even know where he was.

Gintoki looked around him once more, trying to find someone he could ask for directions. He spotted a Buddhist monk sitting at the side of the road not too far ahead of him, and then headed in that direction. As he got closer, he realized that the monk looked so much like the long-haired man he had been thinking about not too long before. Katsura Kotarou. But he could be mistaken because the monk wore a wide-brimmed hat, shading most of his face. Besides, what would that man be doing here, dressed as a monk? Was that really him?

"Um.. Excuse me?" Gintoki tried to get the man's attention.

"It's not excuse me, it's Katsura!" the answer Gintoki got from the man almost sounded automatic and it caught him slightly off guard.

The man looked up at Gintoki and furrowed his delicate eyebrows ever so slightly upon seeing him.

"Gintoki," The tone was calm and flat, so unlike his outburst just a moment before. "What do you want?"

Gintoki smiled at him and scratched his hair slightly, "Ah, so it's really you. Err.. Katsura-san, right?"

"It's not Katsura-san, it's Zura!" he cleared his throat, "Uh, I mean Katsura."

Gintoki just stood there, confused.

The man let out a sigh, taking his wide-brimmed hat off and looking at Gintoki more carefully, almost to the point of making Gintoki felt uncomfortable under his gaze. He then continued, "So it's true, then. You lost your memory."

It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement. Gintoki only nodded, "Yes."

Gintoki watched as the other man sighed again and finally stood up in a cat-like movement, swift yet graceful. He wondered how the man managed to move like that.

"Figured. You would never call me by my proper name otherwise."

(***)

The raven-haired man brought him to a nearby small eatery after Gintoki told him about his predicament of being lost. On the way there, they talked about a few things. Gintoki asked him about why he was suddenly a monk while the last time he saw him he was some kind of a hostess club promoter. The other man told him that he did various kinds of job. It's like a slightly different kind of Gintoki's Yorozuya, that's how the man had put it.

Talking about the Yorozuya, Gintoki had also told the long-haired man about his decision to disband it and start a new life. Gintoki wasn't able to read the man's expression then. He kept his face calm and unreadable, and only responded with a simple "I see." and they spent the rest of the way in silence after that.

Once they arrived at the small eatery, Gintoki ordered a bowl of ramen while his companion ordered some takeaway fishcakes to eat later. He said he couldn't stay long because he had to meet up with Elizabeth somewhere else that afternoon. Gintoki learned that the one Katsura-san called Elizabeth was apparently that white duck-penguin mutant he had seen alongside the black-haired man when they had met three days ago.

"Um, Katsura-san?" Gintoki tried to make a conversation while they're waiting for their orders.

Gintoki noted his companion's facial expression had always been calm, almost stoical, since they met earlier that day. So he was surprised to see a slight grimace in the man's face now.

"All these years I can't even count how many times I've tried to make you call my name properly, Gintoki. You never did. Now that you do, why does it sound so wrong?"

Gintoki laughed awkwardly. "Ah yes, I've been told my old self wasn't very polite. I don't remember what I used to call you, but I imagine it's not a pleasant nickname for you. I'd like to apologize, Katsura-san."

To Gintoki's dismay, Katsura-san's grimace didn't necessarily go away. "And your old self certainly wouldn't apologize for that. Not to me. It sounds even more wrong."

That made Gintoki wondered once again, just how bad was his past self? Before, he had felt a slight hope, remembering how Katsura-san hadn't said anything bad about him when they met three days ago. But now, he found out that Gintoki apparently had called his friend names, and never apologized for it. What kind of person did such awful thing to their own friend? And that also brought back the questions that had been hovering in the back of his mind since earlier that day. Were they really friends? How was their relationship exactly?

"Just rid of the honorific." His companion's words snapped Gintoki back from his reverie.

"Yes?" Gintoki blinked confusedly.

"Just call me Katsura. Rid of the honorific."

"Oh. K-katsura. Katsuu.. ra.." He tried rolling the name on his tongue. He then rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "As I thought, it's awkward. I think I can't do that yet, Katsura-san. I'm still awkward with people." He chuckled.

The long-haired man sighed, "It can't be helped, then. Take your time."

Through the silence that followed, Gintoki gathered the courage to ask the questions he needed answers to. The answers he believed the man sitting close to him now could give him.

"Katsura-san.." he started. "I know I said that I would leave my past and start a new life, but I couldn't help but wonder about what kind of man I was. Shinpachi-kun said you and I were old friends. Is that true? If yes, then I'm sure you'd know me well. What kind of man was Sakata Gintoki, Katsura-san?"

Gintoki watched anxiously as his companion shifted his folded arms just a bit tighter around himself inside of the sleeves of his robe and set his back just a bit straighter. Gintoki wondered how he could maintain that calm and composed demeanor all the time. Gintoki wagered he must have at least grown up in a noble family to have such noble aura. His neat long jet black hair only added to his already dignified nature in Gintoki's eyes.

"It's only natural for a man to want to know about his own past, no matter how far he had gone from it. I'm sure you have a lot of questions in your mind right now, Gintoki. I'm afraid I can't answer all of them now as we don't have the time." Katsura-san finally said. "But I can at least answer one question. Shinpachi-kun was right, you and I have known each other since we were just small children."

Gintoki listened to Katsura-san with so much interest and a slight awe, "We have known each other for that long?"

The black-haired man just nodded.

"And Katsura-san, you said before that I'm your.. subordinate. Is that also true?" Gintoki pressed.

The other man raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side slightly, "Did I say that?"

Gintoki nodded, anticipating the answer.

He certainly didn't expect his companion to chuckle softly and said, "Oh yeah, I remember now. I thought the whole amnesia thing was just something you made up to get away from some responsibilities. That's why I said what I said. And that's why I invited you to come to the club to forget your worries. Because knowing you, you would much prefer to forget your responsibilities than to actually do them." Katsura-san shook his head, still smiling. "No, you're not my subordinate. I won't go into details now, but if anything, we're comrades. We did fight a war together in the past."

Gintoki gasped, "A war? We did?"

"Yes. But let's not talk about it now. Whether you want your memory back or not, let me assure you that the memory about the war is not the first thing you would want to remember."

Gintoki could see a small frown marring the man's feature when he said that, and Gintoki immediately knew he shouldn't press about it any further for now.

"So why did you do that, Katsura-san? Lying about me being your underling." Gintoki asked instead.

Gintoki was glad to see the frown on the long-haired man's face disappear and was replaced with a smile of amusement instead.

"You wouldn't understand it now, but that's just what the old Gintoki and I used to do to each other." His voice was full of amusement. And then he shook his head, "I'm not supposed to talk about you like you're not even here, so let me rephrase that. Well, it's just the way the past you and I act around each other. No misleading or harm intended. Just now I realize, now that you're no longer how you were, what I said may actually hurt your feelings, so I apologize."

"Oh no, Katsura-san! You don't need to apologize. I was just wondering." Gintoki answered quickly. "Besides, I've heard much worse that day.."

The other man looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Gintoki rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, "After I met you that day, I met other people too, and they all said I was basically a good-for-nothing rascal in the past."

The long-haired man stared at Gintoki for a long moment, as if he was deliberating about what to say, before finally saying, "Well, that may be true. But like I said before, your current self probably wouldn't understand it, but your old self would know they didn't actually mean to hurt your feelings by saying those things, Gintoki. That's just how your relationship was with people."

Gintoki stared back at the man's emerald orbs for a few moments, and then finally smiled and said, "Thank you, Katsura-san."

Gintoki wasn't sure if Katsura-san said those words because they're actually the truth or only because the man merely tried to make Gintoki feel better about himself. But Gintoki did feel better about himself, so he supposed he should be thankful.

Their orders arrived a few moments later, and Katsura-san took his takeaway before excusing himself.

"Alright then, I've got to go, Gintoki. Will you be fine?" he furrowed his eyebrows slightly and Gintoki could easily mistake that for worries. Gintoki probably just saw things, but that didn't stop the warmth he felt in his heart, which was silly.

"I'll be fine." He smiled. "I'll ask the shop owner for directions to my work place. I won't get lost again. Thank you for everything today, Katsura-san."

The man nodded, "I'll be on my way then."

Gintoki was hungry, and there was a fresh bowl of hot ramen in front of him, wafting delicious smell to his nostrils, tempting and waiting for him to devour it. But all of that was temporarily forgotten as his eyes trailed after the retreating figure of the man who he had just learned was actually his childhood friend and comrade. The man walked briskly, with precise movements, and Gintoki wondered once again how he could manage to look graceful while doing so. Gintoki suddenly wished he could ask his old self whether the long-haired man also fought battles in such manners; swift, precise, and graceful. He just couldn't help but wondered. Apparently they had fought a certain war together in the past, after all. His old self would certainly know.

Through the window, Gintoki watched on as Katsura-san suddenly stopped in his track not too far away from the eatery Gintoki was in. He wondered what had suddenly stopped the man. After a moment, he saw his childhood friend then walked very slowly to the side of the road and finally squatted down. Gintoki squinted and leaned closer to the window to look at the scene more closely as the other man reached out his hand to something small, white, and fluffy…

"Wait, is that a kitten..?" Gintoki wondered aloud.

The other man actually stopped and squatted down to pet a small kitten! What was going on here? Gintoki raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth slightly as he watched how the man gently stroked the kitten's head, down to its neck, and further down to its back. The wide-brimmed hat did nothing to hide the bright smile which was obviously painted on his childhood friend's face, and Gintoki could swear he actually saw some shade of pink on the pale smooth cheeks even through such distance.

From the previous encounter with the man that day, Gintoki had the impression that Katsura-san was a calm, composed, and serious man. The man even almost struck him as gloomy. So Gintoki found what he was currently witnessing hard to believe.

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows as Katsura-san took out a bundle of something which Gintoki recognized as the takeaway fishcakes that he just bought earlier. The man then carefully put one layer of the food wrappers on the ground in front of the small kitten and then put most of the food on top of it, leaving only a small amount for himself. He stroked the kitten's head once more before standing up and continued walking.

In that moment, after watching how his childhood friend had petted and fed the small animal, Gintoki felt like there were suddenly tons of small kittens literally filling up his heart, making it warm and fuzzy.

Gintoki kept on staring at the long-haired man until the man made a turn and disappeared from his sight. He then heaved a long sigh. He was baffled. Three days ago, when they had met for the first time after Gintoki lost his memory, Katsura-san had seemed like a playful person, almost comically so. Today, the man had showed his calm and serious side, almost completely the opposite. And then the whole affair with the small kitten happened… The man was an enigma.

Gintoki surprised himself when he found himself wanting to know more about that man.

Three days ago, he had been resolved to leave his past behind and start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. Right now, as he finally started slurping on the thankfully still warm ramen, he pondered whether he should take a chance on having this man from his past, Katsura Kotarou, as a part of his new life, again.

Would it be a good idea to continue their friendship? Well, given Gintoki's current circumstances, the more appropriate question would be: Would it be a good idea to try restarting their friendship all over again? The fact that they had been friends since their childhood and had been able to maintain their friendship until way into their adulthood must mean each of them had certain qualities which complemented each other and bonded the two of them throughout all those times. The problem was, Gintoki was pretty much a different person now. Would their relationship still work out now that he might have lost those certain qualities he used to have?

Gintoki sighed again, and then he looked out the window. He watched as the small kitten happily ate the fishcakes generously given by the raven-haired man earlier, and Gintoki smiled. He supposed it might not be a bad idea to at least try.

(***)

Author Notes:

I realize I've still got a lot to learn when it comes to writing, so I would appreciate your feedback.

It's my first published fic. If you'd like, let me know whether I should continue posting the rest of this story or just continue polishing my writing skills first before posting anything to the web, after all.

Anyway, thanks for reading :)